Ten Things to Do When You’re Pulled Over By a Cop (68323 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.74 on 108 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SilvrWolf (View user info) at 2006-07-21 12:01:03 EDT
Most all of us have been there. We look up in the rear view mirror to witness the seizure-inducing flash of red and blue lights (or sometimes just blue). The adrenaline starts pumping and our stomachs turn over. We're already asking questions of ourselves before we even face the officer's.
What did I do?
Why won't this flatfoot give me 25mph over like all the other cops?
What if he finds the kilo of heroin in the glove box?
What if he finds the two Peruvian belly-dancers in the trunk?
Did I pay my insurance last month?
If I slip him a 50(cent CD, pirated), will he let me go?
Well, here are ten tips to make sure that both you and the officer(s) have a fun, somewhat safe and pleasurable experience:
1) Before and up until the officer approaches the vehicle, make erratic and sudden movements. Reach under your seat, the passenger seat and throw loose papers and other items around. This lets the officer know that this will be an exciting stop and that you have something to hide. Because we all know you do.
2) Refuse to turn the vehicle off. When the officer first approaches your side window, act completely startled and off-guard. This is the proper time to scream, cover your face and/or throw something else. Rev the motor, too; cops live for pursuits. It validates all their hard training.
3) Under no circumstances do you roll your window down. You can and should also turn your stereo up to full volume. When they instruct you to roll the window down, lock the doors and act like you can't hear them, because you can't. Cops hate cooperation and compliance and doing the opposite will let them know that you take shit from no man, badge or not.
4) Turn the stereo down and barely open your window. Ask to see a current driver's license, social security card, birth certificate and proof of legal residence. The DMV does it; why can't you? Rev the motor again as he replies to drown out his sorry excuses as to why he won't. If they're showing perturbation, then you're well on your way to being... well, on your way.
5) Scream obscenities and threats to your imaginary children in the back seat while completely ignoring the officer. If there are real children in the back seat, this tactic will be even more effective. If the children are imaginary, pretend to yank one up front and beat them about the head and shoulders or stab them with a sharp object. Remember, all cops are child abusers, so this will make them relate to you.
6) Turn the car off and immediately start it again. Do this repeatedly while looking at your watch, showing it to the officer and tapping the face of it. This lets them know that you're a busy person and have no time for pesky laws. Alternatively, put the car in gear and roll forward a few feet, stop and laugh hysterically, then whine about missing a day spa appointment. Do this several times.
7) Should the officer draw their weapon on you, roll your window down, move very swiftly and put your finger in the barrel. The Bugs Bunny nostalgia this induces in the officer will make them more sympathetic to your plight.
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Tips 1-7 are inclusive to each other and can be used in many different combinations. Tips 8-10 are independent but can still be used with many of these tips. Improvisation is the key to making sure the officer will always remember you.
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8) If you are alone in the vehicle and the officer hasn't approached yet, climb into any seat but the driver's without leaving the car. When the officer approaches, act like you're asleep but rouse suddenly and violently when he knocks on the window. This should initially confuse the officer and also give them a good scare. Cops love scary, confusing movies.
9) Wait until he approaches the vehicle then speed away. In the middle of the ensuing pursuit, pull into a gas station and quickly start to pump fuel into your vehicle with a lit cigarette in your mouth. Make sure to spill plenty on the ground and scream at the officer(s) to stay back or you'll "torch this motherfucker".
10) Immediately after being pulled over, jump out of the vehicle and start to run away at a full sprint. After 100 feet or so, stop running, turn around, give the officer a big smile and make fake guns with your index fingers. Often, a "Gotcha!" is just what the officer needed to brighten up his dull day. If he tackles, tasers or pepper sprays you, he's just a cocksucker with no sense of humor and you should launch a completely unfounded Internal Affairs investigation on him when you get out of jail. This investigation, whether founded or not, will always be on his record and ensure that he remains a lowly beat cop for the rest of his law enforcement career. He could even be demoted to prisoner transport, but one day he'll look back on it and laugh...
...while standing over your freshly strangled corpse. Another IA investigation will follow and you'll STILL get the last laugh.
-----------------------------------------------------
Have fun, kids, and remember, cops NEED you to break the law so they can keep their jobs and hang on to the only sense of power they've ever had in their lives.
<The author is in no way responsible for any citations, fines, injuries, incarceration and/or death resulting from the use of this guide.>
Next week: Sobriety Checkpoints - How to Be Inebriated When You're Not
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-04 15:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 20:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by Wizz20 (user info) at 2007-09-20 20:23:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oops fuck, forgot to acualy rate...
Submitted by Wizz20 (user info) at 2007-09-20 20:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
GAH FUCKER i lurrrv it so much but now people are looking at meh like im cRaZy cause i almost pissed my self (do you know how fucking hard it is to silent laugh in fucking study hall???!??!?!?1111oneoneonequestionmarkquestionmark?)
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2007-02-20 10:23:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jiminee (user info) at 2007-01-10 08:57:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
of all the people not to find this funny MR SCARFACE
I liked it, had me in hysterics
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2007-01-08 07:22:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe
Submitted by getalife (user info) at 2006-10-05 16:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha this had me laughing in front of the computer, which i never do.
just for this comment u got a 10+++ from me "torch this motherfucker".
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-08 14:25:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
100th review.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-08-17 06:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well cooperating with cops doesnt work, so why not give any of these a shot?
Submitted by Lianne260987 (user info) at 2006-08-15 07:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well done!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-08-15 02:42:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91729
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-09 08:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, now if I need to try it... maybe not.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-08-04 12:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty funny, guy.
Submitted by KindaLikeJesus (user info) at 2006-08-02 16:10:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I slip him a pirated 50 cent CD will he let me go?
Submitted by the_grendel (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-07-31 19:48:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking A
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2006-07-31 19:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-31 16:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I talked you up to Bart for this one.
Congrats on B@W.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-07-31 15:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W!
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-31 14:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W...
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-30 18:59:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's another for B@W
Submitted by mini_plum (user info) at 2006-07-30 17:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for beating children
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-07-30 10:52:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W slvr
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-30 08:35:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are, Tony, because you're a fucking twat who thinks it's cool to be mean, not knowing that you're actually showing yourself to be a cocksucker who wants attention.
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2006-07-29 06:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i guess i'm the only one that found this to be a fucking chore to read and completely not funny.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-29 05:55:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W!!!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-07-29 03:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
at least you got the child abuser part right.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How the fuck did I miss this?
GOLD...
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The filename is the reason this made B@W
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-25 14:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:32:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, don't worry about the rating. I truly don't care. Most of my replies to negative raters are just me taking the piss, so to speak.
----------------
HAHA! She got you doing it too!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-25 14:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate to break this to you, Silvr, but half of these don't work all that well...
...but the other half work brilliantly. I'll leave it up to your readers to decide which are which. It'll be more fun that way.
B@W all the way.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-07-23 11:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-23 11:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-07-23 09:59:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's no sweat about the ratings, Zoidy. I hope things have been going well for you.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-07-23 05:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2006-07-23 04:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my bad, I thought this was quite funny
I dont visit here much these days, I forget I have to click buttons to make ratings work
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2006-07-23 04:48:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This lets the officer know that this will be an exciting stop
So does masturbating while he's talking to you. Kinsey says you have a one in 10 chance of getting the guy who will let/get you off
Submitted by hoooot (user info) at 2006-07-22 22:53:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Remember, all cops are child abusers, so this will make them relate to you.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-07-22 16:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Of all the brilliant, witty, magnificent posts I've composed (*cough*LIAR*cough*), THIS makes the Most Heated list? This is truly a sign of Armageddon.
I need someone to blame for this.
I know! I'll blame the weekend Uberers.
...all seven of them.
***********************************
I should probably take this time to disclaim that I advocate full cooperation with police officers during traffic stops. What Cyrus said in his/her first review is the best policy. Unless the officer's an asshole, then by all means, use this guide. And punch him in the testicles for me one time. Cops don't wear cups.
***********************************
And Sacrilicious: I less-than-three you, too, baby. I was just having some fun with FatTony. It's like teasing a caged baboon.
"You'd bite my face off if you could get through those bars, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you?"
*pokes ape with stick*
"Does that make you angry? Are you now filled with blackened rage, assmonkey?"
"I'M NOT A GODDAMNED MONKEY! MONKEYS HAVE MOTHERFUCKING TAILS! I'M AN APE, YOU BASTARD!"
*pokes ape-monkey again*
"Here, monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey."
