A few of the things that annoy the shit out of me at work. (1950 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 88 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2006-08-03 17:21:53 EDT
Performance Tracking. Whatever happened to the good old days, when you worked until you fucked up and then they canned your ass? Man, you could slide by for years before getting caught. These days you spend so much time in meetings tracking and reviewing your performance that you don't get all your work done and they can your ass within a few months of your hire date.
The Asian guy who hits the men's room between 1PM and 3PM and spends up to 45 minutes on the shitter. No joke. On the rare quiet day around here I've timed the guy. He's easy to spot by his scabby old sneaks. And he isn't even reading. He's just sitting there.
All the Asian guys at work. Why is it that when an Asian guy takes a dump, you can tell he is Asian? And when are the Chinese who work here ever going to grasp the concept of the courtesy flush? The last time I walked into the bathroom I felt like I was getting a skin peel. My face was burning. China must smell really bad.
Dykes. The short blocky haircut, the sensible shoes, the mannish clothes. Jesus Christ, you broads are right up there with wiggers when it comes to dressing just like everyone else in your little demographic in attempting to express your individuality and show everyone the real you.
Fags. I don't care if he IS a CEO. He's had a dick in his mouth, and I'm not shaking his fucking hand.
The emphasis on all this diversity bullshit. For Christ's sake, we work in San Francisco. If we couldn't handle diversity we would have relocated to Texas already. I'd love to attend the next 'educational' meeting on diversity wearing a 'White People for Jesus' t-shirt. Then we'd see how much diversity these clowns are really willing to embrace. If they were really honest they would call these gangbangs 'White People Are Very Bad' seminars.
The cluster fuck of tree-hugging tofu-eating left-of-central anything-goes San Francisco free-living-fucks who spend all day talking about what a totalitarian hell the United States is (Down-trodden illegals! Inner-city blight! Iraq! Guantanamo!), pausing only to complain about the fact that their train ran 90 seconds late or that the barista at Starbucks forgot the whipped cream on their $4 skim-milk cappuccino.
If we had baristas at work I'd mention them as well. What ass-monkey came up with that glorified title?
Bald workout freaks. Look, you're bald, okay? It isn't cancer. Don't overcompensate by going all Mitch Pileggi on us. It isn't necessary, and it's as obvious as that sporty Honda convertible you're driving, the one that is all shiny and has an engine that sounds like a sewing machine.
Babes in tiny/see-through blouses. We are in a work environment. We have responsibilities and cannot be distracted from them, except for when we have to endure our annual sexual harassment training, or have to take a few minutes to remove that 1940's pinup or innocuous photo of a cutie in a swimsuit from the walls of our cubes. And there they are, the titty-babes, bouncing around in tiny tops that are straining and about to burst open in a fleshalanche of pure tit, or wearing tops that are transparent and showing us lacy cups overflowing with jouncing bouncing juicy buoyant boobies. Just fucking stop it already. I get aroused enough as it is every time one of you bends over to fill the bottom tray on the photocopier while I just happen *cough* to be there. I don't need to be pushed over the edge. It's not like I can blow off steam with an emergency wank anyway, not with Shanghai Sneaks in the shitter all day.
If you use the last staple in a stapler, refill the motherfucker. It takes about 15 seconds. Or if you jam it, simply ask for help. Don't sneak away and hide like a dog that just shit on the carpet. If I'm really annoyed I might give you a dirty look. Remember, in North Korea you could be killed for doing shit like that.
Armsguy and Batchman. It seems that every time we need a building engineer on the floor, they sent a team. A very special team. One guy wears a tiny tight shirt (I keep expecting him to sound like Schwarzenegger, "Look, I haff yuge mah-sills!") and the other wears pants so tight he can't possibly have a normal pair of testicles, otherwise he would scream with every step (I noticed this once and now always look away. It is grotesque and disturbing, but the ladies seem, to like it. Broads. What the fuck do they know, anyway?). Why the hell they send both Alaindee and Alaindum to replace a simple fluorescent tube or change a nameplate is something I'll never know, but I suspect they have one hell of a union.
The idiot who keeps screwing up the Excel spreadsheets by— HAHA just kidding Loki!
Elevator people. Do not get on an elevator with me, and then turn and face me and stare at me expectantly as if I am going to break into song. I am not your motherfucking entertainment. If you think you need something to get you through that 30 second ride, buy an iPod or carry a paperback. You fucking tool.
Salespeople. I don't care how good your product is or how fun your pitch is or how many freebies and goodies you will bring to the office. I do not want to know you. Unless you are that little hottie from Hawaii, with the perfect legs and the nice wide hips and the firm round ass and the teeny-tiny waist and the slender torso and the jutting, jiggling, implant free tits and the long dark hair that shines like silk and the face of a goddamned angel, then I'll spare a few minutes of my time.
That fucking guy over in the corner who looks like a Nazi. Every time I walk by him I expect to hear a shout of, "Deine Papieren, bitte!"
Good Samaritans. San Francisco is full of these self-satisfied fucks who drop a few bucks on the cause du jour and act like they just saved the planet. I hate 'em all, except for the girl in the little flower print dress who was down on the street a minute ago while I was having a smoke, watching her hunker down and help some fat broad who was so immersed in her cell phone call she tripped on the curb and went tits up. Honey, that dress was riding high and I was enjoying every moment of it, so thanks.
Door pricks. You know the scene. You are in as much of a rush as everyone else, but you pause and hold open a door for someone and they breeze by without a thank you. What, am I wearing epaulettes with gold tassels on them? I'm not a fucking doorman, and if the conditions are right, as they were a moment ago when I came in from my smoke break, I will get to the elevators ahead of you and just smile as the doors close in your face, you bastard. Instant satisfaction.
I guess I should get back to work. It's annoying how the paperwork just keeps piling up on my desk. You'd think I spent all day fucking around.
User Reviews
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2006-09-28 00:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry i forgot to put that in quotes. i'm more baked than i thought.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2006-09-28 00:25:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fags. I don't care if he IS a CEO. He's had a dick in his mouth, and I'm not shaking his fucking hand.
fan fucking tastic. i laughed my ass off, and not just because i'm baked.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-09-28 00:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack, if I raped and killed you, would you go to hell?
I'm seriously wondering. Like if I shot you in the back of the head either just after or while cumming.
I'm curious, is all.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-09-27 16:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am Jack's spleen
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-27 16:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-09-21 23:46:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
I've had a dick in my mouth, will you shake my hand? I promise I'm a nice dude, and touching me won't send you to hell. PROMISE
--
Oh I know that, silly. I know that I AM NOT THE ONE going straight to hell.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-09-21 23:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've had a dick in my mouth, will you shake my hand? I promise I'm a nice dude, and touching me won't send you to hell. PROMISE.
Submitted by i_walk_alone (user info) at 2006-08-08 16:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
is it wrong to throw granola bars at bums as you drive by?
or to throw them into a group of bums and watch the ensuing fight?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-08-07 20:31:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-08-06 23:45:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
auto 2 for shanghai sneaks.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2006-08-06 17:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Fags. I don't care if he IS a CEO. He's had a dick in his mouth, and I'm not shaking his fucking hand."
Oh dear lord, I am going to hell for laughing at that. My boss is ghey.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2006-08-06 16:19:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-06 14:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't really care what annoys you Jack. I wish you would get back to your fictionally awesomeness.
Oh my god....I can't stop it....I don't want to say it because it represents something I hate. I think you will identify with this more though..
Auto + (130489 189290 134789. 58907134 890 5129045 7890146 589124 7895. 54547 345345 244547587 25456 2345645456 23452345624)infinity Jack Mcallum.
Submitted by MisterDevious (user info) at 2006-08-05 19:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Out of: Madison
Into: Wisconsin Rapids
Out of: my mind
Into: porn
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2006-08-05 16:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-05 07:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd probably annoy you at work. You'd probably annoy me at work.
"Don't sneak away and hide like a dog that just shit on the carpet."
I enjoy your writing, but your rants don't usually illicit laughter from me. I laughed my ass off over this.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-04 23:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-08-04 23:04:41 (#)
Ranking: 1
If we had baristas at work I'd mention them as well. What ass-monkey came up with that glorified title?
______________
the evil entity known as starbucks...
--
I heard that, even though there is a Starbucks every 100 feet in most big cities, some franchises are LOSING money because it takes to long to get a coffee.
In the neighborhood coffee shop or the local greasy sponn, they just pour you a cup right away.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-08-04 23:04:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If we had baristas at work I'd mention them as well. What ass-monkey came up with that glorified title?
______________
the evil entity known as starbucks...
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-08-04 18:03:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Junk-In-The-Trunk Cats!
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-08-04 17:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
quality rant
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2006-08-04 17:17:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He's easy to spot by his scabby old sneaks
----------------------------------
So, to fly below the Jack McCullum radar at work, you'd need at least 4 - 5 pair of shoes?
China must smell really bad
------------------------
It's not where they're from dude, its the diet. Down a big bowl of fishead soup and see what your dumpsters smell like.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-04 16:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 just because it's Jack...
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-08-04 14:56:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The perfume thing is key, especially when the perpetrator is gone when I get in the elevator and then everyone else who gets on afterward thinks it's me.
Also and this is a new one on the list:
People who call up on a Friday and invite you to an out of town wedding because whoever was supposed to go with them backed out at the last minute and you don't know the bride, groom, anyone else there, and would rather be boiled in oil than go.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-04 14:23:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ubmitted by MisterDevious (user info) at 2006-08-04 14:14:04 (#)
Ranking: 1
Not on your list, and not as bad as Asian crappers, but I'm looking at one right now: Nuclear Odor Generators. A person who wears so much perfume/deodorant/hair spray etc. that they literally have a radius of effect around them like ground zero. I swear this woman could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon from 100 yards away.
Christ I'm glad it's Friday & I'm almost outta here. Time to go home, have a pizza and a wank (all hail Jenna Haze!), and, oh yeah, start packing. Got a job offer mid-state so I can finally FUCKING QUIT THIS DEAD-END NIGHTMARE OF A JOB and with any luck make it outside the sphere of smells.
MrDVS
--
GOOD CALL.
I missed the perfume, and you are right. Especially those artificla Calvin Klein scnets that make a woman smell like an unwashed cooze. Yeech!
Where are you moving to/from?
I may have a BIG move and lifestyle change looming a year or two down the road.
Doing a lot of thinking about things these days...
Submitted by MisterDevious (user info) at 2006-08-04 14:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not on your list, and not as bad as Asian crappers, but I'm looking at one right now: Nuclear Odor Generators. A person who wears so much perfume/deodorant/hair spray etc. that they literally have a radius of effect around them like ground zero. I swear this woman could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon from 100 yards away.
Christ I'm glad it's Friday & I'm almost outta here. Time to go home, have a pizza and a wank (all hail Jenna Haze!), and, oh yeah, start packing. Got a job offer mid-state so I can finally FUCKING QUIT THIS DEAD-END NIGHTMARE OF A JOB and with any luck make it outside the sphere of smells.
MrDVS
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-08-04 13:08:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-04 12:48:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
This cracked me up twice. First for '...and 15 people going the other way see an open door and stampede...' and of course, for the Falling Down reference.
-------------------------------------
It's an interesting study in human behaviour, the open door thing. Example: there are three doorways to go through to get to a train platform. The middle door is propped open while the other two are closed, but unlocked. People would rather stuff themselves into the one open the door in a scene right out of the Three Stooges rather than open a door for themselves.
I've watched able bodied people with nothing in their hands stand at a doorway for a full half a minute repeatedly pressing the automatic door opener button meant for handicapped people. When they finally clue in that it's broken, they heave a heavy sigh and then open the door manually.
I'm glad you got the reference, I figured you might.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-08-04 13:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't there some law in San Francisco against feeding homeless people? I may be wrong about that but I'm pretty sure it's somewhere out on the left coast.
anyway
Thankfully I am not personally affected by this, but the guys in the department have been bitching about the fact that the guys from the department on the other side of the building come over here when they have to drop a really nasty load. I have noticed a few menfolk I don't recognize sneaking across the hallway between the elevators so they may be telling the truth. I figure it's either really happening or they're the ones dropping the really nasty loads and claiming that it's someone from another department. I'm afraid that this is going to wind up being a shit war because the guys from this dept will end up going over there for the post-burrito and chili dump to get even. Hell they may even intentionally eat nasty shit causing food just to...
