ADD-Invite to immortality (525 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Skatch (View user info) at 2006-07-31 08:53:08 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91007
ADDin it up
The letter came in a creamy small envelope with the words "You're Invited!" Written in gold in a loopy handwriting. Inside were simple instructions: This is an invitation to Immortality. Please say 'Yes' if you wish to interview for this position.
"HA!" I thought to myself, thinking of the glorious of the cigarette after the masturbation session I was planning when I walked into the door of my apartment.
"Yes!" I said aloud, bringing out my keys and trying to decide which porn to throw in.
Suddenly there was a whooshing of air and I was sucked out of the hallway of my apartment building. There was a slight pop, and I was suddenly standing before a bright light and all my worries and cares floated out of my mind, replacing them with a calm I've never known since the innocence of second grade.
"I AM THE LORD!" A voice shouted out to me. My heart leapt up in my throat and My feet trembled. Suddenly, I was calm again, and I knew his mind as His thoughts flowed over me.
"I AM TIRED, AND HAVE A PROPOSITION FOR YOU MORTAL!" the disembodied voice shouted. I bent to one knee, trying to remember the last time I was in church. I tried to recite the Lords Prayer.
"Our father who art in...uhhh" I started.
"QUIET MORTAL AND LISTEN TO ME. I AM TIRED AND HAVE DECIDED TO ALLOW A FEW CHOICE MORTAL TO BECOME GODS THEMSELVES. WHAT DO YOU WISH TO REIGN OVER?"
I pondered this for a moment, trying to let it all sink in. Me? A God? This was too much!
"How about the God of war, is that taken?" There was a moment of silence, then the voice.
"WHY SHOULD YOU BE THE GOD OF WAR?"
"Well, I'm in the Army..."
"YOU'RE A JOURNALIST. PICK SOMETHING ELSE"
I thought again, this time trying to think of what I knew. "Printing!" I shouted. "I want to be the God of printers.
"THAT'S STUPID, PICK SOMETHING ELSE YOU'RE GOOD AT DAMMIT!"
"God of writing?"
"I'M ON UBERSITE.COM AS WELL. TRY AGAIN"
Then I finally thought of it. The one thing I knew and did every day of my life. The one thing no one could do better than me.
"I want to be the God of masturbation and smoking," I said calmly.
There was another moment of silence. "THE TEMPLE WOULDN'T HAVE A GREAT ODOR, YOU KNOW..."
"Who cares?" I said. "You said something I know, and if there's one thing I do every day ever since I was twelve, I've been masturbating and smoking. Give me the twofer because you know no one else will ask for that."
"YOU'RE SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A TREE GOD OR SOMETHING? IT'S STILL EARLY, THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS TO CHOOSE FROM"
"Nope, God of Masturbation and smoking. That's what I want to be."
"NOT EVEN THE GOD OF TRAVELERS? THAT ONE'S EASY AND IT WOULD REALLY TAKE A LOAD OFF ME"
"How many teens and lonely ubers would I be taking off your hands? Literally?"
"YOU'RE SURE?"
"I am, my lord."
Since no one wants to see a guy masturbating and smoking, bow down to your new temple image.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-01 14:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You'd be a VERY popular deity in Britain.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2006-08-01 01:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"God of writing?"
"I'M ON UBERSITE.COM AS WELL. TRY AGAIN"
that got me to laughing
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-31 23:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Our father who art in...uhhh" I started.
====
HAHA- Laughed OUT LOUD at this.
This was funny as hell to me.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-31 22:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2006-07-31 16:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"WHY SHOULD YOU BE THE GOD OF WAR?"
"Well, I'm in the Army..."
"YOU'RE A JOURNALIST. PICK SOMETHING ELSE"
I thought again, this time trying to think of what I knew. "Printing!" I shouted. "I want to be the God of printers.
"THAT'S STUPID, PICK SOMETHING ELSE YOU'RE GOOD AT DAMMIT!"
"God of writing?"
"I'M ON UBERSITE.COM AS WELL. TRY AGAIN"
Loved the dialog!
Submitted by Skatch (user info) at 2006-07-31 14:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Filename?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-07-31 11:30:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-31 11:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
coo
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-07-31 09:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-31 08:58:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment