Soiled. Sealed. Delivered. (1239 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.8 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Soley (View user info) at 2006-07-20 15:13:20 EDT
I've been suffering with a sinus infection for the last three weeks which is a bit of a bastard since I can't taste or smell anything and have leaky nostrils to boot. I finished the course of antibiotics that I was prescribed last Monday and I'm still no better. But the world wasn't and isn't going to stop because my head feels like a cannon ball full of mucus locked in a vice. So, as any woman would, I've plodded along and got on with it.
Yesterday after work I had to pick up the white gold/diamond cufflinks I'd had made for my other half Paul as an engagement present. Luckily for me my friend Stephanie works in the jewellery trade and made them for me at cost. Unfortunately I had to get on the number 18 bus to collect them from her home. The journey there was sticky and uncomfortable due to the heat wave we've had this side of the pond. And by the time I got up to get off the bus, the back of my shorts and shirt was bonded to my clammy flesh with sweat. I decided before I reached Steph's that I was too hot and bothered to do anything other than pay for the goods, say a big "thank you" and leave. And that's exactly what I did.
I headed back to the bus stop where I was only waiting 5 minutes before another 18 came along. The journey back was just as sticky and uncomfortable; the only bonus was that the seats at the back were completely empty, which come to think of it was strange, and stranger still is the fact that I didn't think it strange at the time. I sat down and glanced out of the window as I pulled my undies and shorts away from what seemed to be my excessively sweaty arse. I got off at the next stop carefully running my hands over the back of my thighs and buttocks, which by then felt saturated. I strolled down the street hand in hand with embarrassment and hoped that nobody would point and shout "HAHAAA YOU'VE PISSED YOUR PANTS." I made it to the next bus stop to catch the bus home without so much as an excuse me. The bus home was crowded and I had to stand. The man who was stood adjacent to me quickly scurried to the back of the bus after giving me a look only deserved in my opinion by three fingered munchkin paedophiles.
It wasn't until I got home to be greeted with a kiss quickly followed by a "EURGHHH... WHAT THE FUCK?" that I realised that something was definitely amiss.
"What? What's wrong...? Have I got toxic breath or something?"
"No. But you do smell like you've had community service cleaning up after incontinent old folk."
Paul spun me around looked me up and down and suggested I go and clean myself up. On entering the bathroom and removing my shorts it all became crystal clear. No. I hadn't unknowingly pissed myself...
I'd been raped. Well, sort of.
I'd sat in diarrhea on the bus ride home. Fuck you sinus infection!
There's nothing that's made me queasier than having to clean someone else's shit from under my nails. Granted I didn't mind so much when the poop in question was that of my baby son's. Many moons ago, I might add, but to have to scrub that of a complete stranger's, probably a hobo, is quite frankly just plain wrong. As I sat under the shower rocking back and forth frantically scrubbing my hands and nails I couldn't help but wonder if this was the same feeling of violation and utter shame that an under aged innocent Japanese girl feels when she meets up with a westerner on her way to school only to end up exposed on the internet as a scat whore...
Needless to say, the negligence of public transport has a lot to answer for, mainly the unstable state of my mental health and newly acquired phobia of shit that has the consistency of water.
As much as it scares me to get behind the wheel (due to a horrific accident I witnessed as a teenager) methinks its time to start having driving lessons again.
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-30 18:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man. That's just shitty.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-24 14:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I need a new Soley picture, with a body shot, to spank to.
Submitted by mc (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The description of your virus ridden head alone is a +1, but the sitting in poo is another. 2 for you.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Euew.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-07-21 07:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lossy (user info) at 2006-07-21 07:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love reading other peoples sorrow!
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-07-21 06:52:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Erg.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-07-21 06:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RenTheUnsightly (user info) at 2006-07-21 06:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
shlongy's such a fag. wait, what's this post about? oh yeah. my god that's disgusting.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-07-21 04:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Painfully interesting
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-20 18:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you.
Your disgusting incident has brought me great amusement.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-07-20 17:50:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nasty.
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2006-07-20 17:30:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to take the bus home from work today.
I think I'll stand.
You poor poor thing
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-07-20 17:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*pushes breakfast plate away...*
Thanks, GiGi, thanks alot.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-20 16:53:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lying cunt. You always smell that way.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-07-20 16:51:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
like, gross.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-07-20 16:42:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-20 16:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I vow to "grow up" to be that man, Jack, only in white.
It sounds fun.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-07-20 16:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THE CRAZY BLACK MAN WAS RIGHT AFTER ALL!!!!!
I was once on a bus with an old black guy who was screaming that there was shit everywhere.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-07-20 16:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:28:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
You went and got engaged without checking with ME first?
Can we still sneak in a quick shag? Well, after you run yourself through the car wash a few times first.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-07-20 16:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jesus tittyfucking christ that's gross.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-07-20 16:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SMELL MY PANTS
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-07-20 16:09:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You'd think I would've learned that lesson after getting pregnant....but nooooooooooooooooo
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-07-20 16:07:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ya gotta look before you shit, i mean SIT
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-07-20 16:06:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm so crying right now.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-20 16:03:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nope...just fish and chips at lunch.
I think it's because I'm "conversing" with you.
Submitted by bleuluna (user info) at 2006-07-20 16:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
poooopy
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:59:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Have you eaten spicy food today?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My klinkers itch and seem to be swelling, as we speak.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Knock yourself out, Shlongy. It's quite amusing when used out of context
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:51:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Peener.
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:50:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good storytelling.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Klinkers....bauahauahaha.
You don't mind if I use that, do you?
It'll be even funnier when I use it in completely the wrong context.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was probably an old person.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:48:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hear that's a delicacy, Shlongy. Or so my lizard tongued lesbian friend keeps telling me when she puts her hands down my klinkers.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's strange...I usually scratch and sniff before I eat.
...beaver.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:43:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DJ, I usually scratch and sniff before I sit, but with the sinus infection and all, what's the point.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh dear.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:40:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You ALWAYS look before you sit.
ALWAYS.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy gets screwed again.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe if the tramp that committed the crime had eaten corn on the cob the night before, I might've had a chance.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Public transport is fucking vile.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"So, as any woman would, I've plodded along and got on with it."
BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Now, to continue.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mother of god.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh NOOOOO. That sucks! Moral of the story is look before you sit, I suppose.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I blame Bill Gates.
And so should you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I revceived neither the email, the singing telegram, or the naked pictures you promised me.
0 for 3.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you telling me that you didn't recieve THE email?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-20 15:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You went and got engaged without checking with ME first?
Can we still sneak in a quick shag? Well, after you run yourself through the car wash a few times first.