Hello, Grim Reaper!! (534 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.85 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rumpleforeskin (View user info) at 2006-07-24 10:48:17 EDT
Jim is awoken by the crashing thunder that echoes out of his studio apartment window. The clock glares 3:53 and this is once again a night that will end with little sleep to which is much needed.
Jim has tried everything to become comatose in his realm so slumber. This evening's concoction of Nyquil and over the counter sleeping pills ha once again failed him immensely.
He reaches for a cigarette knowing that he will not be able to even lay his head down for another hour or so. For some reason he is saturated with anxiety from the events that took place throughout the week. Just to think about what transpired would drain anyone, emotionally and physically.
Monday morning commenced with him awaking late for his first interview in three months. On his trek to the interview he is stopped and picked up by an NYPD police car. To his surprise he matched the description of a fugitive wanted for multiple murders. After twelve hours of interrogation and multiple lineups he is allowed to leave, tired and still jobless.
Jim won't let his pride get in the way of survival. He has exhausted all of his savings just to pay his rent which he now is coming up on another payment. The diet of government cheese and day old English Muffins from the neighborhood bakery are all that keeps his stomach half full. He continues to wonder what happened to his once half way decent mediocre life.
He believes it all happened when Tabitha left. She would look after him and take care of him. They met about a year and a half ago. She was here on a working visa. Her soft Scandinavian body was what drew him to her in the first place. She was a waitress at the local coffee shop where Jim went for lunch a couple of times a week.
They casually spoke when he came in, until he conjured up the courage to ask her to a movie. It was a funny situation being that she did not quite get American humor and she tended to laugh in the wrong places of the movie. Nonetheless, she spent the night and stayed ever since.
In her country people married young. This was her mission. She wanted to come to America, find a husband and then work towards bringing her family over thereafter. This was the reason for her departure. Jim couldn't make that leap. He came home one day, found a letter stating that she was out to find her a husband. Jim's subterranean life commenced.
Back to the present, Jim takes another pull from his cigarette as he looks out the window. He wonders how so many lights are still on in so many apartments across the city. He thinks that maybe others have trouble sleeping as well. Looking at the reflection in the glass, however, he knows that they do not look as bad as he does. His gaze of baggy eyes pushes him over to the whiskey bottle. He takes a slug with a following cough. What a terrible life, he thinks.
Tuesday was just another day searching the paper for the next "Less stressful or competent" job that he could post until something beneficial came along. There was once again not a bit of luck.
Wednesday was particularly messed up. Some bastard thought it would be cool to set off the fire extinguisher system throughout the entire building. All of his sheets and clothes were drenched and the TV was damaged beyond repair. Not only was he wet and lonely, but solitude took on a whole different meaning.
Thursday commenced with a glimpse of hope as he strolled into the street and as he glared to the ground he found a wallet filled with one hundred dollar bills. Jim had never been so happy to see Sir Ben Franklin.
Later in the day the police showed up with a witness who saw Jim pick up the wallet outside of the apartment. He only had enough time to buy a hot pizza and some coffee before the wallet was ceased with 95% of the money still inside. What a turn of events.
That evening was as abrupt as they come. The door to the studio blasts open as four men fill the room in masks and streaming for him to get on the floor. Apparently these gentlemen were looking for something more than a flooded apartment with a broken TV and a half broken man. They left, only after beating Jim until he was unconscious.
Friday was spent traumatized with reoccurring nightmares. He kept seeing that front door blazing open with the intruders coming towards him. It hurt to take a shit, to breathe, to cough. Only the booze kept him halfway numb to the pain.
So here we are, early Saturday morning. It is a miracle that suicide has not become an option. Another pull from his cigarette bellows up to the ceiling. How has his life come to this? What a way to live.
Jim takes another slug from the bottle, one last pull from his cigarette and lies back on the bed. He is drained. He can barely think and yet his eyes won't close. Death would be welcome at this point. He puts the pillow over his head in the attempt to falling asleep. He miraculously begins to fade. He is almost under, when, the fire alarm snatches him back out of slumber..............
User Reviews
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-07-25 17:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"He only had enough time to buy a hot pizza and some coffee before the wallet was ceased with 95% of the money still inside."
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ceased? Perhaps you're looking for "seized".
Your spelling/grammar is shit.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-24 17:06:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Half of the paragraphs started with Jim or He.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-07-24 12:32:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Third word should be "awakened". That's about as far as I got. Even that little bit reads like sandpaper feels.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-07-24 11:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lots of issues with the english language. other than that, i'm not sure where to stick this. it wasn't utter shit, but i can't figure out really if it was worth reading. step in the right direction i guess.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-24 11:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That first stanza/paragraph is shit, the rest of this is pretty damn good. Good job.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-07-24 11:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
leaves me with wanting to know more...
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-07-24 11:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"The clock glares 3:53 and this is once again a night that will end with little sleep to which is much needed."
I stopped after reading this.
grammar, syntax, whatever you call it ... you need about a dozen lessons.