CRAP Contest and American Idol is tangible proof of evil (662 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.16 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wardy (View user info) at 2006-07-28 14:41:05 EDT
I know this is my second post for the day, try not to make out with my uberdirectory picture.
So is anyone else with me when I say that American Idol does not speak for me? Is this really what music has come to? Don't get me wrong, Kelly Clarkson kicks all sorts of ass, but what is that, like 1 for 6? If I was working on a nuclear weapons disarmament team and that was my success rate, I wouldn't be fired, I'd be dead.
Now I'm not saying the creators of the show deserve the same, swift fate. No, I hope theirs is much slower and involves dwarves with tack hammers. Clay Aiken? I mean, were you serious with that one?
Fuck it, whatever. That's just one more thing we can shovel on to the steaming pile of shit that has become pop culture. But as they say, like flies on shit...
So here's my idea - and if we're keeping with the trend of things that is my life so far, this is probably going to be a failure, but I would like to start up the first ever Crazy, Ridiculous, and Peculiar Contest. Or more simply put, the CRAP contest. I know, clever, right?
I'm sick of all these serious contests clogging up the front pages of Uber. What with their serious rules, their serious themes, and their seriously gay entrants. Yeah, I've been in them, wanna make out?
So here are the rules:
1) Food intake - Eating food before writing is optional. Sometimes this can give you an upset stomach, and so if you plan on eating some sort of red meat, I suggest you make sure it is cooked thoroughly. Also, try not to put too much butter on it, a high cholesterol is bad for your life expectancy, and something tells me most of us aren't going to like it when we die.
2) Random drug testing - Entrants will relieve their urines in cups when asked by the Commissioner and Tournament offices, but the results are subject to any appeals labored by the accused in the event of a positive test. Banned substances can be found here -- http://www.msnbc.com/modules/BannedSubstances/default.htm or here -- http://www.barrybondsandbalcofriends.com
Appeals must be sent within 48 hours with $100 US (non-refundable)
3) Random Match-ups - I hate normalcy just like the rest of you, so match-ups will be completely random, but there really is no way to determine if I'm telling the truth. If you know anything about me, chances are I'm cheating. Good luck.
4) Titles, Themes, and... - Yeah, since when did posting on Uber have restrictions? Go fuck yourselves, you bunch of rule-making pinko Nazi-commies, go fuck your stupid asses. This contest is all about the essence of all that is Uber. Two posters, against two walls. Wait. No. That doesn't make sense.
Here's the deal, there are no titles and themes to deal with. This is a fight to the death of two Uber gays to show who can actually put together the better post. One of you might be good with fiction, while the other is good at starting band wagons. Whatever, I don't give a shit what you do, just try and have some fun while doing it. That's what I say to my girlfriend every time she sees me naked.
5) Voting and Winning - You win by getting the most votes, not the most +2's. Fuck the ratings system, it only leads to problems, especially when its not anonymous. I don't have time for problems, I'm dealing with cancer right now. Not really, but I could be, so don't make me have to deal with some lame ass shit. Votes count as one review, good or bad, by another user. Users cannot vote twice by reviewing multiple times.
6) How to let people know you're in the CRAP Contest - Fuck these stupid titles with AKREJOI and FUaflDLk and OIWENLK in the front, it only makes people want to click on your lame ass shit less. I'm not saying you can't put CRAP Contest in your title, go ahead if you want to be labeled a Nazi-gay, but putting at the bottom of your post: This has been a CRAP Contest Round 1 entry - should suffice. But be creative as you please. After you've posted, linkwhore that bitch in the results post and try not to die. If you die before the round is over, sorry, but you lose. Enjoy Hell.
7) Fair Play - Since when has Uber been a place of fair play? Nudie shots, death threats, and middle fingers are all fair game during normal Uber hours, so the same goes here. The Contest Commish will always be watching, but don't expect a DQ unless you wind up bloody, raped, and missing a kidney in a random Kentucky motel. Odds are, you are partly to blame - after all, you did have two kidneys. Selfish prick.
That should about do it. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know. I will now be taking entrants through Tuesday or something. Actually, whenever I decide we have enough participants. As has been the general rule for the last ten years of my life, if no one enters, I have no problem playing with myself.
This has been a CRAP Contest Production.
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-08-06 16:39:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-07-29 00:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont have time to play.
And Clay aiken didn't win - that other big guy did.
But lucky you, I have JUST enough time to comment and then make out with your uberdirectory picture.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-07-28 22:26:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is probably why, Jeaneee:
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:33:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
repost it wardy, and I'll play.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-07-28 19:12:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You posted this exact same post word for word 2 months ago.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate all these online contests but I hate American Idol even more. I'm kind of ashamed to say I do like the dancing show though.
Submitted by alwayspeach1 (user info) at 2006-07-28 16:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LOL'ing at Loki's comment.
That pic is from Orlando, Florida. I want to say Pine Street, but I could be wrong. It's by Lake Eola anyway.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-07-28 15:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does swallowing increase your testosterone levels?
I'm just saying that if it does, it might explain the Tour de France thing.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-07-28 15:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this but you're wardy, wardy, and this seems to be laying out some sort of format for a dick-eating contest. Probably won't even come close to comparing to my Ubersite Civil War, but I am not one to drown anybody in self-loathing in comparison to myself.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-07-28 15:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
look johnny, a simple 'i'm in' or 'i'm out' would help me a lot more than your lame ass response.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-28 15:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
WE WERE IN DANGER OF RUNNING OUT OF CONTESTS HERE
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-28 15:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OH GOODY
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-07-28 15:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i dunno, contestants can enter until like sunday, i'll pair everyone up on monday and we'll go from there... i think... i don't think many people will enter after today.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If there is one thing I have learned I am good at posting it is CRAP.
I am in, when do we start??
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:57:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is not an A.D.D. competition entry post
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are funnier than you used to be.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 filename
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
so, like, does that mean you guys are all in?
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:44:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Look, I cut and paste this review as well...
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:29:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA
FILENAME
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:42:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
filename
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER BUT FOR REAL.
WERD