ADD Awesomeness - Nobody Told Me This Was Formal (446 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.5 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ilikesteak (View user info) at 2006-07-28 18:02:36 EDT
Every year, my company has a party around the fourth of July, to celebrate independence and all things American, and for the six years of my tenure here, I have yet to go to this party.
The first year, I was going on vacation, not knowing about it. The next year, I was in a car accident the day before. After that, my wife was giving birth to our daughter, and it was either party or baby, and since I didn't want to lose my penis to our blender, I had to choose baby. My mother died from ass cancer a week before the next party, so I missed that one. The next year, our baby died "falling down the steps." Her spine snapped like a toothpick, and she tasted delicious. It wasn't my fault, my wife forgot to buy pizza again. The sixth year, I caught my whore wife cheating on me with, none other than the fucker who hit my car five years ago. I decided rather than shoot them in the head, we'd have earth's most awkward 3-way. She fucked someone else, she got to have unduplicated anal with an unusual amount of force. She died from internal bleeding. Maybe it was shoved a knife up her ass instead of awkward 3way. This year, though, I'm going for absolute certain.
*the party*
The top floor of the office is the area. The guests are all my coworkers and bosses, and their husbands and wives. I notice they're all wearing suits. I was allready slightly drunk when I got there, but completely sober when I decided to get dressed this morning. OH DEAR, GOD WHY DID TODAY HAVE TO BE THE DAY I DECIDED TO WEAR A MAN THONG AND A HAT.
User Reviews
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-08-01 23:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-01 21:26:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't care.
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You don't have to.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-01 21:26:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't care.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-07-29 03:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-28 18:10:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn you spell check, the word was unlubricated, not unduplicated.
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I found humor in this error.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-29 01:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-07-28 22:17:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a +2 because my ex-girlfriend just keyed my car
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Another for the list. I think that this +2 deserves revenge help. *I in no way suggest you do any of this*
In stead of terrorism, I say you borrow her car, and rack up fifty parking tickets. An even spread of handicapped spaces, parking meter violations, fire lane parking and the like. Then don't tell her. The fun starts with the unpaid parking tickets, then you hide minnows and/or worms under her seats, floormats, trunk, glovebox, door pockets, spare tire, and the in car outlets. The smell of ass and dead babies is usually preferable to this. Break all her lights and crack the winshield. Or you could repaint her car in non water soluable paint, especially the windows. Always have an alibi. Remember you were at your friends house the whole time playing videogames. Have him back you up on it.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-29 01:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-07-28 22:18:33 (#)
Ranking: 1
I seem to always like your writings
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This is a first. Someone on uber likes my writings. Awesome.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-29 01:23:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2006-07-28 22:10:14 (#)
Ranking: 1
Should have ended with... "the Aristocrats!"
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Dammit, I knew it was missing something.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-29 01:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-07-28 22:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I seem to always like your writings
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-07-28 22:17:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a +2 because my ex-girlfriend just keyed my car
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2006-07-28 22:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Should have ended with... "the Aristocrats!"
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-07-28 22:04:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Pretty dumb.
Correction: very.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-28 20:43:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-07-28 18:50:42 (#)
Ranking: -1
Man, you are trying way too hard to get a laugh.
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Sorry, I've had far too much coffee, and I thought of and typed this in less than five minutes. Not the best quality, but it was quick and easy.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-28 20:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck with that.
Cards are so hit and miss I'd be surprised if we make it anywhere in the post season. Here's hoping though...
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-07-28 20:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-28 20:03:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
How's your team doing BigMike? Lst I payed attention they were on top of the heap.
Still are. Some say they are the favorites to win the WS.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-28 20:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How's your team doing BigMike? Lst I payed attention they were on top of the heap.
Cards are still in first in our division, but WE CAN"T BEAT THE DAMN CUBS to save our lives. Starting to enrage me...yes it is
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-07-28 19:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-28 19:33:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
I give every post it's +2 in time. Yes I do.
Soon I'll be considered the nicest man on Uber. Take that BigMike.
Haha.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-28 19:33:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I give every post it's +2 in time. Yes I do.
Soon I'll be considered the nicest man on Uber. Take that BigMike.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-07-28 18:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Man, you are trying way too hard to get a laugh.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-28 18:10:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn you spell check, the word was unlubricated, not unduplicated.