I can't go on.
It's a side of men that I'd just assume stay sheltered from, but no such luck.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-04 12:48:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-08-04 12:32:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Door pricks. I HATE those people. It's either:
-you hold the door for them and get no thank you
-you're behind them, they walk through the door (held open by the person in front of them) without touching it so it slams in your face
-OR you open the door for yourself and 15 people going the other way see an open door and stampede through it.
I've gotten so sick of these assholes that I started saying aloud "YOU'RE WELCOME/THANKS A LOT JACKASS" while repressing the desire to kick them in the face. I think a vacation is needed before one of us has a "Falling Down" moment.
--
This cracked me up twice. First for '...and 15 people going the other way see an open door and stampede...' and of course, for the Falling Down reference.
It should come as no surprise I love that movie. Whenever I argue with Caulaincourt the best line in the movie comes to mind.
"I'm an American, and you're a sick asshole."
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-08-04 12:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Door pricks. I HATE those people. It's either:
-you hold the door for them and get no thank you
-you're behind them, they walk through the door (held open by the person in front of them) without touching it so it slams in your face
-OR you open the door for yourself and 15 people going the other way see an open door and stampede through it.
I've gotten so sick of these assholes that I started saying aloud "YOU'RE WELCOME/THANKS A LOT JACKASS" while repressing the desire to kick them in the face. I think a vacation is needed before one of us has a "Falling Down" moment.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-04 08:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for accuracy.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-08-04 07:32:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:35:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not so much laughing at the post (although it was decently funny) - I'm laughing at the fact that you hate fags, dykes and Asians and yet you're in San Francisco. You must feel like the secretly-a-Klansman deputy who pulls Freaknik duty. SUCKS FOR YOU BUDDY
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-08-04 01:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 21:12:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-03 20:24:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
By the White Christ, Bradley, quit being an fucking idiot.
McCallum has written more good shit and entertained more people on this site than you could ever even _conceive_ of doing in your paranoid little brain.
Reflect on this: Why do so many people think rob_berg is an unlikeable dipshit?
Uber? Discuss, please.
--
Is this guy another alter?
What is with me and all these fucking alters?
---
What is the obsession with alters?
I mean its a good opportunity to marginalize folks who think yer an asshole... but the paranoia gets a little obsessive- especially from JonnyX and that insipid jgreening idiot.
The fact that you are a tremendous writer is seperate from the annoying limited world view you seem to employ. I have challenged your opinions many times but you have either chosen the high road, or just simply ignored me. Quite frankly both are fairly impressive, if you ask me.
To be honest I am curious how a mind such as yours works. You trancend the normal collection of mindless rightwing assholes that plague the world... yet still contribute to this growing culture of ignorance with your well written rhetoric.
Yer a fairly enigmatic jack-ass... and I have to admit a begrudging respect for you.
SO there you have it.
r.
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-08-04 01:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+0 only becasue San Fransico which will soon not be on the planet
You posting every day or what man
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-08-04 01:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-03 20:55:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
I need a point?
---
Nah, you prove everyday you are pointless.
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-08-04 00:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for being Jack, -1 for office job.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-08-03 23:03:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Honey, that dress was riding high and I was enjoying every moment of it, so thanks."""
So let's see, you live alone, you herd cats and now, you're a voyeur who'd rather masturbate to the taught of dress riding in the wind than talking to a woman.
F.R.E.A.K.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-08-03 23:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I am obsessed with monkeys, bubba.
I mean, they have cute little tails and they just look so darn pettable.
what?
Submitted by Snalty (user info) at 2006-08-03 22:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for working in San Francisco.
Submitted by Snalty (user info) at 2006-08-03 22:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Fags. I don't care if he IS a CEO. He's had a dick in his mouth, and I'm not shaking his fucking hand. "
Does that mean you don't like straight girls, either?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-08-03 22:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can honestly say that I've never been in a Starbucks.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-03 22:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-08-03 22:11:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and don't mind Rob.
Either he's an alter of ETS that went awry and he can't seem to let him go, or he's a mindless hanger-on, who at first would argue like hell with ETS, then all of a sudden became his cock-monkey.
_______________
Coffee monkey, cock-monkey-- Jay, are you obsessed with monkeys?
We're all Uber monkeys.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-08-03 22:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 21:12:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
What is with me and all these fucking alters?
***
you unwittingly wandered into the limp-Dick black hole of the milksop nebula?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-08-03 22:11:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and don't mind Rob.
Either he's an alter of ETS that went awry and he can't seem to let him go, or he's a mindless hanger-on, who at first would argue like hell with ETS, then all of a sudden became his cock-monkey.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-08-03 21:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This has rapidly turned into a sweaty ball sack, male bonding thing.
I think I'll duck out right about now.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-03 21:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
jackie doesn't need to get laid with jonny and bubba around.
What a dick sucking fiesta!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 21:12:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-03 20:24:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
By the White Christ, Bradley, quit being an fucking idiot.
McCallum has written more good shit and entertained more people on this site than you could ever even _conceive_ of doing in your paranoid little brain.
Reflect on this: Why do so many people think rob_berg is an unlikeable dipshit?
Uber? Discuss, please.
--
Is this guy another alter?
What is with me and all these fucking alters?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 21:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-08-03 21:06:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck it, it's not bad.
And I call the barista at the Starbucks in Alberton's a coffee monkey.
He's an emo kid, working there during the summer break, and he gets pissed to the point where last time he wouldn't help me.
--
Coffee monkey!
Gotta use that.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-08-03 21:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck it, it's not bad.
And I call the barista at the Starbucks in Alberton's a coffee monkey.
He's an emo kid, working there during the summer break, and he gets pissed to the point where last time he wouldn't help me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-03 20:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I need a point?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-08-03 20:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-03 20:31:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Because he's a fucking idiot.
---
At times. Your point?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-08-03 20:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-03 20:24:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:50:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
------
By the White Christ, Bradley, quit being an fucking idiot.
---
um... that's 'Rob'. That would be like me calling you Clarence. The name is right there.
OH, you are infering that I am ETS. Right... and I'M paranoid.
---
McCallum has written more good shit and entertained more people on this site than you could ever even _conceive_ of doing in your paranoid little brain.
---
And what does that have to do with anything? I think he is a fantastic writer, and very entertaining. I just think he's a dickhead- or at least puts on a VERY convincing act on this here internet.
Now YOU, on the other hand, all I know is you are an annoying pest with nothing new to add to any conversation you are involved in. You just scoot around this site wiping your ass on various posts- or occasionally stopping by to slurp on the odd dick. You're a pest.
---
Reflect on this: Why do so many people think rob_berg is an unlikeable dipshit?
Uber? Discuss, please.
---
Yes please. Let's discuss that.
See from what I can tell... very few people find you likeable in any way. In fact, based on what little I have read around these parts - most people seem to think you are a pathetic little troll- just like I do.
I have little doubt in any kind of popularity contest - whether online or at the pub - I would be deemed FAR more likeable than you.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-08-03 20:48:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-03 20:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Because he's a fucking idiot.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-03 20:24:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:50:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:42:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's just a sad effort to avoid any real reflection as to why certain people find you unlikable.
--
It's just my uber personality.
-Caulaincourt
------
By the White Christ, Bradley, quit being an fucking idiot.
McCallum has written more good shit and entertained more people on this site than you could ever even _conceive_ of doing in your paranoid little brain.
Reflect on this: Why do so many people think rob_berg is an unlikeable dipshit?
Uber? Discuss, please.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-03 20:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The cluster fuck of tree-hugging tofu-eating left-of-central anything-goes San Francisco free-living-fucks who spend all day talking about what a totalitarian hell the United States is (Down-trodden illegals! Inner-city blight! Iraq! Guantanamo!), pausing only to complain about the fact that their train ran 90 seconds late or that the barista at Starbucks forgot the whipped cream on their $4 skim-milk cappuccino.
_______________________
Sounds like the 60s, except we didn't have Starbucks (thank God). We had to suffer with
Boone's Farm wine. . .
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-08-03 19:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dinosaur.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-08-03 19:11:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:59:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
There are a lot of black chicks that I think are hot. A lot of Asian chicks too.
In fact, I'm such a sexist pig I could never be a racist. San Francisco is like a candy store, beautiful babes of every imaginable ethnicity and racial mix.
No KKK membership for me.
So I've got that in my favor, right?
Right?
---
Well sure. If you stretch your list to include all of the things you are NOT...however 'Not' raping kittens doesn't necessarily make you a better person now does it. (Well... unless you are fairly deplorable- and if that pussy had it coming.)
For the purposes of this little self awareness exercise you might want to focus on the distasteful 'qualities' you do have... not the ones you don't.
Admitting you are a misogynistic prick doesn't excuse you from being one, either.
Although drooling over hotties is fully understandable. mmmm....
r.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:54:53 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:50:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:42:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's just a sad effort to avoid any real reflection as to why certain people find you unlikable.
--
It's just my uber personality.
-Caulaincourt
---
unlikely.
r.
--
There are a lot of black chicks that I think are hot. A lot of Asian chicks too.
In fact, I'm such a sexist pig I could never be a racist. San Francisco is like a candy store, beautiful babes of every imaginable ethnicity and racial mix.
No KKK membership for me.
So I've got that in my favor, right?
Right?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:54:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:50:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:42:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's just a sad effort to avoid any real reflection as to why certain people find you unlikable.
--
It's just my uber personality.
-Caulaincourt
---
unlikely.
r.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:52:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did I mention that yesterday at work I drooled on myself?
It only lasted a moment, but I found the incident disturbing.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:35:00 (#)
Ranking: 1
Unless you are that little hottie from Hawaii, with the perfect legs and the nice wide hips and the firm round ass and the teeny-tiny waist and the slender torso and the jutting, jiggling, implant free tits and the long dark hair that shines like silk and the face of a goddamned angel, then I'll spare a few minutes of my time.
------
Bonnie's right Jack, you DO need to get laid. Jesus.
--
That made me laugh out loud.
Then I started to cry.
Everyone in my department is looking at me . I should just go home.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:50:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:42:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's just a sad effort to avoid any real reflection as to why certain people find you unlikable.
--
It's just my uber personality.
-Caulaincourt
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Close-minded, spiteful, bigoted, shallow, petty idiocy... all disguised as well written comedy. It's fucking pathetic... I feel dirty for smirking.
You are smart. Super talented. Christ, there is no-doubt you are successful and probably even quite likeable when you aren't going out of your way to be a giant dickhead... but please understand that you are a good solid example as to why people generally hate western civilization. I fully realize that nothing anyone says to you on this site will ever have any immediate impact on your towering arrogance- but deep down in your rotten soul I want it to resonate that decent, altruistic, inclusive, and otherwise tolerant people around the world really DO think that people like you damage society.
I know you think you are cool and legitimately don't give a fuck... besides it's easy to marginalize all of your detractors as "those" people. (read: tree-hugging-liberal-commie-pinko-hippies types)
It's just a sad effort to avoid any real reflection as to why certain people find you unlikable.
Oh, and fuck you for being so god damned funny. Asshole.
r.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not so much laughing at the post (although it was decently funny) - I'm laughing at the fact that you hate fags, dykes and Asians and yet you're in San Francisco. You must feel like the secretly-a-Klansman deputy who pulls Freaknik duty. SUCKS FOR YOU BUDDY
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Unless you are that little hottie from Hawaii, with the perfect legs and the nice wide hips and the firm round ass and the teeny-tiny waist and the slender torso and the jutting, jiggling, implant free tits and the long dark hair that shines like silk and the face of a goddamned angel, then I'll spare a few minutes of my time.
------
Bonnie's right Jack, you DO need to get laid. Jesus.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:23:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
It isn't just me! Everybody who comes over to my place feeds her. She shakes people down and blackmales them. "Feed me, or else!"
I tried putting her on a diet but she tried to kill me.
I can't get another cat. My apt. complex only allows tenants to have 1 cat. Yup, 1 cat clause.
