ADD - Buy Me Some Smokes (884 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: ADD
Rating: 1.73 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spencer Thompson (View user info) at 2006-07-28 17:07:44 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91007
---
Jeremy's mom sent him to the farthest 7-11 to buy her a pack of smokes, then after locking the door she tiptoed carefully up to her bedroom and locked the door. She snuck soundlessly to the half bathroom and locked the door.
Jeremy drummed a stick against the sidewalk, passing each Minute Mart whose cigarettes Mom insisted "tasted funny." The best ones, he was told, were across town and about a twenty minute walk away.
Walking hime now, proud of his task accomplished, Jeremy hummed and whistled to pass the boredom, turning the pack of cigarettes in his hands and pretending he could read the label.
"WARNING: Cigarettes can cause birth defects, including mental retardation" Jeremy tried to read. He hummed a particularly rousing tune that seemed to attract the attention of an abandoned puppy. Having a puppy follow you home is one of the greatest thrills a 12 year old could experience, and even though the pup was just a mutt, Jeremy was tingling. Luring the dog with pieces of jerky also bought at the store, he searched his head for excuses for mom to let him keep the dog.
Jeremy knew it would be a tough fight. They already had a full-grown Border Collie named Gregor, and Jeremy didn't know if the small house, just big enough for him and his mom, could fit another dog. Despite this, he practiced his reasoning.
"I'll feed and water him every day."
"I'll walk him to the park so he learns to go outside."
"I'll pay for his shots with the money you give me for washing dishes."
Jeremy wasn't aware he wouldn't need a single excuse. When he got home to see his mom refreshed, the puppy would roll over on his tummy and she would instantly fall in love, and tell Jeremy she would absolutely love to have another dog around the house.
All she would ask is that when she sent him to get smokes at the farthest 7-11, he wouldn't take the dog with him. She'd keep him in the locked house, walk him up to the locked bedroom, and, if she had to, drag him into the locked half bathroom.
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-08-11 03:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
be
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-07-29 01:12:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dogs and lonely housewives BOTH need lovin'.
I think that's a country song.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-29 00:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-28 23:51:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Spence...
Something deep down you wanna tell us?
Do you like buying smokes?
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-07-28 22:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-07-28 20:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-28 19:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job, young Spencer.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-07-28 18:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are such a god damn fucking good shit here man.
This ADD thing is really just going on 4PM, amigo.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-28 18:28:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The sucessful result of http://www.ubersite.com/m/91048 (Potentially NSFW)
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:29:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this ADD thing. This was... odd too.
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by foodman (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It takes a special mind to formulate:
Buy me some smokes + Uber = Dogsex
I woulda guessed 5 or some shit.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:17:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
good post
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All that from "buy me some smokes"?
Twisted.
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So his mom is nailing the dog? No wonder she needs those cigarettes...
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-07-28 17:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh.