I Suck at Guitar Hero (2074 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.38 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spencer Thompson (View user info) at 2006-07-18 13:06:28 EDT
I'm a big goddamn nerd. Or, if I want to clarify, I'm not a nerd. I jut have a lot of friends who are nerds. This wasn't really by choice. When I was young, I became friends with the kids who wouldn't steal my Pokémon game. This kids were usually also kids who played Pokémon. For that reason and others, a lot of them became nerds.
Not the useful kind of nerds. Not geeks. Geeks can accomplish things. A geek will fix your computer or help you put a stereo in your car. Nerds just play video games all day. And that's what my friends did. They have LAN parties and play Halo 2. I've been known to come to these parties on occasion, because I like Halo 2 and why the fuck don't you?, but I always get my ass kicked. But it's a lighthearted sort of asskicking. An asskicking I can live with.
Now we're playing Guitar Hero.
I don't own a copy of Guitar Hero, and were I more keen on plunking 50 bucks down for it, I still might not. But it's still fun as hell to play. That's why I go to the parties now where everyone plays Guitar Hero, but then I get terribly depressed. You see, everyone in the world can either play guitar, play Guitar Hero, or can play both. I'm the only person who can't.
There are fundamentals to the game of Halo 2 that allow your mind to trick you into believing you're not that terrible. The other players are just a bit luckier. But in Guitar Hero, the fact that you can't do it is too clearly evident. No one could knock down Bark at the Moon unless they were much much more talented than you are.
So every game night I end up standing back in front of the TV, fucking up Killer Queen for about the thirtieth time that night, then watching the other kids play. This is not like Dance Dance Revolution. I've played Dance Dance Revolution, I've gotten my ass kicked in Dance Dance Revolution, but this is not the same. When you're getting your ass kicked at DDR, your opponent at least looks as if he's doing something difficult. The person kicking your ass at DDR will cause you to think of him as a world class athlete. If you never have, go to an arcade some day and hang around the DDR machine until some kids who are really good at it come in. They will be half your age. These kids will never get fat. You know that in ten years they will be the bulk of our Olympic crew.
Guitar Hero does not function like that. The people good at it don't do anything that looks like it's hard. In fact it looks really easy. Until you pick up the guitar yourself and you've gone 12% through I Wanna be Sedated before finally failing. If there isn't a moment in your life where you feel like more of a failure, then there must be something else that you're truly terrible about, to the point we could put a video of you doing it on YouTube.
And just to tack on something that's been bothering me, that I'm Just a Bill song from Schoolhouse Rock fucked a lot of people over. I got in an argument with a guy the other day who was convinced that a bill had to go through the House then to the Senate. He called his friend to confirm this. And you know why they both thought this? Because that's that goddamn song taught them. I think at least some of the reason why teenagers these days don't understand government is because of that goddamn Schoolhouse Rock song.
User Reviews
Submitted by Demos74 (user info) at 2006-07-25 21:59:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I know how you feel, I started on medium because I came over in the middle of the "guitar hero craze" I had a hell of a time but I started catching up with my friends, I started surpassing them and then I got my friend to loan me his PS2 for a night and came back playing Bark at The Moon....errr "Bucket of Moo" as we call it, on Expert! WHO THEN NOW, BITCHES!!! now nobody even wants to try to go head to head with me on guitar hero because i'll chew em up. Oh and by the way, If you havnt found it, check out the song READY 2 ROKK in the unlockable songs, its friggin sweet. Just keep working at it, you'll belive yourself to be a guitar god too after you beat bucket of moo on expert, best feeling ever.
P.S. I willing admit that ever since I have picked up that little toy guitar, I have never felt so much like a geek in my entire life, but its FUCKING FUN, and dont knock it till you try it. And yes I play the REAL guitar too.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-24 02:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-19 00:33:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
Do guitars get gay guys laid?
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Wouldn't know.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-19 00:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do guitars get gay guys laid?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-19 00:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll compare guitar hero for you, just so you'll see what you should do.
Guitar Hero has 5 buttons for 5 frets.
A real guitar has at least six strings and usually 22 or 24 frets which you use individually.
Guitar Hero gives you a high score if you do well enough.
If you play a real guitar well enough you're practically guaranteed to get laid.
Guitar Hero has a plastic, guitar shaped controller that weighs next to nothing.
A real guitar is made of wood, and is heavy enough to kill someone, especially if you hit them with the strap holder.
Which to choose, the cheap plastic imitation for those who suck at life, or the awesome instrument of death that gets you laid?
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-07-18 23:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The only difference between geeks and nerds when it comes to video games is, a geek will kick a nerd's ass every time. Unless its an interactive video game, then its up for grabs.
