St. Eubrie: 1859 Cherry Lane- Marty and Bobby (839 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: eubrie
Rating: 1.68 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by awesomeface (View user info) at 2006-08-05 12:34:08 EDT
Martin Davis watched the sign zip by off the highway exit.
WELCOME TO ST. EUBRIE
"St. Eubrie? Can't wait to hear the story of this town." Marty thought to himself. Marty being very unfamiliar with the area stopped at the upcoming intersection and pulled out his map quest directions. "Alright, left on Garber." He said to himself. The directions were self explanatory from there on. Marty was getting hungry though. He saw a sign that said "Kwik Snak" in red letters. He parked the car and stepped out of the Jeep Liberty.
There wasn't a thing about Marty that wasn't American. He was born on the 4th of July, drove an American car, owned a gun, and served in the Army for 12 years. He was pretty happy with his life and was even happier for his sister. Marty ended his enlistment as an E-7 last month returning from an uneventful trip to Afghanistan to hear that his sister Marissa was getting engaged. He had been so happy for her but he hadn't seen her in years. That was his business in St. Eubrie, no other reason to come to the place unless you have family or you live there.
Marty pushed the door open of the Kwik Snak and bumped into a considerably shorter guy.
"Hey watch it fuck stick..." The man said before turning around and confronting the giant ex Sergeant. Marty was a big guy, a little over six foot, kept a high and tight hair cut, and had kept on working out since he got out of the service. The guy spilled some of his orange drink on his plain white t-shirt but was more concerned about the size of the man who just hit him.
"Sorry." Is all Marty said before walking off to the snack isle.
"Asshole." He mumbled before he stepped out of the store. Marty grabbed some beef jerky, a soda, and some chips before walking up to the register. A stingy teenager was working the counter with a name tag dangling from his uniform.
"How are you today sir?" The kid said almost shying away from Marty.
"I'm good..."Marty looked at the name tag. "Todd" Todd packed Marty's snacks as fast as possible. He seemed like a good kid. A little too afraid but a good kid nonetheless to Marty. Marty stepped out after paying and threw the snacks into the front seat. Just when he sat down his cell phone rang. The green screen illuminated a faint amount of light into the dark car. It was Marissa.
"Marty are you lost?" Marissa groaned.
"No I just stopped to get a snack."
"I'm cooking dinner you jackass."
"It's for the trip back." Marty lied taking a bite out of the beef jerky. He could hear the sounds of kitchen utensils banging back and forth.
"Well hurry up, I want to see you. Bobby is at the store real quick he should get here before you."
"Alright, I love you."
"Love you too." Marty hung up and finished the beef jerky on the way to her house. The green street sign at the intersection read Cedar Street and Cherry Avenue. Marty turned left onto Cherry and the saw the house. 1859 Cherry St. As he parked the car the street lights turned on lighting up the block. "Nice little neighborhood." He headed up the steps and knocked on the wooden screen door almost knocking it off on its hinges.
A middle aged bald man answered the door in a plain white t-shirt. What made Marty smile was the orange soda stain on his shirt.
"You must be Bobby." Marty grunted.
"Uhhhh, yeah..." Bobby stood holding the door open staring at Marty in shock.
"You going to let me in?"
"Uhhhh, yes sir." Bobby jumped out of the way. Marty took off his shoes and stepped inside. Marty hadn't realized it but he was dressed pretty much the same way he was in high school, just in bigger clothes. His tool shirt hugged his body and his baggy blue jeans covered up most of his feet. At 30 years old you would think a man of his stature would change the way he dressed. He stepped into the dining room and saw dinner prepared on the table. Marissa tackled him with a hug from the other end of the room. He held her tight. He missed her terribly. They were all they had since their parents died. Seeing her with a ring on her finger upset Marty.
Bobby nonchalantly walked in the dining room behind Marty. Marissa stepped out to get some more silverware when Bobby finally spoke up.
"Hey Marty, sorry about the Kwik Snak." He said rubbing the back of his head looking at the floor. Marty didn't like the fact that he couldn't even do that without looking into his eyes.
"That's alright. So tell me about yourself." Marty and Bobby starting talking as everyone sat down and ate dinner. Marty and Bobby talked for awhile alone while Marissa did some cleaning up. Marty thought he was ok but didn't like him enough for him to be marrying his sister.
"Hey Marty it's kind of dark out and you look tired. You wanna stay the night? We have a guest room." Marissa asked hoping he would.
"Only if I can get another beer." He said lifting his beer up. She happily took the bottle and got him a cold one. The three headed out to the front porch. The siblings sat on the swinging bench and Bobby sat alone in a loveseat. Bobby got up to go to the bathroom and Marty used that time wisely. "Marissa you sure you want to do this?"
"I'm glad you asked." She said as her smile turned upside down. "Bobby is different now that we live together...I don't know if I wanna do this anymore. It's so hard to decide."
"Then don't Marissa. Deciding shouldn't be hard. If he is the one you should know already."
"I know I just...you're right...it shouldn't be this hard."
-
Bobby stood on the other side of the screen and listened to Marty and Marissa talk. His blood was boiling. He wasn't going to let Marty fuck up his engagement. Bobby stayed inside and got ready for bed.
-
"Sis I'm getting tired and I gotta hit the road early."
"Good night."
"Good night."
-
Marty woke up early the next morning and everyone was still asleep. He slipped out before they all woke up. He headed to Chicago to meet some friends.
-
Bobby was waiting for Marissa at the kitchen table when she came downstairs.
"So you wanna leave me?" Bobby said while his arms were shaking with anger.
"Oh god...you heard...didn't you?" Marissa said while tears came down. Her hand was on her mouth.
"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" He slammed his hand on the table.
"Bobby please no!" She cried. Bobby began to twitch and cry. His fist repeatedly banged on the table. Marissa turned to the sink to wash the tears from her face. She heard Bobby get up but took no notice. He pulled her head back over the sink and she felt the cold metal come across her throat and nothing else. The blood poured into the sink like a fountain. Marissa fell lifelessly to the floor.
"Goodbye Ms. Davis."
-
Marty was driving down the highway and felt guilty about leaving without saying goodbye. He sent her a text message and turned up the radio. The Jeep headed out toward an early morning rising sun.
User Reviews
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-01 21:38:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-19 10:15:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snalty (user info) at 2006-08-17 22:10:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 for not knowing that Jeep is owned by Daimler-Chrysler, a German company. A really American car would be a Chevy truck.
+2 for a good story, though!
-
Jeep Liberty is made in Michigan.
Submitted by Snalty (user info) at 2006-08-17 22:10:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 for not knowing that Jeep is owned by Daimler-Chrysler, a German company. A really American car would be a Chevy truck.
+2 for a good story, though!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-08-09 12:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked it welll enough.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-09 00:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey I was the first to do murder!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-08-08 23:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This town's gonna be a smoking hole in the ground within a week. People can't resist writing murder, can they?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-08-07 11:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this town. Very King.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-08-07 07:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-07 04:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DUN DUN DUNNNNNN
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-07 00:47:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-06 22:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-05 13:39:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like 1859 Cherry Lane will be up for sale soon. . .
______
hahaha
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-06 15:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-06 15:30:01 (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't hate me for this, but I have to echo KindaNews.
There are too many little glitches that bugged me, or descriptions that seemed to interupt the flow of the story.
Examples... You call Todd a 'stingy' teenager, but we don't how or why he is stingy. That's like saying 'Todd was a religious fanatic' and not following up on it, making us wonder what the deal is. Also, in one paragraph you have Cherry Lane, Cherry Avenue, and Cherry Street.
These things will all be caugtht with proof-reading. Take your time. It isn't a race.
Is this a one-shot? Will the house be up for sale?
Let us know.
-
I am definetly going to follow up on this one.
I didn't catch my misuse of lane, avenue, and street until i posted.
The house will go up for sale but I already know who is going to buy it. All im saying is that Marty will find himself in St. Eubrie again real soon.
And thank you to anybody who gives me some solid criticism on my writing. For about a year I wrote in first person and didn't find myself very sucessful with it. Only a few months ago did I start with third person writing. Only now do I think im getting a hang of it.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-06 15:36:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. I read the sentence as "stringy teenager." Oh well. . .
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-06 15:30:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't hate me for this, but I have to echo KindaNews.
There are too many little glitches that bugged me, or descriptions that seemed to interupt the flow of the story.
Examples... You call Todd a 'stingy' teenager, but we don't how or why he is stingy. That's like saying 'Todd was a religious fanatic' and not following up on it, making us wonder what the deal is. Also, in one paragraph you have Cherry Lane, Cherry Avenue, and Cherry Street.
These things will all be caugtht with proof-reading. Take your time. It isn't a race.
Is this a one-shot? Will the house be up for sale?
Let us know.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-06 14:17:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was not bad.
It had a quick point of view change that was a little weird, and it could have used appropriate punctuation here and there, which directs the reader, and helps with the flow of a story.
You know that carpenter's motto, measure twice and cut once?
A writer's might be, proof read twice and submit once.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-06 12:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good one.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-08-05 18:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-05 16:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This deserves more hits and some good ratings.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-08-05 14:00:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-05 13:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for +2ing my post.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-05 13:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like 1859 Cherry Lane will be up for sale soon. . .