ADD - They all look the same to me (832 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.91 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Berty (View user info) at 2006-07-31 06:34:14 EDT
Gary Sullivan sat in the corner slowly rotating his glass in his fingers. The surface was rough, brutalised by years of rough dishwashers. The vodka inside tasted of chemicals, the cola of nothing.
Six years after leaving the college to the day. The function had been set up with a corporate feel; a buffet of sausage rolls, chicken legs and onion bahjees, a moderately priced bar and a slew of guests talking about football, television and politics. Gary was out of his element.
Gary dared a look around the room from his synthetic drink. Everyone looked terribly neat. The men had ironed their shirts. Women wearing backless dresses had worn backless bras. They all poised themselves effortlessly.
"Gary mate! How are you?" Gary looked up startled. A man with hair cropped close to his head and thin rimmed spectacles grinned at him over an outstretched hand.
"Oh, not so bad you know. Not so bad. Yourself?" Gary took the hand and tried to shake firmly without squeezing.
"Still chipping away at the boulder! So, what have you been doing with yourself these last few years?" His hands retreated into a fold across his chest.
"Well, not too much. I've been working in an office, we deal with insurance claims. Chasing repair invoices, sending stuff to insurers and that."
"Really? Sounds interesting. How long have you been there?"
"Oh, a couple of years now. It's a nice place."
"Excellent, glad to hear it. So, are you here with anyone?"
"No, no. Just me. Er, how about you?"
"My wife's here somewhere but I wanted to catch up with a few of the old faces." He chuckled twice and then leaned in slightly, "So if I remember rightly you were keen on acting and the theatre, what happened there? Did you make a run of it?"
"Err, well I thought about it but..." Gary scratched the back of his neck "Sorry, well I just didn't find a way of making a go at it. I mean I tried a couple of things but I didn't like the way they turned out and, well err, it just didn't seem right in the end."
"That is a shame, I remember you where quite good"
"Well, thank you"
"Oh I think I see Peter over at the bar. I'm going to see if I can get that pint he owes me!" The man burst into brief laughter and clapped Gary on the back. "See you later Gary!"
"Yes, see you later." Gary stood standing with his drink. He decided to move across the room and sit in a chair on the opposite side.
As he moved through the throng he tried to remember people's names. The faces seemed familiar and sometimes the names were on the tip of his tongue. People smiled at him and Gary smiled back.
She wasn't here. At least she wasn't here yet. Gary wondered how she would have changed. Finding a seat he stared back down into his drink.
She'd be married or engaged or with someone of course, she was beautiful. Beautiful and delicate blended with such spontaneity. A woman like that wouldn't be alone for long. It would be for the best, she deserved someone decent.
She hadn't been happy when he'd known her. Her parents had split and she was upset. She wore bright clothes but was withdrawn. She loved joyous things but liked to sit alone Gary had loved with all of his heart, but he'd been paralysed into inaction whenever he had tried to tell her his feelings. He'd never told her he wanted her but instead had just shadowed her.
Gary turned away from the surface of his drink with disgust. At the time he'd thought that they had been made for each other but, after exhaustive brooding, he'd come to realise he'd been in love with the idea of her. In love with the idea of running away and hiding with someone soft and special. It would be have been unfair to inflict that on her, not that he thought she'd have gone with him anyway.
He constantly worried that she had needed him though. That she could have drawn strength from him before moving on with her life. That he had failed her, hurt her.
Gary put his hand to the side of his head and closed his eyes until the ringing in his ears stopped. He walked hurriedly to the double doors at the end of the hall, his hand fumbling in his shirt pocket for his cigarettes.
Whatever. He'd been young back then, young and frightened. Whatever she may or may not have done to herself was nothing to do with him, he wasn't at fault. Gary sucked deeply on the cheap menthol and put his Bic back in his pocket.
God knows that even if she had turned up here, free and available, there wouldn't have been anything he'd have been able to do. The impotence had remained with him, always powerless to make the first move.
