Hobo's Keep Me In Business (1108 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.69 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Vagabond (View user info) at 2006-08-05 09:30:36 EDT
I work in a busy city where the homeless problem is pretty severe. As a result, emergency services spends a good amount of time dealing with what we call "one-eleven's" (or buck-eleven's) which is our police code for an vagrancy under the influence.
Key Terms
Section 12 - Forcible psych commitment.These can be done by a doctor or by the police on the street (if you're acting fucking insane). Mainly, these are done by doctors. We go to an unsuspecting person's house, knock on their door, and inform them we have a court order to lock them up. Some have had this happen before and go willingly. Most do not appreciate being taken by suprise and are ready to fight it out over it. Not a huge fan of carrying these out.
The other side to Section 12's is if you're completely shit-drunk on the street and you have some massive gash on your person that's bleeding all over. If you're refusing medical care and obviously not in a normal, rational state of mind, the police will come and you will be "sectioned" to have medical treatment.
Section 35 - Forcible Detox. The hobos get this. If we pick a bum up and bring them to the same hospital enough times, the ER gets fucking sick of seeing them. If a doctor issues a section 35 you're going to be a guest of the state in a state psychiatric hospital for 30-60 days. During this time, you'll be fed, given a bed, and clothed. You also will be forced to detox from drugs and alcohol. This doesn't go over well with the buck-eleven's.
When the 30-60 days is up? They're back on the street and the whole process starts again. A section 35 is basically nothing more than a vacation for Emergency Services Personnel and Hospital staff from a complete fucking asshole.
(Amazingly? You find a drunk on the street you have to take them to an ER because it's a medical call. If they get too violent/abusive once they're medically cleared? Police will come and take them into protective custody. Mostly they just dry out at the ER and then go out and repeat the whole cycle again.)
*
Note: Before I got into this line of work, I used to say the common statement "well, if i was homeless I'd abuse drugs and alcohol too!". You know what? Maybe you would, but I have zero sympathy for these people because most of our regulars are violent and abusive to Fire/Police/EMS personnel who attempt to help them. A good number of them don't even have to be homeless. Several have families who want to help them but they refuse it.
*
These people typically tend to have severe drinking/drug problems and we get to know them by name/sight. Everyone has their least favorite buck-eleven.
A run down of some of our regulars -
RF - Complete asshole. We get called to a man laying on the sidewalk unconcious. Typically, he's just taking a nap. He also takes naps in the middle of busy streets. When we arrive on scene, he's typically laying there flipping us off. When you attempt to help him up? He likes to try to kick us in the head.
This guy is also a rapist. Buck-eleven known as W gets drunk until she passes out. When this happens? He fucks her passed out body. Because she's out cold and such a drunk? She doesn't really know it's happening.
The joke is: "Don't stand still around RF or he'll think you're unconcious and fuck you"
hobo porn live shows are NOT hot.
W - She's not that difficult. She has a seizure disorder that dates prior to her ETOH abuse. Instead of getting medical care, she drinks to control her seizures. (doesn't really work) She somehow manages to have a bank account somewhere that funds her drinking. When drunk, she never speaks, she also doesn't walk. She weighs about 300lbs and picking her up off a bench really isn't much fun. Especially, because she has the typical aroma of drunken hobo wafting from her. She is also one of those exceptions to the rule that maggots only infest the dead.
W is the "girlfriend" of several male bums. Meaning she gets laid without knowing it by numerous hobos. This is especially bad because W has Hepatitis C.
Diablo - When Emergency Services is talking about the buck-eleven's they hate more than anything? Nobody says Diablo. Why? Because it's a given that we all hate her more than anything. Diablo is a 42 year old woman that looks about 70.
Diablo's thing is that she's just a fucking asshole. She drinks heavily, uses a variety of drugs and milks the system for everything she can. We see her a minimum of 2 times a day and I think the max she's been seen in a day is 12 times. She is VIOLENT. Always. There are no exceptions to this. If you're called to her, you're going to have to fight. When she's on PCP? This fucking sucks. She's almost broken my arm and given me a few black eyes in the past.
Diablo will call 911 herself and then lay on the street waiting. Once she's picked up and in the ambulance? She'll decide she doesn't want to go anymore. Being that she's intoxicated, she can't make that decision for herself anymore and we have to take her or we face criminal charges. She always changes her mind once she gets in and then she fights.
She also will pick random things about randome emergency personnel that she decides is her "hate-of-the-day" and then she'll attack them for it.
Diablo is suprisingly strong for a drunken hobo.
Our policy with her is that we only take her to the city hospital. No matter where she wants to go. This way the docs there see how much she gets taken in and are more likely to section her so that we get a break. Last time she got sectioned, we bought the doc flowers out of gratitude.
Her drinking problem resulting in her liver and pancreas being shot to shit. She's probably got about a year to live and honestly? We're looking forward to the end of that year.
TT - This guy is my most hated. He comes from an amazing family. Both he and his brother are buck-eleven's. His other two brothers? One is a state cop and the other is on the city council for the city I work in. I find that pretty damn funny.
This guy likes girls a LOT. There is no question about his sexuality. He gets drunk, is found crawling on a highway, in the bushes or screaming at people/walls/cars/buildings. He likes to touch a lot. Whenever I have him, i end up bruised from the little pinches I call "bum bites" that he gives me all over. I don't even wait for aggression, if he gets in my rig, he's getting a 4-point restraint. I hate him.
This guy also has a talent for falling backwards from standing position and cracking his head open on the sidewalk. I've had that exact call about 5 times this year alone. Smart man.
TBC
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-16 18:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BRAND NEW RATING
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-08-09 11:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
interesting
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-09 11:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've a better analogy now. Let's say you buy apples from a store for a long time and everything is fine. For 14 years you go to just that store to get apples. One day you find a disgusting worm in your apple and throw it away. Ewwww you even bit into the worm a bit gross. Spittewy!
The next day you go back to the store and buy another apple and find that your apple has another dirty nasty worm in it. SPITTEWY! Alright, that's fine I'm just goning to go tell Humble Bob, the apple shop owner whom you feel comfortable with, that I have found a worm two days in a row in my apples and I would like worm free apples hence forth.
Humble Bob says "sure not a problem sorry for your inconvience have a free apple on me." Why would he say "on me" you wonder. He already said have a free apple then put in the on me in there to show that he was losing something by giving you a worm free apple that you thought you paid for in the first place. *shrug* *shrug* *shrug*
You take this apple home and, being that you have had a worm in your mouth two times today because of apples, you put this one in your pocket deciding to save it for tommorow.
"This apple will make a great tweener snack tommorow," you say happily to yourself and whistle a little tune as you walk home anticipating the first succulent bite from the worm free apple.
That night you dream of worms. Huge worms that rise out of the depths of the seas and swallow whole ships. They are everywhere and they want your blood. Ravenous for it. You wake up in a panic and think fuck worms I hate mother fucking worms now. They have invaded my apples and have now invaded my dreams. What the fuck?
At work your dealing with the same bullshit you deal with day in and day out. It's about 3 hours into your shift when you remember your apple. You put it in the breakroom fridge and you snap up out of whatever it is your doing to go grab that apple.
Well Charlie, the little shit ass deginerate from maintence, grabbed the apple and now your appleless. For shame. Your world of apples has been dashed and today you will have to wait all day to get a delicious apple from Humble Bobs.
What's this? An ambulence. Someone is hurt! Oh shit, I hope nobody is seriously hurt. You see the persons' face and behold it's Charlie from maintenance who is hurt. He has what looks to be vomit smeared down his face and is lurching like he's about to vomit.
You ask the ems person what happened as they drag Charlie by and he replies,"that apple he ate had a worm in it the size of texas. This worm was a very rare worm that has a razor like defense mechanism built in its segmented peices. Anyhow those things activated when he accidently bit into the worm"
"What are those segmented pieces called?" is all you can ask.
"I don't know! Get the hell out of my way please I've got to save this man's life."
-------
I could go on and on but I digress out of boredom and because by now I think you know what I'm getting at. I wanted to ask you a question. Do you lump all bums in the same catagory?
I bet you say no but I have a feeling you really do.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-09 09:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bum bites. I get it now. I'm sorry man. Your job sucks in a very cool way. Meaning I don't have those experiences and would like to have the stories that I'm sure your job begets. I just don't want to go through the actual experience of it. Maybe tonight I will roleplay an ems buck-eleven call with my friends.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-09 09:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
good point about the dogs, although there are different types of dogs with different temperments. What if it where a snake or a nasty badger or something gross like a pack of wild slugs?
