The Old People (819 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Kids
Rating: 0.27 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2006-07-21 18:46:52 EDT
(My nephew's kid Kyle is turning 10 this weekend. I think its 10, anyway. I'm terrible of keeping track of that stuff. Anyhow, since I'm always late with this shit, I figure I'll post his traditional holiday/birthday story here, and hopefully his dad (Tyler, yeah, that Tyler) can print it out and get it to him.)
The Old People
"We're getting close," Kyle said. "Aren't we?"
"Yep," said his dad.
The drive along Highway 7 to the cottage had been boring, but now Kyle was seeing familiar landmarks and he knew they were getting close. When they had been halfway between Ottawa and Arden, Kyle's dad had wanted to stop in Perth to buy a sweater, and that had been a pain.
"You don't need a sweater in summer," Kyle had said, anxious to reach the cottage, and Lake Kennebec.
"Yeah," Tyler had said, "But winter is coming. And they make really good sweaters out here."
Kyle had looked out the car window, away from his dad, and made a face. Why buy sweaters when everyone knew you got them for Christmas? Sometimes his dad acted like an old man.
Now they were really close, turning off the highway onto a series of dirt roads that would take them to the cottage.
"Is Jack going to be there?"
It was Tyler's turn to make a face. He still hadn't gotten over the fact that his Uncle Jack nearly got his son killed by putting him in the Devil's Go-Cart.*
"Yeah, Jack will be there." Everyone else who would normally be at the cottage on a weekend, including Tyler's granddad (who was also Jack's dad) was at an Argonauts game in Toronto.
"Good," Kyle said. "Jack's fun."
"As fun as a kick in the ass," Tyler said quietly.
They moved through the trees on roads covered with fallen pine needles. The air smelled better out here, and Kyle always felt the urge to run around and do everything at once when he smelled the pine trees and fresh air and the clear water of the lake.
When they parked behind the cottage, Tyler made Kyle help carry a few bags of groceries inside. They passed Jack's old pickup truck and went up the stairs onto the big deck that wrapped halfway around the cottage and was built out over the edge of the lake.
Jack was standing on the deck wearing sneakers, boxer shorts, and a ball cap. He was wringing water out of a shirt.
"Hey guys!"
"Hi Jack," Kyle said.
Tyler shook his head. "And what happened here?"
Jack shrugged. "I fell over the railing and into the fucking lake again. It is trying to kill me."
He saw the look on Tyler's face and said, "Kyle, don't use bad language, or you'll end up like me. Falling in lakes and stuff."
Tyler and Kyle went inside and put away groceries, and Jack changed clothes. Then they all sat on chairs out on the deck. Kyle had a can of pop. Jack and Tyler were drinking beer.
Kyle saw a boat far down the lake. "Can we go fishing?"
"Sure," Tyler said. "Later, when it's cooler."
For once the 'maybe later' answer didn't bother Kyle.
Grown-ups were always saying stuff like that. Maybe later. Not right now. Soon. Let me think about it. And then nothing happened.
But they had all weekend, and it was only Friday afternoon. Kyle knew Jack hated the water ("Hey, it's the water that hates ME," he would always say), but he also knew his dad loved fishing.
Tyler sipped his beer. "What about those Tigers, huh?"
Jack looked at him and said, "What?"
"Detroit," Tyler said.
Jack frowned. "Tigers got out of the zoo in Detroit?"
Tyler shook his head.
They all stared out at the lake.
"Say," Jack said. "Do you think someone could actually put their foot in their mouth? Like the old saying, 'He put his foot in his mouth,' but not, like, saying something dumb, but actually bending and putting your foot, your whole foot, inside your mouth?"
Tyler looked disgusted. "What?"
"I used to bite my toenails as a kid," Jack said. "But man, putting your foot in your mouth, that's stepping up to a whole other level of awesome."
"You are one weird guy," Tyler said. "You do know that, don't you?"
After about two minutes of that kind of talk, Kyle was bored.
"Can I go for a walk?"
"Sure," his dad said. "Just don't bother the neighbors."
"Ooh," Jack said. "My dad told me there are new neighbors, up the road. Really old. I mean, REALLY old. Smelling-bad old."
"And wear your hat," Tyler said.
Jack scratched his head. "I mean, what the hell are people who are THAT old doing out here?"
"And put on some bug spray."
Jack spoke in a weird, deep voice. "They're coming to get you, Kyyyyyle."
Tyler laughed. "That is the worst Boris Karloff imitation I've ever heard."
Jack looked annoyed. "Actually, that was Johnny from Night of the Living Dead."
When Kyle went into the cool shade of the woods they were still arguing about stupid stuff he'd never heard of before.
He walked for a while, his feet crunching down on dead leaves. He saw some little frogs by a creek, but didn't bother trying to catch any. He also saw a really big bird, a big black thing, just sitting in a tree and looking down at him. It was creepy.
There was an old abandoned cottage up ahead, and he thought he'd take a look inside it.
When he came close to the cottage he saw that it had new paint, and all of the busted windows had been fixed.
Hiding behind some bushes, Kyle could see an old lady sitting on the porch in a rocking chair. She was so old she was almost bald, and her skin was all wrinkled and dried out and weird.
Two old men came out on the porch, using canes to help them walk.
"That was a good lunch," one of the men said.
"I'm still hungry," the old woman said, her voice dry and creaking. "Where did you leave the husk? Are you sure it was sucked completely dry?"
Kyle thought that was weird. Corn had a husk, but you didn't suck corn, you chewed it. And the only other kind of husk he knew about was when a spider caught an insect and sucked all its guts out. The dry shell that was left behind was called a husk.
One of the old men pointed, and the others looked up. The old man pointed right at Kyle.
"I left the husk over there," he said.
Kyle was so surprised when they looked at him that he backed up a step and tripped over a branch.
When he fell down he froze, waiting, but the old people hadn't seen or heard him.
He looked at the branch that had tripped him, and nearly yelled out loud.
It looked like a leg. A skinny, dried out leg with a twisted, dry foot at one end.
Kyle couldn't stand it. He got up and went back to the family cottage as quickly and quietly as he could.
If he had looked around just a little more, he would have found pants and a shirt and shoes, belonging to a boy about his age. And he would have found the rest of the boy, sucked dry and completely dead.
*
By the time they got back from fishing (Kyle caught two small ones and his dad caught a slightly larger one), Kyle had almost forgotten about the old people.
They had been out on the boat for a few hours.
They went into the cottage. His dad went down the hall to take a shower. Kyle put the fish in a bucket of ice and grabbed a can of pop. He went into the living room.
Jack was lying on the couch. He was asleep and snoring really loud. His laptop was sitting on the table.
Kyle took a peek at the story Jack was writing. It was called HEX'T, and he was on page fifty-seven.
------
The alarm went off, and Muller hauled his ass out of bed.
He thought he might have dreamed about the old man last night.
The old man who everyone said had cursed him.
Whatever.
Muller didn't believe in hexes.
Never had, never would. So what if the old man had screamed gibberish at him in some crazy foreign language? Who cares?
Muller had only one job. To evict sad sacks like the old man when they fell behind on their rent.
Didn't matter if they were in wheelchairs, bedridden, what the fuck ever. Muller would pick them up and toss them out.
Make room for paying tenants. Decent people. And hopefully, people who spoke fucking English!
Muller shuffled into the can and took a piss. He swore when he realized he had just pissed all over one foot. He turned on the shower and looked in the bathroom mirror.
And screamed.
Where his nose had been, there was now a penis.
He screamed again, and the penis bounced.
Muller looked down and saw that his nose was now where his dick had once been.
That was why he had pissed on his feet. He had pissed through his nose.
Muller screamed a third time and smashed the bathroom mirror with one fist.
He had been hexed!
------
Kyle went out onto the big deck, thinking his great-uncle Jack was just about the weirdest guy he had ever met.
One of the old men from the fixed up cottage was standing at the bottom of the stairs and grinning at Kyle.
"Hello, little boy," the old man said.
Tyler stepped out onto the deck wearing a fresh t shirt. His hair was still wet.
He saw the old man and was about to say hello to his new neighbor when the old guy made a sour face and turned and started walking away as fast as he could for someone using a cane.
"Weird old fart," Tyler said.
