ADD - An Inch Away From A Good Cheeseburger (1020 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: one-part_stories
Rating: 1.93 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stagger Lee (View user info) at 2006-07-27 23:48:00 EDT
I try to smile, but it's a poor effort. Bergman leans in close and spits. He doesn't quite get my eye, but the fucker makes a decent attempt at it. His spittle trickles down my face. I'd wipe it off and settle all my goddamn accounts with him right now, but I'm inconvenienced by the restraints binding me to my chair.
Mouzant watches this little pantomime with an expression that I wouldn't like to describe, but if I had to, I'd call it detached amusement. He takes a mammoth drag on his cigar and exhales with bliss and gusto.
Around us, O'Malley's Diner is silent and empty. There's one faint light coming from over the counter, but the overheads are dimmed. Shut for the night. The smell of food still drifts over the counter, sending urgent, overwhelming signals into my guts. I haven't eaten for what feels like days.
Mercifully, I don't have a mirror in which to see my ruined face. Feels like they took a hammer to me. I think part of my face might actually be broken; my left cheek feels spongy and horrifically tender.
I couldn't believe my bad luck when they swooped in on me. Grabbed off the street with a bag of groceries in my hand. Sucker punched like a green kid. Dropped my groceries, too, before they bundled me into the back of a van and drove me here. They blindfolded me; fuck knows why, seeing as I'm as familiar with O'Malley's as they are.
"Everyone talks," Bergman says, his chunky face moving in a manner that I find almost obscene. Smoke from Mouzant's cigar curls around in the dark air between us. "You got nothing to lose talking to us now," Bergman continues, "this shit's over. Talking to us now just makes it easier on you. You wouldn't want it to go any harder than it already has, would you?"
I almost begin nodding in agreement, but I stop myself in time.
Mouzant says nothing, as usual. His lined face retains that amused, distant expression, as though recalling lovers past or a decent joke he heard yesterday. It's often not worth your time to speculate on the thoughts currently residing in that craggy head. He takes another heroic drag on his stinking cigar and sends a fresh plume into the air.
Bergman leans in again, and his face contorts into a sickening mask of concern. "Something you wanna tell us, son?"
I ignore him and I focus my gaze on the table. He leans into my field of vision, and I pretend I can see through him. Then there's a stunning, exploding pain in the side of my head as he strikes me across the temple. My head rolls to the side and I drool like a fucking retarded child. Except my drool is cut with healthy amounts of blood, and I think I just lost a tooth.
Bergman stands and walks to the kitchen. I hear some brief clattering sounds, and then I hear a sizzling sound.
Mouzant regards me. We sit in this way, a tableau, awaiting the return of Bergman. He with his sardonic gaze and cigar; me with my bloodied face and swollen eyes. My mouth waters, saliva burning into my shattered palate, because Bergman is apparently cooking something back there, and the smell is driving my starved frame into a frenzy.
Bergman returns after what seems an age. He slaps a plate down on the table. On this plate is what seems to be the largest and juiciest cheeseburger I've ever seen. Bergman lifts the lid and I see the perfectly melted cheese, the pickle and a just a dash of ketchup and mustard.
"Fuck," I say. It seems to say it all. Bergman nods.
"That's right," he says. "You gotta be hungry. So what's it to be? Sing for your supper, son."
It dawns on me slowly: I'm now seriously considering selling my friends down the river for a cheeseburger.
User Reviews
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-08-14 17:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, man, thanks for reading my story and offering some good criticism. I know the ending was all suicidy, but I actually planned on more to happen to him before he got home, I just never wrote it. Maybe someday I will.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-08-09 15:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
permission granted-
goferforhire.at.yahoo.com
I'll be somewhat inactive for a few days due to working at a summer camp, but when I get back, I've got some shit to do. This is fun.
Submitted by WatchMyStep (user info) at 2006-08-02 04:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ColchesterDr (user info) at 2006-08-02 03:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-08-01 06:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was interesting.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-07-29 05:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry. I just came back and re-read this myself, and I'm not going out for dinner for about half an hour yet...damn I'm hungry.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-29 01:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*warning: do not read while drunk and really craving a cheeseburger*
Goddamn you, Stagger Lee.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-07-29 00:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cheers everyone. Beano, that's fair enough, cos I didn't even try. I just wrote a really short story and counted at the end.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this ADD thing.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-28 10:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The word limit does not matter as long as I can make it to the end of the story. That's the point. If I can read the whole thing while I'm on hold waiting for some asshole politician to meet with me, it has done what it needed to do.
This was fantastic Stag. Made me want a cheeseburger. With pickles.
A.D.D.
Yeah.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-28 09:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
READ MINE DAMMIT
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Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-07-28 09:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Enjoyed that. Good read.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-28 07:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry Stagger but people have done well under 500 and still produced good stuff. It can be done.
Still a great sorty though.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-07-28 03:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-28 03:17:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
You're swearing more than usual.
This was pretty good by the way.
-----
Cheers. I guess I am. Probably the hangover from writing this.
Pickles are fantastic.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-28 03:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate pickles in my burger.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-28 03:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're swearing more than usual.
This was pretty good by the way.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-28 03:03:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-07-28 02:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Probably cos I'm a derivative motherfucker.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2006-07-28 01:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Day-yamn Stag.
Where the fuck did you get drilling rights to Raymond Chandler's de-composition? This is the good oil!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-07-28 00:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Indeed, young gofer, I rated your entry already.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-07-28 00:14:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91033
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-27 23:53:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus +2 for cheating!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-07-27 23:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Link to the contest: http://www.ubersite.com/m/91007
I cheated with the word limit, but it's still fucking short, alright?