Gay Names For Your Gay Baby (4703 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.76 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Internet Slacker (View user info) at 2006-07-27 20:47:42 EDT
Is your newborn male child gay? He probably is, especially if your baby displays these signs:
-> Excessive fondling of own genitalia,
-> Excessive drooling (a precursor to lisping),
-> Long periods of staring at ceilings or walls (your baby may be thinking of new ways to re-decorate your home),
-> Nonsensical vocal babbling and waving of hands,
-> Sudden loss of bladder control ("golden shower" play),
-> Sudden loss of bowel control (the "Cleveland Steamer"); and/or,
-> Crying or emotional distress for no apparent reason.
If your male infant is showing one or more of these signs: YOUR BABY IS GAY.
As a responsible parent of a totally gay baby, you must now provide him with a suitably gay name. With gay male children, you must avoid straight names such as "Mark", "David", or "Scott"; these will only confuse and traumatize your baby later on in life when he is with all his gay leather-wearing friends named "Elliot", "Wesley", or "Bryce"... all perfectly gay names.
General tips in naming your gay baby include:
-> Avoid one-syllable names such as "Dan", "Bob", or "Fred". The more consonants in a name, the gay-er it is. "Jeremy" and "Elliot", each respectively possessing three consonants and therefore excellent "Lisp Quotient", are wise choices indeed for your budding homosexual.
-> Male names that are ambiguous in gender or sound similar to a female name are wonderful, simply fabulous choices. Such names include "Adrian", "Drew", and "Rikki". A small caution, however: feminine-sounding male names may encourage Transvestism in your gay child, and if you are a mother unwilling to share your wardrobe, high heels, and cosmetics, you should avoid these names.
-> Some straight names can be turned into gay names by adding the vowels A, E, I, O, and sometimes Y (there are no gay names ending in "U" except "Keanu").
For Example:
--> the vowel 'A': Andre (straight) - Andrea (gay, sure to promote Transvestism)
--> the vowel 'E': Seth (straight) - Sethe (gay waiter-style of spelling 'Seth')
--> the vowel 'I': Nick (straight) - Nicki (gay, see vowel "A")
--> the vowel 'O': Marc (semi-gay) - Marco (very gay)
--> the confused vowel 'Y': Paul (straight) - Pauly (Shore, comedian who's just gay)
It is best to have a gay priest baptize your gay baby in your particular faith; that is, if your religion doesn't violently oppose or murder gay people when no one's looking. If your church will not recognize your gay child, you should convert to one of the following religious organizations immediately:
-> Unitarianism
-> Wicca
-> Amway
In Conclusion:
Do not worry about the sexuality of your gay male child! As long as he is happy in his life and in all the hardcore gay sex acts he will no doubt perform as an adult on multiple male partners many, many times in many, many positions in a wide variety of bathhouses, gay bars, and national parks across the country... not worrying is the important thing to keep in mind.
So when thinking of a name, you parent of a gay baby, you: homosexual children need homosexual names for a mentally well-balanced emotional life. And don't worry if your gay child named "Rupert", "Gareth", or "Oliver" gets beat up in the schoolyard during recess by bullies; it is not because of his name, it's because he is, well, totally gay.
User Reviews
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-28 13:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
there are no gay names ending in "U" except "Keanu"
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HAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2006-07-28 13:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to name MY son Xavier
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-07-28 13:14:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How about "Loshanda"?
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2006-07-28 13:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amway!
Submitted by hoooot (user info) at 2006-07-28 13:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I had a gay child, his name would be Alexander.
If I had a straight child, his name would be Alexander.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-07-28 13:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm going to name my kid 'sunshine dildo', just to see if i can get my name in any psychology books...
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-07-28 12:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brucey!
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2006-07-28 10:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-28 10:27:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate it when the doctors fuck up during gay baby births. Blood, sequins, bones, and glitter everywhere.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-07-28 10:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:59:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for 'Nurse more sequins'
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-07-28 08:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Whatever happened to good old "Bruce"?
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-28 07:23:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Everything is gay.
True story.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-07-28 04:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-07-28 02:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gay.
Submitted by pirate_pipi (user info) at 2006-07-28 02:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 despite the fact that you've said my boyo's name, and the name I plan to give my son if I'll unlucky enough to have one are gay, so you must be funny.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-07-28 02:31:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Of all my parents' children, I'm the only one with a name you can lisp. Lucky, eh?
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2006-07-28 02:22:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post was totally gay!
I'm super-jazzed!
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2006-07-28 01:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-07-27 21:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I just didn't think this was that funny. And I'm in a FANTASTIC mood. So you get a +1 from me. There's enough homos around these parts, they'll give you +2's I'm sure.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2006-07-27 20:59:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for 'Nurse more sequins'