*
They grilled the fish and ate it out on the deck with some corn on the cob. They all squeezed fresh lemon juice on the fish. It was delicious. They also had hot dogs, and cole slaw, and watermelon that had been chilled in the fridge, and a big jug of lemonade.
The sun was a little lower in the sky, and the air was a bit cooler.
Every once in a while a fish jumped and splashed and left ripples spreading across the quiet lake.
There was a sound by the deck stairs and they all looked over to see the three old people Kyle had seen earlier. They were standing at the bottom of the stairs and holding a cake covered in white icing.
"Holy crap," Jack whispered.
"Nuts," Tyler said softly. "I guess we should be polite and say hi."
"Hey there," Tyler said in a loud voice. "Nice to meet you."
*
A few minutes later, Jack and Tyler and Kyle were standing in the kitchen, staring at the cake.
"It's kind of... lopsided," Jack said.
They had all said hi to the old people. The old people had muttered their names, and then gave them the cake.
"It is a very nice cake," the old lady had said.
All of the old people had stared at Kyle with wide grins, and then shuffled away. It was really strange.
Jack took a knife and cut into it.
"Oh man. Chocolate. White icing. I could scarf the whole thing."
Tyler looked worried. "Yeah, but the old lady made that. It looks gross."
Jack grabbed a fork and a plate. "We should be polite. You said it yourself."
He handed Tyler a slice.
"Kyle?"
Kyle looked at the cake, and at Jack. Normally he would have some, but he was just stuffed with food.
"Maybe later," Kyle said.
Jack and Tyler each took one bite, then another.
They both looked surprised, as if the cake was way better than they had expected.
"Izz guud cake," Jack said.
"Yaaaahhh," Tyler replied. "Spedda danna figgered."
Kyle wondered what was going on.
"Zzzreeelly gooh cay-guh," Jack said.
"Fricka negzellent," Tyler said.
"Dad?" Kyle was getting worried. They sounded like they were drunk.
"Cully fuggah noolies," Tyler said.
Jack laughed and said, "Whoo-sha nurrr-git!
Kyle grabbed his dad by the arm and shook him. "DAD!"
"Ah fee mezz dup," Tyler said.
Jack stumbled and landed on his butt.
"Wah wazzinah fuggin cay-guh?"
Tyler staggered to the couch and sat down.
Kyle heard the screen door creak as it was opened. He looked over and saw the three old people coming into the cottage.
"Hey," Kyle said. "What are you doing!"
"We have come for you, little boy," one of the old men said.
"We are hungry," the old woman said.
"We eat little boys," the other old man said.
They all grinned, sticking their tongues between their teeth and making disgusting sucking sounds.
thuck-thuck-thuck-thuck
The old people stated coming into the kitchen.
"Geh fuhgada," Tyler said. He tried to get up and fell back onto the couch.
"Haw-haw-haw," Jack said, struggling to his feet. "Ol peeble smellllll."
The old people opened their mouths wide, and their tongues suddenly hardened, becoming long tubes with sharp, slanted ends, like big pink hypodermic needles.
Their tongues were moving in and out in fast jabbing motions, still making that disgusting sound.
thk-thk-thk-thk
Kyle ran across the kitchen to the far side of the living room. There was another door onto the deck... but one of the old men had gone back outside and was blocking the only stairs down off of the deck.
Kyle realized these old people were going to suck him dry just like spiders feeding on a trapped bug.
The old people were coming closer. One was guarding the stairs, one was guarding the door near the stairs, and the other one had crossed the living room, and was coming through the door near Kyle.
"Leggo my suuun, you creeeeb."
Tyler had gotten to his feet and grabbed the old man closest to Kyle.
The other two old people started coming close, and Kyle saw Jack pushing through the other door and stepping onto the deck.
The old man who had been guarding the stairs heard a board creak behind him and turned around, jabbing his nose at Jack.
Jack nearly fell over, steadying himself on the table holding the leftovers of dinner. He reached out and grabbed the old man's thk-thk-thking tongue, and then blinked in surprise. Half of a lemon rolled against Jack's fingers and he picked it up and stuck it on the end of the old man's needle-like tongue.
"Suggone-at!"
