25 Ways to Piss of Telemarketers (557 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.5 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Known Unknown (View user info) at 2006-07-11 12:33:07 EDT
1. Talk like Dr. Phil, the psychologist. Pretend you know exactly what their problems are and convince them that they're possessed.
2. When they ask for a phone number, give Pizza Hut's phone number.
3. Talk like Yoda the entire time. Say things like "Idiot you are, imbecile" and "interesting in the slightest, that isn't"
4. Talk like famous celebrities, like George Bush or Arnold Schwarzenegger.
5. Mimic them like a parrot; when they ask you to stop, say "I'm the customer, dammit".
6. Talk as if you have something important to do all the time. Don't hang up.
7. Say "oh, hang on, I've just got to turn the dinner down" then leave the phone and don't go back to it. Or just put them on hold if you have the facility.
8. Pretend you are cheating on your girlfriend while you're on the phone.
9. Act like a priest
10. Ask them for their home phone number. When they say no say "Oh, you don't want annoying people calling you at home. WELL NEITHER DO I!!!"
11. Fake a selection of noises in the background (gunshots).
12. Try and tell them jokes that aren't funny.
13. Laugh like a maniac every so often.
14. Sing loudly.
15. Blow down the phone.
16. If they are selling a "friends and family" package, tell them "I have no friends. Will you be my friend?".
17. If possible, play the crazy frog tune down the phone. Full volume.
18. When asked if you want to buy something, just say "ok, but make it quick. I've got two dead people in the basement and a third with a knife through the ear".
19. Interrupt them with pointless questions.
20. Fake remembering them (e.g. Mark? Is that you? oh, hey, it's me, John. Remember me? From bed wetters camp? Oh, I've been trying to contact you for ages. How's it hanging?"
21. Make it sound as though you are currently on the toilet.
22. Make it sound as though you are a criminal. (E.g. Oh god, it's the cops. Look, I don't know how six tons of marijuana and two crates of illegal firearms got into my backyard. It just did, ok!
I'll take it to you, but remember- the mob is going to kill me, and possibly you for this.
23. State very scary "facts" (e.g. did you know that twelve percent of murder victims are telemarketers?).
24. Pretend you are a Jehovah's Witness, and try to convert them.
25. Burp, snort, cough, or make other bodily noises that people don't like to listen to.
User Reviews
Submitted by GDR (user info) at 2006-07-13 14:00:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
blah blah blah!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-11 13:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, bud, but you'll have to do better than this.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-07-11 13:16:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
25 ways to bore sinn with a generic e-mail forward post.
Submitted by karates_badboy (user info) at 2006-07-11 13:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i had this long thing typed out about what a waste you are, but instead ive decided to just say that i fucking hate you.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-11 13:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Or you could just hang up.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-11 13:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hang up.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-07-11 13:09:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
how original
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:56:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck you
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:48:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Give up.
Submitted by Molari (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:39:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha I'll try some of those
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:36:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OFF
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Looks like we all really do get the same stupid fucking email forwards.