In tomorrow i see no promise and yesterday was the same (559 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.26 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by livEvil (View user info) at 2006-07-20 10:48:49 EDT
9:00 A.M.
Awake.
As my eyes adjust to the light i realize my alarm clock never went off.
why sweat it though? i was probably going to get fired anyways. I lay
there for 10 minutes contemplating what my excuse would be. "Fuck it,
i'll deal with it tomorrow," i said to myself comfortingly.
After my mind goes blank i get up to stretch and search for my slippers.
I can only find one so i toss it back right next to my clippers.
I make my way to the kitchen to feed my caffein & nicotine addiction.
Bare footed on this cold floor, feeling worse than crucifixion.
It felt like everything else, so it came as no surprise,
when i found out i was worst off than everyone i despise.
i head over to the bathroom to wash off the previous day,
and stare at the one picture that takes my breath away.
It's nothing special, really, just a girl that cared about me in the past
but like anything else in life, it didn't really last.
i had to move away, and so in a way i let her leave.
Now i'm stuck in Indy with little room to breathe.
so now i'm out of the shower, feeling crispier than a new dollar
I throw on my cargo's & a Tee that says "I can't pop collars"
I head over to the grocery store to find the cheapest meal.
I found the frozen section. a hot pocket will seal the deal.
After a long line at kroger i'm shriveling from hunger,
and on my way out it came to me like thunder.
Is it her? it can't be, she still lives back at home.
"Well, it's a small world," i said in a monotone.
Maybe this is it, life is just too strange.
An athiest thanking god for making his luck change.
I approached the girl in my picture, feeling like i was in heaven.
She met me with a kiss and said "my flight came in at 11:00"
I held her close and thought about how surreal this seemed,
and that's about the time i woke up from the dream.
As my eyes adjust to the light, i lay in bed in shame
...in tomorrow i see no promise, and yesterday was the same
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-05 17:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I see you seem to feel like you have some notches on your rainbow belt because of your "record."
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Too bad arithmatic is beyond your comprehension, monkeyboy - all my posts were made under _my_ name, not someone else's.
I see that you're an alter of The Uniter/KindaNews - well, THAT explains why you're such a dipshit alter.
I'm sure you'll -2spam me again later, you wont be the first
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-24 08:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
emo.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-21 11:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's cool. So long as you understand the fickle buch that we are. It could affect how we rate. You want to be rated on what you write not how you write.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-07-21 09:46:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-21 08:14:39 (#)
Ranking: -1
approached the girl in my picture, feeling like i was in heaven.
She met me with a kiss and said "my flight came in at 11:00"
----------------
Re-read what you write just before you submit. If it makes you cringe then chances are it's gonna make us puke. One bad line can get you -2'd.
Plus, it's only a small thing but press your shift key every time you want to type 'i'.
It's 'I went for a walk one day and I saw a tree that I liked'.
Not 'I went for a walk one day and i saw a tree that i liked'.
Loki does that too and it drives me fucking bonkers.
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Thanks for the advice. Sometimes I get writer's block and can't come up with a good line but I just add anything to get me past that part and finish it. If I have time I go back and redo what I don't like after my first draft is complete. Also, I know not capitalizing can annoy people but it's just a shortcut that i've gotten too used to when i'm doing informal writing. However, I do know when I need and don't need to use it.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-21 08:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
approached the girl in my picture, feeling like i was in heaven.
She met me with a kiss and said "my flight came in at 11:00"
----------------
Re-read what you write just before you submit. If it makes you cringe then chances are it's gonna make us puke. One bad line can get you -2'd.
Plus, it's only a small thing but press your shift key every time you want to type 'i'.
It's 'I went for a walk one day and I saw a tree that I liked'.
Not 'I went for a walk one day and i saw a tree that i liked'.
Loki does that too and it drives me fucking bonkers.
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-07-21 01:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This post was just... fags. That's right. It was fags.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-07-21 00:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was okay.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-07-20 18:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-20 18:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-20 18:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-20 17:12:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Move over, orgasmadrone!
the uber poet laureate has arrived!
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The Sfaglet has spoken!
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-20 17:12:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Move over, orgasmadrone!
the uber poet laureate has arrived!
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:23:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
At first, I wondered why you didn't give credit to Atmosphere (for the title and some of the words)...
Then I realized that your poetic version was far worse than his, so now I understand that.
I already posted these lyrics in story form (giving credit to him of course): http://www.ubersite.com/m/75888 .
I gotta give you a positive though, because you know, it's Atmosphere.
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you're right, i drew some inspiration from atmosphere but i couldn't remember the name of the song. i just remeber that line sticking out on my mind. in addition, i realised that if i wrote that before showing mine people wouldn't even give it a chance. from my experience, most uberites prejudge rap before giving it a chance. they only know about the p. diddy's & the rest of the mainstream. i also got ideas from other things and i didn't want to list them all. i haven't checked out yours yet but it's the next thing i'll do after writing this. thanks for your insight.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
At first, I wondered why you didn't give credit to Atmosphere (for the title and some of the words)...
Then I realized that your poetic version was far worse than his, so now I understand that.
I already posted these lyrics in story form (giving credit to him of course): http://www.ubersite.com/m/75888 .
I gotta give you a positive though, because you know, it's Atmosphere.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-20 12:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Overall, this is a -1. When you start off one of your lines/sentences with "so" it just sounds fucking goofed. Plus, the whole post was a bit trendy and fag. Keep trying though, I'd like to see more of what you have.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-20 12:26:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I started to read it(as in I read half of the first line) then I saw a rhyming prose and stopped. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. I will now read the whole thing and I reserve the right to change my rating.
Submitted by alwayspeach1 (user info) at 2006-07-20 12:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-07-20 11:52:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i appreciate the criticism regardless of what you rate me. it helps to get a different perspective.
dave, i'm actually not all that emo. i just like stories with some kind of twist that wraps around the beginning and this was just the easiest to pull of while trying to work.
damn, i don't even get a -2 from shlongy. i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-07-20 11:45:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I approached the girl in my picture, feeling like i was in heaven.
She met me with a kiss and said "my flight came in at 11:00"
Arg.
Story would have been better.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-20 11:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I assume that you've now comitted suicide and this was your farewell post, right?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-07-20 11:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This wasn't actually that bad.
Although the Emo thing is gonna haunt you.
-Dave
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-07-20 11:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
has anyone pulled the EMO trigger yet?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-07-20 11:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would have preferred a story as I'm not a fan of poetry.
+1 for posting something and giving people a chance to review your stuff.
Submitted by karates_badboy (user info) at 2006-07-20 11:10:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
it was good until you started fucking rhyming like a silly little faggot.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-07-20 11:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was actually meant to be a story at first but without thinking about it i started to rhyme it so i decided to keep it that way.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-20 10:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
errr yourS truly, fucking fingers not working in the morning.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-20 10:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't understand poetry, or how to write it...
so here we go...
-2 FIRST POST DIE
+2 Mentioning your truly.
Have a 0
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-07-20 10:55:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i decided to submit this to give people a chance to judge me the way i judge them. this came after a long pointless argument with boblobla. anyways, here you go... have at it!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-07-20 10:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Assuming this is MEANT to be a SPT entry...+1
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-07-20 10:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
now i see why you waited so long to post anything.
...go back to waiting.