UGR: A Voluntary Kingdom of Fools (501 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.61 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by goferforhire <goferforhire.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-07-11 10:41:35 EDT
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Depressed? Nowhere to go? Feel like you're all on your own in this world, searching for a brand of spiritual fulfillment unavailable in your daily lives? You're not alone: The Avalon Community is dedicated to taking all comers. We practice spiritual exploration in the form of meditation, group dialogue, and speaker-focused discussions. We are loving, fun and eager for new membership. We promise to feed, clothe, or house any who need it.
Address:1815 Roadhouse Lane, Dallas
Phone: 414-9418
We now have 424 members!
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I wouldn't have followed the signs if I'd had another choice. I know a cult when I see one, and this Avalon bullshit is as obvious as it gets. The thing is, I had nowhere else to go. My father's alcoholism got to the point where it was going to kill one of us, and it wasn't going to be me. I loved him too much to call the cops on him, so I just ran away. I've got no other family in town. Avalon offered free beds and free food, and I didn't see another way to get it legally. So I cautiously entered the office at 1815 Roadhouse lane. It looked more like an ad agency than a cult.
I plopped myself down on a nice-looking chair in the waiting room across from a pristine little girl of indeterminate age (though clearly under 16). She was reading the most recent Harry Potter book, and had a very determined look on her face. It was too cute to mess with so I sat in silence for a few moments. I was just reaching for a magazine to occupy myself when she interrupted me.
"Hello there." She said, not looking up from the magic adventures of those crazy British kids.
"Hi." I replied, trying my best to be friendly. "What's your name?" The girl closed her book and looked at me. She had those perfect, childlike eyes- wide, blue and innocent. I smiled in spite of myself.
"Are you here to join us?" She got out of her seat and started digging through the pile of magazines. Her voice was older than it should have been, but it made sense somehow.
"I think so. I don't have anywhere else to go these days."
There were a few moments of awkward silence as the girl found what she was looking for, but then an adorable squeal of delight broke it, and she handed me a brochure, and a piece of paper.
"Just sign that when you're ready and you'll be one of us. Read over that info if you like and ask me any questions." She beamed at me, and then went back to her book. She was close to the end, and for a second I had the bizarre urge to just scream out what happens and ruin the ending for her.
I suppressed it and took a look at the brochure. Typical cultist bullshit about unconditional love and acceptance, salvation through unity, etc. There was something about reaching higher levels of transcendence through optional monetary donations, too, but I wasn't too worried. All I needed was a place to stay while I sorted out what to do with my life. Not even bothering to read what kind of eccentric nonsense was in the contract, I thumbed off a rapid John Hancock and waited for something to happen. The little girl kept on reading, and, figuring I'd let her finish the book at least, I waited around until eventually I fell asleep.
I woke up slowly, with a headache like the fucking Cirque De Soleil was training elephants inside my skull. Stretching first one arm, then the other, I opened my eyes, got out of my ridiculously comfortable chair... and fell down a very short series of steps, face planting on a red carpet.
Looking around, I saw a crowd of people dressed like they were at a Renaissance fair or something. They were staring at me with an almost offensive lack of interest- like neither my presence here or my presence on the earth at large made any difference in the world. There were all kinds of nutjobs in there: people dressed as knights, nobles, peasants, and even one lonely jester. They all had the haggard look of the unkempt homeless, and the glazed eyes of the brainwashed. No response to anything- it was like I'd landed in the middle of an El Greco painting. I shook my head, climbing to my feet.
"What the fuck? What in the fucking hell?" I buried my face in my hands and forced my headache to go away.
"You sir! In the jeans!" An unfamiliar, agitated voice barked at me. "There is to be no cursing in the presence of the Queen!" I heard the sound of sliding metal behind me.
Slowly, warily I turned around. My eyes widened as I saw a pair of thrones- one with my clear ass print in the purple cushion and another with the little girl from the Avalon Community office in it. She was decked in gold, jewelry, even a tiara. There were armed guards at her side, one of whom was gesturing at me with a very sharp sword. The girl flashed me a gorgeous little smile, but her eyes didn't go along with it- they just looked like glass. She seemed somehow older now, less innocent.
"Good morning, your majesty." She said, lip curling with what I imagine to be nobility.
"What the-" I stopped myself. "Can you please tell me what's going on?"
"This is Avalon, Ryan. Your new home, the community you signed up for, and those are your brothers and sisters. Everyone here has a purpose which I assign- Merlina over there is my personal woman-servant, Marcus is the captain of my guard, and David is the fool."
She pointed to the jester and gave him a cute little wave.
"We've got a very large community; men and women from all walks of life. They're such loyal subjects. They do exactly as I ask, right away. They have to, I'm the Queen. You, though, you've got it good. You don't have to anything other than be King!"
King? Extending my hand I saw a gold band with a ruby signet on my ring finger. My jaw worked in surprise and confusion. I glanced at the man pointing the sword at me, looking for some kind of explanation or a way out. He just gave me the same brainwashed apathy, and sheathed his sword.
