Hell is a Room Full of 16-Year-Old Girls (2610 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: memories
Rating: 1.75 on 57 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2006-08-01 15:35:48 EDT
God-fucking-dammit.
I haven't been in dire straits or anything. I've been able to pay my bills (barely) and rent and all that stuff. I haven't been screaming out for more money. I mean, if money chooses to find its way into my lap, I would in no way object to it. But I'm content in the meantime.
That's the frame of mind I was in when my co-worker Chuck stopped by the office and asked me quite simply, "hey, how'd you like to make 150 bucks Saturday night for a few hours of work?" There's two ways to process that question. One of the two would mean Chuck thinks of me as a relatively cheap manwhore. He's about to get his hips replaced (he's twice my age), so I don't think he'd be able to handle my weight for a few hours. Plus, my price is significantly higher. $175 minimum.
The other way to process his query was the thought of some non-sexual odd job. "Go on..." I asked.
Chuck: "I need a photographer for my daughter's sweet 16. I'm getting a brand new camera that I'll bring in on Friday to let you play around with it and see what features it has. Sound good?"
Sweet...16? As in, a room full of 16 y/olds? Play with an expensive camera? And I get 150 bucks? To take pictures of girls that are illegal to think about "that" way but are close enough to being legal that they'll look hot'n'perky and even moreso because they'll be wearing as little as they possibly can?
Me: "Uhh, okay."
It didn't seem like a bad deal to me. I take a bunch of pictures for a few hours and get paid $150 bucks. If only every night could be so productive. I could describe all the details of the camera, but I know there's a fairly large population of uberfolk who only clicked on this post because they saw "room full of 16-year-olds" in the title.
It was a pretty sweet camera, though.
So the night arrives. I get free valet parking since I'm "the photographer." I walk inside the Italian restaurant to find a couple of teenagers giggling to each other in the vestibule. I walked up behind them and addressed them.
Me: "Excuse me girls, do you happen to know which room the sweet 16 is in?"
Girl 1: "I'm not sure."
Girl 2: "Yeah, we just got here."
Girl 1: "Yeah, but we think it's over there."
Girl 2: "No, there's some bar mitzvah thing in that room."
Girl 1: "Oh yeah, hee hee hee <ad infinitum>"
Girl 2: "Yeah, we don't really know, we're just waiting for everyone else to get here."
Their rapid-fire responses to each other would have made the actors on Gilmore Girls struggle to breathe. I purposely turned on the charm and shot out the pheremones.
Me: "It's okay, I'm sure I can find it. And I'm sure you lovely ladies will want the extra time to prepare for the party before going in."
Girls 1 and 2: "HEEHEHEEEHEEEEHHEE<ad infinitum>"
Don't worry, I didn't have any actually have any pedophilic thoughts about these particular girls (I mean, they actually LOOKED underage). I was just trying to guage what kind of night it was going to be. Based on their reaction to my small talk, I knew I would be in for an exhilaratingly depressing night.
The decor was amazing. The theme was Broadway Musicals with the emphasis on Chuck's daughter being "the star." Of course, everything had that sweetsixteen-y party spin to it. I'm not sure how to describe it really...well, I guess if I had to choose one word, it would be "pink." In two words, "very pink."
***It has just occurred to me that the word "pink" has several other connotations. Although I did not intentionally mean to be dirty about it, the suggestive tone of this entire post proves otherwise. The irony here is that, if their dresses were any indication, at the age of 16 I was probably a lot more "pink" than most of these girls. This scares me. Okay, back to the post***
Now, Chuck is a fairly heavyset guy. Big. Not big'n'tall, just big. Beefy, even. Kind of like a scaled-down not-black Refrigerator Perry (in 1985, not current). I met his son, who was similarly built, albeit younger and stronger. This sort of made me fear what would come next. I mean, I tend to wear my heart wayyy out on my sleeve. Although I know when to bite my tongue most of the time, I feared that if Chuck's daughter looked more like "Chuck" than "daughter," my thoughts would somehow manifest themselves in the pictures. I prayed to the angels that she would be somewhat manageable.
For the first time since my first blowjob, my prayers were answered.
Giovanna walked through the entrance looking every bit the superstar she was supposed to be that night. I wouldn't quite label her body as the "superhot/superthin" type (i.e. Grace Morningstar from kaos-king's Kaote series), but more along the lines of just pure beauty. It was...surreal, really. Her makeup wasn't overdone, but rather just accentuated her pretty face; her boobs, while showing a little cleavage, weren't spilling out in any derogatory fashion; her dress was tailored to her body perfectly, showing off the curves while maintaining an elegant beauty about her. In short, she looked more like a perfect bride than a silly, giddy 16-year-old.
I was fucked. It took all my wits to keep a straight face and remind myself that this girl just turned 16 and oh, by the way, is my co-worker's daughter. No, I was fucked for a different reason. You see, I knew Giovanna's friends would all be there and be all excited and giddy and whatnot. But I was sort of expecting them all to look like Alyssa Milano from the Who's the Boss? episode where she has to tell her dad she just got her first period. Those girls are easy to avoid. Their attempts to manufacture cleavage by making their dresses extra tight on top are, well, comical at best. But sadly, these friends were in the minority. Trailing Giovanna in pairs were modern Alyssas except without the tattoos.
You see, according to my theory, it's not like your average guy is going to dash across the street and hump an almost-borderline-jailbait chick in front of everybody. Nor is he going to require frequent bathroom breaks if there happens to be one in the vicinity. But there does exist a male chauvinistic tendency to want to take something pure, delicate and innocent and stomp all over it until its unrecognizable. But at the same time, not many guys want to be in bed with a girl that just lays still, because that's borderline necrophilia which is just wrong. An older looking girl will give off vibes (whether they're real vibes or not) that she does in fact have experience.
So you see, the almost-borderline-jailbait combines a look of implied sexual experience with the implied innocence of youth.
As a result of all this overthinking, I made myself feel even more uncomfortable as I walked around to the various tables to take pictures.
"If I take too many of just the girls, will Chuck think I'm a perv? If I overcompensate with candids of the guy friends will he think I'm a gay perv? If I take too many of her grandparents will he think I'm granny-porn perv?"
I tried to take a proportionate amount of pictures. After all, I rationalized, there are probably twice as many girls as guys here. So I felt better. That is, until I took one picture of a particularly busty girl and realized the camera didn't care too much to get all of her face in the pictures. Shit. Well, not really. Digital cameras have that beautiful delete button. So I took her picture again with better results, but it made me wonder how many other pictures I fucked up in that manner. Scanning through 150+ pictures I had taken by that point was not an option, so I did what any professional would: I hit the bar. "Whisky, rocks, please."
I quickly finished off the drink and the rest of the tables and opted to take more...panoramic views from that point unless instructed otherwise. Chuck got dancers to perform routines from various musicals in between meals. They were all at least college-age, so I got a chance to escape from the 16-year-olds. And none of them had huge boobs to re-focus my eyes.
I was finally able to put down the camera for a few minutes while eating dinner, but this brought me back to my overactive mind and what I had encountered to that point. Far too many of these girls looked far too mature for my sanity. After careful consideration, there were plenty of actually-underage-looking girls, which made it easy to distance myself from them. But overhearing some of the hotter, overmature-looking ones talking about their "plans" for later that night, I very nearly dropped the camera.
But it was okay. I had made it most of the night without making myself out to be the "weird older guy." At least I hoped I did. All that was left was dessert, dancing and some parting pictures. Dessert went fine. Candids of girls eating cheesecake with chocolate syrup. I'm not even gonna go there. Then came the final dance block, which I like to call "The top 5 current crappy pop songs you can dance to." Except the last song wasn't quite current. In fact, it was kind of classic. It was "Paradise by the Dashboard Light." I found it to be a little odd, but I didn't make much more of it and continued taking pictures.
Then I noticed the boy-girl shift. All the girls on the floor shifted to one side and song along with the chick while all the boys shifted to the other side and sang Meat Loaf's part. Okay...then some of the girls started undoing their buns and shaking their hair down. Whoa...I never envisioned the song quite this way. For some reason, the choreography to the part where the chick sings "will you love me forever?/will you make me your wife, etc." involved the girls caressing their sides and jutting their chests outward.
