It's Been A Long Time Coming, Bart (1191 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.46 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LSD (View user info) at 2006-07-27 07:48:58 EDT
So the other day I was sitting at my computer jacking off to the Bad News Bears in slow motion when all of a sudden, bart flies through my window and takes a shit all over my big screen TV.
So I was all, "OMGDUDEWTF?!"
And he was all, "Dude, look at the shit." And wouldn't you know it: the shit spelled out "LOL BANNZORS!"
Now listen - I don't take no guff, so when I saw dat shit, I whipped out like maybe fifty first edition issues of shitty old comics like Spiderwoman and The Incredible Slut and jammed them up bart's ass.
Then, to sooth the pain, I fisted him with an alarm clock and now whenever he goes outside, he gets chased by that fucking alligator from peter pan cause I guess like the natural predator of alarm clocks in the wild is alligators...or...well I could never really figure that one out, but still...
So then I went to Jackie Chan's place to get some Jack Daniels, but instead, Jackie was just sitting there on his cough toking on a fattie and eating reeses pieces cereal and watching a blank TV.
"Jackie Chan, you's a playa fo' sho'!" I said, noticing that he was getting a cosmic handjob from the horse-head nebula.
Fo' rizzle.
"Jackie, where the fuck is all your alkyhol?"
"DUDE! SHHHHHHHHUT THE FUCK UP! THIS IS MY FAVOURITE PART!!!" Then he just stared at the blank screen for like ten thousand years and then laughed.
I ended up smoking the rest of his pot and me and Jackie Chan had an in depth soul-to-soul talk about the logistics of a watermellon.
"Dude, what classifies a drink?"
"I think it's gotta be 100% liquid"
"Yeah dude but what about smoothies?"
"Okay, so like...90% liquid"
"Oh..." I paused for a moment then a lightbulb lit up under my ballsack, "Dude, then isn't a watermellon a drink?"
Jackie laughed for a few seconds then stared at me wide-eyed,
"Dude...that is SO profound."
User Reviews
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2006-07-31 22:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why was he banned?
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2006-07-28 11:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN BART!
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-28 07:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not "watermellon", douchedong
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-07-28 02:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Melon has one L.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-07-28 01:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good times.
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (user info) at 2006-07-28 01:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91035
linkwhored
Submitted by Defect (user info) at 2006-07-28 00:03:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"and now whenever he goes outside, he gets chased by that fucking alligator from peter pan"
"ended up smoking the rest of his pot and me and Jackie Chan had an in depth soul-to-soul talk about the logistics of a watermellon"
"I paused for a moment then a lightbulb lit up under my ballsack..."
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH
*breath*
AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAfuck off.
UNBAN LSD/LSD 420/HHH!!!
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-07-27 22:20:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But don't give Darko his ratings back
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-07-27 22:20:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-27 19:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AND GIVE ME BACK MY RATINGS WHILE YOU ARE AT IT
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-27 19:49:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-27 17:33:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm feeling nice today.
UNBAN LSD and UNBAN WATERMELLON.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-07-27 16:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-27 16:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
keep LSD banned
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-27 16:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a very good post hidden up my ass, but I really don't think it would be right not to post it on my ORIGINAL GOD DAMN ACCOUNT, BART
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-27 16:20:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh dude that is way too kind for me to make a heterosexual remark concerning you for the rest of my life.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-07-27 15:31:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Happily_Agnostic (user info) at 2006-07-27 15:20:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:56:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DoubleDong (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:52:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Ishamael (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:51:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
UNBAN LSD
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:55:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Watermellon.
Submitted by DoubleDong (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:52:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
Submitted by Ishamael (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:51:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD a
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-07-27 15:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Happily_Agnostic (user info) at 2006-07-27 15:20:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:56:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DoubleDong (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:52:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Ishamael (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:51:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
UNBAN LSD
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:55:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Watermellon.
Submitted by DoubleDong (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:52:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
Submitted by Ishamael (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:51:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-07-27 15:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Comedy.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-27 15:27:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uberboard message today courtesy of your highness King Awesome Face.
Submitted by Happily_Agnostic (user info) at 2006-07-27 15:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:56:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DoubleDong (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:52:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Ishamael (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:51:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
UNBAN LSD
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:55:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Watermellon.
Submitted by DoubleDong (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:52:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
Submitted by Ishamael (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:51:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2006-07-27 13:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have no opinion.
Just thought you should know.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-27 09:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty funny...
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-07-27 09:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-07-27 08:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WATERMELON IS A DRINK!?????????
I KNOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-27 08:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just wrote a fucking crazy story like this; all along this was on the front page....good job.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-07-27 08:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate Method too, because he persists to piss me off, or try to. +2
Anyone on AIM right now?
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2006-07-27 08:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
thats what people tell me =o) lLOL
Tell me, did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-27 08:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm LSD you stupid cunt. I fucking hate JayPeg and Method.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-07-27 08:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
we appear to have almost reached user number 30000!
I'm assuming this is just Method or JPeg.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-07-27 08:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you only knew how much fun I had with that sign generator.
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-27 08:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Asshole
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2006-07-27 08:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
crap
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:56:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DoubleDong (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:52:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Ishamael (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:51:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
UNBAN LSD
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Watermellon.
Submitted by DoubleDong (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD
Submitted by Ishamael (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UNBAN LSD