--
Jesus, you're like a doctor in a 1950's melodrama, puffing away on a smoke while telling a patient that they have to change their lifestyle if they want to live longer. You should know better.
Make it a science experiment.
Look, a few years back someone took a look at shitloads of useless animal testing data, and realized that mice that were being underfed by just a bit where healthier and lived longer. I always underfeed my cats. They are always hungry. But they are sleek and active. The fatass I inherited 2 years ago now has an empty bag of belly skin that almost drags on the ground since she has lost so much weigh.
If someone could do that for Apollo, imagine how quickly his bitterness would disappear!
Remember, it's better for their health.
Cleaner too. A skinny cat can clean itself better.
A fat cat, like a sumo wrestler, needs an assist in the asswiping department.
Think about it.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We named the belly of our fat cat. We called it Tom. This shamed him and he lost the weight.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AWESOME
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It isn't just me! Everybody who comes over to my place feeds her. She shakes people down and blackmales them. "Feed me, or else!"
I tried putting her on a diet but she tried to kill me.
I can't get another cat. My apt. complex only allows tenants to have 1 cat. Yup, 1 cat clause.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:16:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Caths are easy to put in males.
The nurses here use x-tra larges on the asshole male patients.
--
Tips like that I can definitely use. You know. Just in case.
Notice how I avoided saying the usual... 'Hell I wouldn't have to worry unless they had some extra-extra-larges in stock {insert manly guffaw}!!!'
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:10:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
You and I haven't interacted much, Jack. But it really sounds like you need to get laid.
--
You are absolutely right.
Your cat isn't the only one who needs to play and get some exercise.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Caths are easy to put in males.
The nurses here use x-tra larges on the asshole male patients.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
JESUS CHRIST FG13 THAT FUCKING CAT IS GOING TO EXPLODE!
Get another cat so it can play and get some exercise!
Damn!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:13:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ouch! Goddamn catheter....
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You and I haven't interacted much, Jack. But it really sounds like you need to get laid.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83672 Here is the fatass I was telling you about. She's my girl and everything, but day-um!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:08:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:03:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's a "load on", gnarls.
It's a load of my spooge. On your face.
--
Okay, that sounds like an old man grabbing the ass of his live-in nurse while she's trying to put in a new catheter.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:03:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's a "load on", gnarls.
It's a load of my spooge. On your face.
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:01:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See, I kind of understand.
I work in FUCKING tourist information, and am the coordonator for my area.
I can tell you EXACTLY the things I hate about this job
- The fucking buses, full of organized trips (especially asian) that come through, that all want ''Map, Map... Where United States?'' and don't speak a word or french or english.
- The way the air conditioning breaks every other day
- Random, older men who come in and hit on me at every chance they get (especially bikers)
- People who left from 100km away, to get to 90km away, but ended up hear, and can't tell a road sign from their elbow.
- When people come in, and I'm eating, and have to stop eating every third second to say ''Bonjour, comment puis-je vous aider'' and they're ''just looking''
- When the power goes out, cause I'm located in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to do without a computer
- counting the money
- paperwork
- bitchy people (someone actually tried to file an official complaint yesterday, because I was nice enough to let them use the office phone, and it 'didnt sound right'
- The french (from France) that come through, which are usualy the bitchyest bitchy bitches of all bitches.
Wow that's a load off....
thanks
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 Elevator people.
Shitheads.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This wasn't even really worth a review, but I passed by and saw it hanging there just above zero, and thought, what the hell.
Submitted by mc (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:55:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
add one for the creepy guy that takes the staff ID badges.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your own B.O.???
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:46:56 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
--
When his local runs out of bitters, the bartender just squeezes Apollo's head over a glass containing a shot of gin.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:46:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't hate this.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:26:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
I bet the mirror in the women's bathroom annoys jackie.
--
Jesus Christ, how many fucking alters do you have?
Here's a DVD recommendation for ya...
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EHQU0S/sr=1-1/qid=1154640864/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-3707074-4810262?ie=UTF8&s=dvd
The true story of a young woman named Sybil, whose childhood was so harrowing to her that she developed at least 16 different personalities.
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Work*
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woek sucks
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-08-03 17:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I bet the mirror in the women's bathroom annoys jackie.