"RAWWWWWWWWWWR!"
*flings shit*
<This imaginary dialogue is brought to you by: Exxon - "breaking one off in the world's collective ass since the 19th century" and BP - "using Exxon's philosophy for nearly as long">
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-22 14:09:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's like Police, Camera, Action!
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-07-22 13:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny stuff. I just hope no idiot really trys any of these.
Submitted by mcgibbon (user info) at 2006-07-22 01:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
good stuff,
it also helps to give them a blank stare and then break one of your own fingers.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-07-22 01:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Comedic gold
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-07-22 00:50:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There was snickering and a few hearty giggles.
Very well done indeed.
r.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-22 00:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait...
So when do I pull out my OWN pepper spray and douse him?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-07-22 00:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I shall take your kind advice and brighten up some cops day. They will love me for it.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-21 23:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do believe JoeDaddy was just in a bad mood.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-21 22:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90695#2068635
I <3 you.
Submitted by bokinsmowls (user info) at 2006-07-21 17:56:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Well the second little piggy, well he was kinda stoked.
He spent most of his time just a gangsta smokin.
Huffin and a puffin down on Venice Beach.
Getting paid money for religious speech.
He built his shelter from what garbage he picked.
Mostly made up of old cans and sticks.
Then one day he was cranking out Bob Marley,
And along came the Wolf on his big bad Harley."
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-07-21 17:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Remember, all cops are child abusers, so this will make them relate to you.
===================================================================
This was the first point I went from smiling to laughing.
Submitted by dagda24 (user info) at 2006-07-21 17:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I ever get pulled over I plan to jump to the back seat and pretend to be asleep, as advised, but I'm also going to try and remove my top on route so as to really throw him.
I believe the saying is "dazzle him with my wits".
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-07-21 16:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-07-21 16:37:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-07-21 16:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow. ** Raul Duke
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-21 15:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
make sure you're wearing a vest when you do all this
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-07-21 15:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I laughed all the way through and accidentally, allbeit repeatedly, spit sunflower seed shells at my monitor... does that make me gey?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-07-21 15:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed like a retard.
It would work even better over here where the cops don't have guns.
-Dave
Submitted by mc (user info) at 2006-07-21 15:00:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I totally have pre-cog, so :p
I've seen multiple things like this, but not exactly verbatim. +1 for you to offset my -1 if this is totally original. Emails like this have surfaced in my inbox with the same grandiose affair as the "top 20 things to do in Wal*Mart*" and "Lichenstein - friend or foe?"
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd honestly like to know who had the precognitive ability to take my own personal story and forward it through email lanes before I even wrote it. I composed this in about an hour this morning as a result of a convo I had last night with a friend of mine who also happens to be a deputy.
If this a copy of an email forward, I've neither seen nor received it. Then again, no one loves me and I don't get emails very often. Well, that and I horribly maim people who send me forwards.
Alright, back to mowing the yard...
...all 6 acres of it.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:49:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She let the flag touch the round, so now we have to burn her.
Submitted by mc (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Happily_Agnostic (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:10:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't beleive there are some numbnuts that don't find this funny. It was fucking hilarious.
------
I can't believe your mom didn't swallow the whole load*.
I found it funny the first 3 times it was forwarded to my inbox via my "friends." I'm sure that if this was my first time seeing it (instead of the 43rd-ish) I'd find it as chalk full of hilariosity.
* all said in good fun.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:32:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:24:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:11:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Richmond?
Richmond, va?
----------
Yes, are you a VAgenerate as well?
--
VAginas, unite!
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:31:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:06:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
Aeons ago, when I first began driving, my dad sat me down and had a little talk with me.
He said "son, if you ever get pulled over by the police, be real short and straighforward with them." Don't argue with them. Don't try to be smart or clever or evasive. The average cop isn't that bright, and they won't get it or be amused, they'll just think think you're being a smartass and it will go all the harder for you. Just be honest and straighforward and use small words."
That advice served me well over the years. It was good advice then and it's good advice now.
-----------------
spot on, cyrus, spot on...
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:11:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Richmond?
Richmond, va?
----------
Yes, are you a VAgenerate as well?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:23:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Grand.
The fluffer at the end only added to this post, but in no way 'made' this post. That is a good thing.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/80142#1719430
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What the hell, have another one for the pic, she's a cutie.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:11:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Richmond?
