"Beebed:" the Ubermusical - Act II (1483 hits)
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Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-08-03 12:58:33 EDT
Act I - http://www.ubersite.com/m/91005
[band plays]
UBER UMLAUTS *Post by day, post by night! Give it up for Ubersite!*
*Lemonparty, Tubgirl too! Go Uber, plus two two two!*
[fanfare] [cheering] [emus] [rabbits]
PROFESSIONAL_PEON And now... Quiet, please. I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP PEOPLE. And now, boys and girls, the man of the hour, the writing coach we are all depending on to pull Ubersite out of its decline to shitpost bullshittery, our very own coach Kaos-King.
[cheering] [skating off]
KAOS-KING Who's the best?
USERS Uber!
KAOS-KING Give 'em hell, Uber! [cheering] I just wanna tell youse guys that we have a banner year coming up. A banner year. No more drug awareness messages from flarn_dorfar! No more fake corn_nugget pregnancies! No more eight line firstposts with ridiculous camwhores! Well, my boys are primed, I mean really primed because I primed them. Each one, individually, in my desk. In their privates. I mean, in private. I mean, they're not only primed, they're honed,...
AVERAGE_DAN [mouthed] (Hi)
KAOS-KING honed to a sharp...
CIRCE [mouthed] (Hi)
KAOS-KING razor edge. They're killer's knives, I tell ya. And, we're not just...
AVERAGE_DAN [mouthed] (How are you?)
KAOS-KING going out there to win;...
CIRCE [mouthed] (Bloated, actually, but thanks anyway..too much salt today)
KAOS-KING ...we're going out there for glory. And, when we get out there, we're gonna yank 'em, and crank 'em, and suck 'em, er, I mean rip 'em!
VOICE IN CROWD C'mon let's rip 'em up coach!
KAOS-KING And, we're gonna take 'em, and roll 'em around in butter, and mouth them from beh - I mean rip 'em up into pieces! And, then we're going to slaughter 'em. And, after the slaughter is over, and we've taken it all back, we're gonna come back here and ring that victory bell. Like Razor always wanted to. [cheering] [what the hell man...]
[band plays "as I go Traveling Down Life's Highway..."]
----------------------
JAYPEG Hey, Axolotl. Axolotl!
AXOLOTL Hey!
ADAMDIDIT2U Hey!
AXOLOTL Hey, Habeeb. Watch this. You're gonna love it.
AXOLOTL/JAY/ADAM *Drop your drawers, tighty-whites. Shake your wang for Ubersite*
AXOLOTL Weet!
HABEEB Guys... Be cool, huh?
AXOLOTL Hey, watch out, pinhead!
BADASSMOFO Uh, what do you think?
HABEEB What an unfortunate, embarrassing shell of an automobile.
BADASSMOFO Wait 'til I give her a paint job, soup up the engine and install a little fridge for my bologna. Man, she's gonna run like hot sauce through the ol' intestines, like wet shit through an exhausted anus. Lit matches outcho ass! Blammo! I'm racing her at The Bum's Ass.
AXOLOTL The Bum's Ass?
BADASSMOFO Yeah! You wanna make something of it?
AXOLOTL Uh-huh. I don't wanna see you get licked there. I wanna see you make something of this heap.
BADASSMOFO You're cruisin' for a bruisin'. I'll have JayPig sit on you, I swear.
JAYPEG Hey!. What are the Fat Tonies doing here? This ain't their turf.
BADASSMOFO Think they wanna rumble?
HABEEB Yeah, well if they do, we're gonna be ready for 'em.
------------------------
KAOS-KING All right, gang, let's go get 'em! [cheering] [someone creates another alter]
CIRCE Hey, what you doing? Aw, thanks, Caulaincourt.
CAULAINCOURT It's alright, cherie. You know something, you were really great out
there.
CIRCE No, I really messed up. I was so nervous I almost peed myself.
CAULAINCOURT Oh, no. Your split was la bouche.
RIZZO Hi, Circe.
CIRCE Oh, hi, Rizz. Hi, girls.
RIZZO We got a surprise for you.
CIRCE Surprise? What is it?
RAD You'll see! Right, Rizz?
CAULAINCOURT Let me comb your hair down a little bit, here.
CIRCE Where are we going?
CAULAINCOURT Want a little lipstick? Perhaps some poutine to snack on?
------------------------
HABEEB You know, if we fix up this car, it could be make-out city. You know
that?
JAYPEG Squee! A chick is gonna have to put out before she even gets in!
BADASSMOFO You better believe it, man!
RIZZO Hey, Thomas, I got a surprise for you.
HABEEB Oh, yeah?
RIZZO Yeah!
HABEEB Circe!
CIRCE Habeeb?
HABEEB What are you-what are you doing here? I, I thought you were going back to Australia to inseminate kangaroos at a wildlife preserve.
CIRCE We had a change of plan.
HABEEB I can't... that's cool, baby. I mean you know how it is. Rockin' and rollin' and fusion and whatnot!
CIRCE Habeeb?
HABEEB That's my name, bitch, don't wear it out.
CIRCE What's the matter with you?
HABEEB What's the matter with me, baby? What's the matter with you?
CIRCE What happened to the Habeeb Thomas I met at the beach?
HABEEB I do not know. I mean, maybe, uh, maybe there's two of us, right? Maybe I've got an alter that I don'tknow about. Why don't you take out a message on the Uberboard or try myspace.com? I don't know.
CIRCE You're a fake and a phony and I wish I'd never laid eyes on you!
JAYPEG Oh!
AXOLOTL Snap!
BADASSMOFO You shoulda bought some twonami insurance, Beeb.
AXOLOTL Yeah!
