Ubersite
Home - About Us - Contact
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain
Welcome to Ubersite!
Search Ubersite
Search for:

Most Recently Reviewed
  1. What really goes on at a u...
  2. My J-Date Misadventure
  3. I thought I killed my cons...
  4. When will women stop sendi...
  5. This site should be more l...
  6. Good fences only make good...
  7. Random Pictures II
  8. 2012: It Could Happen...
  9. New Product Evaluation: C...
  10. Super Important Question
more...
Most Heated
  1. Sleep now? (62 heat)
  2. What's your Theme Song, Ub... (34 heat)
  3. This isn't creepy at all... (22 heat)
  4. Wuthering Heights – A book... (19 heat)
  5. Super Important Question (19 heat)
  6. When will women stop sendi... (18 heat)
  7. This site should be more l... (17 heat)
  8. Super Yum? (17 heat)
  9. 2012: It Could Happen... (14 heat)
  10. Stop! Weathertime, Boring... (13 heat)
more...
Most Viewed Messages
  1. The Ultimate MS Paint: It... (1217019 hits)
  2. "If I cum now, will it be ... (774459 hits)
  3. How The Hell Do I Get Out ... (507801 hits)
  4. Exploiting Peer-to-Peer Ne... (427460 hits)
  5. Motivating the Weekend (383828 hits)
  6. How To Pick Up Chicks (352631 hits)
  7. Knockoff porn movie titles (327927 hits)
  8. My J-Date Misadventure (317799 hits)
  9. Masturbating on Skype with... (313992 hits)
  10. Badass Australian Cows (275525 hits)
more...
Most Viewed Authors
  1. Bart Cilfone (1573205 hits)
  2. S. William Moore II (1562777 hits)
  3. Razor (1536834 hits)
  4. JMG114 (1497443 hits)
  5. Sydeburnz (1433870 hits)
  6. MickGinny (1400920 hits)
  7. loki (1144135 hits)
  8. Jonukah (1084747 hits)
  9. VACANCY (1072382 hits)
  10. Sayonara (1066588 hits)
  11. weeeeep (1027345 hits)
  12. Obama Fofana (994345 hits)
  13. Yankees! (980370 hits)
  14. Tom (923517 hits)
  15. THE MIGHTY APOLLO (847866 hits)
  16. I Got A Life So I Don't Ha... (834004 hits)
  17. ++TIGER++ ++LILLY++ (815597 hits)
  18. Sorrell (805901 hits)
  19. Wally (798484 hits)
  20. RIP™ (779155 hits)
  21. Tremble, hetero swine! (760715 hits)
  22. Phallic_Cymbals (752534 hits)
  23. RON PAUL 2008! (749694 hits)
  24. HIDDEN101 (741692 hits)
  25. Will Zone (728446 hits)
  26. T then ToM (720256 hits)
  27. User Blocked (714737 hits)
  28. iddqd (701391 hits)
  29. kaos-king (688128 hits)
  30. kaos-king (670620 hits)
Click here to return to the list of messages.

Police/Fire Logs You DON'T Get To See (1212 hits)

Category: Humor -> Dumb Jobs

Rating: 1.44 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Labels:

Submitted by Vagabond (View user info) at 2006-08-04 01:14:08 EDT


Working in the emergency services field, I come across all types of stupidity and insanity. People always ask me about the types of people I come across and usually all i can manage to say while laughing is "stupidity keeps me in business".

Thought I'd share.

05/27/06 - We get a call for a 72 year old.(bullshit, the lunatic was fine)
and respond to the home of a 72 year old female

me: (to my partner) - you want to tech this one?
partner: yeah i got it
patient: (referrring to my partner) - NOOO!!! KEEP THAT WHITE DEVIL AWAY FROM ME!!!!
me: you ok, sir?
patient: yeah! just keep; that white bitch away from me!

My partner is trying desperately to stop herself from cracking up... we're both white and so is the patient

me: well, who would you be comfortable with riding in back with you?
patient: (to me) - just no white bitches. Just us n*ggers, okay sistah?
Devon: well lawdy jesus, we'll jess be protecting the darkies from the massa


apparently, when you hit about 70 years old you forget what race you are so you just pick another one and go all malcolm x on whitey.

--------------------------

06/13/06 - got a titty-twister from a 92 y/o woman w/ alzheimers who was being c-spine immobilized. The medic starting a line was trying so hard not to laugh at the pained reaction on my face that he almost stabbed right through the old bat's vein. The firefighters didn't even bother trying not to laugh

--------------------------

06/13/06 - 42 y/o male 111 (homeless) p/t w/ ETOH HEAVILY on-board insisted that the current president is Jimmy Carter.... 10 minutes later the same patient flipped out on us for not giving him proper respect because HE'S THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!!. I already had his real name (id in pocket) but to gauge how trashed he was i asked his name.... he told me he was Bob Dole

06/12/06 - Conversation with patient.

p/t: i'm homeless

me: i know, sir. what were you drinking?

p/t: you're pretty.

me: sir, can you tell me what you were drinking?

p/t: vodka. i need woman. i'm realll good to my women *gives me a dirty look*

me: how much vodka?

p/t: touch me here *points to his crotch while giving me a shit-eating grin* i drank this much - *spreads his arms out wide* - i need a place to stay

me: how much is - *spreading my arms equally wide* - this much in bottle or glass measurements?

p/t: if you let me come home with you, i give you passion allllll night (while he said this he was winking at me and doing pelvic thrusts)

me (to my partner): oh fuck this. he's all yours. (exited and the back of the truck to go drive)

p/t: NOO STAY! i make it reallll good for you baby!
------------------------------

07/22 - A guy with down syndrome copped a feel. Most action I've had this month.

-----------------------------

1500ish - 06/02/06 - Got called a "White Cunt" by an 82 y/o female

---------------------------

to date:

marriage proposals from homeless men: 11

marriage proposals from old geriatric men who probably don't remember
asking: 5

times i've been mistaken for "that triflin' bitch who stole ma man!!!" by a
homeless lady: 2 (same lady)

times i've gotten away with oinking at cops: at least 200

frequency people attempt to bribe me: daily

number of bum fights I've witnessed to date: 31

times i've been thrown up on: 28

number of times i've thrown up on a crime scene because the body was very, very decomposed: 3



Submit to Digg Submit to StumbleUpon

User Reviews


Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-16 18:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-08-05 07:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-08-05 06:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Illuminating.

Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-08-04 18:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

What's the general aftermath of a bum fight?

To what extent do emergency service workers need to be involved after an average bum fight?

Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-04 13:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Didn't you used to post as someone else?

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-04 13:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i like the stories my friend tells me. rural texan emt. random shit happens out there.

go texas w00t!

Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-08-04 12:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

it's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it.
glad to see you're so compassionate about your work.

Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-08-04 10:30:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-08-04 10:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

thanks, but i'm not a nurse

Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-08-04 09:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Semi-amusing

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-08-04 09:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Laydeee nurses are very sexy because you know that if you throw up on them they will take care of you and not kick you out of bed.

Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-04 09:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-08-04 08:45:10 (#)
Ranking: 0

I'm sorry, you put this under humor. Please don't forget any ingredients next time.

==========

OH FUCKING SNAP!!!

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-08-04 09:02:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

times i've been mistaken for "that triflin' bitch who stole ma man!!!" by a
homeless lady: 2 (same lady)
--


tee hee

Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-04 08:55:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Youre beautiful...*ick*...I wanna be ...*ick*..uhhhh....I wanna be on ..*ick*..on you.


Man that's creepy! Good stories, I can kind of empathize with you on the harassment tip. My boss, this toady looking lady, gives me shit everyday. She doesn't grab my man parts or anything just says creepy things that make me vomit a little in my mouth. I hold a smile but loose all dignity.

-Good day you trifilin bitch who stole ma man. <-#3

Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-08-04 08:45:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I'm sorry, you put this under humor. Please don't forget any ingredients next time.

Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-08-04 08:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Eh... I hear the same stuff from my husband.

Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-08-04 07:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-04 01:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I laughed

Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-08-04 01:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

More of these. It is entertaining.


Herb: All born in wedlock?

Homer: Yeah, though the boy was a close call.

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?