The little girl snapped twice, and the woman she'd indicated as her servant cringed and stepped forward.
"Merlina, bring his new highness a crown." The woman bowed and skittered off to do her mistresses's bidding.
"David, do something funny. We don't want the King to be bored."
As the jester commenced some kind of elaborate dance, I contemplated my situation. I had no clue where I was, but it seemed possible that I could get far enough away from here to avoid this little girl's reign of terror. She seemed reasonable enough to let me out if I asked nicely.
"What if I refuse? What if I don't want to be king?" I interrupted as calmly as possible. The little girl frowned, and her damn blue-as-sky eyes seemed almost to glow with a certain authority. I asked again.
"Why am I here? What power do you have over me?" She smiled, and the jester stopped his dance.
"You signed the contract. You willingly joined my community, Avalon. You said you had nowhere else to go, nothing else to do. If you didn't want to fall under my control, you shouldn't have signed up for it. I'm offering you a life of luxury at my side, why would you refuse me?" Her eyes sparkled briefly, almost seductively. I shuddered.
"There's something wrong here." I said quietly, gesturing at the crowd, "These people look dead. You can't call it a loving community if you're dictating everything! What do you do if someone wants to leave?"
She smiled, dead eyes, and whistled. The jester took a small step forward.
"Come here, fool."
The poor man came all the way to the throne, down the red carpet until he was standing right in front of me. The little girl stared at him, meeting his eyes with a studied arrogance. Her lips parted into a smile much too old for her, and her eyes literally shone an icy blue like the hottest of chemical flames. The jester took a step back as the girl gave a small, delicate moan, and slumped into her throne, then he turned to me, grabbed me by the shoulders and screamed.
"If you've got any scrap of human decency in you, DON'T LET HER FUCKING KILL ME!"
The girl suddenly leapt out of her throne, latched onto the jester's back, and bit deeply into his neck. He screamed loudly and began to fall, but he steadied himself and began to shake. His right foot started tapping uncontrollably, and his mouth began to form words in the girl's voice.
"Do you honestly think I could hold this many people against there will simply by the law? No, Ryan, there's more to it than that. You should have read the fine print, dear. You should have read before you signed, lover. You're mine now, body and soul, and don't you forget it."
The light and humor faded from the jester's eyes, and he walked calmly back to stand in the crowd, apathetic as the rest of them. The girl smiled, wiped the blood off into the palm of her hand and moved towards me.
"He won't do as a jester anymore. If you're so unhappy with the position of King, perhaps you'd prefer that role? No? I thought not."
Her fangs were clear now, protruding over her bottom lip and shining in the court's light. She put her bloodied hand to my face, pulled me in closer and planted a long, open-eyed kiss on me before I knew what I was doing. The handprint burned like fire.
"I've been around for a very long time." She said, walking back to her throne and adjusting her tiara. "My true name is Burning Star, or Lucia for short. You, however, can just call me Master."
Not knowing what else to do, I slowly plodded over and took my place at her side. She leaned in and rested her head on my shoulder.
"Welcome to Avalon." She hissed.
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Depressed? Nowhere to go? Feel like you're all on your own in this world, searching for a brand of spiritual fulfillment unavailable in your daily lives? You're not alone: The Avalon Community is dedicated to taking all comers. We practice spiritual exploration in the form of meditation, group dialogue, and speaker-focused discussions. We are loving, fun and eager for new membership. We promise to feed, clothe, or house any who need it.
Address:1815 Roadhouse Lane, Dallas
Phone: 414-9418
We now have 425 members!
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User Reviews
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm +2ing all your posts as a sign of good faith. I just want to show that there is no animosity between us. Friends?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-07-14 14:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
better than my entry. i guess.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-13 20:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For the comp: 1.5.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-13 20:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was interesting; a pretty solid story.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-07-11 23:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tell me what's at that number- I might owe them an apology. I'll shit myself if it's a real cult.
Submitted by bokinsmowls (user info) at 2006-07-11 22:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
im calling right now.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-07-11 19:01:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good. A bit predictable, perhaps. The ad was a nice touch.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2006-07-11 17:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-07-11 17:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:23:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this, it had omph in it, it was just disguised too heavily.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
good point. Very good point. It didn't really hold my attetntion. Or ever get it in the first place much.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:00:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's what I'm going to do. This was fine, no real errors, but it lacked omph. But this is a competition. I will read your opponents stuff and reserve the right to modify my rating.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:33:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
she didn't kill him.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
but....if she killed the jester...why isn't it still 124...or 424, Ifogrte
Submitted by Tracer0351 (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I give ita 1.5
Submitted by Tracer0351 (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Very good plot and well writen, but somehow flat, like something was missing.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-07-11 11:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's what I'm going to do. This was fine, no real errors, but it lacked omph. But this is a competition. I will read your opponents stuff and reserve the right to modify my rating.
Submitted by the_black_sheep (user info) at 2006-07-11 10:56:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice read. A bit predictable but I liked it.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-07-11 10:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90306
Comp Link