I was feeding my racoons last night and one of the adolescent racoon americans scratched the shit out of me. Now, am I upset with the whole racoon kingdom? No. But I was so furious with that little shit that I didn't feed any of them. These racoons aren't caged or anything they come to my deck every night and are wild as...well they are wild as racoons I guess.
If your asking yourself, "were you playing with fire there poots? How the hell did you let yourself get so close to a wild racoon?"
well then the answer to both questions is no and, I have a spray bottle that generally scares them away if I shoot them directly in the eyes, I'm a bullseye with it. This time they, 2 of the adolescent racoons, mounted a viscious charge towards me, on my hands and knees, while I was feeding them. I jumped and screamed like a little girl. I had to throw the water bottle at them to keep them from entering my house and I slammed the sliding glass door in their little punk ass faces. My girlfriend scared them away while I put peroxide on the cut. It was a real masculine feeling for me.
I still haven't read this.. I shall read and rate this now.
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-08-08 20:37:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
bum bites are just what i call the bruises i get from when hobos pinch, or hit me. not literally bites.
and yes, i would tell you not to lump all polar bears in together. i tell people that hate dogs due to one experience to knock of their bullshit and suck it up because it's just a fuzzball
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-08 11:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm sorry bums bite you that's pretty sucky. Maybe you guys should start muzzling them or try out a nice ball gag on them.
If a someone bites you are you allowed to hit them with monkey wrenches?
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-08 11:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish it were just one story and I DO respect officers as well they have guns and back up after all. I just don't like most of them. I know they do fine works and I truely believe that there are a few real cowboys out there that are trying to right wrongs. I can keep going on and on and on and on with more stories but I will stop.
I'm not lumping all cops into a category of hatred. I seem to always give them a fair chance. That chance never seems to be reciprocated. I never seem to get treated fairly, in other words, by them.
I met a few guys/cops that I wouldn't mind hanging out with when they took the badge off. But I don't like what the badge/gun does to people and am scared of cops. Something about the fraternal order and the badge that just spooks me out and represents something that I detest.
If I got attacked by a polar bear and I said I hate polar bears, they scare me, you would identify with me and probably say "well I don't blame you." Probably not "stop lumping all polar bears in the same catagory as the one that kicked your ass."
I know there is a difference between cops and polar bears but it's the best comprable correlation I have at the moment.
---
On a side note I would think that if I treated someone at my job the way I have been treated by cops that I would be fired. Not that it wouldn't be fun to choke out some of the cock suckers that I deal with. These guys and gals would actually desrve it. But I don't, because 1. it's illegal and Z. I don't treat people as if they were lesser than me. As if they are not a real citizen of society that breathes air and does the best they can do to make it in the world without hurting anyone.
Here's a good story:
I was taking a shower one day and a spider was in the drain. He was flailing about and looked about as pitifull as any creature could look. I, being caught in a moment of compassion, picked up the spider and threw him outside where he could intermingle with the other spiders.
I go to bed thinking I am the saviour of all spiders and from now on I shall save a spider when it is in trouble. This makes me have a good feeling in my belly and I smile myself to sleep.
I wake up and go through the motions of my morning routine. I look in the mirror, in the middle of my routine, and notice a knot on my forehead. I thought it was a pimple so I squeezed it. Nothing came out of it..odd. I'll squeeze it again only really fucking hard this time. Nothing, hmm one more time except not as hard this time. Still nothing so I go to work and am fiddling with this thing on my forehead not really paying attention to the size or color of the thing.
I get to work and am there for about 2 hours before a coworker, god bless her sweet soul, tells me "Poots you have a huge fucking knot on your head."
"I know it's a pimple that I can't pop."
"I have never seen a pimple look so much like a spider bite before Poots. I don't think that is a pimple. Nope it's a spider bite."
So here I was with this alien head of a knot growing out of my forehead. I mean this sucker was big and everyone asked me wtf it was that day. Of course they would then commence to make glorious fun out of it. I was a spectcle. I was laughed at. I was the butt of the day which is cool I can take a joke but that spider bite was a mother fucker.
