ADD: 41 Seconds (NSFW) (1551 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.75 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sicosemen (View user info) at 2006-07-28 10:51:42 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91007 499 Words
41 Seconds
"God damnit, Jane, I'm trying. It's just not working..."
"Well fuck, you have to do something, Pete, I just can't help what's coming!"
Pete pushed with all his might, veins popping out on his forehead, knuckles white from his grip, and it still wouldn't move. Meanwhile, Jane was outside pacing, fearful that if Pete waited too long she would succumb to a most terrible demise.
32 Seconds
"Pull it together, regroup, you can do this..." Pete muttered to himself trying desperately to do anything.
"What, what are you saying?" Jane was on the edge of delirium but she too was trying to keep things together. She couldn't let her mentality slip.
"I'm trying, honey, damnit! I 'm not going to be able to get anything accomplished with you nagging me, now I just need you to shut up so I can do this!"
He exerted so much effort this time, pushing, straining, going against everything he's ever been taught, concentrating on moving it, but it wouldn't budge. He was starting to wonder if this just wasn't made for him.
"NO! This is my destiny, it is meant to happen, I can't let this happen to her or me." Pete was exasperated but he had to do something and quick.
19 Seconds
"Honey, are you okay out there? It won't be long, honey, I can do this for both of us."
Just then, Pete's life flashed before his eyes in a dramatic series, that left him stunned for a fraction of a second. He saw everything from his son's birth, to good memories from child hood when he played ball with his father, his marriage to Jane, their first kiss, his first time losing his virginity, and so many more.
"Pete-- just— please—hurry.." She gasped in between deep breaths that reminded him of Lamaze class.
"That's it hunny, you are a genius! You did it...now shut up!"
She didn't hear him.
11 Seconds
"hegggh, hegggh, fuuuhh.....hegggh, hegggh, fuhhh..." Pete breathed rhythmically and he was started to feel it move as he pushed with the force of a solar wind.
"It's coming, honey, oh my fucking god, it's coming! This is great!" Pete exhaled and threw his arms up in triumph. "Honey, this is great; I felt trapped for over four days and now I feel great!"
Outside, Jane barely flinched at the news. No matter what, time couldn't save her now, even if he got out fast enough, it was going to be too late.
1 Second
"Come look at this, Jane!" Peter hopped off the toilet, completely forgetting to wipe or wash his hands. He ran with his underwear around his knees causing him to trip and fall. When he got to the door, he flung it open to find that it was too late for his wife. She couldn't hold her BM and was sitting in a pile of her own defecation. For some reason Pete wasn't too happy about getting over his constipation anymore.
User Reviews
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-11-04 17:42:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why was this worth linking to? Or writing?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-11-04 11:23:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-10-05 15:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Plint (user info) at 2006-08-04 14:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 para tu
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-08-02 10:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GOD DAMN I NEVER RATED THIS?! I LOVE THIS POST!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-29 11:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That's fucking disgusting.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-07-29 01:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ewwww.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:15:08 (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91033
and that picture's already on the website
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Look at the filename...
Submitted by foodman (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
Fuck!
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:16:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this ADD thing. But this is just rawng.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91033
and that picture's already on the website
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-28 15:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mm, i'm having a Manwich for lunch right now!
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's messy. And stinky. And viscous.
But chick has an ass.
... at least, at first she does.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:18:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Noone possibly could shit that much.
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Why does everybody on the internet have an obsession with Peter Noone?!
I don't give a shit if he likes me! I don't give a shit if he cares!
And in response to your comment, Axolotl, I doubt he could.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Noone possibly could shit that much.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:08:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOOOO
Have another review.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-28 11:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is nasty.
Thanks for playing.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-28 10:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So fake, but still funny.
Submitted by Skatch (user info) at 2006-07-28 10:59:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA HA! gross
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-07-28 10:59:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We have been through this all too many times.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-28 10:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have seen thos pics before... FAKE.
Now,
READ MINE DAMMIT
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http://www.ubersite.com/m/91034
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http://www.ubersite.com/m/91034
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http://www.ubersite.com/m/91034