Thing You Never Knew About Me (558 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.75 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by calbearspolo (View user info) at 2006-07-27 17:37:30 EDT
Hello Uber, it's been a very long time. In the interest of keeping up with everyone, I give you
Things that most people don't know about me (and I don't know why they necessarily would want to):
* I have spent more than my fair share of time watching the weather channel on television. It all started while I was living in Davis with my roommate Jon. He liked to get really high, turn on some loud reggae music and watch "Storm Stories" on mute. He said it was an unbelievable experience and when I tried it, he was totally correct. There is nothing like having that steel drum sound playing as a house gets ripped apart by wind while you watch in abject and yet silly horror. To this day, I love watching their specials about particularly devastating storms. Maybe it just appeals to my sick nature. Additionally, the weather channel is one of the only reasons I ended up actually getting cable TV. I would be just as happy with no TV were it not for this sick addiction.
* I take a somewhat unhealthy pleasure in arguing with people I like and respect. It's not that I honestly think they are wrong or that their opinions aren't worthy--quite the opposite--it's more that I like to keep my mind sharp and agile and I know I have to use intelligent and thoughtful people to do such. I used to argue some of the most asinine ideas on the face of the planet with friends, just to see if I could put together a coherent argument and support it.
* I find myself oddly attracted to women who wear glasses. I am not sure what hunter/gatherer part of my brain is wired for this, but the exact same woman becomes quantifiably more attractive when she is wearing glasses instead of contacts, to me. Someone could make the joke that the reason I like these women is because then they can't SEE me well enough to know to run away. A fair point, but I argue otherwise.
* I once ate a dozen donuts and a whole pizza in the same day. Just thought you might enjoy thinking about that.
* I still have yet to admit that I am bad at Karaoke. When I compare myself to others whenever I go, I just can't shake that inner voice that says: "Good god, I could do that so much more like the original artist. They are slaughtering that song!" The real problem is that I will say that about song by Madonna or Cher as much as Van Morrison or Bon Jovi.
* I have never intentionally screwed anybody in a business deal. I think there must be part of me that is Japanese Samurai or something, because I just couldn't disgrace my family name to make a few extra dollars. Being that my dad and I work in related fields, this is likely a really good thing in the long run, but man I have missed out on some bucks.
* A milkshake is my tried-and-true solution to anything depressing. It works too.
* I have held jobs as a car-wash vacuum station guy, telemarketer, courtesy gift-wrap clerk, deli/sandwich staff member, and lifeguard--to name a few.
* I really like eating my French fries in the true European style--with mayonnaise. I know that there are people who find this repulsive and gross, but these are people who eat cheese dip, McDonalds, cake frosting and ranch dressing on everything under the sun. I argue that there is virtually no difference. Besides, I usually end up mixing the mayonnaise with ketchup, so really I just like eating French fries with Russian dressing.
* I love stories about the military. Maybe it's the fact that my parents have always been so anti-military in general--I can understand their point-of-view, as they did grow up in the era of the Vietnam War, when friends were being sent overseas to fight and frequently die in battles for no apparent cause. There are actually some pretty sick parallels to the current war in Iraq that could be drawn--even still, and I do understand that my view is a little romanticized, the thought of training for a particular task, becoming an expert at it, being forced to be as physically fit as humanly possible, creating friends in a way that would be impossible to do otherwise always, and should it ever be necessary, executing my duties with honor, bravery and mettle that most people can't understand has a serious appeal to me. I know that I will never run off and actually join the military, as I am far too stubborn to take blind orders from anyone who is that much stupider than I am, but reading the stories gives me a bit of escape.
* Midgets frighten me. I have no explanation.
* I read medical journals in my free time. I always have liked knowing how and why stuff works the way it does, and there is no better source than the studies themselves.
* My left foot is bigger than my right one. It's about half a shoe size, and when you consider that I wear size 16 shoes, that's a noticeable bit. Even funnier is that is not the only unsymmetrical part of my body that I think is rather odd. My ears, for example, aren't shaped the same on both sides. I blame wrestling in high school for that always, as anyone who has seen really hardcore wrestlers knows how messed up the cartilage in the ear can get, but I really don't think that is where it is from. My neck still ranks as the number one body part that I am self conscious about, though, as it is 18 inches around. It makes buying dress shirts and suits really tough, especially when my sleeve length is 37 inches and my waist is 34 inches. Things either don't fit at all, or drape me like a tent. There is no in-between.
* I still, to this day, can't remember any clean jokes I have ever heard.
* I actually met the man who put the bop in the bop-shoe-bop-shoe-bop, and it turns out it's really a woman. She's very understanding about the whole mix up.
User Reviews
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-28 07:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought everone in America had size 16 feet, even the girls.
No you say?
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-07-28 00:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes! The only thing we don't have in common is the french-fry thing. But I do eat chips with tabasco all over them. Oh, and the military parents thing. My parents were both in the Navy, but all they did is smoke weed, so they didn't mind being at war at the time.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2006-07-27 22:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard midgets are terrified of mayonnaise eating asymmetrical people with big necks.
Submitted by crsunlimited (user info) at 2006-07-27 18:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A milkshake is my tried-and-true solution to anything depressing. It works too.
Either that or a rootbeer float.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2006-07-27 18:06:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
* I really like eating my French fries in the true European style--with mayonnaise.
YES!
And +2 for the fuzzy bunny-wunny. Too bad i can't give you a +4
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-07-27 18:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(and I don't know why they necessarily would want to)
neither did I... but I am immeasurably glad I did.
You seem like someone more people should know.
*tip: When you are at McDonalds... ask for a couple tubes of McChicken Sauce and mix it with a container of the BBQ sauce. It's delightful. If you like mayonnaise and ketchup- this should blow yey fucking mind.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2006-07-27 17:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-27 17:52:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Whenever I see your posts I get my hopes up that Chris Evans is back :(
________________________________________________________
Sadly, no, I cannot speak to Chris' return.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-27 17:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whenever I see your posts I get my hopes up that Chris Evans is back :(
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2006-07-27 17:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah crap, this should have been titled "Things You Never Knew..." but I messed up and forgot the "s." I guess most people probably knew I was a moron already, so no real harm done.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-27 17:40:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In England we eat chips with a mixture of Ketchup and Mayonaise. We are the true pioneers.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-27 17:40:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
* I actually met the man who put the bop in the bop-shoe-bop-shoe-bop, and it turns out it's really a woman. She's very understanding about the whole mix up.
This was my favorite...