Moral of the story has something to do with mayonaise and lolli pops....*shrug*
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-08-08 00:02:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm not a huge fan of police either. I was a brat as a teen who got into trouble... but I DO respect what they do and offer understanding because i know what they deal with at work daily. Yeah, you may have had an asshole cop who jumped to the wrong conclusion but it's human error. Quit dwelling on it and quit lumping them all in one category.
on a side note: i have fresh bum bites from today at work
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-07 11:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's supposed to read "I am not dispusting" aww fuck it. I'm a brainless twit.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-07 11:26:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-08-06 23:27:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
maybe you were mistreated by a cop.... maybe you earned it, maybe not. I've found a good amount of people attempt to push cops/ems to the edge.
You may be against how police treat you... I'm against how a good percentage of the public treats police/fire/ems. My job is to help people. I can't even count on both hands how many times I've had the living crap kicked out of me by some junkie/hobo/fucking psycho who i was called to help.
Family members of patients flip out and abuse us also. I understand the grief and pain. With them, I am more willing to take abuse because I know it's a hard time for them... but bottom line? we're doing everything we can to make things better, but we can't work freakin' miracles!
I know an enormous amount of really good people that are police officers.... and I also know a percent that are total shitbags. Don't lump them all in one category. Also remember that emergency services personal take insane amounts of abuse and are endagered at work frequently. We do the best we can. We're human and we make mistakes. We have tempers like everyone else. Everyone has a line, this doesn't exclude us. You cross it, we react like any other person.
in short:
shut the fuck up, you misinformed, biased douchebag
----
*snap* *snap* *snap*....ok mis thing-a-ma-bob. Lemme tell you a little something about me getting arrested for TRESPASSING with no gun, no lip to the officer, no nothing at all except compliance then you can tell me how misinformed and biased I am. I do not disputing the douche bag charge for I am a total douche bag and I'm sorry for the deuche baggery that started all this, I truely am.
I was 21 on the roof of a public building in my cities downtown area with a few friends. We were out there drinking the nastiest cheapest beer we could find/afford. We weren't being loud or anything just sitting up there talking to each other about current events and the stars and other gay shit like that. Someone must have seen us climbing up on the roof because after 15-20 minutes of us being on the roof the oink patrol shows up. I had one beer in me at that point, I'm not shitting you at all 1, that I slow sipped because the beer was fucking terrible. I was sleepy and buzzless.
The cops shine their flashlights on us and tell us we were being naughty in a very boistrous commanding tone. Us, being scared as shit of cops and other people with guns for that matter, do nothing but climb back down to see what we have to do to resolve this problem. They knew nothing about the beer they knew nothing at all apparently because well you'll see. I was the first one down and walked slowly towards the first cop. He said,"PUT YOU'RE HANDS ON YOUR HEAD." So me being scared as shit and all I do the dumdest thing I can think of at the time, I comply. Were I smart I would have yelled for help and ran in the other direction but I did what the pig told me to do.
"LAY DOWN," he commanded me in another scary tone. I know what your saying to yourself. I know your thinking surely you didn't lie down like the officer asked you to. Well I know I'm hard headed and all and yes I did lie down. Yup that's exactly what I did or tried to do. I was about half way down, moving a little slowly admittedly for there was gravel and concrete down there, when he shoved me to the ground from my back side like the sorry peice of shit he is. I had my hands on the back of my head and was so scared I didn't move them. Just a face plant into the concrete and gravel and whatever trash was on the ground. He then kicked me in the ribs pretty fucking hard enough to make me loose my breath and gasp for air. He told me to shut up and lay still. Then he put his knee on my back with all his weight which was probably twice of what I weighed. Then for some reason the silly mother fucker choked a man half his size, gasping for air already, bleeding, with his hands on the back of his head. Not excessive enough for you?
Well I know I crossed a few lines there and I'm sorry I did exactly what he told me to do without making eye contact or saying anything to him that would have provoked him to throw me to the ground then procede to kick me in the ribs then choke me. Then he took me and my posse to the pokey in extra tight handcuffs, my first time in handcuffs so I don't know not to sit back on them and they get extra tight leaving a nice bruise on my wrists for everyone to see.
There are more of these types of stories, ALOT more, and I know that some of the cops do the best they can with what they are given but come on woman, this is fucking crazy, I did note below as well that I know that cops are a neccesity and I do believe there are some good cops out there like Serpico.
Although I never did that again so maybe I shouldn't have been up there bothering absolutely nobody. Maybe your right. I have never received a parking ticket, speeding ticket, or any other ticket at all for that matter. I pay taxes and get dumped on a daily basis. Maybe in not such a criminal manner as mr. fucked up oinkster up there does but I still eat my fair share of crap from the fine people in this here U.S. of A. I am, in my opinion, a good citizen. I don't need Johnny Oinksalot to throw me around to "put me in line."
So take if for what you will. I'm sure if some of these things happened to you, you might have a jaded opinion of the boys in white and blue too....*shrug* maybe not maybe I'm the one being insane here. Who cares anyway.
Mucho Gusto. Donde esta la biblioteca? Donde esta la zapataria? Me gusta tu mono. Me gusta tu rojo escuela. done and done.
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-08-06 23:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
maybe you were mistreated by a cop.... maybe you earned it, maybe not. I've found a good amount of people attempt to push cops/ems to the edge.
You may be against how police treat you... I'm against how a good percentage of the public treats police/fire/ems. My job is to help people. I can't even count on both hands how many times I've had the living crap kicked out of me by some junkie/hobo/fucking psycho who i was called to help.
Family members of patients flip out and abuse us also. I understand the grief and pain. With them, I am more willing to take abuse because I know it's a hard time for them... but bottom line? we're doing everything we can to make things better, but we can't work freakin' miracles!
I know an enormous amount of really good people that are police officers.... and I also know a percent that are total shitbags. Don't lump them all in one category. Also remember that emergency services personal take insane amounts of abuse and are endagered at work frequently. We do the best we can. We're human and we make mistakes. We have tempers like everyone else. Everyone has a line, this doesn't exclude us. You cross it, we react like any other person.
in short:
shut the fuck up, you misinformed, biased douchebag
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-06 15:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Little whiners" that's why I hate stupid fucking shit hills like you Bubba. God damn get off your high horse and listen to a person every once in a while you mother fucking cum stain of society.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-06 15:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know I do bubs. I'm sorry heh. But I know you will listen when I do. I don't really have a problem with cops. I know they are their to maintain order. I know they are a neccesity to our civilization. However I do not condone how they treat people. Namely me! An innocent. Not that I truely am innocent but getting kicked on the ground and choked while fully complying with a person is not a good way to deal with the problem at hand. That's just me though and that's how I have been treated by oink oinkers in the past. I know you guys go through alot of fucking shhit and that sucks man. But I have had nothing but bad runnins with police officers.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-06 14:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poots, you're right. I'm not a people person, I'm a cop. That's why I hate
little whiners like you. :)
You sure do get serious when someone pokes at you. Heh.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-06 14:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and further more how many of my posts have you rated bubs even if you haven't read them. I'd say all one of them. You didn't even bother, not that you should, reading it. So fuck you man. Right in the ass with a semi lubed hot poker.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-06 14:27:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
work in a busy city where the homeless problem is pretty severe. As a result, emergency services spends a good amount of time dealing with what we call "one-eleven's" (or buck-eleven's) which is our police code for an vagrancy under the influence.
.....
that's all I read before I rated it.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-05 14:55:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Poots, you didn't read it, yet you feel qualified to rate it?
No fucking wonder the cops are out to get you. You must have
"asshole" tattooed on your forehead.
Bubs you really do suck at all things dealing with the living. Not a people person. Suck at being stuck behind a keyboard even. Suck at witty defamations. Suck at being original. Suck at understanding reality even. I like how you think you know everything though. Tickles me a bit. Not one single person cares about what you have to say ever, not that they care about what I have to say either, and yet you go on as if your king shit of fuck mountain. I hate you sir and I will show you the true power of the dark side if you keep tempting me with it. You sir are what I would spit on if you were drowning. You represent all that is wrong with the world. You represent blind hatred and smelly arm pits. Oh well I don't know why I am even bothering. As I write this I know that it is just adding fuel to the flames, yet I am compelled to fight an ignorance that is you. Good luck at sucking at life I hope, I really hope, that it works out for you.
Help control the pet population keep your pet spayed or neutered.
Submitted by nightshade (user info) at 2006-08-05 23:48:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha drunk hobo's
And people say bumfights is wrong
Submitted by toucansam (user info) at 2006-08-05 23:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha bum bites
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-05 15:47:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-08-05 15:39:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm not a cop
______________________________
I understand that, as I read the post. Poots, on the other hand,
is a brainless twit.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-08-05 15:46:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic. Keep 'em coming!
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-08-05 15:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm not a cop
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-08-05 15:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-05 14:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poots, you didn't read it, yet you feel qualified to rate it?
No fucking wonder the cops are out to get you. You must have
"asshole" tattooed on your forehead.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-05 14:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yikes it wasn't the nod from scourge it was ghaola or whatever your name is sorry if I butchered it ther ghaola...
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-05 14:17:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm sure it's good and all seeing as how bubs and scourge gave you the nod but I didn't read all of this simply because your on the oink patrol. I hate most cops, not that your one of those, but I've had a few run ins with the police and have been treated unfairly and with unnecessary force each and every fucking time. Well that's not true, before I grew my hair out at 14, which I have now cut because of conformity things and because long hair is a pain in the ass to maintain, I had nothing but good things to say about the police. I will tell the tells on this post.
I was probably 15 and I looked the part I'm not disputing that. My hair was just past my ears and I was bored and walking around with my friends. We were bothering not one soul but were walking down the street with these walking sticks we found. We had no intent on using them for violence or anything. We were just walking down the street with sticks in our hands. When out of fucking where the 5-O shows up and starts walking towards us. We weren't mean, uncurtious, rude, uncomplying, coniving, annoying, or anything that would compell a person to be, in return, those awful things I just mentioned.
Now piggy one walks up and tells all of us minors, who weren't breaking the law in any way shape of form, to put our sticks down while putting his hand on his gun. Us being generally scared of guns and bullets and the things that happen after you pull the trigger on one of the batard ass things comply in a slow non threatening manner. Then piggy number 2 speaks it's terrible words. It says "I'm the man in this town and you boys are going to have to learn that the hard way tonight. I'm gonna take all you fellas in this here garage and fuck you stupid."
No he didn't. I lied there. He did however fuck with us in a generally unpleasant way that made me wanna punch him but was so scared that I just pretty much stood there and pissed my pants the whole time. Called me "out of order" or some shit while patting/slapping me down.
They were both rude assholes the whole time to 4 15 year olds and it's something I shall never forget.
I wouldn't care if either of those motherfuckers got their balls trampled by a herd of elephants while red ants ate at their eyeballs then an indian chief should come up with a knife, slit their stomachs and pull out their intestines, nail said intestines to a tree and follow them with a hot ass poker till they wrapped themselves around the tree. I would watch even.
.......
My girlfriend, at the time, and I were riding down the the road and were on our way back from some inane everyday bullshit trip to Wal-Mart. This was 2-3 years later. Anyhow, my hair was down between my shoulder blades by then and I had gotten many obligatory shouts of "GET A HAIR CUT YA DAMN HIPPY" and many evil looks from the oink patrol. We were doing 2 mph under the speed limit because we were trailing a car, at 2 seconds distance the distance my girlfriend at the time always trailed people, that was impeding us from doing the normal 5 mph over the speed limit. I remember seeing the lights then looking down at the speedometer then looking in the side mirror noting that the cop, that was parked along side of rinky dink restaurant that I passed every day on my way home, is departing his parking spot and is prowling in my direction.
WOOP! WOOP!
The lights go on and they pull us over. The driver side cop walks up with the normal cop gait however I looked over my shoulder and notice that the driver side cop is creeping up on my side with his hand on his fire arm in a door breeching manner. So that's kind of scary. Ten cops came to the scene of two 18 year olds driving two miles under the speed limit coming home from Wal-Mart.
....
That's all for now cause i gotta do some work but there are a few more.....
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (user info) at 2006-08-05 13:18:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.
But yeah, thanks for helping the homeless!
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-05 12:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm... This kind of deserves B@W.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-05 11:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The bums in Atlanta are far less violent and only get upset when they hear thunder.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-08-05 10:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice title
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-05 10:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well-done comedic take on your job. Too bad the real life situation is so sad.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2006-08-05 10:17:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Last time she got sectioned, we bought the doc flowers out of gratitude. "
Hahahaha, there's some funny stuff in there.