Fair Fight (348 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.2 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Robert C. <robby520.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-08-08 11:53:14 EDT
I arrived at the park a few hours before my game. I figured I'd run into my
coaches' daughter and maybe I would try and make a move on her (I was 16 at
the time). After walking around for 15 minutes I gave up on her and bought
some nachos and sat my ass on the bleachers. Only game going on at that
moment was the 6 year old t-ball. So needless to say the nachos had most of
my attention. I had only eaten three chips when I looked up only to see a
football flying directly at my face. It hit the nachos first knocking them all over
my white jersey and then it hit my face. Stunned for just a second I rose up to
see which pair of hands has launched this projectile. I looked up to see my
coaches' son, a little scraggily 11 year old. He was smiling. I immediately put
my hands on his neck and started choking him. A few parents took notice and
quickly pulled me off. Giving that little fuck time to run away. I put up a fight to
free myself, but my muscles weren't developed yet. After about 5 minutes I
calmed down. They let me go.
Game time rolls around, but all I can think about is smashing that kids face as
soon as I get the chance. During the game I take multiple trips to the disgusting
bathroom just to see if I can run into him, no luck. We lose 12-1, but this
doesn't bother me. I have other things on my mind. We line up to do that walk
and high five thing teams do after a game. Half of my team sticks there hands
up their asses before they make contact, in customary losing team fashion. I
ask a teammate who's parents brought the after game snack, he said
"Salvador's parents did". I am disappointed, Salvador is poor and his parents
can't afford quality snacks. But I take advantage of the situation and take two
of the generic fruit juices instead of one. I know this means one of my
teammates will not get a juice, this makes it taste better.
I take off my jersey leaving me in just an undershirt. I toss it behind a bush so I
don't look like a spaz with nacho cheese all over my chest; I figured I'd get it
before I head home. While I'm in the bush removing my cup (a piece of plastic
you lodge against your balls for protection, I was embarrassed to ask my
parents for a bigger size so I had been wearing the same cup since i was 7 so
it only covered about 30% of my shit) I stick my head out to see him walking by
with 4 of his friends. As I am about to jump and start landing body shots on him
I see his sister (the girl I originally showed up early to see). This is one of the
few times in my life where my penis has overpowered my hunger for revenge. I
climb back in the bush and see where they're headed. I notice they're walking
towards the playground which happens to be a poorly lit area very far away
from the parents. I figure this is good; I will play my cards with his sister and
then go stick my foot up his ass.
I find out she has a boyfriend, I ask her if she is willing to cheat on him. She
says no. I call her a slut and walk away.
I haul ass to the playground to see him sitting on the slide, I body check him to
the floor. I see his friends get up; I prepare to fight multiple enemies. I kick one
in the face right behind me, I immediately come to the realization he won't be
getting back up. One rushes in from the side so I moved over just a tad and
threw him a good 8 feet (he must of weighed 70 lbs, I was a good 170). I
turned around to a real surprise, a kick in the face from my coaches' son while
he is hanging on monkey bar rings. He's in shock, so am I. I feel something
loose in my mouth and realize it's a tooth. I spit it out along with some blood.
He is still hanging there. He is locked up like a deer when you shine your brights
at them. I wind up land a monstrous to handed blow to his chest. The rest
looked similar to King Kong flying off the empire state building. He flies off and
lands on a wooden plank that is used to balance walk. I stop for a moment
because I fear he is dead. He twitches, I breathe easy and snap back into
attack mode. The single kid remaining gives me a look shaking his head as if to
say "I'm not with them, don't hit me." This angers me. This punk needs to learn
the definition of loyalty (I found out the next week he really wasn't with them). I
flipped his shirt over his head and kicked him in the ass as hard as I could.
Game Over.
Couple of them ended up pressing charges and I got kicked off the team. In
retrospect I suppose it was all just a bad idea. The law always sides with kids.
Plus loosing a tooth really did a number on my self confidence.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-09 13:37:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
retarted and fun!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-08-08 14:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"But I take advantage of the situation and take two of the generic fruit juices instead of one. I know this means one of my teammates will not get a juice, this makes it taste better."
***
Post was shit, but this was hilarious.
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-08-08 14:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The rating system needs to be updated
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-08-08 14:12:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Beating up on 5th graders. My, what a badass you are.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-08-08 13:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
terrible just terrible
-1 only because I saw the reviews and knew better than to actually read this
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-08-08 12:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by bigdicrick (user info) at 2006-08-08 12:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You beat up a bunch of little kids and lost a tooth! What a puss....
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-08 12:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by parsleywish (user info) at 2006-08-08 12:04:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
It really started out with potential but lost it's teeth by the end.
====
duh-dum TSHHHHH!!
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-08 12:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scourge, I agree.
But this:
"The single kid remaining gives me a look shaking his head as if to
say 'I'm not with them, don't hit me.' This angers me."
... made me grin.
Submitted by parsleywish (user info) at 2006-08-08 12:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It really started out with potential but lost it's teeth by the end.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-08 11:57:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Utter crap.