The old man's face turned purple as he sucked in lemon juice, and he jumped away from Jack.
Tyler and the other old man were still struggling. They bumped into the barbecue and Tyler used all of his strength to shove the old man's needle tongue right down into the red-hot coals.
The old man bleated like an elephant and pushed Tyler away.
The old woman moved faster than Kyle thought she possibly could, and in a moment she was standing over him. She stabbed her needle tongue at him and he ducked. He heard a weird thud and saw that her tongue was stuck in the wooden railing that went all around the deck.
Kyle was really angry that these weird old people were attacking him and his family. He kicked out at the old woman and her needle tongue broke in two. Stuff that looked like chunky pink lemonade was spewing out of it in thick clots.
The three old people and Kyle and Tyler and Jack all came together, struggling and pushing and grabbing each other.
There was a sharp crackling sound, and the railing broke away.
All six of them fell into the lake.
Maybe their needle tongues were designed to automatically suck up any liquid they touched. Kyle didn't know. All he knew was that the old people were helplessly sucking up water.
After the sudden shock of the cool water Jack and Tyler were now back to normal, no longer drunk or drugged from whatever was in the cake.
"I'M DROWNING!" Jack shouted.
"Shut up, you idiot," Tyler said.
Kyle watched the old people suck so much water that they grew heavy, and started to sink out of sight. He thought they looked bigger as well, rounder, full of water, but he couldn't be sure.
"THE WATER HAS ME AT LAST!" Jack hollered.
"I've got you, you moron," Tyler said, grabbing Jack and keeping him afloat.
Kyle heard and felt three booms from deep down in the lake.
The old people had sucked up so much water they exploded. Globs of pink goo were drifting to the surface.
"Oh, this is gross," Kyle said. "We're swimming in them! Let's get out of here!"
"OH FOUL SEA AND STREAM, DELUGE AND DROP, ALL WATER EVERYWHERE IS THE SAME, ONE SINGLE EVIL MIND, AND NOW YOU HAVE ME IN YOUR CLUTCHES AT LAST, YOU HEARTLESS—"
"Christ almighty," Tyler said, following Kyle and dragging Jack to the shore.
*
Later, the three of them stood on the deck and watched as fish of all sizes fed onthe pink goo floating on the surface of the lake.
"Well, that was weird," Jack said.
"Yeah," Tyler replied.
Kyle watched the fish darting through the water, eating every speck of the old people.
"We better fix this railing tomorrow," Jack said, "Or we'll be in deep shit."
"Yeah," Tyler said.
Kyle looked west. The sun was going down and it was getting dark.
Tyler put one arm around his son.
Jack looked over. "You okay kid?"
Kyle leaned against his dad, glad that he and Jack had been here.
"Yeah," he said.
* http://www.ubersite.com/m/71459
User Reviews
Submitted by alwayspeach1 (user info) at 2006-07-24 12:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Disturbing.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-07-22 16:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Long. Boring. Anticlimactic.
I just farted.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-21 23:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus. Mickey Spillane, here. Shoot any broads, or was it a gay bar?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-07-21 23:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit. I was out having a few cold ones at a dive bar and I missed all the excitement.
KIndaNews KNOWS people.
That makes him important.
I guess I should take his advice on 'literary journals.'
No, wait.
I write pulpy crap, and I'm proud of it.
PS Dickhead.
I don't submit short stories. They are just 'test runs' here, for my own benefit.
Novels are what keep me busy off of Uber.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-21 23:21:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-07-21 23:08:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
this should have a better rating
_____________________________
No shit, Ninja girl. I blame every asshole named KindaNews.
He's a buttwipe. :)
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-07-21 23:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this should have a better rating
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-21 22:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-07-21 22:01:42 (#)
Ranking: 1
i have also wondered why jack seems to slum here, at Uber, rather than other sites on the web
but i accept his answer and i, for one, am glad he does
____________________________
Discriminating, intelligent people are glad Jack posts here. Those of us who can read
enjoy his work. The rest of you can fuck off. :)
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-07-21 22:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i have also wondered why jack seems to slum here, at Uber, rather than other sites on the web
but i accept his answer and i, for one, am glad he does
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-21 21:33:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not fucking around here...Check it out. Jack will love this. Hell, SHLONGY loves it.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=6U6DvfRxEag
Scott McKenzie.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-21 21:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Oh baby come on, let me take you where the action is,
it's so neat to meet your baby on the Sunset Strip." - Freddy Cannon.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-21 21:13:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://youtube.com/watch?v=NU93G_XY6dE&mode=related&search=
You old bastards will love this...and there's plenty more where this came from.
