St. Eubrie 314 Pecan (627 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Saffron (View user info) at 2006-08-09 20:51:04 EDT
The Wandering Willows sub division was built in the late 50's. It was one of those planned neighborhoods that always comes off a bit too "cookie cutter". Well, in its youth anyway. Over the years any number of cheerfully painted doors and whimsical mailboxes and garden gnomes had popped up to reflect a personality and individualism for the home owners. Her home was pristine, painted in the same colonial blue trim over cream every 5 years to keep the look of her home crisp. She avoided the trappings of windsocks and quirky welcome mats, preferring what she referred to as " unadorned elegance". 314 Pecan was unremarkable, in the way she was.
She lived a quiet life, had an aging, dwindling circle of friends who lived as though Norman Rockwell had personally inspired them. There were no divorces or affairs or scandals in her social circle. Indeed, there was so little to gossip about that it was big news when Mrs. Foster put peanut M&M's in the Rice Krispy squares for the High School Band's annual bake sale. It was irresponsible to use peanuts in baked goods that might find their way into the hands of those with allergens.
Spring was her favorite time of year. It was the cornerstone of so many of her favorite activities : collecting for the church rummage sale, pulling her mason jars from the basement for a good cleaning before preserve season began and best of all, Spring cleaning. How wonderful it was to beat the dust from the throw rugs, to take each knickknack into her delicate fingers and lovingly reminisce and to get a good polish on her Mother's silver.
This year she had decided to hire a bit of help. She was fit for 64, but the throw rugs were getting a bit en-cumbersome without Gil here to help her carry them out. She missed Gil. It was hard to work in the garden and not be reminded of the year they planted the yellow rose bush, which had been his pride as it wove its way up the trellis he had placed alongside the garage. It was a thing of beauty and she still got a bit wistful when she brought buds in and placed them in her favorite milk glass vases. He would scold her for climbing up the step ladder and she would cluck and fuss about not having to do so if he had gone out to retrieve the roses when she had asked.
The Meyerson's boy was 15. They were a nice enough family, but the manner in which they kept their home was offensive to her. They had lavish lawn adornments of every tacky type imaginable. They had torn up their gorgeously landscaped backyard to make room for an above ground pool surrounded by cheap red rock and hand painted cinderblock stepping stones. It was a sad day when Max Meyerson blew the stump of one of the oldest and most gorgeous Willow trees to bits to make room for a brick barbeque. She shuddered thinking about their habit of putting out decorations for every single holiday and leaving them up for months after the date had passed
The bell rang at 1:15 Saturday afternoon, over an hour past the agreed upon start time. She had been irritated that someone she was paying would be so inconsiderate. Who else would give a 15 year old boy $10 an hour to haul a few rugs ? She had baked her famous chocolate chip cookies the night before as well as a little treat for the lad. There would be no cookies now.
Jacob Meyerson rang the bell again. Impatient, he began to hum the Jeopardy theme song and tried to get a peep through Mrs. Weiss' lacy curtains. He could see her in the backyard struggling with the dining room rug. He went to the side gate, unhooked the latch and let himself in.
Adeline had nearly managed to get the dining room rug to the clothesline when she head the bells on the side gate jingle. Gil had put them up about 5 years ago when the neighborhood children decided that it was proper manners to let themselves into the yard to retrieve a Frisbee or a Whiffleball. It was never OK to simply let yourself into another's yard and in an effort to control the foot traffic through her begonias and to discourage the children from running amok when their parents were slow to discipline, the bells had gone up so the Weiss' could take matters into their own hands.
Truth be told, the neighborhood children figured out pretty quickly how to enter and exit the yard without setting the bells off. Gil was funny enough, and if watering the garden would often give them a playful squirt with the hose as he tossed back their toy, but Adeline was known to scold and then grab you by the ear and march you home like a bad "Leave it to Beaver" episode. She seldom gave you back your toy and it was rumored that she had a grand collection in the basement, as well as Tiffany Hutchense who had gone missing a few Summers back.
Jacob rang the bells on purpose. He didn't want to sneak up on the old woman. Old people were known to have heart attacks when startled and the last thing his Spring Break needed was a dead old woman.
Adeline heard Jacob enter the yard. She finished hauling the rug up and over the line, bristling at the fact that the young man had not hurried his step to help her out. She was already fussing out the folds over the line by the time the lad made his way across the yard.
"You're late."
