Awkward Hand Turkey Theatre Presents: Why I Don't Go on Blind Dates (1096 hits)
Category: GraphicsLabels: ahtt
Rating: 1.56 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spencer Thompson (View user info) at 2006-07-17 09:49:20 EDT
ImageReady, this nasty little program I use for making AHTT, does this thing where if you hit CTRL-V because you want to paste an image onto the canvas, but you don't actually have a picture you have some text you'd forgotten you copied, it just pastes the text in randomly wherever it wants. Usually in a part of the comic you're done with and don't think to check again before posting it.
Also I'm kinda of an idiot.
This comic takes a somewhat different avenue because it doesn't deal with a specific historical event or person, like most other AHTT comics. But don't worry, it will still have all the unnecessary references to people you don't know that you've grown to tolerate. Actually then again this one references a few people you should know if you've passed third grade.
I don't have a lot to say here. Nothing new and exciting is happening within my life at the moment. The only thing that could maybe approach new and exciting is that I get my senior pictures taken on Wednesday at 1:45. I don't tell you because I think you take any particular interest, instead I just know I'll be visiting this page a lot and if I read it every time I come back I won't forget.
Wednesday, 1:45. Don't forget. Collared shirt.
...
When I was about eight, an age at which all things in my childhood happened since I can never remember the actual age, and so I just assume I was about eight, I was in the living room with my parents and a few of their friends when a commercial came on advertising a special News report on some kind of pill. I asked my parents what the pill was for, and they told me men put it in women's drinks so they would pass out. Because I was a relatively mature little eight year old, I actually had a decent grasp of what rape was and even how date rape drugs functioned. But I didn't want my parents to know their child was not the paragon of innocence they probably wanted me to be. I didn't think I'd get in trouble for knowing about rape, but I thought my parents would be easier at mind thinking that I was clueluess of the world's horrible secrets until I was at least eleven. So being told what the drug did, I rhetorically asked "Why would a guy want a girl to be passed out?"
I don't think it had the effect I wanted though. My parents looked horribly uncomfortable, and then my Aunt made fun of me. It was just like that time they left me alone in the pool sleeping on a raft, which I fell off of and almost drowned in the deep end of the pool, considering I had no idea how to even doggy paddle at the time. I was exceptionally young, perhaps even four or five years old, and the only reason I don't say eight years old is because by then I knew how to swim. I learned real quick after that.
Then I went into the kitchen where everybody was congregating and I, sobbing wildly, told them "you left me alone in the pool and I almost drowned!" And then everybody laughed because they didn't think I was serious. Or because they thought neglect leading to death was hilarious. But mostly they didn't think I was serious. So I guess to this day my parents have been spared the knowlege that they're idiots and nearly let me drown in a pool when I was four. I think maybe I'll bring it up later, see what they have to say.
http://handturkeytheatre.box43.net
User Reviews
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2006-11-22 17:49:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-07-18 04:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And I liked the intro..."maybe I'll bring that up later," haha.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-07-18 04:06:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was pretty damn funny.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-07-18 01:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-17 20:38:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-07-17 19:37:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kick ass, as always.
And fuck Shlongy for saying otherwise.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-07-17 18:37:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-17 14:33:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-07-17 14:00:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2 for randomness and post its
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-07-17 13:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
These always have potential, but weak endings.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-07-17 11:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah ok that's cool then you're allowed to not like it. =)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-17 11:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You can always tell banter from actual thought as there's a lot more waffle and the super secret code phrase 'racial handicap'.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-17 11:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Dude I'm just messing with you.
It's still not very funny though.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-17 11:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Was this supposed to be "humor" or "drama"?
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-07-17 11:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the hell Berty? People on here write about girlfriends and dates all the time, but I can't mention a Blind date without being accused of just trying to prove something? Look on Uber. Every other post on the front page has some kind allusion to the author's heterosexuality, and it's ok, because more often than not those references are in a context relevant to the post of a greater whole. Someone can make an entire post that is "Dumb shit about my girlfriend" followed by a twenty picture collage of nude college girls and no one accuses him of just trying to prove he's straight, unless maybe he's caulaincourt.
Fuck you. I'm sure you're a nice guy and all but fuck you. Beyond even the second sentence of this comic the fact that the other turkey's a dude is neither brought up nor relevant to any of the jokes, and if one were paying a little less attention, one might slip over the fact that both turkeys have male names in the first place AND NEVER REALIZE A DIFFERENCE, reading the comic under the impression it were a straight couple, and not being hindered in their ability to enjoy or hate it any more or less than if they knew it was gay dudes.
And on the other note, every AHTT comic more or less has a theme of Dumb Guy, Smart Guy. Or, at the very least, dumb guy, less dumb guy. Just becausee I cast myself in the role of smart guy for this one comic, because it wouldn't make much sense to me to put me as the role of the person who acts completely opposite of how I act, doesn't make a difference.
Anyway, like I said I'm sure you're a real nice dude, but fuck you and all that other rude stuff. I hate it when people give me that shit.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-17 11:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I mean why can't he big himself up on his worthwhile points? He's a courageous young lad with a sharp wit, why must he try to highlight his 'zany' absurdity? His racial handicap severely limits his potential for absurdity.
I'm sure his next post will be better. Nobody can be good all the time.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-17 11:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This was self gloryfying though, in a terribly tragic way. Like listening to a small, weak, child with a nasal voice lying to you about how he kicked some random, perhaps even mythical, kids arse.
The more I read it the worse it becomes. A bit like watching Big Brother.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-17 11:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*looks around*
Are we all reading the same post? This was rubbish, particularly when compared to Spooners other posts.
I think this post is nothing more than Spooner trying to say "I am gay, for real! It's not all an act, and certainly not just some kind of fabricated facade to garner hits and mirth".
Which is fair enough.
*Wheelspin*
But like I say; not very funny.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-07-17 10:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-07-17 10:41:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
It was the Post-It notes part. That did it for me.
------------------
I wonder if it really would make a difference????
What did people do before post-its anyway??
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-17 10:45:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 AHTT (for the record, it's not actually auto +2..each one is earned.)
Of course a lack of post-it notes would make a difference. They're all that get me through the day sometimes.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-07-17 10:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was the Post-It notes part. That did it for me.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-07-17 10:37:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Humour, Colour, Armour
U, curse you! They have a U!
*falls to knees, waves fists at unforgiving sky* UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2006-07-17 10:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BLUE BARRICUDAS
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-07-17 10:29:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The history of the socket wrench?.... I had no idea.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-07-17 10:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Or humor, you Limey wanker.
Haha, I've called two people Limey wankers today.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-07-17 10:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I had a womb and ovaries so I could bear your children. With our combined hilarity our kids would overwhelm the earth using the dark power of humour
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-17 10:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wwwweeeeeeee!!!!!
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-07-17 10:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh goddamnit.
Every time I post one of these I notice eighteen typos I somehow missed completely. Fucking they're.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-07-17 09:55:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay this was fucking funny. And the wazza-style punctuation in the first one made it all the more funny, because it sounded like the one on the right was kind of lolling his head about a bit.
For more awkward, make more pauses.
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-07-17 09:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus two that is
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-07-17 09:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to be the first