I only beat that game on the medium difficulty, whatever that was.
Then I went back to masturbating. It's what I'm good at.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-18 19:57:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Amendment:
I'm an amendment to be,
yes an amendment to be,
and I'm hopin' that they'll ratify me
There's a lot of flag burners who have got too much freedom
I wanna make it legal for policemen to beat 'em,
cause there's limits to our liberties
'Least I hope and pray that there are,'cause those liberal freaks go too far
kid: Well why can't we just make a law against flag burning?
Amendment: Because that law would be unconstitutional.
But if we changed the Constitution...
kid: Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws!
Amendment: Now you're catching on!
Kid: What if people say you're not good enough to be in the Constitution?
Then I'll crush all opposition to me,
and I'll make Ted Kennedy pay
If he fights back, I'll say that he's gay.
Congressman: Good news, Amendment! They ratified ya! You're in the U.S. Constitution.
Amendment: Oh yeah! Door's open, boys!
(Rating is fair and purely coincidental, and is in no way related to recent comments.)
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-18 16:55:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
agreed.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-18 16:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
PS. Teephapphahaaha is hilarious, once again!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-18 16:40:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That's not all you suck at, Johnson.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-07-18 15:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i play the guitar...not well, but i spent about two years picking it up after someone told me that if you play the piano you can pick up anything. and i did. i'm not great, but i know some songs and chords and scales and shit.
i got drunk a few months back and played guitar hero for the first and only time - i'm also not very good at that, but it is without a doubt the most fun video game ever created.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2006-07-18 15:02:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-07-18 14:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Put the game down and learn to play a real guitar. It's easy to learn enough to impress people who don't play (8 major and 8 minor chords, three rock scales, and three blues scales should do it) and if you can play something you made up you're practically guaranteed to get laid.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
poor old spencer
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:34:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a +2 for this:
http://edition.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/07/18/mumbai.blasts/index.html
"Mumbai mourns its '7/11' victims"
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It's a conspiracy. The asians are gonna get bombed on March 14. Or, if you go buy the British calander, July 22 HOLY SHIT THEY BETTER HURRY.
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
guitar hero is so fun drunk
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a +2 for this:
http://edition.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/07/18/mumbai.blasts/index.html
"Mumbai mourns its '7/11' victims"
AHAHAHAHAHA 7/11
AHAHAHAHAHA
DOES ANYONE READ THE HEADLINES BEFORE THEY POST THE ARTICLE.
HA
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Start off on easy or medium aqnd work your way up then.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:28:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy crap. Shlongy really IS better than you.
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At Guitar Hero, probably.
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i play guitar, and cant play guitar hero because of it.
you see when you play an instrument, if youre any good at it (which i barely am) your muscle memory takes over. your hand knows where to go to make certain sounds, especially if you know the song.
so i play guitar hero, and i play iron man, the easiest song in the world on guitar.
but nooo, it has 5 buttons, for 5 frets. my fingers are wanting to play 6 strings and make different sounds on the same button. so while i play iron man flawlessly on guitar (not all that hard, is it) my muscles know what to do, and i cant do it with guitar hero. my onlychance would be to not know what song was being played, turn down the volume completely, and press buttons.
goddamn video games.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:28:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy crap. Shlongy really IS better than you.
Damn. I thought he was just joking.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:20:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
I love this game, are you playing it on easy?
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Hard, usually. I can get through some of the songs, but certainly not a good lot of them.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:17:19 (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:15:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
A bill DOES have to pass the house and senate to become a law.
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And the President
Also - this post sucks
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The guy was freaking out because he said the gay marriage amendment was being debated in the House, and I told him it didn't matter because it'd already been defeated in the Senate. He thought that bills originated in the House, and that because the house was voting on it, it was still alive and would then go to the Senate is approved, even though the Senate had already voted down their version of the amendment about a month before. Of the three other people involved in the conversation, no one knew that a bill goes through both houses independent of each other, are passed, are taken back and amended so that both version are the same, and are then voted on again, and then they go to the president. Obviously, the Bill song didn't really focus on these intracacies.
And yeah this post does kind of seem to suck.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:20:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love this game, are you playing it on easy?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:15:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
A bill DOES have to pass the house and senate to become a law.
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And the President
Also - this post sucks
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:15:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
A bill DOES have to pass the house and senate to become a law.
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People think a Bill has to pass the House THEN the Senate in that exact order.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah that's what reading about video games can do for you.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:15:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A bill DOES have to pass the house and senate to become a law.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
While I was reading this, I got the same feeling I get when I'm on the phone with my mom.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-07-18 13:12:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Um...meh?