monkeys (430 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.33 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <wingester1.at.yahoo.com.au> (View user info) at 2006-07-12 02:37:40 EDT
i like monkeys
User Reviews
Submitted by wingester1 (user info) at 2006-07-21 11:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what the fuck is wrong with thorpe
he is okay in my book
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-12 22:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude, Thorpe gives you a zero, and you -2retaliate?
Dipshit.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-07-12 15:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Any post about monkeys without the words "fling poo" in it is teh worthless.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2006-07-12 11:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry. forgot to link to that. although everyone by now should already know the i like monkeys story.
http://bl.net/forwards/monkey.html
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2006-07-12 11:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for 5¢ a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-07-12 11:44:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
idiot
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-12 10:24:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by _ce (user info) at 2006-07-12 09:57:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
I love lamp.....
I LOVE lamp.
=============
I LIKE YELLING
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-07-12 09:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know it's a noob when they have their email as their name.
And you just know they will get spammed with gay-animal porn.
Submitted by _ce (user info) at 2006-07-12 09:57:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I love lamp.....
I LOVE lamp.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-07-12 03:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I wish I could jerk off in your eyes
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-07-12 03:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Unless this isn't your first and you're just an unimaginative loser.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-07-12 03:12:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You'll get a few laughs out of it at first but then you'll realise it's the same joke over and over, and then you'll get sick of other people doing it and forget about it. Grow up.