He'd spent six years forgetting. Forgetting her and everything else from that time. It had all been a mess, best consigned to oblivion. There would be no closure found here, not in any situation. Gary's problem had always been Gary. There was nothing here but faceless ghosts. Gary ground his cigarette into the tarmac and walked to his car.
User Reviews
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-08-04 07:25:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just like a razzel stack, its top shelf.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-08-02 03:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The thing I miss most about Brazil is Sugar Loaf @ night
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-08-02 03:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I cannot argue with that logic.
check and mate.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-08-02 03:07:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-08-01 05:30:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
funny thing, that being a rule in and of itself
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Chewbacca is a Wookie.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-08-01 05:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny thing, that being a rule in and of itself
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-08-01 04:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Rules are for dipshits.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-08-01 00:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wait - what is rule no. 3?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-08-01 00:12:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just 'cus.
Like scourge said - see rule no. 3 of the official contest
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-07-31 12:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You could cut out a lot more than you think and keep the story, regardless of any word limit.
It's always better to trim than to overwrite.
If there's not a good reason for it to be in there, cut it out. You should be brutal with your own work long before anyone else gets the chance.
Plus, this was a little self indulgent. Not you personally, the protagonist. If the protagonist feels sorry for himself, the reader won't.
And while you don't need the reader to "feel sorry", you at least need them to empathize.
Worth a read, though.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-31 10:53:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For those concerned with the rules of the competition, please refer to official ADD rule number 3, drafted and approved by myself.
I would have liked to see the Stalinist bit myself.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-07-31 08:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto -2 for failing to comply with ADD guidelines.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-31 08:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still a good tale
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-31 07:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And put an abacus on your christmas list.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-31 07:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Better to go over the word limit for good reason than to adhere to it with something awful.
This was decent, though it was signature Berty hopelessness. Write something sunny about rainbows and lollipops sometime, huh?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-31 07:23:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't disregard the rules, I simply failed to adhere to them.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-31 07:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Take heart in the +1's, there maybe an element of pity involved in them, but what more can you expect when you disregard the rules of the competition like this? You are an Englishmen Sir! Where would we be without rules and queues? France, thats where.
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Chr1s makes a good point.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-31 07:11:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The thing I miss most about Brazil is the crack-whores. They're basically children so they have no concept as to the value of money.
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2006-07-31 07:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm, do Subway make good sandwiches? I've never had one, I ventured inside once but the queue was too long so I went to Mcdonalds. The thing I miss most about being in Brazil is KFC.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-31 07:04:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't want your pity Chr15, I want your love.
LOVE ME CHRISSY! LOVE ME WITH DIAMONDS AND SUBWAY MEATABALL SAMMICHES!
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2006-07-31 07:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yes you would probably have got +2's for that, but is that what you want to do? whore yourself out (again) for the sake of a few LOL's and +2's?
Take heart in the +1's, there maybe an element of pity involved in them, but what more can you expect when you disregard the rules of the competition like this? You are an Englishmen Sir! Where would we be without rules and queues? France, thats where.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-07-31 07:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91039
Who saw this and cried?!?! I did. This post has nothing to do with me, but it made me laugh.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-31 06:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not really, elements where taken from my life and blown out of proportion. Little chunks of Berty under the microscope so to speak.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-31 06:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh fuck it all, there's nothing I can cut. If I remove any paragraph the subtlty of the thing just breaks up.
Why did I even bother? Fucking fuck. Fuck. It's all rubbish, utter shit, utter gash! I'd have been better off filling my arsehole with orange juice and taken a picture of me shitting on action man.
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2006-07-31 06:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Also, this was about you wasn't it? I'm not sure a public forum is the best place for this kind of thing...
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-31 06:50:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well I cut the bits about the Stalinist purges and the time he spent with a detective and the relationship Gary had with the detectives daughter and the chapter where that fell apart and so he abandoned his lucrative finance business to become a glass cutter in Omsk. So frankly I think I deserve some credit.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-31 06:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is it?
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2006-07-31 06:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Weren't you supposed to write 500 words?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-07-31 06:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
897 words you plebian.