St. Eubrie - Fluorescents Light the Way (657 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.57 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by stardamage (View user info) at 2006-08-09 17:04:39 EDT
Michael Brennan entered the room quietly, noting that the bright fluorescents were turned off, leaving only the morning sunlight filtered through the drawn shades to dimly illuminate the room. He pulled the door gently closed behind him and stifled a yawn.
His younger brother was asleep in the bed that seemed too large for him despite the bandages that puffed his face and body, the tubes and machines that went beep beep beep. Michael pulled up a chair as quietly as he could but it ground against the floor and his brother stirred, his red hair sticking out here and there against the pillow. Michael mussed it gently. "Hey, fucker," he said quietly. "Sorry to wake you up."
His brother's hazel eyes opened slowly and crinkled at the edges in a smile. Michael reached into his pocket and pulled out a pad of paper and pen, placing the pad on the little rolling table to make it easier to write.
- hey shithead.
"How you feeling today?"
- been better but not bad. you?
"Long night. That battleaxe I was telling you about yesterday came to the desk about three hundred fucking times." Michael smiled. "She's checking out today though so I don't have to see her anymore."
- another day, another dollar, his brother wrote, and Michael snorted.
"Goddamn right."
There was a pause and Michael studied his brother's face. The swelling had almost gone away. Soon, the doctor said, the bandages could come off. The burns up and down his back and stomach were also healing slowly, although the burns on his feet meant he couldn't start walking for another month or so at least. The stitches in his lip were coming out next week. Michael marveled both at the progress made in a month and the long road still ahead that might never be finished.
There were more words on the page and Michael glanced down at them.
- doc says maybe I can start speech therepy in sept.
"She mentioned that to me too. We'll see though, okay? Don't push yourself too hard. You've got time. Better to get it right the first time, huh?"
More scratching of the pen.
- mom coming up?
"Next week, I think. Tuesday."
- staying w/you?
"Yeah."
- sorry.
"Hey, no. No problem, kid. I'm glad you'll get to see her. Don't worry about it." Michael yawned again and covered his mouth as his brother kept writing.
- sure?
"Yeah."
- ok.
Another pause.
- mike.
"Yeah."
- thanks shithead. His brother underlined the last word three times and his eyes crinkled again.
"You're welcome, fucker." Michael's throat tightened around the words.
- for everything. The pen tapped the paper sharply.
"I know."
Another pause, and his brother stared discreetly out the window while Michael wiped his eyes.
- go home + sleep + eat.
"I will. You need anything? You want some more books?" Michael eyed the small stack near his brother's bed. "Finish those yet?"
His brother reached and tapped the first two on the stack.
"Done with those?"
A nod.
"Okay, I'll bring 'em back. You want any others or are you all set for now?"
- the town + the city.
"Kerouac, right?"
Another nod.
"Okay, kid. I'll bring it tomorrow. What's your second choice if they don't have it?"
- huxley.
"Any particular?"
A shake of the head. - w/e.
"Okay. I'll check." Michael stood up and took the books from the little table, then tore the piece of paper from the pad and folded it carefully into his pocket. His brother watched him do it and raised his hand to wave.
"I'll see you before work tonight, Finn."
A nod.
*
Out in the parking lot, Michael unlocked his car, put the library books down on the passenger seat, bent over the steering wheel and shook with sobs.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-02-19 15:02:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-01 23:30:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-19 15:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-08-10 02:15:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
That last line almost cost you the +2 (like the +2 matters). It seemed a bit trite.
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Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-08-09 23:12:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2006-08-09 18:57:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
my take on this, actually was that the older brother is or somehow feels responsible for
the younger brothers situation.........
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The great thing about leaving the short story so open ended is...well that it's so open ended.
Either way - good show.
_______________________________________________________________
I think the last line was a perfect segue' into the continuation. . . .
Submitted by Snalty (user info) at 2006-08-19 14:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good start!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-08-10 12:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-08-10 10:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good start, I will look forward to hearing how he got burnt.
By the way to answer your question about Richard Blackwell on mine, he hates being called Dick. Call him Blackwell, he's English and some of us still like to call people by their surnames.
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-08-10 02:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I know Brennen. He would hate this.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-08-10 02:15:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That last line almost cost you the +2 (like the +2 matters). It seemed a bit trite.
Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-08-09 23:12:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2006-08-09 18:57:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
my take on this, actually was that the older brother is or somehow feels responsible for
the younger brothers situation.........
------------------------------------------------------
The great thing about leaving the short story so open ended is...well that it's so open ended.
Either way - good show.
Submitted by MouthSore (user info) at 2006-08-09 19:54:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2006-08-09 18:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-08-09 18:00:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Terrific job here. I love the younger brothers shorthand, but I didn't think you needed to have the older brother sit in his car and cry, unless it was your intention to make him seem weak. I felt his compassion was fairly visible throughout the conversation.
Even though it's your story - just my two cents.
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my take on this, actually was that the older brother is or somehow feels responsible for
the younger brothers situation.........
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-08-09 18:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't had the luxury of being able to follow this the way I wish I could. This was good writing though. That is all.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-09 18:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-09 18:11:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-08-09 18:00:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Terrific job here. I love the younger brothers shorthand, but I didn't think you needed to have the older brother sit in his car and cry, unless it was your intention to make him seem weak. I felt his compassion was fairly visible throughout the conversation.
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yeah, that bugged me too.
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Yeah, man, YEAH!
FUCK this post.
Michael is a PUSSY!
And a real man would call himself MIKE!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-09 18:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-08-09 18:00:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Terrific job here. I love the younger brothers shorthand, but I didn't think you needed to have the older brother sit in his car and cry, unless it was your intention to make him seem weak. I felt his compassion was fairly visible throughout the conversation.
-----
yeah, that bugged me too.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-08-09 18:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post.
Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-08-09 18:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Terrific job here. I love the younger brothers shorthand, but I didn't think you needed to have the older brother sit in his car and cry, unless it was your intention to make him seem weak. I felt his compassion was fairly visible throughout the conversation.
Even though it's your story - just my two cents.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-09 17:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GOOD work here. Simple conversation, but it kept me reading.
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2006-08-09 17:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Finn's injuries have nothing to do with a fire...that's why you can't remember one :)
It'll be clear later, I promise.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-09 17:30:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When was there a fire? I don't remember, there are so many stories it's hard to keep track.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-09 17:27:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2006-08-09 17:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and the title should be "Fluorescents Will Light the Way".
Oops.
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2006-08-09 17:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*coughs quietly*
Some of you (one person? maybe?) might recognize Finn from somewhere else.
That's all I'm saying.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-09 17:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking right on...
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-08-09 17:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
St Eubrie has a hospital?
I thought we just killed everyone.