Richmond, va?
Submitted by Happily_Agnostic (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't beleive there are some numbnuts that don't find this funny. It was fucking hilarious.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2006-07-21 14:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Aeons ago, when I first began driving, my dad sat me down and had a little talk with me.
He said "son, if you ever get pulled over by the police, be real short and straighforward with them." Don't argue with them. Don't try to be smart or clever or evasive. The average cop isn't that bright, and they won't get it or be amused, they'll just think think you're being a smartass and it will go all the harder for you. Just be honest and straighforward and use small words."
That advice served me well over the years. It was good advice then and it's good advice now.
Submitted by I_love_Kracka (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:47:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great!
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just post and don't worry about it, mc. This place is brutal and one must have thick skin to sustain. I'll rate your first post completely objectively, provided you don't announce that it's your first post; the ensuing rain of -2s would indeed be mighty, mine included. Good luck.
Submitted by mc (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mc: Am I your first review on Uber? I await with baited breath your sure to be stellar first contribution.
--------------
heh, yeah - congrats. I assure you, from what I've seen over the past year here, I expect my -2 Die's no matter what my first post includes. :)
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, don't worry about the rating. I truly don't care. Most of my replies to negative raters are just me taking the piss, so to speak.
I'll have to check my schedule about next weekend. I have a roofing project coming up soon and it'll have to be done quickly. YAY, sixteen-hour days! I'll keep you posted, though, or drop me an email at silvrwolf.at.gmail.com.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:27:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One more for good measure.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God damnit, I hate when I do that shit.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:27:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck, fuck, so sorry, brother.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:26:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Silvr, Richmond, next weekend 28th. My old roommate just got out of prison. Beer thirty.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:19:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Speaking in tongues! Shit, I forgot that one. That would work well in conjuction with the imaginary kids! In short though, yes; any erratic behavior is acceptable and encouraged.
mc: Am I your first review on Uber? I await with baited breath your sure to be stellar first contribution.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GOLD
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I may try this next time.
Does they also work whilst speaking in tongues?
Submitted by mc (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
boring.
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:12:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guffawed like a baboon.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-21 13:00:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The post was OK...nothing to get too excited about, but I do like the broad.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:54:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was farking hilarious!
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am DeathJester
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Picture was decent.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is that not an awesome pic, Molari? I'd slither naked over shards of glass bathed in alcohol to be her panties.
Wait, what? That's just not right.
And by the way, when did cops become an oppressed minority? It's not okay to make light of them? If that's taboo, then why has "Reno 911" been contracted to another season? If the cop is black, is it okay then? Why are apartments called apartments when they're all together? Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? What is your favorite color?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant. I loved it.
Submitted by Molari (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The content itself wasn't so funny, and making fun of the police is distasteful
BUT oMG is that Amanda Tapping?! +222222222222222!!!
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:37:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I shall go out and try this immediately.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU FUCKING BASTARD. It's NOT GOOD when I break out in hysterical laughter when I'm SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING. I mean I can try to pass it out as my laughing at the VP's last email, but we all know HE'S NOT THAT FUNNY ON PURPOSE!
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh jeebus crisco....
This was highlarious. I almost lost a contact from laughing.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm allergic to pigs, they give me tourette's
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cyst, you're kinda creepy.
Let's go get a beer. I have 7 dollars and change right now.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i just licked my balls a little...
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Come to Blacksburg so we can fuck.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:22:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
eh, screw it. You're entitled to your opinion, joe. Could you at least tell me why you didn't like it?
Submitted by dethcow (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
joedaddy: you're an officer, aren't you? I reiterate:
"he's just a cocksucker with no sense of humor"
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sico: it's Amanda Tapping of Stargate SG-1 fame. Hence the filename. I don't know what it is about her. She just does it for me.
kaos: wow, thanks man. Do you really think this is B@W worthy? I'm genuinely flattered.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
brilliant..
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's really hard to explain to coworkers why you are laughing so hard and grabbing your heart because of palpitations from laughing. I'm probably going to get shot, but who's that broad?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:06:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Turn the car off and immediately start it again. Do this repeatedly while looking at your watch, showing it to the officer and tapping the face of it."
HAHAHA
I laughed heartily at this.
Submitted by nya_nyo (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
out fucking standing private pyle
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-21 12:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this very much.
B@W