Police/Fire Logs You DON'T Get To See (1212 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 1.44 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Vagabond (View user info) at 2006-08-04 01:14:08 EDT
Working in the emergency services field, I come across all types of stupidity and insanity. People always ask me about the types of people I come across and usually all i can manage to say while laughing is "stupidity keeps me in business".
Thought I'd share.
05/27/06 - We get a call for a 72 year old.(bullshit, the lunatic was fine)
and respond to the home of a 72 year old female
me: (to my partner) - you want to tech this one?
partner: yeah i got it
patient: (referrring to my partner) - NOOO!!! KEEP THAT WHITE DEVIL AWAY FROM ME!!!!
me: you ok, sir?
patient: yeah! just keep; that white bitch away from me!
My partner is trying desperately to stop herself from cracking up... we're both white and so is the patient
me: well, who would you be comfortable with riding in back with you?
patient: (to me) - just no white bitches. Just us n*ggers, okay sistah?
Devon: well lawdy jesus, we'll jess be protecting the darkies from the massa
apparently, when you hit about 70 years old you forget what race you are so you just pick another one and go all malcolm x on whitey.
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06/13/06 - got a titty-twister from a 92 y/o woman w/ alzheimers who was being c-spine immobilized. The medic starting a line was trying so hard not to laugh at the pained reaction on my face that he almost stabbed right through the old bat's vein. The firefighters didn't even bother trying not to laugh
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06/13/06 - 42 y/o male 111 (homeless) p/t w/ ETOH HEAVILY on-board insisted that the current president is Jimmy Carter.... 10 minutes later the same patient flipped out on us for not giving him proper respect because HE'S THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!!. I already had his real name (id in pocket) but to gauge how trashed he was i asked his name.... he told me he was Bob Dole
06/12/06 - Conversation with patient.
p/t: i'm homeless
me: i know, sir. what were you drinking?
p/t: you're pretty.
me: sir, can you tell me what you were drinking?
p/t: vodka. i need woman. i'm realll good to my women *gives me a dirty look*
me: how much vodka?
p/t: touch me here *points to his crotch while giving me a shit-eating grin* i drank this much - *spreads his arms out wide* - i need a place to stay
me: how much is - *spreading my arms equally wide* - this much in bottle or glass measurements?
p/t: if you let me come home with you, i give you passion allllll night (while he said this he was winking at me and doing pelvic thrusts)
me (to my partner): oh fuck this. he's all yours. (exited and the back of the truck to go drive)
p/t: NOO STAY! i make it reallll good for you baby!
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07/22 - A guy with down syndrome copped a feel. Most action I've had this month.
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1500ish - 06/02/06 - Got called a "White Cunt" by an 82 y/o female
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to date:
marriage proposals from homeless men: 11
marriage proposals from old geriatric men who probably don't remember
asking: 5
times i've been mistaken for "that triflin' bitch who stole ma man!!!" by a
homeless lady: 2 (same lady)
times i've gotten away with oinking at cops: at least 200
frequency people attempt to bribe me: daily
number of bum fights I've witnessed to date: 31
times i've been thrown up on: 28
number of times i've thrown up on a crime scene because the body was very, very decomposed: 3
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-16 18:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-08-05 07:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-08-05 06:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Illuminating.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-08-04 18:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's the general aftermath of a bum fight?
To what extent do emergency service workers need to be involved after an average bum fight?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-04 13:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't you used to post as someone else?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-04 13:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like the stories my friend tells me. rural texan emt. random shit happens out there.
go texas w00t!
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-08-04 12:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
it's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it.
glad to see you're so compassionate about your work.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-08-04 10:30:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-08-04 10:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks, but i'm not a nurse
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-08-04 09:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Semi-amusing
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-08-04 09:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Laydeee nurses are very sexy because you know that if you throw up on them they will take care of you and not kick you out of bed.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-04 09:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-08-04 08:45:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry, you put this under humor. Please don't forget any ingredients next time.
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OH FUCKING SNAP!!!
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-08-04 09:02:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
times i've been mistaken for "that triflin' bitch who stole ma man!!!" by a
homeless lady: 2 (same lady)
--
tee hee
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-04 08:55:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Youre beautiful...*ick*...I wanna be ...*ick*..uhhhh....I wanna be on ..*ick*..on you.
Man that's creepy! Good stories, I can kind of empathize with you on the harassment tip. My boss, this toady looking lady, gives me shit everyday. She doesn't grab my man parts or anything just says creepy things that make me vomit a little in my mouth. I hold a smile but loose all dignity.
-Good day you trifilin bitch who stole ma man. <-#3
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-08-04 08:45:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry, you put this under humor. Please don't forget any ingredients next time.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-08-04 08:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Eh... I hear the same stuff from my husband.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-08-04 07:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-04 01:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-08-04 01:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
More of these. It is entertaining.