ADAMDIDIT2U Whoa! So, she laid her eyes on you, huh, Thomas?
JAYPEG Hey, I bet that's not all she's laid on him. By which I mean she probably laid her bare breasts or maybe even her vagina on him at some point. Man, I wonder what that feels like. [grabs and fondles moobs]
AXOLOTL Yeah, right!
BADASSMOFO Hey, Beeb, I got a car, remember?
AXOLOTL Come on, Habeeb.
BADASSMOFO Alright. Who's got beer money?
ADAMDIDIT2U Come on.
AXOLOTL Well, I swiped my brother's I.D.
JAYPEG I GOT BEANS!
AXOLOTL Come on.
BADASSMOFO Alright. Gimme that, gimme this, open that, gimme the gear. Alright. You ride in the front with me.
------------------------
CIRCE He was so nice to me this summer.
CAULAINCOURT Listen, Circe, men are like Helmut Cat. Listen to me. They're, they're worms in the stool of Helmut Cat. They're lower than Lisa's t-cell count. The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy. And her gynecologist. Mmm...warm hands. You know what you need?
CIRCE What?
CAULAINCOURT A night out with the girls. Huh? We're having a sleepover at my house tonight and are going to act like the proper whores we really are. Wanna come? Good. You'll love it. Come on.
-----------------------------------
ORGASMATRON Hey, look, it's Rad!
RAD [with "BUCKY BEAVER"]
*Meepa, meepa, meepa*
*Dachshunds get your sleep-a*
*With the brand-new pillow*
*It's dandy for your sleep*
*Meepa, meepa, meepa*
*New Doglover matress*
*Meepa, meepa, meepa*
*Knocks out*
*Wily dogs fast, fast*
*Faster sure alright*
*Do-* [Orgasmatron throws stuffed dachshund] ugh!
ORGASMATRON Turn that poo-poo off!
RIZZO Hey! Hey, hand me a ciggy butt.
ORGASMATRON Oh, me too, over here.
CAULAINCOURT Hey, you want one, Circe?
CIRCE No thanks, I don't smoke.
ORGASMATRON Bauwauugh?
RIZZO Go Ahead, try it. It won't kill you. Yet. Give her a break. [Circe
coughs] Oh, I forgot to tell you. You shouldn't inhale unless you're used to it. Or swallow, really. I learned that the hard way last year at prom.
CAULAINCOURT Hey, Circe, let me teach you how to French inhale. It's really cool. Watch. [sucks the smoke in and queefs out a heart shaped smoke ring]
RAD God, that is the ugliest lookin' thing I ever saw. Smells like a barn too.
CAULAINCOURT Nah, the guys really go for it. And that's how I got my nickname, LaFlamme.
RIZZO Sure it is!
CAULAINCOURT Cochon!
RIZZO O.K., O.K., how about a little Hobo's Delight to get the party going?
[cheers]
RAD Hello Kitty merlot. Wow, it's imported! Hey, I brought some twinkies. Anybody want one?
ORGASMATRON Twinkies and box wine. Oh, that's real classy, Rad.
RAD It says right here, it is a "dessert wine".
RIZZO Hey, Circe didn't get any wine.
CIRCE Oh, that's O.K.
RIZZO Bet you never had a drink before, either?
CIRCE Oh yes I did. I had some champagne at my cousin's wedding once.
RIZZO Heyooooooooooooooooo!
RAD What's wrong? We don't got cooties. I don't anymore, anyway, thanks to those antibiotics. Girls, remember: you may not get pregnant if you give them the ass, but damn do you ever risk a chance of infection.
CAULAINCOURT Hey, Circe, would you like me to pierce your ears for you?
RIZZO/O-MAN/RAD *dum-da-dum...*
CAULAINCOURT Pouffiasse!
RIZZO/O-MAN/RAD *dum!*
CIRCE Isn't that awfully dangerous?
CAULAINCOURT Oh. No, I know what I'm doing. I'm going to be a beautician, you know. "La Flamme's Salon and Boutique: Where Beauty Comes to Posture." Ah, I can see it now.
RIZZO What's the matter? Are you afraid?
CIRCE No, I'm not!
ORGASMATRON Here Caul, you can use my virgin pin!
RAD Yeah. It's nice to know it's good for something!
CAULAINCOURT Parfait.
CIRCE Oh, Caulaincourt. I really don't think it's a good idea.
CAULAINCOURT Oh, well, it's O.K.
CIRCE My father won't like it. I promise you, he doesn't...
CAULAINCOURT Listen, it's like your first time with an Asian man - you won't feel...
CIRCE Ow!
CAULAINCOURT Oh! Uh, Circe, why don't we go into the bathroom. My mother will kill me if I get blood all over the carpet like I did when my cousin broke my hymen in fifth grade.
CIRCE What???
CAULAINCOURT Oh, it only bleeds for a second.
CIRCE Caulaincourt, I don't feel very well. [swoons]
RIZZO Don't worry about it, Circe. If she screws up she can always fix your hair so your ears don't show.
CAULAINCOURT Circe, Circe, beauty is pain.
CIRCE Aah! [vomits]
CAULAINCOURT Would you please get me some ice to numb her earlobes? Rizzo, would you get a bucket and a mop? Mon Dieu!
ORGASMATRON Why don't you just let the cold water run and stick her ear under the fawcett? I like to do that to get my nipples hard sometimes.
CAULAINCOURT Oh!
ORGASMATRON Personally, I'm getting rather chilly. And peckish. Rawr.
RIZZO Hey, what's that?
ORGASMATRON From Bobby in Korea.
RAD Are you going with a Korean? Is it true what Caul just said abo—
ORGASMATRON No, dummy, he's a marine.
RAD & RIZZO A marine! [scream, orgasm]
ORGASMATRON You wanna see a picture?
RIZZO God, you're turning into a one-woman U.S.O.! Aten-whore! [salutes]
CAULAINCOURT Hey, you guys, Circe's sick again. I just did one ear, she saw the blood and blech! I think I saw a quarter of a sandwich come out.
RAD You ain't getting your hands on my ears.
CAULAINCOURT Oh, yeah? Well, you'll be sorry. 'Cos I have been accepted to Wal-Mart's La Coiffure Beauty School.
RAD You mean you're dropping out of Uber?
CAULAINCOURT Hey, I don't look at it as dropping out. I look at it as a very strategic career move. A break, really. Just a break.
RIZZO Hey. Why's he torn in half?
ORGASMATRON His old girlfriend was in the picture. That slut. I'd like to kill her with my bare hands, or, or maybe cut out her tongue and sew her eyelids shut before burying her alive. No one will have my Bobby. No one. SWF. SWF. SWF. [rocks, dazed]
CAULAINCOURT Uh, Circe, here's a toothbrush. You can keep it, as it will smell like your insides soon.
CIRCE Oh, thanks, Caulaincourt. I'm sorry to be so much trouble.
CAULAINCOURT [sighs] Oh, it's O.K. You're Australian.
RIZZO Oh. Miss goody-two-shoes makes me wanna barf.
["LOOK AT ME, I'M Miss CIRCE"]
RIZZO *Look at me, I'm Miss Circe*
*Lousy with virginity*
*Won't go to bed, 'til I'm legally wed*
*I can't, I'm Miss Circe*
Watch it! *Hey, I'm 'Neen de True*
*I won't open up for you*
*Won't spread my legs, don't care how Redskies begs*
RIZZO/RAD/O-MAN *For love from 'Neen de True*
RIZZO *I don't do anal*
RAD & O-MAN No!
RIZZO *Or swear*
RAD & O-MAN Ooh!
RIZZO *I don't let guys nut in my hair*
RAD & O-MAN Ew!
RIZZO *I get ill from one cigarette* [coughs]
*Keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers*
*Would you pull that crap with Annette?*
*As for you JonnyX*
*I know how you lust for sex*
*Though lingerie's sweet, I won't swallow your meat*
RIZZO/RAD/O-MAN *I'm just plain Miss Circe*
RIZZO *Voltage, Voltage, let me be*
*Keep that penos far from me*
*If you can't wait, chin up, man, masturbate*
*Hey, Poletage, I'm Miss Circe*
CIRCE You making fun of me, Rizz?
RIZZO Some people are so touchy.
----------------------------
ADAM/AXOLOTL/JAY *... and then you gotta use the toilet*
*and later on, you start to scratch like hell!*
BADASSMOFO Will you stop singing 'The Herpes Song,' you vultures.
HABEEB Hey. I, I changed my mind. Let's get out of here.
JAYPEG Hey, what do you mean?
HABEEB What do you mean, what do I mean?
CAULAINCOURT Shh, shh, shh, shh. Oh! They can't come in here. My folks will flip.
JAYPEG Hey, Adamdidit2u. Why don't you call her?
HABEEB C'mon, let's get out of here.
ADAMDIDIT2U Oh, Circe, wherefore art thou, Circe? G'day, wanna lay?
HABEEB Sit down!
BADASSMOFO Sit down! Shut up! Sit down!
HABEEB C'mon, let's go.
RIZZO You stale prudes are too much for me. I'm gonna get my kicks while I'm still young enough to get 'em. Enjoy your box social.
CAULAINCOURT Oh, God! What's she gonna do, shimmy down the drainpipe? Wouldn't be the first time she's shimmied a pipe, I guess.
JAYPEG Hey, look, there's Rizzo. Man, I could go for some serious rizzoto right about now.
AXOLOTL Hey, Rizzo, you're doing that without a net, or your diaphragm!
RIZZO Swell bunch you are, rushing to help a lady. See if I post a camwhore any time soon.
AXOLOTL Lady? I don't see no lady!
BADASSMOFO Shut up!
AXOLOTL Alright...
BADASSMOFO Shut up!
RIZZO What's up, Mofo?
BADASSMOFO One guess. Boiiiiiiing.
RIZZO You got a lot to offer a girl.
BADASSMOFO Yeah, you know it.
RIZZO What say, Beeb? Go Bears woo?
HABEEB You're looking good, Rizz.
RIZZO Eat your heart out.
HABEEB Well, sloppy seconds ain't my style. Especially when they smell like mofo afterwards.
RIZZO Where are you going, to silence your lamb?
HABEEB Well, it's better than hangin' around with you chuckleheads.
ADAMDIDIT2U Hey, Habeeb.
AXOLOTL Hey, Habeeb.
BADASSMOFO Your, uh, chariot, my lady.
----------------------------
CIRCE I don't know what I ever saw in Habeeb Thomas.
ORGASMATRON Don't sweat it, honey. Have one of mine. [hands her a letter]
CIRCE There's so many of them!
ORGASMATRON I know!
CIRCE How do you keep up with all of them?
ORGASMATRON I'm a terrific pen-pal: hopelessly devoted to each and every one. Poems keep the fellas coming back for more. And damnned if mail-sex isn't as hot as the back of a Nigerian's neck in the middle of summertime.
----------------------------
AXOLOTL Hey!
JAYPEG What are you doing?
RIZZO O.K.! So, what do you guys think this is, a gang bang?
JAYPEG [pretending to know what that is] You wish!
BADASSMOFO Hey! Hit the pavement! [threatens with a hatepost]
ADAMDIDIT2U Hey. You gotta be kiddin'?
BADASSMOFO I said now! Ax, I swear to God if you don't beat it I'm going to post those pictures of you jerking off to those shots of your mom.
AXOLOTL Alright, alright.
BADASSMOFO Move it!
AXOLOTL Remember us in your will.
ADAMDIDIT2U Your will alright.
JAYPEG When a guy picks a chick over his buddies, something gotta be wrong!
ADAMDIDIT2U You said it!
JAYPEG C'mon, guys. Let's go for a slice of pizza! Oink!
AXOLOTL Yeah.
----------------------------
CIRCE Can I have some of that?
ORGASMATRON Sure.
CIRCE Thanks.
ORGASMATRON Wait.
["HOPELESSLY DEVOTED TO YOU"]
CIRCE *Guess mine is not the first heart broken*
*My eyes are not the first to cry*
*I'm not the first to know there's when a heart's been minus two'd*
*You know I'm just a fool for writing*
*Love songs on my heart for you*
*But baby can't you see that fusion's got me melting for you*
*I'm hopelessly devoted, Go Beeb Woo*
*But now, there's nowhere to hide*
*Since you pushed my love aside*
*I'm out of my head, hopelessly devoted, Go Beeb Woo*
*Hopelessly devoted, Go Beeb Woo*
*Hopelessly devoted, Go Beeb Woo*
*My head's saying "crikey, enough mate"*
*My heart is saying "don't let go"*
*"Hold on to the end", that's what I intend to do*
*I'm hopelessly devoted, Go Beeb Woo*
*But now, there's nowhere to hide*
*Since you pushed my love aside*
*I'm out of my head, hopelessly devoted, Go Beeb Woo*
*Hopelessly devoted, Go Beeb Woo*
*Hopelessly devoted, Go Beeb Woo (Hopelessly devote, Go Beeb Woo)*
[radio] ... Are emus ruining your life? Do you hate the stepping in vicious emu dumps in the morning? Fear no more. Fight back with Emu-B-Gone, the new poison by Ha Ha Industries. Just sprinkle these high powered pellets in your front yard and watch the feathered bodies pile up...
BADASSMOFO Ooh.
RIZZO Ooh.
BADASSMOFO Ooh.
RIZZO Ooh.
BADASSMOFO Ooh, ooh, Rizz. Rizz. Rizz.
RIZZO Could you call me by my real name?
BADASSMOFO Uh... uh... Oh, uh... Hmm...
RIZZO Gladys. Gladys.
BADASSMOFO Gladys, Gladys, Gladys, Gladys, Gladys.
Oh. Oh, Gladys.
Gladys!
Gladys, ooh.
RIZZO Thank you.
Hey, you got a jimmy hat for your kielbasa?
BADASSMOFO Kielbasa? WHERE? Oh, nevermind. A jimmy hat? Are you kidding?
[withdraws a CabaretGirl-brand condom]
RIZZO Ooh.
BADASSMOFO My 25-cent insurance policy.
RIZZO Big spender.
What?
BADASSMOFO It broke.
RIZZO How could it break?
BADASSMOFO I bought it when I was in the seventh grade.
RIZZO Ohh. Oh. What the hell, man! I guess we can always just cyber.
RIZZO Oh, Gladys. [car slams into Badassmofo's car] Hey, what the hell you think you're doing?
SPHAGNUM You're parked in a no-parking zone, creep.
KINDANEWS You're parked in a no-parking zone, creep.
WHYSENHEIMER You're parked in a no-parking zone, creep.
THOREAUME You're parked in a no-parking zone, creep.
BADASSMOFO The whole place is a no-parking zone, mouth breather!
SPHAGNUM Oh, yeah?
KINDANEWS Oh, yeah?
WHYSENHEIMER Oh, yeah?
THOREAUME Oh, yeah?
BADASSMOFO Yeah! You're going to pay for that! Wait...is there an echo in here?
SPHAGNUM Yeah? Well, I'll give you 75 cents for the whole car, including your chick! Ha ha! Yes! I've stirred the shit again! [the four users post tired, negative comments across the front page; 16 tires peel out as, strangely, only one car leaves the lot]
----------------------------
BADASSMOFO Nah, we just gotta bang out the dent. That's all there is to it.
AXOLOTL The problem isn't in the dent.
BADASSMOFO Where?
AXOLOTL The problem's in this rubber band engine.
BADASSMOFO The problem's in your mouth, pickesmoocher.
ADAMDIDIT2U Yeah? Where are you going to get a new carburetor? Huh?
BADASSMOFO You ever hear of tanning, Casper?
JAYPEG Hey, Badassmofo. You got any Funyuns?
HABEEB Hey, big stuff, what do you drive, huh?
JAYPEG I don't drive. I waddle.
HABEEB Yeah? How about you?
ADAMDIDIT2U Who, me?
HABEEB Yeah.
ADAMDIDIT2U Well, what about Axolotl?
AXOLOTL Well... I... I... well... I...
HABEEB That's what I thought. Now, come on, guys. Look. Now, this car could be a major piece of machinery. You know that? Now, look at this.
["GREASED LIGHTNING"]
HABEEB *Why, this car could be systematic*
*Hydromatic*
*Ultramatic* (woo!)
*Why, it could be Greased 'Gina (Greased 'Gina)*
HABEEB *We'll get some oversized panties and water sol'ble lube, oh yeah*
BADASSMOFO *Keep talkin', whoa keep talkin'*
HABEEB *A fresh Brazilian wax-job and a chrome-plated vibe, oh yeah*
BADASSMOFO *We'll get her ready, I'll kill to get her ready*
HABEEB *With her spread out on the floor, they'll be waitin' at the door*
*You know that pink'll get the ladies wet, I wanna fit*
*In Greased 'Gina*
T-BIRDS *Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go*
HABEEB *Go, Greased 'Gina, you're burnin' up my fingernails*
T-BIRDS *Greased 'Gina, go, Greased 'Gina*
HABEEB *Go, Greased 'Gina, you're charging down those labial trails*
T-BIRDS *Greased 'Gina, go, Greased 'Gina*
HABEEB *You are so clean, (ah-ah), you want my cream, (yeah-yeah)*
*my Greased 'Gina*
T-BIRDS *Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go*
HABEEB *Purple French tickler and thirty-inch dildo, yeah*
T-BIRDS *Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh*
HABEEB *A swollen, hot clithood and duel hairless lips, oh yeah*
T-BIRDS *Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh*
HABEEB *If she'll only take my cock, I can get off my rocks*
*You know that I ain't braggin', she's a real pussy wagon*
*Greased 'Gina*
T-BIRDS *Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go*
HABEEB *Go, Greased 'Gina, you're burnin' up my fingernails*
T-BIRDS *Greased 'Gina, go, Greased 'Gina*
HABEEB *Go, Greased 'Gina, you're charging down those labial trails*
T-BIRDS *Greased 'Gina, go, Greased 'Gina*
HABEEB *My clammy queen, (ah-ah), you'll take my cream, (ah-ah),
*my Greased 'Gina*
T-BIRDS *Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go*
[honk honk]
HABEEB *Go, Greased 'Gina, you're burnin' up my fingernails*
T-BIRDS *Greased 'Gina, go, Greased 'Gina*
HABEEB *Go, Greased 'Gina, you're charging down those labial trails*
T-BIRDS *Greased 'Gina, go, Greased 'Gina*
HABEEB *My clammy queen, (ah-ah), you'll take my cream, (ah-ah),
*my Greased 'Gina*
ALL *'Gina, 'Gina, 'Gina*
*'Gina, 'Gina, 'Gina, 'Gina*
*'Gina*
HABEEB Come on, guys, let's get to work.
AXOLOTL Yeah!
ADAMDIDIT2U Let's roll!
JAYPEG Let's go!
[Fat Tonies yell and jeer]
BADASSMOFO Hey, Beeb, man, those Fat Tonies, they're asking for it. Hey. Hey, Habeeb, what's up? You still thinking about that dingo chick?
HABEEB What, are you nuts? I'm thinkin' about the Bears and the Sox, man!
BADASSMOFO I don't know. I was just thinking, you know.
HABEEB Remember what your parents and guidance counselor said: don't think so much. And always wipe front to back.
BADASSMOFO Oh, that's cool. That's cool. [pauses] So that's why my hand smells.
[jukebox: "La Bamba" - Richie Valens]
JAYPEG Hey, guys!
BADASSMOFO Hey!
ADAMDIDIT2U Hey, Badassmofo, Thomas. Come on, sit over here.
BADASSMOFO Come on, huh?
ADAMDIDIT2U How's it hangin', huh? Low and heavy or high and tight?
BADASSMOFO How's it goin'?
ADAMDIDIT2U Good.
BADASSMOFO O.K., the meeting's in session.
AXOLOTL You know what I heard?
BADASSMOFO What?
AXOLOTL Last year, the fuzz had The Bum's Ass staked out, and everybody got banned for a month.
BADASSMOFO Well? Nobody's going to catch Greased 'Gina.
AXOLOTL Yeah?
BADASSMOFO Yeah.
AXOLOTL O.K.
RIZZO Somebody snaking you, Habeeb?
HABEEB Oh bite my bag, Jizzo.
RIZZO With relish and a hint of cumin. Get it? CUM-in? No? Fine.
HABEEB I don't know about these chicks.
BADASSMOFO Yeah! They're only good for one thing!
JAYPEG Then, what are you supposed to do with them for the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day?
ADAMDIDIT2U Is that how long it takes them to cook and clean, 15 minutes?
-----------------------------
CIRCE Want some new music?
AVERAGE_DAN Yeah.
CIRCE I need some money. [Dan forks over a quarter, light reflecting off his head onto the quarter and into her eyes] Thanks.
AXOLOTL [wolf whistle]
HABEEB I'll be right back.
BADASSMOFO O.K.
STRWBRYFANATIC Hi, Habeeb!
HABEEB I can't talk to you right now.
STRWBRYFANATIC Listen, what are you doing later?
HABEEB I can't talk, alright.
STRWBRYFANATIC Call me!
HABEEB Hi, Circe.
CIRCE Oh, hi.
HABEEB How are you?
CIRCE Fine, thanks.
[jukebox stops]
HABEEB That's good. Hey, Circe, um, I-I've been wanting to talk to you for a long time now.
CIRCE Mmmm. What about?
HABEEB Well, about that night at the bonfire. [jukebox starts playing "Freddy my Love"] I mean, the w-the way I acted, I was terrible. I mean it really wasn't me. I mean, it wasn't me. It was an alter-me. You gotta know that. I, mean, I mean, it-it was me, of course, but it wasn't me. And I... You see, Circe, I-I got this image, right—I got this sorta reputation to uphol...
CIRCE Well, that's why I'm so glad that AVERAGE_DAN's such a simple writer, you know.
HABEEB Simple's right! Too bad his brains are in his biceps and his head has less hair than his balls!
CIRCE Jealous, are you?
HABEEB Jealous? Oh, c'mon, Circe, don't make me laugh. Ha, ha, ha, ha...
CIRCE Well, what have you done?
HABEEB Oh. Oh, c'mon, I can MS paint circles and suns around those jerks!
CIRCE I'll believe that when I see it!
HABEEB Oh. Ho. Ho, ho. SOUP'S ON, BITCHES!
TBC...
User Reviews
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-09-24 16:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hamazing!
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-08-10 15:04:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
[skates off]
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-08-10 15:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know how I missed this!!!
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-08-04 18:12:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-08-04 07:27:43 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2006-08-04 07:17:40 (#)
Ranking: -2
gayer than homosexuality
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-04 16:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Act III: http://www.ubersite.com/m/91419
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-04 16:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*ahem*
Ha.
Yes indeed...
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-04 13:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This needs more heat.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-08-04 07:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2006-08-04 07:17:40 (#)
Ranking: -2
gayer than homosexuality
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2006-08-04 07:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
gayer than homosexuality
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-08-04 07:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If my part in this as any smaller it would disappear.
Mrs Murdock indeed. I'm only 36 not 56!
:-)
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-08-04 06:55:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-04 06:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ST. LOUIS - August 3, 2006 - Chase Utley quickly dispensed with the suspense Thursday night, singling in the first inning to extend his hitting streak to 35 games in the Philadelphia Phillies' 8-1 victory over the St. Louis Cardinals.
WOOOOOOOOOOOO
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:10:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please direct all negative comments to this exercise's originator, shitfuck.
You don't want people to think you don't pay attention to things, right?
Feel free to give me the 'lame' treatment and plenty of grief when the musical that I proposed starts getting posted though. You shouldn't have to wait too long.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I just had to come back and let you know just how completely lame this is.
Sucking ubercock is one thing, but writing a musical about it?
I bet in life you're one of those faggoty sissy types with a deskmonkey job doing something insignificant.
Congrats!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Only if I get access to the third leg. That'd be sweet.
Time for the gym, motherbitches. Byes.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:02:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, WL, I was going back a little further than that.
But, as you're an appendage anyway...
Perhaps you would rather be O's Leg.
You did say you were small.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
scourge, don't threaten me. Or..O, I guess.
And why would someone care about MRR when the post is heated? I'm the one who reviewed it.
Still, your hits are as good as ours, so..
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think I see how this works. When your post falls off the MRR, you review yourself (again), to refresh and squeeze a few more hits out.
Too funny.
btw, if you and ThornsPrivates go together on the next installment, at least have the common courtesy to post it twice, so I can get in a -2 for each of you.
Fair's fair.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:44:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:12:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm turning over a new leaf. If I don't have anything nice to say, I won't say anything at all.
So I guess this is goodbye to most of you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Didn't you get your ratings taken away anyway?
http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/032706/anything-nice.gif
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:40:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I could almost break my +2ing vow when it comes to some peoples taste in baseball...
Almost.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget the cheer, little man:
LET'S GO PHILLIES
CLAP*CLAP*CLAP*CLAP*CLAP*
(Don't call him Uncle Chase in front of Daddy, though).
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:29:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Never you mind, little man.
Get some rest - Beckett's pitching tonight and you don't want to miss that.
I guess...*I guess*...we can see if Chase Utley's going to continue his hitting streak, too.
Submitted by Feety (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what's an alter, daddy?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's called notoriety, O.
If my posts don't break under the strain of the hate by the 13th review, I feel I haven't done my job properly.
Just means Thorns is fucking up the whole internet enemy thing. Get with the program big guy.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You think I'm going to stay here with you in this..this SIN WAGON?!!"
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-03 16:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-03 16:12:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Act 1 - 1.61 on 62 reviews
Act 2 - .7 on 66 reviews
Damn you and your charismatic ways, Thorns.
===============================================
What can I say? The ladies love my magnificent thorn...I mean, writing skills.
Let's pitch in together for act III and go for the median 1.16 rating, shall we?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-03 16:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Act 1 - 1.61 on 62 reviews
Act 2 - .7 on 66 reviews
Damn you and your charismatic ways, Thorns.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Pathetic.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:34:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dominican tobacco is taking over the rep that Cuban tobacco used to have. Farewell, Havana gold standard.
The more you know...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:31:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:17:02 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:10:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:05:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey Bubba! You're arguing in the daylight!
Did they remove CyberSitter at work, or did the slurpee machine break down?
Watch this, this guy will never stop arguing.
Don't you guys all love to be on most heated, or something?
_______________
Blow me, shitstick.... :)
I took a vacation day just to fuck with asswipes like you, ya fuckin' tard. :-D
------
I believe you would. I love you, bubba.
What do you think about the Cuba thing? The CIA should get over there, huh?
________________________________________
Ya fuckin' buttwipe, like you haven't read my reviews on teh Cuba post.
I was around when the CIA tried that shit, and you weren't .
Be that as it may, notwithstanding, to wit, and nevertheless, Cuba did nothing of note
EVER in their history. Well, I've had bootleg Cuban cigars, and they were awesome.
I hear that BAMF is leaving, and that's KindaNews. . . . :-D
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:17:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:10:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:05:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey Bubba! You're arguing in the daylight!
Did they remove CyberSitter at work, or did the slurpee machine break down?
Watch this, this guy will never stop arguing.
Don't you guys all love to be on most heated, or something?
_______________
Blow me, shitstick.... :)
I took a vacation day just to fuck with asswipes like you, ya fuckin' tard. :-D
------
I believe you would. I love you, bubba.
What do you think about the Cuba thing? The CIA should get over there, huh?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:48:15 (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking hell. I'm never going to get to 10,000 reviews.
My one true objective in life and I can't even do it.
I'm really starting to despise this place. It's gone all "lame".
Too many pseudo-intellectual cock-suckers who think they know everything when in actual fact, they know nothing. People who are just completely unable to laugh at themselves regardless of how ridiculous they are.
===
Speaking of both something to laugh at and ridiculousness: http://www.ubersite.com/m/91255
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well now that you're responsible for almost 25% of the reviews on this post I should think you've said enough for the day.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm turning over a new leaf. If I don't have anything nice to say, I won't say anything at all.
So I guess this is goodbye to most of you.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:05:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey Bubba! You're arguing in the daylight!
Did they remove CyberSitter at work, or did the slurpee machine break down?
Watch this, this guy will never stop arguing.
Don't you guys all love to be on most heated, or something?
_______________
Blow me, shitstick.... :)
I took a vacation day just to fuck with asswipes like you, ya fuckin' tard. :-D
I do not argue with you, KindFuckedup. I speak and you shrivel. See whut I mean??
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:56:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:32:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
You guys are fucking retards.
I have 2 alters. Shadowfacsimile and Ghettafix. They're both banned.
Kindanews is JonnyX's alter. The others I don't know.
------
Jesus, that's more insulting than insisting I'm Spagnum.
Jonny-cakes blows.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Awww...Woody...
Not Bud Harrelson?
I was just on the phone talking to some broad about the Mets, ironically.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:06:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Honestly, what the fuck is entertaining about this post?
Besides the reviews of course?
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:05:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey Bubba! You're arguing in the daylight!
Did they remove CyberSitter at work, or did the slurpee machine break down?
Watch this, this guy will never stop arguing.
Don't you guys all love to be on most heated, or something?
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-03 15:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:52:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:50:18 (#)
Ranking: -2
Nice research, Man-head.
I was probably referring to this one though :- http://www.ubersite.com/u/ghettafix
Oh look! I was actually being honest when I said this was mine? How unlike me.
========
Your alters' insults are way funnier.
I'll take them as a compliment now though..since you look like you ate the whole Wynnona.
Before she lost the weight.
-----
That's funny WL. But he won't know what the hell you're talking about.
I was just kidding about the weight, btw. When you say you're small, I take you at your word.
But you really do remind me of her in that one picture.
It's not an insult. She's not a bad looking woman, you know.
Submitted by Levity (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do people really still use alters these days?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nice logic, dickbrain.
Now apply it to me.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:56:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Harrelson = Shlongy, Corky.
Not everyone's talking to or about you, you presumptuous clownshoe.
Except that I am right now, but I wasn't.....nevermind.
Besides, BEEBED is the word.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:56:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:32:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
You guys are fucking retards.
I have 2 alters. Shadowfacsimile and Ghettafix. They're both banned.
Kindanews is JonnyX's alter. The others I don't know.
--------
haha, nice try at deflection, everybody knows I don't do alters - I'm not giving up precious hits for no reason.
Look at my post from yesterday - it's on the Uberboard - I insulted half of Uber under my own name. I don't feel the need to hide behind any fake names like the rest of you cocksucking alters.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:48:15 (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking hell. I'm never going to get to 10,000 reviews.
My one true objective in life and I can't even do it.
I'm really starting to despise this place. It's gone all "lame".
Too many pseudo-intellectual cock-suckers who think they know everything when in actual fact, they know nothing. People who are just completely unable to laugh at themselves regardless of how ridiculous they are.
We have a name for those people down under. They're called "Americans".
Look it up in the dictionary for dummies that some of you I'd hope have chained around your neck.
_______________________________________________________________
Right. Slam the Americans. We don't need to laugh at ourselves when we have dipshits like
you on here. . . . :)
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Harrelson? You're giving me a woody.
(Look! A pathetic joke that you'll actually have a chance of understanding)
Add it to your overly diminished repertoire, Poe.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:50:18 (#)
Ranking: -2
Nice research, Man-head.
I was probably referring to this one though :- http://www.ubersite.com/u/ghettafix
Oh look! I was actually being honest when I said this was mine? How unlike me.
========
Your alters' insults are way funnier.
I'll take them as a compliment now though..since you look like you ate the whole Wynnona.
Before she lost the weight.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't be mad just because you haven't shown up as Teen Angel yet, Harrelson.
The time will come.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nice research, Man-head.
I was probably referring to this one though :- http://www.ubersite.com/u/ghettafix
Oh look! I was actually being honest when I said this was mine? How unlike me.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Needs more Wynona's leg.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking hell. I'm never going to get to 10,000 reviews.
My one true objective in life and I can't even do it.
I'm really starting to despise this place. It's gone all "lame".
Too many pseudo-intellectual cock-suckers who think they know everything when in actual fact, they know nothing. People who are just completely unable to laugh at themselves regardless of how ridiculous they are.
We have a name for those people down under. They're called "Americans".
Look it up in the dictionary for dummies that some of you I'd hope have chained around your neck.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sphag- I don't believe you called the alter by name, but you said something to the effect that you had an alter that was banned on the same day as your Sphagnum account.
That alter posted bannable material on the same day, I already suspected it was you because I happened to be on uber at the time, so that's where I drew my conclusion. His bannable post is supposedly a camwhore of you. Sure you never heard of him?
I'll link his user info, but not the last post, it's NSFW. Take a look. You must have a stalker.
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=26681
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:46:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I just scrolled through this entire, lengthy, unreadable shit-post and realized that this must be the musical for the "B-Listers".
Nice ass-kiss-fest.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What happened to all the love on Uber.
"shedding uber tears of sorrow"
What's wrong with the world mama?
People living like aint got no mamas
I think the whole worlds addicted to the drama
Only attracted to the things that bring you trauma
Overseas yeah we tryin to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin
In the USA the big CIA the Bloodz and the Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And if you hatin you're bound to get irate
Yeah madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
You gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love y'all
People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(where is the lovex3)(the love2x)
It just ain't the same all ways have changed
New days are strange is the world the insane?
If love and peace so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations dropping bombs
Chemical gases filling lungs of little ones
With ongoing suffering
As the youth die young
So ask yourself is the loving really strong?
So I can ask myself really what is going wrong
With this world that we living in
People keep on giving in
Makin wrong decisions
Only visions of them livin and
Not respecting each other
Deny thy brother
The wars' going on but the reasons' undercover
The truth is kept secret
Swept under the rug
If you never know truth
Then you never know love
Where's the love y'all?(I don't know)
Where's the truth y'all?(I don't know)
Where's the love y'all?
People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father father father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(where is the lovex3)(the lovex2)
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm getting older y'all people get colder
Most of us only care about money makin
Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting their young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what the see in the cinema
Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love, we're spreading anomosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down
It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under
I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found
People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(fade)
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm actually another user's alter anyway.
Doesn't that mean that all of these users are their alters, not mine?
Perhaps that's what's going on here.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:38:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've told people alot of things. Doesn't mean any of them are true.
I don't, however, remember saying that, considering I don't even know who that is.
Please link it.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:35:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:32:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
You guys are fucking retards.
I have 2 alters. Shadowfacsimile and Ghettafix. They're both banned.
===
You already admitted to ThoreauMe.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
:
You dropped this.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:33:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:24:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:22:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
The difference is; it actually works when I do it.
__________________________________________
Yeah? Which alter, KindaThoreauWeisenheimer?
========================================
You mean Kindawhysphagroe?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You guys are fucking retards.
I have 2 alters. Shadowfacsimile and Ghettafix. They're both banned.
Kindanews is JonnyX's alter. The others I don't know.
Why would I bother hiding behind alters? I don't come here to make friends.
Think about that for a minute. If I do something to annoy you, I don't want you to have any doubt about who it is that's doing it.
Make sense? Probably not to you fucking airheaded fairies.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...just wow.
You've outdone me with your share of the assignment.
I shall be hardpressed to upstage this with Act III.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 Sphagnum's alter.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:22:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
The difference is; it actually works when I do it.
__________________________________________
Yeah? Which alter, KindaThoreauWeisenheimer?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:22:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The difference is; it actually works when I do it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We love your 'try and push everyone's buttons' campaign just as much, Chunk.
Now Truffle Shuffle or begone.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I love this whole "Let's try and push Sphagnum's buttons" campaign.
It's hilarious.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:11:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:59:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is hilarious, if I was still here I'd +2 it.
_________________________________
BAMF, you'll be here until the Cows in India turn back into people.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:10:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just can't get into it... sorry.
i've failed you.
:(
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"*Meepa, meepa, meepa*
*Dachshunds get your sleep-a*"
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*dies*
Okay, now I can finish reading this... :)
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I too only got about halfway through, T.
I shall finish it later.
bologna...heh
Submitted by Mr_T (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
T got about halfway thru...
T was an actor, why wasn't T included in this>
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is hilarious, if I was still here I'd +2 it.
Submitted by Plint (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://members.on.nimp.org/?u=timecop
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:31:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:27:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:13:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-27 12:56:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 I'm not in this so I'm not reading it.
---
*The smug smile of the included*
====
You're this guy. Smug it up, nerdo.
http://www.collectinghollywood.com/EDeeze1.jpg
---
AN ACT OF UNWARRANTED AGGRESSION! I WILL BE AVENGED!
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:48:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:45:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:34:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm high as shit on speed
plus twos for all
====
HAHAHA
fukin druggie
______
and lovin it
I've got 25 more pills waiting for me tomorrow
and I have ex in my pocket right now
I'm excited
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:46:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Some people are REALLY bored at work. . .
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:45:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:34:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm high as shit on speed
plus twos for all
====
HAHAHA
fukin druggie
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SPHAGNUM You're parked in a no-parking zone, creep.
KINDANEWS You're parked in a no-parking zone, creep.
WHYSENHEIMER You're parked in a no-parking zone, creep.
THOREAUME You're parked in a no-parking zone, creep.
BADASSMOFO The whole place is a no-parking zone, mouth breather!
SPHAGNUM Oh, yeah?
KINDANEWS Oh, yeah?
WHYSENHEIMER Oh, yeah?
THOREAUME Oh, yeah?
------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This is rich, I genuinely guffawed!
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm high as shit on speed
plus twos for all
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:27:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:13:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-27 12:56:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 I'm not in this so I'm not reading it.
---
*The smug smile of the included*
====
You're this guy. Smug it up, nerdo.
http://www.collectinghollywood.com/EDeeze1.jpg
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:13:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-27 12:56:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 I'm not in this so I'm not reading it.
---
*The smug smile of the included*
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jaw hurt from all that dick sucking, buddy?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This makes me think of what The Muppet Show would be like if they all were on crack.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 on faith that you did a great job with this week's installment. I'll come back and read this after lunch.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-27 12:56:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 I'm not in this so I'm not reading it.
Submitted by Plint (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
circle jerk guys C'MON!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah. Sickening ass-grabbery and name dropping.
Thanks for including me, fuckstick.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:10:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:06:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
SPHAGNUM Oh, yeah?
KINDANEWS Oh, yeah?
WHYSENHEIMER Oh, yeah?
THOREAUME Oh, yeah?
------
You guys are all fucking morons.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:05:28 (#)
Ranking: -2
One post a day, n00b.
----
Must be the same person.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chins up, tubby. At least you're in it.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SPHAGNUM Oh, yeah?
KINDANEWS Oh, yeah?
WHYSENHEIMER Oh, yeah?
THOREAUME Oh, yeah?
------
You guys are all fucking morons.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:05:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One post a day, n00b.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-08-03 13:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-08-03 12:59:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get a life, fag.