ADD Jelly beans and black eyes (642 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.53 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (View user info) at 2006-07-31 12:46:38 EDT
You, and everyone else who is on their own in this world (including yours truly), is Joey.
Every 30 days, Joey is given a handful of jelly beans.
Joey has a lot of decisions to make about what to do with all his jelly beans. After all, everyone else wants them and surely he himself wants to eat at least a few, but Joey knows he can't go around haphazardly spending them on just anything.
2 Jelly Beans go to Joey's friend Landlordy for letting him stay dry.
2 Jelly Beans go to Joey's friend Cary for taking him places.
3 Jelly Beans go to Joey's enemy Debty (pronounced 'Debbie') for past services rendered, but not yet compensated for.
A small number of them then go in Joey's mouth so that he can continue on in anticipation of next month's handful, which itself doesn't come so easy: Joey has to toil day in and day out just so he can keep Landlordy, Cary and Debty happy, as well has his own tummy full.
Well, these days Joey is ending up with fewer and fewer jelly beans in his hand and has resorted to biting each one in half in the effort of preservation.
Landlordy has been kept happy.
Cary is still being fed.
Debty, however ... has grown a bit frustrated with Joey's lack of compensation for past services rendered.
Joey knows that when Debty gets frustrated, Joey gets a black eye. This happens not in lieu of his jelly bean installment, but moreso as a time loan. Joey is left to tend to his injuries while being forced to get creative about how to come upon more jelly beans.
And, who wants to give more jelly beans to a kid with a black eye?
Now Joey is completely out of jelly beans and he has two black eyes. Debty hasn't been pleased with Joey's jelly beans recently and things are getting bleak for Joey.
Joey sees all the other kids running around with pockets full of jelly beans ... they even feed eachother and laugh when one or two fall to the ground. Joey is quick to scoop them up and save them for later.
Much later.
Tomorrow Joey isn't going to be giving anyone any more jelly beans.
Joey is going to find a shady tree in a field somewhere and he's going to sit down and gorge himself with all his jelly beans.
Joey will then die of overeating and will be found, 2 weeks later, by Debty.
Goodbye, Joey.
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95020#2202073
banning attempt
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-09-01 22:18:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Re-calc
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-01 22:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-08-17 23:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DoubleDong (user info) at 2006-08-13 14:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
needs more randomness
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-01 14:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Talk about flat, boring and pointless.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-08-01 11:15:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
POPCORN JELLYBEANS BlOW
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-01 11:03:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One time my grandma lost bowel control and took a massive shit all over my house.
It smelled like hell, and I wanted to die
This was still worse than that.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-07-31 23:24:01 (#)
Ranking: -2
and at least make your retal hits interesting instead of no comment.
Now do us all a favor and get better music.
underoath swallows.
try darkest hour, converge, love lost but not forgetten, some girls, with honor, or something not as shitty as them.
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Liam you douchenozzle that's not even the same genre
haha
I'd reccomend And the Hero Fails, His Hero is Gone, the Cougars, And the -2Die you faggot's
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-01 09:20:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-08-01 09:10:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-01 08:58:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2006-08-01 08:06:56 (#)
Ranking: -1
Lame, unless the jelly beans were symbolising drugs.
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Learn to spell.
Oh, wait. You're from 'across the pond', aren't you?
You fucking brits spell EVERYTHING wrong.
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No. We speak and write English. The two choices you have about spelling differences, are that you americans spell it wrong, or you're inventing a new language.
This post was poor. Really poor. You shouldn't have explained that debtie was pronounced Debbie, that was one of the most obvious bad parts, it was written a bit fast as well, if you know what I mean.
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Hey thanks for the input, cumwad. And regrettably, I fear I'll never know 'what you mean'.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-08-01 09:10:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-01 08:58:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2006-08-01 08:06:56 (#)
Ranking: -1
Lame, unless the jelly beans were symbolising drugs.
==========
Learn to spell.
Oh, wait. You're from 'across the pond', aren't you?
You fucking brits spell EVERYTHING wrong.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No. We speak and write English. The two choices you have about spelling differences, are that you americans spell it wrong, or you're inventing a new language.
This post was poor. Really poor. You shouldn't have explained that debtie was pronounced Debbie, that was one of the most obvious bad parts, it was written a bit fast as well, if you know what I mean.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-01 08:58:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2006-08-01 08:06:56 (#)
Ranking: -1
Lame, unless the jelly beans were symbolising drugs.
==========
Learn to spell.
Oh, wait. You're from 'across the pond', aren't you?
You fucking brits spell EVERYTHING wrong.
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2006-08-01 08:06:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Lame, unless the jelly beans were symbolising drugs.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-08-01 04:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-07-31 23:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-07-31 23:24:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
and at least make your retal hits interesting instead of no comment.
Now do us all a favor and get better music.
underoath swallows.
try darkest hour, converge, love lost but not forgetten, some girls, with honor, or something not as shitty as them.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-07-31 23:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck is your problem?
Did your dad pound your ass raw when you were little or something and this is your way of getting back at the world.
Here's a solution. Go under your sink and find all the good toxic cleaning products and make a fucking cocktail.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-07-31 14:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-31 14:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. Creative use of names.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-31 13:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Comment
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-07-31 12:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
worst ever