Something to Live for (586 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ripple (View user info) at 2006-07-11 00:23:45 EDT
FOR YOUR INFORMATION: THE FOLLOWING STORY IS ENTIRELY FICTICIOUS, AND ALSO RATHER SARCASTIC.
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8:57 a.m.
Tonight I'm really going to do it. I promise you. It's not going to be like the last . . . eight times. Nine? Probably eight. Anyway, it's not too important because tonight really is the night. This is my last drive to the dry cleaner's.
10:23 a.m.
Sweet God, I am beyond bored. Cataloguing clothes was not on my primary school dream job list. And Jesus! I am twenty-nine! And what am I doing with my life? Shit! Absolute shit!
Breathe in, Anna, breathe out. Tonight it will all be over.
I think I'll quit at the end of my shift. Really go out with a bang, you know? 'Cause there won't be a tomorrow. Well, for me. You - eh. Go on, scurry around. But I'm out, bitches. This is definitely the end. And I've really got it planned out this time. I've been fantasizing all morning. Here's how it's going to happen:
I'll get home at about 4:17, like I do every monotonous day. I've got some strawberries in my fridge. I'll eat them tonight, before they go bad (not that it'll matter). Then, I'll take out my old calligraphy set and write a pseudo-intellectual poem about angst and how my daddy never loved me. It would be a great guilt trip for him, but he's already dead. Shame.
Then I'll take a black Sharpie and write- no, not write- scrawl "BURY ME LIKE THIS" in caps at the bottom of the page. It's going to look awesome, like some psychotic afterthought. Sometimes my creativity astounds even me.
When I'm done with the note, I'll go to my room and put on sweatpants and a tank top (no point in being uncomfortable, right?) and go out to the garage. I am so going to listen to "Peace Train" once the car starts, then "Oh Very Young." Maybe then it'll be over, but I put "Tuesday's Dead" next on my Cat Stevens mix, just in case. I am beyond ready; I have just six more hours to go.
1:49 p.m.
Ok, tell me what you think of this:
The meaning of the twenty-ninth
Is nothing
The meaning of the life alone
Is nothing
The empty childhood, void of a drop of Father's love
Is something
But now I'm nothing, so it's The End
BURY ME AS I AM
I actually kind of hate that poem, but I think it might function. If not, I'm sure something'll come to me closer to the time. I'll keep working on it, anyway. This round, I want everything to be perfect. After all, you only die once.
And besides, this whole thing is an evolutionary process. I'm not still alive because I'm dumb; I'm still alive because of Murphey's Law. And granted, I can't really remember every time I've tried, but just off the top of my head, here're a few reasons that I failed.
- The first time I tried, I cut my wrists. Unfortunately, I was pretty young and didn't think to sharpen the razor. My mother walked into the room to see me doing little more than pulling my flesh out of place with a dull craft knife. That one got me some heavy therapy.
- When I was twenty-one, I tried to give myself alcohol poisoning (hey, what could be more appropriate?), but I was never able to drink well. After just my third swig of Absolut, my gag reflex kicked in. I threw up all over and I couldn't drink another drop. I know, I know. I drink like a pussy. I've been told before.
- Last year, I took some Ambien and got in the tub. As I fell asleep, I felt myself sink under, but seven hours later, I awoke cold, naked, and damn uncomfortable, in an empty tub. I had failed to notice the leaking drain before I had fallen asleep.
See? All of those are legit excuses, right? Really not my fault. And this time, nothing will go wrong. I've got a really good feeling about this one.
3:38 p.m.
Shit. Shit! My car's running on E! And it's not like I live two minutes away from the cleaners. Nope- I've got a 40-minute drive ahead of me! And what's worse- I've got no money! And my cards are maxed out. And you need gas to die of carbon monoxide poisoning.
I gather together all o my spare change and singles: $2.48. Not even enough for a gallon. Ahem: Fuck Bush. Without this goddamn war, I could (probably) buy enough to get me home and get me killed. As it is, it's not even worth stopping.
Ugh. I guess I'll go to Krista's house and crash on her couch. She lives pretty close, and she'll lend me some money tomorrow. But now I've got to come up with a new plan; this one's tainted. And besides, variety is the spice of life (or so they told me). I made a vow years ago to never try the same way again if it didn't work out. And I hold myself to exacting standards. The gas was a glitch I wasn't prepared for. This plan didn't quite cut it.
Tomorrow afternoon, I'll chart out a new course of action. It'll take me a couple of weeks to find one I'm really happy with, but once I do, it'll be worth it.
At the thought of a new plan, I cheer up, and for the first time this year, notice the flowers on the trees and the children on the swings. What a beautiful world.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-12 18:30:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
your taint is tainted
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-07-11 16:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-11 03:07:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
-2DIE
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why didnt this get averaged in?
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-07-11 10:50:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-11 08:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment.
No, Hang on, yes I do.
Pretty cool.
Submitted by Chazzy (user info) at 2006-07-11 06:36:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-11 03:07:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2DIE
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-07-11 02:26:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ed_0150 (user info) at 2006-07-11 02:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (user info) at 2006-07-11 01:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jarnjonack (user info) at 2006-07-11 01:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-07-11 00:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment