"Honey, catch the ball" or why I am never getting sex (900 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.38 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <kdlis.at.mtu.edu> (View user info) at 2006-08-01 17:49:58 EDT
I decided to take my girlfriend to the pool with my yesterday. Nice hott 90 degree day, so I figured it would be nice to cool off in the water.
We decided to play a nice game to gutter ball (for those of you who dont know, you stand on opposite ends of the pool and try and get the ball in the opposite gutter). Now, my girlfriend is somewhat athletic, having done cheerleading in a Division 1 college. I figured she could throw and catch a tennis ball. I really do see now why they dont call cheerleading a sport.
I had thrown a few nice sidearms trying to get the ball to skip and confuse her. I was winning 3-1 at the time and figured it was time for a changeup.
I looked to the sky and saw that the sun was in her face. Perfect, i thought, she wont be able to see the ball. I threw a nice fly ball and it was going to land in the gutter. The whole time i thought it wouldnt hit her, it was too far deep for her. I close my eyes for a second to wip the water out, and I open them.
She is sorrouned in a pool of blood. it looked like a scene from Jaws. Her face was underwater, and when she surfaced, I could see the blood running out of her nose.
"SHIT!"
The lifeguards came over to make sure she was okay, and finally they stopped the bledding. Mind you, the whole time they are doing this, I am too amazed to even swim over. My jaw had dropped a good 5 feet.
We got out of the water, and I surveyed the damage, Yep, her nose was broken. I knew there was going to a shit storm to follow, So i got dressed in clothes and took her to the emergency room.
The thing she said in the ER with two nurses within ear range made me laugh. She is normally a modest girl that doesnt talk about sex with strangers near. But even this made me laugh
"To hell that I am fucking you tonight, so you had best fine some decent porn"
User Reviews
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-08-02 13:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Noe wunder you fail at coledge. Yue cannt spel fur shitt, comestane.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2006-08-02 10:32:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yup...busting your girls beak will get you cut off in a hurry.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-08-02 08:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I sure am glad you got dressed in clothes. If you hadn't mentioned clothes I might have assumed you got dressed in badgers or maybe used condoms. Thank god you actually mentioned clothes though.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-08-02 06:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The grammar and spelling made this barely legible. Plus it's a rather rubbish story and a weak punchline.
There are too many clinical, unamusing and derivative stories about people doing stupid things. At least this one didn't involve alcohol.
Submitted by Leonfc (user info) at 2006-08-02 06:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Who's your yesterday?
Funny story though
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-08-02 06:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
A friend of mine graduated from Michigan Tech. He's pretty bright. From your writing, I can only assume that you sweep floors at Michigan Tech at night and make up bullshit about having cheerleader girlfriends during the day.
In fact, I'll bet you do have some good porn around and that a picture is as close to a cheerleader as you've ever gotten.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-08-01 22:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should have punched her in the face. POW! I can feel the crackin' now! There's nothing like adding insult to injury except adding injury to injury. POW!
Then you should have punched the nurses...just for good measure.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-08-01 21:04:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you should've retorted with 'good. i don't want you bleeding on me from your cooch and i don't want you bleeding on me from your nose. now fix yourself up so you can make me a sandwich without getting your womb juice all over it.'
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-08-01 20:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Cheerleading,Golf,Poker,darts aren't really sports
Good way to put your women in her place. hahaha
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-08-01 20:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-01 20:30:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:40:40 (#)
Ranking: -2
I got hit in the face by a rounders ball (similar to your baseball, but hit with a shorter bat and with one hand) and I didn't bleed.
You're all faggots in America. They must put the pussy gene in the water.
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Hmm.
I could have sworn it was the ugly ball that hit your face.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
OH SNAP!
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-01 20:30:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:40:40 (#)
Ranking: -2
I got hit in the face by a rounders ball (similar to your baseball, but hit with a shorter bat and with one hand) and I didn't bleed.
You're all faggots in America. They must put the pussy gene in the water.
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Hmm.
I could have sworn it was the ugly ball that hit your face.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-08-01 20:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:12:03 (#)
Ranking: -1
Either you are illiterate, or you just don't give a shit about coherence and spelling.
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I know what's wrong, you have sand in your vagina again.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-01 20:13:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Seen better
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-01 20:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The lifeguards came over to make sure she was okay, and finally they stopped the bledding. Mind you, the whole time they are doing this, I am too amazed to even swim over. My jaw had dropped a good 5 feet.
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So you broke her nose, and didn't even swim over? I bet you make her feel safe and secure.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:03:36 (#)
Ranking: 1
Only a +1 because I have serious doubts that a tennis ball not launched directly at her face at full speed could break somebodys nose.
That or you bounced that sucker off the bottom of a low-flying Boeing.
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If I remember correctly, I think it only takes something like 5 pounds of pressure to break someone's nose if you hit it right. Whatever, the point is it's really not very difficult to break someone's nose.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:41:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I got hit in the face by a rounders ball (similar to your baseball, but hit with a shorter bat and with one hand) and I didn't bleed.
You're all faggots in America. They must put the pussy gene in the water.
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:03:36 (#)
Ranking: 1
Only a +1 because I have serious doubts that a tennis ball not launched directly at her face at full speed could break somebodys nose.
That or you bounced that sucker off the bottom of a low-flying Boeing.
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A waterlogged ball would do it.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:12:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Either you are illiterate, or you just don't give a shit about coherence and spelling.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-08-01 19:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Only a +1 because I have serious doubts that a tennis ball not launched directly at her face at full speed could break somebodys nose.
That or you bounced that sucker off the bottom of a low-flying Boeing.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-08-01 18:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile (+1).
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-01 18:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
+2's my ass. This was shit.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-08-01 18:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hell hath no fury like a cheerleader nailed in the face with a tennis ball
Submitted by Hypatia86 (user info) at 2006-08-01 18:35:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that was a cute story
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-08-01 18:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh heh
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-01 17:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahhahahaha