Regarding "Hip Hop" and Gettin' Down, Freaky, and the Like. (819 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.83 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JTC (View user info) at 2006-08-04 20:17:56 EDT
A study of the effects of rap, R&B, hip hop, or "music with lots of beats and very little singing that isn't any form of digitized media" upon the female of the species, also women.
This morning, whilst listening to my favorite morning show during the drive downtown--in fact, the only morning show I have EVER listened to--I heard a commercial. This in itself is not uncommon, as commercials abound on the radio. Unless, of course, you are listenining to the new, NEW WKLU 101.9!, in which case commercials do not abound. Clearly, I was not. However, instead of switching to the new, NEW WKLU 101.9! I opted to listen to the commerical. It was for Verizon's new (old) VCast phone:
"Dude! You know how the most up-tight girls on campus turn into TOTAL freaks when they hear hip hop?"
"Dude?"
"Dude!"
Then some ho walks up: "Hey guys, I--"
"BEAT. BEAT. BEAT. WORDS, SYNTH SOUNDS, BEAT."
And the ho is like, "Oh hell yeah this is my shit!" Upon which the music stops.
"--Well I hear the library calling. Bye!"
"Dude! WTF?"
And then the dude with the phone goes on and on about his new Verizon VCast phone. He can download songs from the network, from his home PC (via USB, of course), or he can buy them online and download them to his phone! He can flip open the phone and if he dials triple six, a clown climbs out of the antenna and eats a child, then a giant scary oak comes to life and rips the townspeople to shreds because they erected a bball court on top of an old Indian burial ground, and the Indians can only be woken up by a Verizon VCast phone held by the right man. His network is reliable, and he never has a dropped call!
To tell the truth, I was surprised at how bassy the phone sounded on the radio! I felt like I was listening to a REAL set of speakers, not some crappy phone that plays 19-bit mpnegative1 files.
It has always been my viewpoint that deep down inside, all women are sex-craving whores, except man-hating lesbians and quads. And even then there are exceptions. Men, on the other hand, I have always viewed as heroes, noble champions in the battle to make those sex-craving whores content. Keep in mind, these are merely my observations as a hermaphroditic alien, and are entirely unbiased.
It had rarely occurred to me--and never as a serious thought--that HIP HOP, of all things, was the universal key to unleashing the ho within. Not chocolate, not flowers, and, apparently, definitely not cutting down her incompetent mate on the field of battle, or in her kitchen. HIP HOP.
The synopsis of my study is simple: Hip hop makes women aged 14-32 (these are approximations) get down, freaky, and the like. As evidence, I point you to any number of not only my observations, but to your very own experiences.
Perhaps you remember your high school prom. You were a pimply-faced ultrageek wannabe. You had no sense of fashion, no sex, no prospects, and no rhythm. Keep in mind, we are talking about YOU, not ME. But dammit you were an upperclassmen, and SOMEBODY was gone do tha sex 2nite! And you remember what happened when you got that uptight, snooty, spoiled rich girl out on that floor...? NOTHING! FUCKING NOTHING! SORRY, my prom. Within minutes--usually less--she'd gone from spoiled rich kid to high class hooker.
And you remember that party. Chicks was all everywhere, but they were still wearing clothes...So you liquored 'em up. And they were still wearing clothes. Then somebody had an idea--the hip hop. WHERE DID ALL THE CLOTHES GO!?!??!
Why, just recently you were driving a fly ass hunny home in your equally fly ass 1997 Saturn, and, on a whim, you switched to the local hip hop station! Daaaaayam, this car hadn't seen that much action since 2001 when that man locked those boys in the trunk and they died.
But the worst thing you ever did, was when you were watching that pool that weekend that some sorority rented it out, and you cranked up the hip hop, and suddenly the whole deal turned into a dancing lesbian orgy, and nobody could find their swimsuits when it was time to go, and you blaaaamed it on the dooooooog. =(
My experiences, and your own, will clearly illustrate that hip hop paves the way for sexy dancing, booties movin', and bitties touncin'. Ladies, it is no shame to give in to your primitive instincts; when the hip hop plays, get down, freaky, and the like.
The following is a test.
lolpixelporn.html (123 kB) [text/html]
User Reviews
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-08-07 16:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'M RIGHT.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/parenting/08/07/sexlyrics.teens.ap/index.html
CNN says so.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-08-05 18:25:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SACRILICIOUS. I MEANT SACRILICIOUS. I HIT MY HEAD TODAY. SORRY.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-08-05 18:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-05 12:07:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
The synopsis of my study is simple: Hip hop makes women aged 14-32 (these are approximations) get down, freaky, and the like.
=====
The minute 33 hits, the clock REALLY starts ticking. Buy us a 40 and rap the national anthem, anything. We're yours.
---
Good to know; I set my sights on the older women, only to fail again and again. But perhaps now I will succeed.
But Sacrilious, this still leaves the question: What exactly ABOUT hip hop makes you ladies go freak? If I can figure this out, and somehow package it, I'll either be the most sexed up man alive, or really rich. And I'd probably take the latter, to be honest.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-08-05 12:49:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that image is so badass
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-05 12:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The synopsis of my study is simple: Hip hop makes women aged 14-32 (these are approximations) get down, freaky, and the like.
=====
The minute 33 hits, the clock REALLY starts ticking. Buy us a 40 and rap the national anthem, anything. We're yours.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-05 11:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 link.
THAT is cool.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-08-05 02:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha.
guess what.
+2
and youge inspired me to go masutrbate.
Submitted by toucansam (user info) at 2006-08-04 22:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
woo i have a phone like that....mine you have to dial 69 for free sex! yay me
Submitted by ooQueso (user info) at 2006-08-04 21:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hip hop is an annoying fad...
ASCII art is cool, but that's the first I've seen in some form of color... double awesome.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-08-04 20:28:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shit.
what the hell man, if they are hippin and hoppin, means they want somethin, more better u hop hip their hip hoppers than they hop their hips on the street, uh?
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-08-04 20:20:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TEST FAILED.
SHIT!