My Friend The Sun (420 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.33 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Robert C. <robby520.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-08-07 17:58:33 EDT
I once made an oath in elementary school that I would destroy the sun. I was
very young so I didn't know much about the science of orbital balance, but I
knew enough to know that terminating the sun would render earth lifeless.
Children can be so cute.
One day my teacher Miss Hanson said we were going to study the planets. My
eyes lit up and my hand shot up like a rocket, my enthusiasm was more then
she could ignore. As soon as I heard her mutter the first syllable of my name I
shouted out the question, "How far is the sun from earth!" She squinted her
beady eyes for a second as if the mouse wheel in her head was trying to spin
for the first time in a while. "Hmm, good question Robby, but that's for a later
lesson." "You don't know do you?". Needless to say, I was very disappointed.
For the rest of class I drew pictures of me launching a rocket to the sun and it
exploding. The kid next to me looked over at my drawings and said "I think
blowing up the sun with rockets is stupid because you can just take a rocket
ship and land there at night when you won't burn and hit the light switch." I
responded with "Rockets are cool, war kicks ass". He ran to tell our dip shit of
a teacher.
Principles office...
For the first time in my life I realized the ineptitude of public education. How
could I continue my planning if I didn't know how far my target was? I had to
escalate the query to someone a bit more astute then the English muffin I had
for an instructor. The principal seemed the next logical step, and since I was
already in her office. The timing seemed right. "Hey Misses Beck, before we
discuss my alleged use of profane language, I have a simple question one of
your teachers couldn't answer, can you?" For some reason this made her
frown, "Well, what is your question?" I went ahead and asked her how far the
sun was, how hard was this? "Hmm, I remember this one. Come with me." The
idea of her knowing something excited her; this made her forget about my
punishment for a second. I followed her into another room and she pulled a
book from the shelf. I noticed she had a bowl with peanut butter cups. I started
to reach for a couple, she looked at me. "Do you mind?" I asked, she let me
have one. Well she took her sweet time, but she finally answered my question
"8 light minutes away!" she proclaimed. I looked at her and yelled "8 minutes,
are you fucking out of your mind!?"
Detention for a week...
My first day back to class I asked, "Hey miss Hanson, what kind of firepower
would it take to destroy the sun?". She looked at me like if I was goddamn
serial killer, "Robby, why would you ask that? The sun is what gives us life.
Without it we wouldn't survive." "Yeah, that's the point; you think it would take 2
or 3 fatboys?"
Parents Meeting...
"Our son doesn't really want to blow up the sun; it's just his form of comedy. He
gets it from his dad". "Mrs. Cuevas, your son planning to destroy all life on
earth at the age of 6, well I find quite disturbing". "Point taken, I will have a talk
with him."...
Back home...
"Nah mom, after figuring out how far 8 light seconds really is I don't think it's
really worth me investing any more of my time. There are much easier ways to
destroy all life. Besides, I just learned that destroying the moon would have
some pretty cool effects. I read that the moon debris could quite possibly block
the sun from warming up the earth causing nuclear winters so everyone would
die slowly! That's almost as cool as taking the sun out itself!"...
User Reviews
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-08 04:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The ending was a little weak, but +1 for reminding me of my own youth...
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2006-08-07 20:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not sure that I understand.
Is/was your goal to eliminate or to expand?
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-08-07 18:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Everyone needs a postive rating once in a while.
Its sorta like the mob you have to return the "favor"
Post was decent