"I- "
"I don't think I will be needing you today. As you can see I have finished getting the rugs onto the line. Good day, Jacob."
Jacob muttered under his breath, kicked the head off one of Adeline's marigolds and sulked back across the lawn, slamming the gate behind him and knocking a good deal of rust from the bells.
Adeline shook her head wondering what this world was coming too. Children coddled and spoiled, not understanding the value of time, money or a commitment. She shrugged the thought off and went inside to prepare a bit of lunch. There simply was nothing better than dining out on her patio surrounded by her wonderful garden.
Egg salad sandwich and iced tea in hand she settled in at the picnic bench. She raised her face to greet the afternoon sun, lovingly gazed upon Gil's rose bush and fell backwards from the bench, a soft wrinkled pile on her pristine patio. She died as she had lived, unremarkably and without fanfare. Much like the Meyerson's Valentine's Day decorations, she would be left out for about a month too long.
User Reviews
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-02 16:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-10 17:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
marigolds = mongoloids
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2006-08-10 14:20:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by houseman (user info) at 2006-08-10 10:40:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
"a soft wrinkled pile on her pristine patio. She died as she had lived, unremarkably and without fanfare. Much like the Meyerson's Valentine's Day decorations, she would be left out for about a month too long."
This alone was worth a plus 2
Ditto that!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-08-10 11:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice imagery
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-08-10 11:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-08-10 10:46:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent
Submitted by houseman (user info) at 2006-08-10 10:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"a soft wrinkled pile on her pristine patio. She died as she had lived, unremarkably and without fanfare. Much like the Meyerson's Valentine's Day decorations, she would be left out for about a month too long."
This alone was worth a plus 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-10 10:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe all of this, below, explains why I'm so afraid of Romans and nails.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-08-10 00:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-09 23:27:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-09 23:20:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
===
Nah. Had nothing to do with O in particular. That was frustration about Bubba not getting my point at the time. Bubba's a big fan of Orgasmatron's too, and I didn't take that as criticism. And even if I did, what kind of savior would I have if I thought I had to defend him at every turn?
-----
Bubba, frustrating?
I just don't see it.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-09 23:20:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-09 23:16:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Leg,
I was talking about in your argument with bubba that you (seemed - I want to be careful here) to get mad when he equated his behavior with orgasmatron's, and why was it okay for oh-boy to curse or something and not okay for bubba.
You were right about what an argumentative fuck he is, and it's obvious you don't like him criticizing orgasmatron, who yes, is your savior.
===
Nah. Had nothing to do with O in particular. That was frustration about Bubba not getting my point at the time. Bubba's a big fan of Orgasmatron's too, and I didn't take that as criticism. And even if I did, what kind of savior would I have if I thought I had to defend him at every turn?
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-09 23:16:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Leg,
I was talking about in your argument with bubba that you (seemed - I want to be careful here) to get mad when he equated his behavior with orgasmatron's, and why was it okay for oh-boy to curse or something and not okay for bubba.
You were right about what an argumentative fuck he is, and it's obvious you don't like him criticizing orgasmatron, who yes, is your savior.
So, like in most arguments, you both had a point here and there.
But I enjoy your ferocity, in spite of my disdain for your savior, and like you as much as I like anyone whom I will never meet and really know nothing about.
And I was just exaggerating. I don't really think your buddy has the powers of jesus.
otherwise, I'd be in hell right now, as we both know.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-09 23:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-09 22:20:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
You continue to miss the point. The reason I gave Saccy the +2 was because I didn't mean to piss her off. My hit totals turned to shit after I pissed her off, so we can see what is what.
Continue to play your high school games, both of you. Better writers than you or Saccy will evr be have given me high ratings, so your opinion is shit. If I am so bad, don't clickon my posts,
either of you.
===
And Bubba-
Consider it done.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-09 22:59:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. My name is everywhere today.
Bubba criticized my savior? When?
Good to know who is sincere on this site and who is not though.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-09 22:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You continue to miss the point. The reason I gave Saccy the +2 was because I didn't mean to piss her off. My hit totals turned to shit after I pissed her off, so we can see what is what.
Continue to play your high school games, both of you. Better writers than you or Saccy will evr be have given me high ratings, so your opinion is shit. If I am so bad, don't clickon my posts,
either of you.
-----
I thought you were somewhat right in what you said to her, actually. And she was right that you argue on other people's posts all the time. Especially in that particular example when Stagger couldn't care less and certainly didn't need you to defend him. But Saccy was really up in arms really because you deigned to criticize her lord and saviour. Painfully obvious. I just thought it was funny that you freaked out after and stuck your tongue up her ass and backpedaled like you did.
And Saccy doesn't control your hits. The reason some of your uber buddies don't rate your posts is because they're usually not very good, yet you get upset if anyone gives you less than a +2, as if it even matters. That means they have to rate you dishonestly, so sometimes they just don't bother. I mean, look at how you got all bent out of shape here, and I gave the guy a +2. It's not even your post, and yet you jump in.
I enjoy your behavior, don't get me wrong. You amuse the hell out of me when you're mad, which is all the time. It's easy to get your goat, and fun, too.
Jack gets all bent out of shape if anyone criticizes him, also, responding to every reviewer which is always good theatre. Only he, at least, has the chops. You really don't.
But I liked the idea of St Eubrie and decided to rate them seriously, and also explain my thinking since some people don't like a number and no comment.
And that's what I've been doing.
You're one touchy boy.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-09 22:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-09 22:05:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-09 21:31:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-09 21:15:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Another one bites the dust.
1.75 rounded up.
____________________________________
Why can't you just give the +2 and shut your ignorant dick sucking mouth?
Your opinions suck balls, so stop trying to be so fucking cool.
Why don't you round your IQ up to an even 6?
-----
Three sentences and you managed to work in dick sucking and ball sucking.
I think you could've included a few more details about your day, Bubba.
I give that review a .75, rounded up.
But since you're concerned, I didn't quite think this was "kicker of all ass", but certainly well written enough that I wouldn't deduct points. I liked it, and gave it an honest rating, which is, after all, just my opinion, and certainly nothing for anyone to get upset about.
I realize you live to argue on the posts of others since your own hit totals are lacking, so I don't hold it against you, baby.
Plus I know you're still smarting from being taken out to the woodshed by Sacrilicious. I must admit it was humorous to see you go back and frantically +2 a bunch of her old posts to try and get back on her good side after you criticized her precious Orgasmatron. I told you not to camwhore, bubba. It obviously scared her.
And the rating's your fault, anyway. Your posts have, quite honestly, been the weakest so far, but I took pity and gave you a +1. That throws my entire St Eubrie scale off.
__________________________________________________________
You continue to miss the point. The reason I gave Saccy the +2 was because I didn't mean to piss her off. My hit totals turned to shit after I pissed her off, so we can see what is what.
Continue to play your high school games, both of you. Better writers than you or Saccy will evr be have given me high ratings, so your opinion is shit. If I am so bad, don't clickon my posts,
either of you.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-09 22:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-09 21:31:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-09 21:15:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Another one bites the dust.
1.75 rounded up.
____________________________________
Why can't you just give the +2 and shut your ignorant dick sucking mouth?
Your opinions suck balls, so stop trying to be so fucking cool.
Why don't you round your IQ up to an even 6?
-----
Three sentences and you managed to work in dick sucking and ball sucking.
I think you could've included a few more details about your day, Bubba.
I give that review a .75, rounded up.
But since you're concerned, I didn't quite think this was "kicker of all ass", but certainly well written enough that I wouldn't deduct points. I liked it, and gave it an honest rating, which is, after all, just my opinion, and certainly nothing for anyone to get upset about.
I realize you live to argue on the posts of others since your own hit totals are lacking, so I don't hold it against you, baby.
Plus I know you're still smarting from being taken out to the woodshed by Sacrilicious. I must admit it was humorous to see you go back and frantically +2 a bunch of her old posts to try and get back on her good side after you criticized her precious Orgasmatron. I told you not to camwhore, bubba. It obviously scared her.
And the rating's your fault, anyway. Your posts have, quite honestly, been the weakest so far, but I took pity and gave you a +1. That throws my entire St Eubrie scale off.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-09 21:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-09 21:15:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Another one bites the dust.
1.75 rounded up.
____________________________________
Why can't you just give the +2 and shut your ignorant dick sucking mouth?
Your opinions suck balls, so stop trying to be so fucking cool.
Why don't you round your IQ up to an even 6?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-09 21:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very well done. Stop staying away so long. . .
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-09 21:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another one bites the dust.
1.75 rounded up.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-08-09 20:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Saffron sighting
+2 good story
+2 please stay around?