ADD- Useless information from a credible source (Rated :Z for zombies) *Bart there should be a catagory for zombie posts* (833 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (View user info) at 2006-07-30 09:43:01 EDT
*ding dong*
Hello there sir! Lovely weather we're having isn't it? Now I'm not here trying to push some pyramid scheme or some phony religion. What I have is a bonafide lifesaver right here. I.... Wait no don't close the door hold on!
Shit you almost shut the door....NO I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY SHIT!
*slam*
Fuck...
*ding dong*
Hi there sir I seem to have cursed in front of your 8 year old son earlier and he slammed the door in my face. But you look like a chap with your head on your shoulders and might be interested in what I have to offer. Have you ever been up late at night and heard the blood curdling moan of the undead lusting after your delicious man flesh? I know I have. That is why I went out and compiled this!
That's right, "The Zombie Survival Guide" is the only book you will ever need! Throw out that useless bible because when hoards of undead are pounding down your door it may save your eternal soul, but having your flesh ripped from your bones is still a pretty nasty experience to feel while still inside your earthly coil!
Too often have people as...well yes I'm serious why do you ask? Of course look at this! It's a real book! Filled with useful and interesting information to save YOU, the consumer, from assured death and destruction. While this text may not make you a certified zombie hunter like me, it will certainly educate you about your ghoulish foe and help you know when to fight, run, or end your own life in a manner of your choosing!
Well no I don't advocate suicide per se, still a 9 mm slug through the temple is better than hundreds of broken and rotting teeth piercing your vital organs don't you think?
Hmm? Come back later? But I erm....yeah okay. Do you know if your neighbor is home?
*SLAM*
Jerk. Yeah I'll come back later when you're a rotting corpse seeking human brains, and I'll fuck you up son...
*ding dong*
Hi there ma'am! What a terrific day it is! And what a terrific deal I have for you! I just came from your neighbors house and he was so elated with what I have to offer that he told me to show it to you! Now I know you may not realize this, but death at the hands of flesh eating zombies is closer than you think. This handy guide book to surviving a zombie attack is just what anyone needs! Give it at birthday parties, retirement celebrations, Christmas, or just keep it on hand so you can fend off ghouls with both fear and adrenaline driven hands.
This useful book is not only a way to survive during a class one, two, three or god forbid, four attack. It's a way of life, a way to find the inner zombie hunter within you.
Ma'am? Please don't call the police. Ma'am? Alright fine I'm going! SEE IF I CARE WHEN YOU'RE A MAGGOT RIDDLED CORPSE THAT YEARNS FOR THE BLOOD OF THE LIVING!
*slam*
Bitch. Oh well... Next house.
User Reviews
Submitted by URMY_bitch (user info) at 2006-08-14 22:25:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-07-31 09:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck, now you tell me.....braaaaaains....
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-31 05:04:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have that book...
Submitted by foodman (user info) at 2006-07-31 00:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cause I'm reading that book right now.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-31 00:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, I have a bible, a koran, a torah, a few other and assorted religious tomes. I like to flip through them and read little bits.
I would kill a goat with my bare hands.
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-07-30 21:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-07-30 21:09:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ive read that...I didnt think much of it to be honest
________
Well at least it's practical.
OR WILL BE when zombies do begin to multiply...
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-07-30 21:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ive read that...I didnt think much of it to be honest
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-07-30 16:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking love that book! I had to buy a second copy since I lent it out and never got it back. I am sure over 30 people have read my copy by now.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-30 13:51:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MUCH,MUCH better than simply 'worth reading', KindaDumb. . .
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-30 13:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth reading.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-30 12:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't have a bible, so I threw away someone else's.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-30 11:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you have business cards?
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2006-07-30 10:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
skeet