drowning (1126 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.86 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <thedarknessfromabove.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-07-13 21:33:32 EDT
mountain stream, crisp icy water
oh cruel fate why am I tormented?
zapping the energy from my being
zest for life faded long ago
fluid filled lungs slowly burning
under the water now, body turning
clinging to nothing now
king for a day, fool for the next lifetime
idiocy at its finest
nothingness washes me yet again
genuine in guilt
raw energy as the rush takes hold
under this influence,
laws have no meaning
everywhere I look I see everything and nothing
so be it.
User Reviews
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-08-22 09:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
best alter
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-10-11 05:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-31 22:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your fucking mother fucking sucks balls gofer you fuck
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-08-30 21:12:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you suck balls actually
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-30 21:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-08-28 22:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Mozz fucking sucks.
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-18 03:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, whatever you say 'dr. rock'
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-08-11 02:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ehhh....I'd say....break out of this tedious woe is me, and really challenge yourself. this...this seems too easy, too...dare I say plagarised (sp?) from the lifestyle one hopes to represent.
no likey, that's what I say, no likey indeed.
also, writing style: work on it.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-08-06 07:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
+2 nevermore!
Submitted by nightshade (user info) at 2006-08-06 06:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Cuntwhore Cuntwhore
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-08-06 06:13:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
my life was a mistake
the lords of war smiled at my birth;
and soon, under the night's pale teeth
i learned that fate is a jester, chained
and now i bequeath
to avert their eyes
this not-surprise
with a hope in my heart
and despair in my mind
i show you the back
of my hand
-2
so be it
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-08-06 05:55:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I GET IT NOW!
She's pissed because he's rating her accordingly.
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-06 05:41:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ilikesteak (or is it cock?)
you are a sheep, doomed to follow the mainstream commercial herd for eternity.
fuck you asshole
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-08-06 00:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've decided to read all of these. It's more of a punishment than you'd think.
Submitted by stok (user info) at 2006-08-05 06:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-08-02 11:08:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
SHOW US YOUR CUNT PLEASE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-08-02 10:55:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-02 10:53:31 (#)
Ranking: -2
I still do want to see her cunt.
---
WE ALL DO! COME ON, PLEASE?!
------------------------------------
show cunt now
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-08-04 15:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
filename
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-04 11:42:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please take the advice of the people that commented before me.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-08-04 10:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
maybe one day you will stop crying about how 'tormented' you are and fucking do something about it, or learn to deal with it and not spread your sorrow to people who couldnt really give a shit.
Does anything make you happy? If so, go do that..
If not, I will GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-08-04 10:51:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm sorry dear.
I have no respect for people who cry about shit all day long.
Submitted by Laser (user info) at 2006-08-04 10:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't even read it.
But it probably sucks.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-08-04 10:39:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
AVOID CLICHES LIKE THE PLAGUE
no, seriously. really avoid cliches. they make an already-weak work pitiful. your "poem" seems to stem from a lot of anger. explore that. dont just use weak metaphors about drowning. you have to delve for something deeper if you really actually want to make it work.
an alternative metaphor is that you have to pull something from farther up your ass.
ive read all your poems. i dont like any of them. i dont dislike them based on content alone, or based on your lameness alone, i dislike them because theyre bad.
just once, try writing about beauty. dont post it, do it for yourself. you can frame it in all the depressing shit you want to add contrast, but one originally raw, beautiful thing is worth a million cut-and-dried phrases.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-08-04 10:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm trying to keep an open mind here. You're getting better.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-08-04 08:47:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Look love, Ive got nothing against people "expressing" themselves but why does it always have to be so fucking DEPRESSING?!
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-04 08:32:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fucking losers should be reading this
Submitted by wingester1 (user info) at 2006-07-15 01:32:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fag
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-14 07:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't get it.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-07-14 05:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (user info) at 2006-07-14 02:17:05 (#)
Ranking: -2
What happened to that thingys hand..?
--
And its knee?
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (user info) at 2006-07-14 02:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What happened to that thingys hand..?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-14 00:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what an interesting illustration.
it starts out well at the top and gets progressively worse as it works it's way down.
Hmmm...
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-07-13 23:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
LOL TEARS
Submitted by Gunslinger (user info) at 2006-07-13 22:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
LOL @ FGT
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-07-13 21:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
slit your wrists while you write dark poetry about your cat you fucking emo bitch loser.
take it somewhere else.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-07-13 21:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
masked macrappy is that you?