It's so Great to See You, Sam (586 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by charminglybeef (View user info) at 2006-08-10 03:57:35 EDT
Stars, stars, stars again.
And the leaves on the trees shiver with the wind, leaving the light to scatter desperately below. It seems so terrified by the darkness -- like tiny frightened people. I bet if it could scream it would.
And the dropping bombs. The horror drives some to madness -- others to action. I would imagine I exist somewhere in between, and my imagination is good, way up here in the Crow's Nest. British Columbia Highway Three -- the Crow's Nest Highway. It's been called that for so long that I'm not sure anyone even remembers why. It stretches, winding across my periphery and along the valley below.
And I wait.
Alone for twenty-nine nights now. If only I could stop myself from this blasphemous counting! For we know there is only truly one moment: that that we hung purposefully from the craggy rock, sweat glistening with the pulse of the pneumatic hammer, blood dripping from our aching knees and knuckles, dynamite hefted and slung like children unspared the rod; armour and infantry passing, the convoy approaching and the earth opening up and taking all this violence back.
The pinnacle of this young miner's existence.
And I wait, possessed by a powerful, consuming lust for conclusion. My trigger finger has become very itchy indeed. Itchier even, each time I feel the spider probing in the darkness, the mosquito shrieking in my ear, or the dirt creeping down my back. I even hold them now -- the detonators -- and stroke their clever, silver switches. Sometimes I put batteries in one and flip the switch of another. It brings a bead of energized sweat to my brow, and a great sense of satisfaction, guilt, joy, remorse.
I am not waiting for nothing, you see. I'm not even waiting for the combat hardware -- forward-facing, egotistical juggernaut it feels itself to be. As much as those are the people that deserve to die; as little as anyone deserves to die -- I do not seek their blood or flesh or pain. Not directly or immediately, anyways. I seek the soft and tasty bits. Like the wild dogs of Africa, I avoid the horns and venture to disembowel my prey, alive.
And that means: killing people of a less persuading guilt. Perhaps even, killing people who are innocent. But there's always the notion of sacrifice -- there's always the notion that there is somehow justice in this type of injustice -- that these people need to die in order to bring about a positive change in the world. And if you're religious, you might even be able to console yourself in the belief that they shall be rewarded for their contribution -- the ultimate contribution.
But I ain't, and I don't. Pure capitalism, man. Cold, calculating, cruel and merciless. I will slay the cooks, the engineers, the water-pumpers, the radio operators, the janitors, the gofers and all the other undeserving assholes. The single mother; the double gunner; the triple bomber -- they're all the same. Except for the fact that some of them have the love for violence and others only have the love for their families or their country or their paycheck. Some believe in it, others simply do what they're told -- but how can I possibly be expected to differentiate? I can't discriminate between the lovers of violence and the violence of lovers. Death from above -- you all have to be assholes to me.
But...
Sweep the floor of my hovel-squat. Swallow a rock and vomit it and only it, back up on a whim. Watch. Those are the chores. No sense eating or drinking anymore -- it's coming soon and if I have too much energy I might fuck it up. With a brain polluted by the luxury of sustenance I may do something silly: I might think about it.
No, no more thinking.
And the binoculars, they suggest a jeep on my Crow's Nest. Moving pretty good, and loaded with four men and more gear than is considered safe, by civilian standards. They must be the creepers -- the feelers -- and somehow, I am overjoyed by their presence. It means -- it must mean -- that the rest is on its way.
And yes -- that is exactly what it means! That and three more days to be melted into the one, all-consuming. That and three more jeeps. That and three more doses of the cerebral purifier. No more of that doubt. No more of that feeble logic or reason. No more empathy; no more concern -- only hate. A cold and distant hate. An emotionless hate. A good hate. An accepting hate.
Yes, yes -- I am now far more tolerant. Accepting, even. Accepting of the invasion. Accepting of my choices. Accepting of the death of Private First Class Shoshana Jameson and the thousand other helpless, innocent ants like her. It was once that I revelled in the genius of my brutality (cut off the body and the head shall die!? -- what a clever manipulation of logic!); it was also once that I reviled it -- but now, there is nothing left but pure, cool tolerance. Acceptance.
Understanding.
It's all well beyond me now -- the placement of the primary charges some seven kilometres apart on the steep, narrow highway; the profundity of the secondary charges, set high upon the mountainside to let loose a torrent of rock and earth upon those trapped below. No, the plan itself has been set in motion and the only variable was me. The only real possibility of failure was me -- but no longer! I am a single, solitary, absolute value: a one. On. Positive.
Repulsing.
User Reviews
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2006-09-18 14:35:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Writing like this raises the bar.
Thank You.
This almost kicked me out of my slump.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-08-10 10:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
charmingly beef indeed
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-10 10:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by houseman (user info) at 2006-08-10 10:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-08-10 10:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm
backs away slowly
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-10 10:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know how you value honest criticism so I won't say Auto +2 CB, but could you visit more often, please?
Jesus Christ, this was chilling.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-08-10 10:02:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uber is a sorrier place without you.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-10 09:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BEEFY! Good job man this was awesome.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-08-10 05:24:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I rather enjoyed reading that. Bit melodramatic though.