I have 88 youtube videos from Hullabaloo, Shindig, Bandstand, Old Grey Whistle Test and Top of the Pops for your enjoyment.
PS. Oh, and "Where the Action Is"
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:55:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kinda, your reprehensible, inane rhetoric is indicative of a sorely lacking education.
Perhaps your less than nimble mind can encompass this concept:
Rate as you deem proper, and I shall do the same. In the meantime,
place your labia in juxtaposition with my sphincter.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:51:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:39:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Kinda, I got ten bucks says you are one of those gutless assholes who
wouldn't have the nads to say these things to someone in person. Pussy.
I just gave your girlfriend instructions on how to get published, which is a good way to get an agent. Why does that upset you?
Oh, I understand.
Afraid she'll leave you for greener pastures?
How sweet. Such a gallant bubbaloon, racing to protect the literary cherry of ubersite's fair maiden.
Silly bubbsie. you can still have his asshole.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:43:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:04:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Kinda, you are a "sexual intellectual." A fucking know-it-all. In reality, you
don't know shit.
Oooooh, bubba-baby. You trying to get me into a private chatroom?
Know it all. Funny coming from someone whose vocabulary hovers around a third grade level.
I don't tell you how to make slurpees, don't tell me about my business.
__________________________________________________________
Rave on about my vocabulary, chump. I don't see many sesquipedalian tendencies
in your musings. :)
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:04:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Kinda, you are a "sexual intellectual." A fucking know-it-all. In reality, you
don't know shit.
Oooooh, bubba-baby. You trying to get me into a private chatroom?
Know it all. Funny coming from someone whose vocabulary hovers around a third grade level.
I don't tell you how to make slurpees, don't tell me about my business.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:39:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kinda, I got ten bucks says you are one of those gutless assholes who
wouldn't have the nads to say these things to someone in person. Pussy.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:16:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
In all seriousness... what on earth makes you think the stuff I post here is the same stuff I write for mailing out to agents?
*Because I know writers. Trust me. Now way have you not sent in some of this shit.*
Have a little common sense.
But as I said, I retain the rights, so anything I want to crib from or retool, is here.
*Now we're getting to the crux of your failure as a professional writer. It's completely useless to send anything to an agent. Nothing unsolicited gets read. I mean NOTHING.
And it doesn't matter to "retool" something if the lit mag only purchases for first publication if their due diligence intern finds the fucking thing on ubersite, and they consider this toilet to be a lit site. Then you've fucked yourself out of your first real publication.
Like I expalined, it varies by journal, but why take a chance if you really want to work as a writer?
So here's some free advice, you moron. Google literary journals, short story sales, etc. There's a lot of them. Some even accept online subs. Send them your shit. Don't put it on ubersite until you've exhausted your publication possibilities, just to be safe.
NO MORE POSTING. It's your career we're talking about, not some online jism-fest.
(Is he gone? Do you think he bought it? He's stupid, but...naw. He can't live w/o uber and bubba's cyber-yanks. I tried. Oh well. Funny, though. If he actually took my advice and sent this stuff to lit journals every day instead of posting it here, he might actually realize his dreams. So hard to think long term when the sucking is so good here.)
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:26:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:20:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
Whew. I thought you were going to make another ill-fated attempt at insulting Shlongy, which, you've already proved, you cannot do with any effectiveness at all.
_____________________________
Shlongster, I already showed you that you ain't old. :)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:20:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whew. I thought you were going to make another ill-fated attempt at insulting Shlongy, which, you've already proved, you cannot do with any effectiveness at all.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:02:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-21 19:44:43 (#)
Ranking: -1
A little better. Nice improvement, jackie-boy.
I'll bet if you paid someone, they'd even publish it.
btw - Many of the literary journals that publish short stories do so with the stipulation they are paying for "first publication" rights. Some also exerpt stories online.
