I'm sorry (1169 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: healthcare_tales
Rating: 1.82 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Forensic the Tullian Zombie (View user info) at 2006-08-05 17:47:41 EDT
I'm sorry but I can't help you. Can't you see that?! Can't you see that I'm just a human like you? Could YOU save ME? No, you couldn't. Why then do you expect me to do for you what you cannot do yourself? I wish I could snap my fingers and make this all go away for you but I can't.
Yes, you're dying. I wish I could tell you it's going to be alright, but I can't because I don't know anything for certain. I don't believe in the afterlife. There is nothing when we die. Your consciousness just stops and the energy that is in your tissues will be reabsorbed by the universe. Einstein told us that energy doesn't cease to be, but rather will change forms and continue being energy. I take comfort in that. I like the idea that my energy will help feed a star or a comet. I know you want to be embraced by Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, or whomever. Maybe they're there waiting for you, maybe not. I simply don't know.
But........
I will lie to you. I have no ethical dilemma telling lies to the dying. I mouth; "it's ok" and "you're ok" to you. Go ahead and lock your eyes on me as the nurses try repeatedly to start your IV. I know it hurts. They're on the 6th try now. It isn't their fault. Your body is trying to die and the blood in your arms, as well as your legs, is slinking back to your core, where your heart and lungs are, trying to keep them pumping. The doctors and nurses are desperately trying to get your veins to plump so they can get the IV catheter in. Go ahead and grasp my wrist in the proverbial death-grip. Maybe as your eyes fail and begin to cloud over I suddenly appear as an angel to you. My long white lab coat may very well resemble a white robe. Maybe my blonde hair, light hazel eyes, and very fair skin make me appear otherworldly to you. I just hope that the enhanced and hallucinated form of me is comforting to you somehow. I hope so at least.
Or maybe you are just going through involuntary reflexes and it is I who am imagining that your hazy eyes, which are boring into my brain, are screaming for me to do something to help you. Maybe you're not even aware of us. I hope so at least.
No, I'm not your angel. I was simply dispatched here to the emergency room to draw some blood from you. You looked nearly gone when I squeezed in between the mass of medical personnel hovering around the cot. I tied the tourniquet very tight as I new it would be very difficult to find a vein. As I was probing the bend of your elbow with my finger, one of the nurses finished plunging some adrenaline in your IV. That, and other measures, was enough to bring you up to this half-state of consciousness. I just happened to be in your line of vision when your head turned to the side and now have become a focal point. I could have easily been someone else too.
Years of practicing clinical detachment have served me well because although I make my face appear serene for you, I feel nothing. That's not true. I do feel many different emotions right now but I've learned to stifle them and push them down. It's actually for your benefit that we do this. You don't want medical personnel going to pieces. You want cool, emotionless people around you now. I'll feel it later. I always do. Over the years though, it has evolved to manifest itself as a headache and a vague sense of nausea. I quit crying for you in bathrooms after my first year of working in hospitals. It didn't make me feel better and it didn't bring you back, did it?
The doctor has just ordered you to be completely sedated now so I will fade to black again in a few moments. You can't breathe on your own so you're going to be intabated and to do that, you can't be awake. Your body would reflexively fight it. Your eyelids are closing and I mouth; "it's ok" to you one more time.
I doubt you'll be coming back. Once you were out, the doctors were murmuring to each other how you'll shut down completely in the next 24-48 hours. Your body just wants to die too badly. They know this is only temporary. Just long enough so that your family can say goodbye. Maybe you'll be aware of them, maybe not. As I said, I simply don't know.
As your arm relaxed under sedation, I found your vein, plunged the needle in, and drew your blood. I ran it back to the lab. As the machine was sampling your blood and spitting out numerical values of your life force, I was scrubbing up because I got called again.
The newborn three stories up from you needs her Phenylketonuria screening done. A quick jab of the heel, a few drops of blood, and it's done.
Maybe she'll have a long healthy life.
Maybe not.
I simply do not know.
User Reviews
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-05-07 16:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't Phenylketonuria where you can't eat something in a lot of gum and it makes you progressively dumber?
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2007-03-20 10:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker of ass. Not all ass. But ass indeed.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-20 10:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good shit !
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-03-20 10:09:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:08:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-17 23:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey forensic...
Why not write down little bios of your character or characters? Short lists, just for you. Make these people real in your head, then they won't be overshadowed by details later.
I have the opposite problem. I don't know shit, so I fudge the details or spend endless hours Googling.
I was going to go to one of your posts and ask if this was even possible, but that would have given away the big gross-out.
Besides, your piece called "I'm Sorry" was very good, as I said there, the tech stuff wasn't an overload.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-08-08 05:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:(
Submitted by Sockster (user info) at 2006-08-08 04:57:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldn't decide between +1 or +2. I'm happy to see new good Uberposts lately.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-08-07 13:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why I chose to study engineering, not medicine.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-07 07:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice, in an un-nice way.
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-08-06 20:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, if that was me, I'd be thinking "OMG NOOOOOES SKELETOR HAS COME TO TAKE ME TO HELL!!!"
Ok, so I dont believe in hell (or heaven for that matter) but it was kinda funny. Kinda.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-08-06 16:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-06 15:32:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are under paid whatever it is that they pay you to give up like you do.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-06 15:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am sorry too Forensic. I wish I knew, either way, what was right and wrong, on a daily basis.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-06 15:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Or maybe you are just going through involuntary reflexes and it is I who am imagining that your hazy eyes, which are boring into my brain, are screaming for me to do something to help you. Maybe you're not even aware of us. I hope so at least.
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this is as far as I made it before a tear rolled down my face.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-06 14:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just don't kill anybody, okay?
Submitted by Sweetdeviant (user info) at 2006-08-06 06:21:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice, now there's the writing I have learned to count on Ubersite for. Excellent work, take note Ms. Darkness from wherever.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-08-06 06:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
intense.
That is some stark shit.
What you people do?
Unreal.
I think a large part of the folks here in western civilized society take stuff like that for granted.
That has GOT to screw a person up. In at least some way.
Bravo to anyone capable of doing that job... I'm going to assume that you actually DO those tasks for which you so beautifully (horribly) describe...and God bless you for it. Far too morbid for me. What you must see... it's unthinkable. It's depressing.
I couldn't do it- and I don't think many of the people who bother to read this could do your job either. It's astonishing.
Truly, on behalf of a good portion of humanity... let me thank you for what you do.
Ok Fine. Most of humanity isn't paying attention to jack shit anymore...certainly not to some idiot posting at 3 in the god damn morning. So, in reality, it's only just me- and maybe a few other interweb nerds...
But seriously. Thanks.
---
oh. Being as this is a...>cough<... serious writer's forum... this could very well be a compelling work of fiction.
Even so... Great work. Very well written.
BUT...even if it >was< only fiction... my sentiment remains the same. Those people for whom it is written about... are amazing and deserve hugs for being remarkable human beings.
r.
Submitted by Ed_0150 (user info) at 2006-08-06 04:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-08-06 02:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
everything Jack said
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-08-05 22:52:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-05 22:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Liked it liked it liked it.
Good job of not killing the mood with too much tech detail, but giving us enough to know what you are talking about.
And this coming from a guy who knows shit and has to research EVERYTHING.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-08-05 21:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
dreams suck, big time, when you're dying
Submitted by Stogie (user info) at 2006-08-05 20:29:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-05 19:07:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-08-05 19:05:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
It's ok. I'm better at humor. I know it.
I shouldn't do things like this but I do (and will) every so often.
-----
I was just kidding you. I liked it, really.
I haven't read anything else you've written, so I don't know about the humor, but maybe I will now.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-08-05 19:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's ok. I'm better at humor. I know it.
I shouldn't do things like this but I do (and will) every so often.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-05 19:00:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My eyes cloud over, and I feel my throat constrict.
I try to swallow, but it seems swollen and tight, as if what little saliva I muster will not pass.
I'm panting like a dog, drying out my mouth even more.
I lick my lips, my tongue catching like sandpaper on rough wood.
I blink hard, attempting to focus, but every time I open my eyes, it's the same.
Blurry lights and darks. I'm fading fast.
My arms are lead, and it takes every ounce of strength to raise them, to reach out to you.
My angel.
My angel of death, come to release me from the hell of her prose.
ForensicAngel. Releeeeeeeeeeeeeease meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Ha ha. Just kidding. Actually, I liked this.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-08-05 18:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2006-08-05 18:27:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
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HAHAHAHAHA! 0's w/ No Comments crack me up! I love it!
Thanks Xcuses! :)
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2006-08-05 18:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-08-05 18:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-08-05 18:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-05 18:05:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job. Most heated.
I thought you worked with people that were ALREADY dead?
Also PKU suuuuucks. suuuuuuucks.
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I do. I get everything.
I prefer working with the dead though. Because the above is done and over with. Empty vessels are easier.
I need a new job.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-05 18:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job. Most heated.
I thought you worked with people that were ALREADY dead?
Also PKU suuuuucks. suuuuuuucks.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-08-05 17:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad. Not bad at all.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-05 17:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Then again... nah.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-05 17:50:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You can do MUCH better than this. For shame.