Super Justice Fags Episode Four (590 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: super_justice_fags
Rating: 1.13 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LSD (View user info) at 2006-07-27 20:15:46 EDT
Episode One -- http://www.ubersite.com/m/90632
Episode Two -- http://www.ubersite.com/m/90741
Episode Three -- http://www.ubersite.com/m/91002
Episode Four -- You're already at it, bitchass.
THIS TIME ON SUPER JUSTICE FAGS...
The Super Justice Fags were kickin it olskoo in downtown chicago, cruising for sexy mammals to copulate with in their newly pimped out Rhinoceros Car. The stereos were blastin MC Hammer's little-known compilation disc with MC Escher (the dopest graphic artist eva to come from da hoods of tha Netherlands), LSD was toking on a really nice fatty, and all was well.
"Pull up next to those hotties...I got fifty buxx to spend." Fungah said, motioning over Awesome Face's shoulder at a group of fat girls standing on a corner.
Their apparent leader strolled up to the side of the RhinoCar, and Awesome Face rolled down the window, giving her a quick up-n-down then hissing,
"dayyyum, girl. I like your imitation imitation fake leather boots...is that real leather? And that's a pretty hot mask you're wearing..." he said, leaning out of the Rhino's window to lick the greasy plastic surface of her Winston Churchill mask.
"Thank you daddy...you lookin fo' a good time?"
"Hell yes we is, bitch!" the BOSHman bellowed, blowing a thick load of acidic lava jizz in her face.
She clutched at her piggy face with her sausage-like fingers, screeching, "MY FILM CAREER IS RUINED! NOOOOOOOOO!"
"Holy shit, step on it!" Fungah said, punching Awesome Face in the back of the head.
"Ow, you asshole! What was that for?"
"DRIVE! I HAVE A BAD FEELING BOUT DIS BITCH!"
And sure enough, as our heroes sped into the night, LSD watched in stoned awe out the back window as the whefty whore morphed into a T-Rex and set off after the RhinoCar.
"Fuck...see, this is why we took away your dick privileges, BOSHman..."
"My dick works fine. Stop raggin' on my dick." said the BOSHman defiantly.
"We're not debating whether your dick is functional; we're talking abou-"
"Yeah well fuck you guys. I'll show you whose dick doesn't work!" the BOSHman said in rage, flipping open a robotic hatch on his ballsack and pressing a big red button.
Again, LSD watched in stupefied awe as the BOSHmeister's pen0s transmographied into a rubber rocket propelled horse dong. The BOSHman took aim at Fungah but as the rocket dong fired, Fungah ducked and the horse dildo shattered the back window of the RhinoCar, flying into the night.
Awesome Face caught a glimpse of the action in the rear-view mirror and simply uttered, "No fucking way, my homies..."
The triumphant cock-missile sailed through the air and struck the chasing T-Rex directly between the eyes, temporarily slowing it. Unfortunately, just then the RhinoCar's tires exploded because LSD had accidentally filled them with acid rather than air the last time they had re-pumped them.
"Fuck, LSD...can't I trust you to NOT put acid in our tires right before we need to outrun a T-Rex!?" Awesome Face raged.
"Relax, man. My lung capacity is HUGE after all these years of toking. As long as I can FIND the tires...everything'll be cool. Cause like...I'll uh..."
LSD looked confused for a moment, then looked suddenly at his right hand as though something surprising had just happened there.
"LSD...dude..." Fungah said.
"Yeah man" LSD said, nodding his head vigorously with a huge pothead grin creeping across his visage.
"Pump... Tires."
LSD stumbled out into the night, but it was too late. The T-Rex was already upon them. It stomped the roof of the RhinoCar with it's massive clawed foot, bellowing rage into the steamy Chicago night.
"Dude, Earl Scruggs is a faggot..." the BOSHman said, lighting up maybe fifty cigarettes.
"Not now, dude..." Fungah said, trying to unlock the door of the RhinoCar. He was having no success in part due to the logical improbability of a Rhinoceros having a passenger side door.
Then, out of left field...out of nowhere...came a thousand pounds of paperwork, hurtling towards the T-Rex. The power of the documents was too much, and the T-Rex crashed to the ground. A mysterious figure pulled the bodies of the Super Justice Fags out of the RhinoCar, all four of them having fainted from surprise. Fungah was the only one still semi conscious,
"Bureaucracy man...you...you saved us..."
"Shut the fuck up. The government needs you fags."
---
The blue lights on the awesometron hummed on and off.
"The machine is ready, sir."
A loudspeaker on the ceiling boomed,
"TESTING IN 3"
"2"
The unconscious body of the BOSHman let out a squealer.
"ew, what the fuck?" the lab technician exclaimed.
"1"
The super justice fags were lowered into the awesometron and the lights and dials all exploded/melted.
"Yup...this is them." SGT. Major Funkynuts said smugly, taking a long drag on his cigar. He didn't know it, but the cigar was filled with dog shit.
"That's some good...smooth...American taste, damnit." He said, admiring his cigar.
---
The Super Justice Fags woke up in bunny suits.
"What the fuck is this?" LSD said.
"We're glued into these things!" Awesome Face said in despair.
Then SGT. Major Funkynuts came into the room.
"Gentlefags, the government needs you."