That was it. I looked straight up and raised my hands and mouthed "WHY??" I kept taking pictures, but the angels knew I was perturbed. Luckily, the party was soon over and the restaurant staff began cleaning things up. Stragglers gave their final congrats to Giovanna and her parents and they all wanted some final photo ops. No prob. <click><click><click><click>
Then came Giovanna's final picture. She kneeled in front of the big "billboard" advertising her sweet 16, allowing her dress to flow on the floor all around her. I took the picture standing up, giving it an angle that created an absolutely classy and gorgeous image. Think Audrey Hepburn at her finest. I was actually quite proud to have taken that picture.
She asked if I could take one more, just in case she didn't like the first one. No problem. I figured I'd do exactly the same thing as before. The thing is, as I was re-fixing the aperture to how I wanted it, she shifted her body and face ever, ever, ever-so-slightly, creating the look of some seductive succubus (apologies for the alliteration). It was honestly just a spellbinding pose, like nothing I'd ever seen in person, much less anything I had ever caught on camera. Before I could even think of catching myself, I spoke.
"Holy shit, that's fucking hot!"
I had already captured that still image forever, yet I felt compelled to keep my face pressed into the camera. All girly giggles I had heard throughout the night were nothing compared to the eruption of giddiness from Giovanna's friends that had stuck around. After a few moments, I peeled the camera off my face and adjusted my tie like Rodney Dangerfield after a punchline. I might have said something lame like "I mean you're very photogenic," to which she smiled, but I was more focused on returning Chuck's camera, getting my cash and getting the FUCK out of there.
The first two parts were easy enough. Chuck thanked me for doing that for him, I thanked him for the opportunity and then I thought about making a beeline for the door. But then I figured should congratulate Giovanna again on turning 16. At least that way she might remember me more like the weird distant relative and less like the creepy lingering uncle. I took a deep breath and broke up the conversation she was having with her friends and did my best to look directly at her (I could feel her friends holding back tears of laughter).
Me: "Um, Giovanna, I just uhh, just wanted to congratulate you on your sweet 16 and wish you the best of luck in the future."
Giovanna: "Thank you so much. I really appreciate you coming and doing this for me."
Me: "Hey, no prob! Chuck's a good guy, so I knew he had to have a great daughter. Your dad loves you a lot, by the way. Trust me, I'm in his office a lot--there's tons of baby pictures."
Then I extended my hand for her to shake. One final act and I was gone, $150 richer.
Giovanna: "Ohh, come on, you don't get a handshake for all you've done!"
She proceeded to embrace me in a warm hug, which I reciprocated lest I look as nervous as I had felt the entire evening. Mind you, there was nothing sexual in my mind by this point. Something struck in my mind as I gave her the whole deal about her dad loving her. I did mean it, but I was an outsider so it didn't really register with me. After we hugged, I really felt good. I felt like more than just her dad's co-worker that came to take pictures of 16-year-olds. I felt like a part of the family...that came to take pictures of 16-year-olds. But I felt my anxiety wash away nonetheless. I kissed her on the cheek and made my way towards the door...
Giovanna: "Hey!"
Me: "Yeah...?"
I was befuddled. I really didn't think there was anything left to say. But that's when she gave me a wry smile before speaking.
Giovanna: "Don't worry about the second picture. That's exactly the reaction I was going for."
Me: "Yeah, umm...yeah, I figured as much."
She smiled back with a little laughter as I smiled nervously and spun on my heel. That was a night.
User Reviews
Submitted by MisterDevious (user info) at 2006-08-02 11:34:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
But I would have smiled more if some of the PICTURES had been included. And yes, I am old enough to have a 16-year-old daughter myself...what's your point?
MrDVS
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2006-08-02 11:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pedosmile!
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-08-02 11:22:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like heaven to me.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2006-08-02 10:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-08-02 10:27:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-02 10:22:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so she had a paid photographer take her next myspace pic?
i hope at some point you had a visible boner and didn't quite realize it.
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2006-08-02 10:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-08-02 09:40:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
It appears 16 is legal everywhere BUT the US. How can this be? Are girls more mature elsewhere?
I live in the Bronx. Come check out some of these high school girls and tell me they're not ready for...uhh, life.
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The UK is 16, but where I live, in Northern Ireland, age of consent is 17. The US consent age depends on the state, doesn't it?
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-08-02 09:40:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It appears 16 is legal everywhere BUT the US. How can this be? Are girls more mature elsewhere?
I live in the Bronx. Come check out some of these high school girls and tell me they're not ready for...uhh, life.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-08-02 09:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written and come to think of it my youngest niece is turning 16 today... double thanks
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-08-02 09:15:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-08-01 16:21:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
16 is legal in the UK :P
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Yep, over here too.
Poor Yanklies.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-02 08:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2006-08-01 16:52:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
PS: Steal back the camera and post the hot pictures.
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I SECOND THAT MOTION
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-08-02 05:25:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2 years then call her
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-08-02 02:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pastacheese (user info) at 2006-08-02 00:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You are one neurotic man.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-08-02 00:24:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good enough.
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-08-02 00:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was a good story, and I know how you felt b/c the last time I slept with a 16yr old I was 15.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-08-01 23:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
im living in spain for a semester next year . . . i think its ridiculous that the distance across the atlantic ocean constitutes a major difference in my legal status, but, hey.
nice post.
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-08-01 23:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
16 is legal in my country, sucker.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2006-08-01 22:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Genuinely funny, nice post
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-01 22:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eat shit and die, dude, I ain't readin' all that. . . :-D
Submitted by rock_music (user info) at 2006-08-01 22:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Pedophile.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-08-01 21:28:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-01 21:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hell is for children...
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2006-08-01 21:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love living in the UK.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-01 20:52:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, I even got a shout out in this.
This ruled all over my face.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:46:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
what the hell man if they are comin at you , means they want somthin ,more better you look after them and care for them ,than they get on the street uh?
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:35:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
16 year old girls are seriously the spawn of Satan. Trust me, I was one a few years ago. I don't think I had a sweet 16 party though. I'm not sure why.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Long post? Entertaining content? I chuckled a few times?
+2.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-08-01 18:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahah...
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-08-01 18:17:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
america is weird.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-08-01 18:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL @ 16 year olds.
Man, 18 - 21 is a shitty, shitty age.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-08-01 17:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF I READ ALL THAT?
But I'm glad I did. Good story.
Submitted by ticklish_squirrel (user info) at 2006-08-01 17:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was hoping the picture would be of her. I'm a curious person, is all.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-08-01 17:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus two.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-08-01 16:57:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can honestly say that there were some truly hot fucking pictures. But to steal them and post them would mean I'd have to look at them again. I can't torture myself like that again.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2006-08-01 16:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aahhhhh ha ha ha!!!
Nice.
PS: Steal back the camera and post the hot pictures.
Submitted by Samo (user info) at 2006-08-01 16:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-08-01 16:49:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know dude.
I know the pain you went through.
We do want to crush it so badly, but you can't. Still in this post you really conveighed your feelings well. I knew exactly what you were going through.
Although I never would have said something like that.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-01 16:35:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
16 is legal in West Virginia...
So are middle schoolers... And elementary schoolers... And cousins... And sons... And bab-
EHEM, ANYWAY.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-08-01 16:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"If I take too many of just the girls, will Chuck think I'm a perv? If I overcompensate with candids of the guy friends will he think I'm a gay perv? If I take too many of her grandparents will he think I'm granny-porn perv?"
CLASS...IC
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-01 16:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome post.
+2 for "hee hee hee <ad infinitum>" alone
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-08-01 16:23:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am so not having kids.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-08-01 16:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
16 is legal in the UK :P
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-08-01 16:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:50:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
So how bad did you chafe your dick that night?
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Shock that you asked this? None at all.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-08-01 16:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have been through that before and you may have suffered similar injury later that evening.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88770
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:50:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
So how bad did you chafe your dick that night?
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I wouldn't say it chafed, so much as...yeah man, it was a painful night. 150 bucks is a 150 bucks, though.
Submitted by poisonyourkids (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:56:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, good story dudebrah.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So how bad did you chafe your dick that night?
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell man if they comin at ya
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Unless, of course, you're Wazza.
Wow, a Confuzitron sighting!
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what the hell man if they are comin at you , means they want somthin ,more better you look after them and care for them ,than they get on the street uh?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, here's another.
This was a funny tale, told in an engaging way. The kind of thing you'd like to hear at a bar knocking back beers with friends.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HITTHATSHIT
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:44:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn, I hate getting erections at work.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:43:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Holy shit, that's fucking hot!"
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I snorted
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:41:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell man....you know the rest
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-01 15:36:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...unless you're Berty.