When you sell a short story, that is usually how it works. Some of them don't even accept "simultaneous submissions," but I really feel that's something they can't find out.
I consider uber to be a glorified chatroom, but some of them consider even online representations to be a previous publication. It depends on the magazine or journal, of course, but you really should know that.
------
of course he knows that, you stupid fucking alter - why dont you just rate the post, fucknuts?
GOD, what a sfagnum you are.
No, actually, jonny-cakes, he didn't know that. That's why I told him. Look at his post from yesterday and you may understand what I'm talking about. You can find your way around ubersite, right?
But I kinda doubt it. You seem a little on the slow side.
btw How's that summmer re-run contest going? Real barn burner I hear.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:16:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-21 19:44:43 (#)
Ranking: -1
A little better. Nice improvement, jackie-boy.
I'll bet if you paid someone, they'd even publish it.
btw - Many of the literary journals that publish short stories do so with the stipulation they are paying for "first publication" rights. Some also exerpt stories online.
When you sell a short story, that is usually how it works. Some of them don't even accept "simultaneous submissions," but I really feel that's something they can't find out.
I consider uber to be a glorified chatroom, but some of them consider even online representations to be a previous publication. It depends on the magazine or journal, of course, but you really should know that.
Being a serious aspiring author, and all.
--
In all seriousness... what on earth makes you think the stuff I post here is the same stuff I write for mailing out to agents?
Have a little common sense.
But as I said, I retain the rights, so anything I want to crib from or retool, is here.
In the meantime, I ATTEMPT to post things that might give someone a laugh of a moment of distraction during their work day.
Unlike you, wiggles, and Apollo, who just hurl insults, post garbage, and shit on everything.
Says something very interesting about your personalities.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
KindaNews, if you really are Sphagnum, you are twisted. Sphagnum +2ed a couple
of my stories, and I wouldn't make a pimple on the ass of Jack's writing ability.
Rate the post, not the poster.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:04:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-21 19:44:43 (#)
Ranking: -1
A little better. Nice improvement, jackie-boy.
I'll bet if you paid someone, they'd even publish it.
btw - Many of the literary journals that publish short stories do so with the stipulation they are paying for "first publication" rights. Some also exerpt stories online.
When you sell a short story, that is usually how it works. Some of them don't even accept "simultaneous submissions," but I really feel that's something they can't find out.
I consider uber to be a glorified chatroom, but some of them consider even online representations to be a previous publication. It depends on the magazine or journal, of course, but you really should know that.
Being a serious aspiring author, and all.
________________________________________________
Kinda, you are a "sexual intellectual." A fucking know-it-all. In reality, you
don't know shit.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-21 20:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-21 19:44:43 (#)
Ranking: -1
A little better. Nice improvement, jackie-boy.
I'll bet if you paid someone, they'd even publish it.
btw - Many of the literary journals that publish short stories do so with the stipulation they are paying for "first publication" rights. Some also exerpt stories online.
When you sell a short story, that is usually how it works. Some of them don't even accept "simultaneous submissions," but I really feel that's something they can't find out.
I consider uber to be a glorified chatroom, but some of them consider even online representations to be a previous publication. It depends on the magazine or journal, of course, but you really should know that.
------
of course he knows that, you stupid fucking alter - why dont you just rate the post, fucknuts?
GOD, what a sfagnum you are.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-21 19:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
A little better. Nice improvement, jackie-boy.
I'll bet if you paid someone, they'd even publish it.
btw - Many of the literary journals that publish short stories do so with the stipulation they are paying for "first publication" rights. Some also exerpt stories online.
When you sell a short story, that is usually how it works. Some of them don't even accept "simultaneous submissions," but I really feel that's something they can't find out.
I consider uber to be a glorified chatroom, but some of them consider even online representations to be a previous publication. It depends on the magazine or journal, of course, but you really should know that.
Being a serious aspiring author, and all.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-07-21 19:06:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I bet every ten year old loves getting a shitty story about dick for his birthday. Much better than an actual present, I bet.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-21 18:53:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty cool - especially the part about having a penis for a nose - that'd make you very popular with the ladies!