"Okay man, but first you gotta legalize pot man. And LSD. And shroo-"
"Shut the fuck up, dude." Awesome Face said, jabbing LSD in the ribs.
"Thank you." Funkynuts said. He continued, "we've been after Osama Bin Laden for years, and we just found out about you fags. We figure you're the right fags for the job."
"Dude, we're not really fags." the BOSHman reminded.
"Yeah, Awesome Face just got drunk when he was filling out our superhero registration forms."
"Regardless. We need your help..."
---
So then the Super Justice Fags got on a plane to Osama's house.
"Dude, if the US can put out government paid flights to Osama's house, why can't they get him?" the BOSHman asked.
"Because you suck, bitch." LSD said, falling to the ground in a fit of stoned laughter.
The BOSHman threw like fifty thousand porno mags at LSD in anger, but LSD blocked them with a hastily constructed wall made of Chinese people's teeth.
"Can you two stop fucking around before you crash this plane?!" Awesome Face said.
"You're a pussy." Fungah said, pulling a grizzly bear out of his pants, throwing it at Awesome Face.
"Bitch it's on." Awesome Face said. He shoved a karaoke machine up the BOSHman's ass, and the BOSHman squealed.
"We're here." said a shark-man from the cock-pit.
"HOLY SHIT! A SHARK IS FLYING THIS PLANE!?" the Super Justice Fags screamed.
Fungah, always quick thinking, transformed into a Native American and harpooned the shark.
"Now who's gonna fly the plane?!" LSD asked, falling into a bad trip.
"Fungah was the only pilot in the group, and everybody knows that Native Americans can't fly planes!"
"Fuck, it's true! I saw it on jeopardy the other day!" the BOSHman said, horrified.
The plane crashed somewhere in Ethiopia and the Super Justice Fags had to hire an Ethiopian taxi to take them to Osama's house.
They broke down the door to see a terrifying sight: Osama had spent every day since 9/11 building a gigantic robotic copy of himself to fight the US military when they finally found him.
"Welcome to my lair, Super Justice Fags...or perhaps I should say Super Justice FAGS! AHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHHAHAHAHA!"
Osama laughed himself into a coma, but that still didn't take care of his robot slave.
"ROBOSAMA V.3.4. OBJECTIVE: ATTACK FAGS" it burped robotically.
"I can handle this, guys." the BOSHman said, stepping forward. "Bitch, yall wanna fuck wit dis?"
"ROBOSAMA SAYS: FUCK YES NIGGA."
"Bring it, girl." the BOSHman said, leaping into combat.
Robosama fired a terror lazer at the BOSHman, but he deflected it with his monstrous ass cheeks. He bounced off the ground with his beer gut and came crashing down with his fat ass on top of robosama, defeating the robot monster once and for all.
"That was fuckin BOSH dude!" Fungah said, offering a cigarette to the BOSHman.
The BOSHman lit up a cigarette, LSD lit up a joint, Fungah lit up a cuban cigar cause he's Canadian, and Awesome Face drank some beer as the Super Justice Fags rode off into the sunset on hairy arabian chicks.
EPILOGUE
The next night, they went out on the town again and hit the clubs.
LSD tripped balls on acid in the corner all night, screaming for everybody "not to look at the lights" while the BOSHman and Fungah hit on homeless people for kicks.
...At least Fungah was doing it for kicks...
Awesome Face smoked the finest joint of all time while eating out Paris Hilton, and all was once again well with the world.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-28 16:18:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dank nugs
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-07-28 08:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for making me bite my tongue laughing
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-28 07:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jgreening- because apparently, you don't mind spending accumulated hours of your life REVIEWING said crap.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-28 07:18:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Samo (user info) at 2006-07-28 06:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Samo (user info) at 2006-07-28 05:58:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-28 00:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I always skim before rating, cock-fag.
I won't read it unless the skimming interests me.
Why would I waste 5 minutes of my life reading your crap?
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-07-28 00:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker o fallasses
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-27 22:42:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not reading all that but the idea makes me laugh.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:40:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ive only done it twice but I was smashed as fuck. Trying to find time to smoke it while sober is impossible cause im always smashed.
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jgreening, your -2 makes LSD a sad stoner :(
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:35:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wait, have you ever? If you haven't, you'd better throw out your next six-pack and buy some weed. You're missing out on a funnier way to waste your brain cells.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA
+2 for the 'finest joint of all time' being wasted on somebody who doesn't smoke.
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:32:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I did include you smoking a fatty later on, but that's because I needed about 10% more marijuana content to please meself
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:30:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"and Awesome Face drank some beer as the Super Justice Fags rode off into the sunset on hairy arabian chicks."
Nice rendition there as I actually don't smoke weed.
The guys a psychic, cept hes on drugs, but not really a psychic.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No he doesn't have his account back.
I was more fond of your rendition of the first one. I have no idea how these even collaborate the least but, hey what the hell.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:24:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I read half of it and gave up. I shouldn't have been so hasty though, as you are literate and that should count for something.
Submitted by DoubleDong (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I second that motion
Submitted by Ishamael (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:22:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jgreening is fucking annoying
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And also, try reading it before rating, prick.
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually this isn't my account. This is the one that I named HHH without thinking first. Fuck rasslin'.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:19:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm scared, because I find myself agreeing with Greening more and more these days...
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Cool.
You have your account back.
Dipshit.