I hate news headlines these days (502 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wildcat (View user info) at 2006-07-11 09:05:30 EDT
Everyday I show up to work and spend the first couple minutes going through the headlines of all the major news websites, usually ending with the BBC's page. The shit is just getting old though. Plain old. They recycle bullshit when they can't report anything for the day and frankly, it's fucking pathetic. Because of this, I've developed a little voice in my head whenever I read shitty headlines. Here are few of the thoughts I had this morning.
1. "Study: Mushrooms produce mystical experiences" No.Fucking.Shit.
2. "11 year old allegedly gang raped by numerous college athletes" She must have been pretty hot. Or had braces.
3. "Depression tied to risky teen sex" Shouldn't that read "Risky teen sex seen tied to alleviating teen depression" Well, that was my experience.
4. "Child Murderer's confession thrown out by judge" And the retarded fucking judge should be the next thing to be thrown out.
5. "Bush to herald improved deficit figures" Fucking hell. I'd like good ol' Bushy to explain how the deficit actually works first, on live national television, then herald the so called improvement.
6. "FBI looking at web site showing shooting of Quran....." Well shit, they're FINALLY doing some thing extremely necessary. It only took a bunch of terrorist acts for them to finally admit to sitting on the internet all day.
7. "Group claims 3 GI's killed over rape-murders" Country claims two sons and thousands of collateral death/damage over father's unwillingness to be oil/democracy scapegoat.
8. "Extinction fear for Black Rhino" These 'scientists' have probably never been to a Popeye's Chicken fast food place then. Their elusive rhino's seem to flock to this place around noon and then again around 6pm. Extinction my ass.
9. "Swept Away: US boy rescued after trying to find his keys in flood" I really wish people would stop interfering in matters of natural selection.
10. "Campaigner knifed to death in US" It's about time the news took a turn for the positive. All these negative headlines really wear on a person's mind.
User Reviews
Submitted by URMY_bitch (user info) at 2006-08-12 10:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-14 17:44:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If I took a shit I'd get more than 301 hits.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-07-12 06:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I heard on the radio news the other day, apparently the music industry is trying to stop music file sharing. I'd had no idea that was the case! Thank god for the news.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2006-07-11 14:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-11 13:22:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a smug grin on my face, I never smiled though.
Submitted by guiness (user info) at 2006-07-11 13:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Molari (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:09:08 (#)
Ranking: -2
Not everyone who thinks that they are funny is.
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Wtf, he +2'd an ETS post and not this?
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I really wish people would stop interfering in matters of natural selection."
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YES!
Submitted by Tracer0351 (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
9. "Swept Away: US boy rescued after trying to find his keys in flood" I really wish people would stop interfering in matters of natural selection.
A-MEN
Submitted by Molari (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not everyone who thinks that they are funny is.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:48:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
**France
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
After france won the portugal game, headline in washington post read "French wins ugly contest."
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-07-11 10:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think it's time they went after the hard hitting news stories, you know the French soccer head butting incident. I realize that it's a slow sports time, but half the sports section was devoted to this assclown and what the Italian guy said to set him off.
who the fuck cares
If this loser were around for another year, I'm pretty sure he would hear worse. It's just good sportsmanship, kind of like how fouling Shaq is standard defensive strategy.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-07-11 10:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The last one made me grin. And the filename was good.
But in good form, I can't give a solid +2 to a list.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-07-11 10:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Filename
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-07-11 10:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-11 10:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-11 09:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The BBC currently has 'Push to end bitter row with N.Korea'
Followed by:
New diplomatic efforts are under way to end a row between foreign allies over North Korea's missile tests.
Then in the body of the report it opens with:
Fresh diplomatic efforts are under way to end the increasingly bitter row between international allies over what do about North Korea's missile tests.
Nowhere is anyone quoted as saying that it is a BITTER row woth North Korea, this is purely a word injected by the BBC. Initially in the headline shouting 'BITTER ROW', then in the opening lines 'INCREASINGLY BITTER' (a slight backtrack)...and then nothing, nada... no mention of it being bitter. No quotes from people involved stating that it is bitter.
Cunts.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-11 09:06:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment