Battle d'Uber: An Epic of Royal Proportions (1) (1458 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.56 on 119 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Axolotl (View user info) at 2006-08-10 18:59:23 EDT
It was a cold dark day in the briefing room as Bart Cilfone looked out across the forty-two sleeping, unconscious bodies on the floor. It had been hard work slipping rohypnol into drinks all across the country, but Bart had a large supply of THAT. His plan was coming into order perfectly...
Forty-two Uberusers were collected in the white-paneled chamber, men and women, from the young Ghola to the ancient Shlongy, and they were about to wake up. Bart eyed them eagerly, a titanium remote control in his hand.
Orgasmatron opened up a bleary eye, sitting up and wondering where he was. "What's this?" he grunted sleepily, grabbing at a tight metal collar around his neck.
"All in good time, my child!" Bart laughed maniacally. "We have to wait for the other players to awaken!"
"Where on earth am I?" Jgreening asked, regaining consciousness and feeling the metallic collar bolted seamlessly above his collarbone.
"Roofied by a stranger in a bar again?" Caulaincourt muttered. "Sacre merde, this happens to me far too much..."
The forty-two users were nearly all awake now. DudeThat'sBosh was already smoking six cigarettes, and Habeeb and The Cyst Master were engaged in a spirited conversation about rape. ElectricToothSyndrome was looking broody and dangerous in a lone corner. Orgasmatron sat, simply stunned.
"You all right, buddy?" Captain Thorns asked Orgasmatron. "What's with the collars?"
"I think Bart's lost his mind," Orgasmatron replied. "How's England treating you?"
"I recognize you!" Shlongy roared, seeing Bart at the front of the room, wearing a white lab coat. "I'll call my lawyer."
"People, let me explain." Bart said, raising his hands. "All forty-two of you—you are part of a study. This is very important, and it can mean life or death. You are all on a deserted island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The island is quite small, and is mostly hills and rocky terrain. There will be no talking while I'm talking, JonnyX."
"Why not?" JonnyX asked.
"You are part of a game," Bart said coolly. "A game designed to take the psychological interaction on Ubersite to the next level. In several minutes I will release all of you into the world. Your job is to kill one another off. The last one remaining wins."
The room sat in stunned silence, each one thinking this was a horrible joke, or a dream.
"What do we win?" Sacrilicious asked.
"The right to go home alive," Bart answered. "Right now it is 5 o'clock in the morning, Monday, August 21, 2006. This game will last for three days. I will release you out onto the island shortly, giving you a bag containing water, food, and a weapon. This weapon can be anything from a gun, to a sword, to a golf club. Use it well. If nobody wins by the third day...those collars around your neck will explode."
"Nice one, Barty-o," JonnyX remarked, pointing a sarcastic finger at Bart. "You think you can just—"
In a whirl of his arms, Bart whipped a short knife out of his white lab coat and flung it at JonnyX's face. The knife cut through the air and sank deep into the center of JonnyX's forehead. He fell over onto his back, and that's when the screaming started.
"I'm dead serious about all of this," Bart said coldly. "You WILL kill one another off, and if there is no single winner by 11:59 PM, August 23, I will detonate your collars. Do not attempt to remove your collars, as I will detonate them as well."
"You got it, sir," Davros said. "~Davros."
"Kill one another quickly, and get a head start. I don't want any nonsense from Shlongy, or Habeeb, or any of you," Bart said.
"Let me out of here!" Captain Thorns said, jumping up and prying his fingers under the collar at his neck.
"No!" Orgasmatron cried. "Captain, don't do it! We need your music!"
Red lights around Thorns' collar lit up as the Captain squeezed the collar, trying to break it. "Stand back!" Method screamed.
"Captain Thorns!" moaned Orgasmatron. "Noooo..."
Captain Thorn's collar exploded, slicing open the poor Captain's neck. Every one of the forty remaining Uberusers cried out in alarm and backed up against the wall. Bart simply watched Thorns' body fall to the ground, a smouldering smell of burnt metal and skin filling the room.
"Everyone, take a bag. Inside is food, water, and a weapon," Bart ordered. "Jgreening, looks like you're first on the list."
"I think us Brits should stick together," Berty said, addressing C1ndy, Apollo, Davros and TTOM. "Tally-ho, and all that."
"Agreed," the other Brits said.
Jgreening hurriedly seized a green duffel bag and walked out of the white chamber, looking frightened. "Looks like it's gonna be some fun," said Ghola, preparing her ninja skills and nudging ETS. ETS said nothing, but cracked his knuckles and prepared to use all the skills he read in "Steal This Book" to take down the system-loving imperialist Uberusers one at a time.
"I'm ready for this," Orgasmatron said, trying to convince himself, trying to forget the body of Captain Thorns on the floor. Average Dan and Badassmofo had already gone outside with their bags as well.
"Get your bag," Bart said, and Orgasmatron grabbed one of the green bags and stood at the door.
"This is going to be a right disaster," Orgasmatron muttered, walking out into the night. He opened his bag: he had two bottles of water, a loaf of bread, and what looked like the lid of a pot. That was his weapon, a lid.
It was dark outside the compound but the stars were shining brightly above. Outside was a dirt path, with woods and trees and rocks all surrounding. Orgasmatron's heart was beating fast, scared enough almost to vomit.
Taking his pot lid and bag of food, he sprinted away from the compound, and into the thicket.
-----------------------------------------------
TWO DEAD - JonnyX and Captain Thorns
FORTY REMAIN
-----------------------------------------------
To be continued...
----------
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_Royale
Battle Royale is a Japanese cult film made in 2002, that I saw a few weeks ago. I very much recommend seeing it, but English copies are hard to obtain. It's the story of forty-two schoolchildren trapped on a deserted island by their sadistic teachers, forced to kill one another off.
I was inspired by adapting the story to Uber; if you're in the list below of users on the island...expect a bloody an unpleasant death. If you've seen it, don't give away the ending.
Here are the forty-two users in the game:
Jgreening
Caulaincourt
Habeeb
DudeThat'sBosh
Badassmofo
ETS
CaptainThorns
Scourgeoftheseas
C1ndy
Davros
Sideburns
Stabkill
Rad1101
TTOM
Orgasmatron
Shlongy
Apollo88
Kaos-King
Method
Darko
Razor
Squattail
MistressFist
FilthyAssistant
Firefly
Berty
Circe
Merlina
Leilani
Spooner
Cyst Master
Ghola
Electro
Tigerlilly
Average Dan
Sacrilicious
Munkeypants
Inion_de_trua
JonnyX
Jack McCallum
I_Have_A_Kristen_Fetish
Redskieslookfake
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-14 14:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-14 11:58:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
What do I have to do to emerge victorious, El Geeko?
-------------------
Dunno...let me beat you in golf? How about I give you a quick easy death instead?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-08-14 14:01:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-08-11 07:26:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stuff you clown, why am I not in this?
Cool idea though.
But still.
Stuff you, clown.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-14 11:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What do I have to do to emerge victorious, El Geeko?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-14 08:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I AM MENTIONED
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2006-08-14 07:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hang on......Lily Meadow?
You fucking poof!
I hear Battle Royal 2 is a steaming pile of gash. I want to see it, but I don't want it to ruin BR's good name.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-08-13 09:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You got it, sir," Davros said. "~Davros."
-------------
I been doing it a long time.
-Dave
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-08-12 21:40:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very creative. I like.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-08-12 04:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love that movie.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-08-11 15:57:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How long until I have to come in and rescue their sorry asses?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-11 15:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
= )
I'll settle for the deathmatch of the century where we both lay with our innards spilling onto the ground, trying to fight each other with our very last ounce of strength.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-11 15:16:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-11 13:44:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
You're one step up from Electro and his legos, you realize that?
------
That's not exactly hard.
JUST KIdDING ABOUT THE RPAE LOlolOlb
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-11 13:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're one step up from Electro and his legos, you realize that?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-11 13:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-11 13:39:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm terrified.
No, really.
------------------
Caulaincourt will rape you, and Badassmofo will sodomize you with a shotgun barrel, and blow your anus out your eye sockets. No, really.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-11 13:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm terrified.
No, really.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-11 13:23:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-08-11 12:29:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
I want Method, I'll ruin that fat fucking retard.
---------------
Rest assured, Method will get ruined. You'll be living up to your name.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-11 13:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-08-11 09:21:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck yea!
i hope my weapon is brass knuckles.
or dynamite so i can set some siiiiiiiiiick booby traps
GUYS! ITS A BOOEY TRAP!
----
SHH I CAN'T SPOIL THE EEEENDING GUYYZZZZ!!!!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-11 13:22:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-08-11 08:38:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
HE signs it Dave not Davros, but that part was still great.
--
argggh
*kills self*
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-11 13:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-08-11 07:26:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stuff you clown, why am I not in this?
Cool idea though.
But still.
Stuff you, clown.
------
I needed exactly 42...I considered your name for the start, but had to cut it.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-11 13:21:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-08-11 04:55:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats brilliant!!!!
I'll be pretty hard to kill though..
Am a brown sash in kung fu and blue belt (advanced grade) in kickboxing.
------
We can defeinitely use that
Glad to see I'm not the only one who saw this.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-08-11 12:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:31:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:28:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and there was a fag below me.
------
There's always a fag below you, you're the Jeff Gordon of the Hershey Highway.
--------------------------------
Just spit water all over my desk, thanks.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-11 12:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*honorably mentions Peon's tits*
*once more mentions the lack of participation from the battling parties in the Boob-Off*
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-11 12:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i loved that movie. i hear they made a second one. haven't seen it if they have.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-08-11 12:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want Method, I'll ruin that fat fucking retard.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-08-11 12:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you can never fail dropping names on good old uber.
Submitted by tbone (user info) at 2006-08-11 11:11:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that is a lot like: http://www.ubersite.com/m/72858
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-08-11 11:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cannot BELEIVE that my tits didn't get an honorable mention :-(
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-08-11 09:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:06:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
DudethatsBOSH is in it?
Ugh.
--
I wish you were in it so I could lure you into some siiiiiiiiiick booby traps.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-08-11 09:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck yea!
i hope my weapon is brass knuckles.
or dynamite so i can set some siiiiiiiiiick booby traps
GUYS! ITS A BOOEY TRAP!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-11 08:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You got it, sir," Davros said. "~Davros."
--------------------------------------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Now, RIGHTFULLY, I should lambast you for killing me off in the first installment...but at least I went out in a blaze of glory.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-08-11 08:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HE signs it Dave not Davros, but that part was still great.
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-08-11 08:15:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I still say you need to get out more. Je-zus.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-08-11 07:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stuff you clown, why am I not in this?
Cool idea though.
But still.
Stuff you, clown.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-08-11 04:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats brilliant!!!!
I'll be pretty hard to kill though..
Am a brown sash in kung fu and blue belt (advanced grade) in kickboxing.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-08-11 03:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Word? Word.
Submitted by Sockster (user info) at 2006-08-11 03:19:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're completely insane, but I loved that movie.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2006-08-11 03:12:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You got it, sir," Davros said. "~Davros."
---
This made me snort out loud and now everyone's looking at me.
I'm sort of glad I'm not in it. I'd end up with a joke rubber chicken as a weapon and end up dying horribly within the first ten minutes.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-08-11 02:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-08-11 00:21:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm anxiously awaiting my death
I was never alive, thus I can never die. HAHA SUCKERS.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-08-11 02:35:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:09:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:07:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
i really want to see that movie, but its hard to find.
----
It's truly brilliant. I was skeptical at first, but it was one of the best I've ever seen.
---------
It was pretty good. Brilliance, I feel, eludes it.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-11 01:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2006-08-10 23:15:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
BATTLE ROYAL FUCKIN ROCKED
I NEED TO GET A COPY OF THE PAINTIN OF DEATH THAT WASA SHOWN AT THE END OF IT
BATTLE ROYAL ii WASNT AS GOOD BUT THE OPENING SCENE MADE ME VOMIT IN LAFTER
CHECK IT OOT IF U CAN
ASLO BATTLEFIELD BASEBALL AND ITCHI THE KILLER ARE GREAT JAP DEATH MOVIES
WOO
GO WHITE SOX AND JAPS TOO
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA THE STUPID FUCKIN RED SOX GOT SWEPT BY THE ROYALS AHHAHAHAHAHAH
U SHOULD KILL THEM SOMEHOW IN THIS THANG YER DOIN
WOO
-----
haha I just remembered the painting of death. Habeeb, you will take the role of...the axe-wielding guy.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-11 01:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-10 22:22:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's another +2 from someone who loves apeshit Asian flicks.
Good adaptation.
Ever seen Robotrix?
It's no Battle Royale, but the villain does rip a guy's head off with a briefcase. A fucking briefcase.
And then of course there is The Eternal Evil of Asia, in which the lovely Ellen Chan fellates empty air and a guy's head turns into a penis that actually spurts piss.
http://www.kfccinema.com/reviews/horror/eternalevil/eternalevil.html
------------
I must view this.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-08-11 00:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm anxiously awaiting my death
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-08-10 23:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2006-08-10 23:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BATTLE ROYAL FUCKIN ROCKED
I NEED TO GET A COPY OF THE PAINTIN OF DEATH THAT WASA SHOWN AT THE END OF IT
BATTLE ROYAL ii WASNT AS GOOD BUT THE OPENING SCENE MADE ME VOMIT IN LAFTER
CHECK IT OOT IF U CAN
ASLO BATTLEFIELD BASEBALL AND ITCHI THE KILLER ARE GREAT JAP DEATH MOVIES
WOO
GO WHITE SOX AND JAPS TOO
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA THE STUPID FUCKIN RED SOX GOT SWEPT BY THE ROYALS AHHAHAHAHAHAH
U SHOULD KILL THEM SOMEHOW IN THIS THANG YER DOIN
WOO
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-10 23:02:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-10 22:55:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Three guesses who lives in the cave in grid 2C.
His name starts with g and ends with e and has an oats in the middle.
-
Electro?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-10 22:55:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Three guesses who lives in the cave in grid 2C.
His name starts with g and ends with e and has an oats in the middle.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-10 22:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF?
Where is the face man?
Anyway good shite.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-10 22:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+4 Orgasmatron namedrop in the first installment. At least I lived through Part 1.
-2 for aborting feety in the story. You heartless tampon sucker.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-10 22:22:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's another +2 from someone who loves apeshit Asian flicks.
Good adaptation.
Ever seen Robotrix?
It's no Battle Royale, but the villain does rip a guy's head off with a briefcase. A fucking briefcase.
And then of course there is The Eternal Evil of Asia, in which the lovely Ellen Chan fellates empty air and a guy's head turns into a penis that actually spurts piss.
http://www.kfccinema.com/reviews/horror/eternalevil/eternalevil.html
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-08-10 22:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Battle Royale +4
NOT FUCKING INCLUDING ME -2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-10 22:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:58:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack McCallum's not going to have an easy death, I tell you.
--
God does like fucking with me.
And I can't fuck him back.
But you ain't God, kid.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-10 21:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 21:30:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:29:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:56:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Secret spoiler: Kaos-King will be raped. Seriously.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
FUCK!!!
wait...
Both Ghola and Katy are on this island. They can gang rape me, that would be super.
---------
It's one of the two.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
***ejaculates all over keyboard and passes out***
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-10 21:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sweet holy Christ, you love ubersite.
I think your most fervent hope would be if uber actually fucked you, after which you could die with its seed dripping from your ass, virgin no more.
Just remember, an immature man dreams of dying nobly for a grand cause; a mature man wishes to live humbly for many worthy ones.
I give you a +1 because the film is great, but please try and put more exposition into your dialogue.
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2006-08-10 21:39:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-08-10 21:35:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2006-08-10 21:33:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
yet again left out. guess i have to stick to killing people in real life.
===========
Aren't you in the Air Force. I thought they either didn't give you guns or made you tape the magazine to the buttstock.
=======================
i really wouldn't want most of the people in the air force to have weapons. but seeing as there is a chainlink fence about 20 yards away from me and that is all stoping hadjee from coming in i like my gun. also i kill for sport.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-08-10 21:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wtf ever there's people on that list that haven't visited uber in a year...
I'm so pissed I didn't make the list again I think I just may very well commit suicide.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-08-10 21:35:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2006-08-10 21:33:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
yet again left out. guess i have to stick to killing people in real life.
===========
Aren't you in the Air Force. I thought they either didn't give you guns or made you tape the magazine to the buttstock.
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2006-08-10 21:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yet again left out. guess i have to stick to killing people in real life.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-10 21:32:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
STOP GIVING IT ALL AWAY.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 21:30:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:29:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:56:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Secret spoiler: Kaos-King will be raped. Seriously.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
FUCK!!!
wait...
Both Ghola and Katy are on this island. They can gang rape me, that would be super.
---------
It's one of the two.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 21:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:34:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good idea...
...too bad you skipped the Soldiers here.
---
Stabkill is a soldier.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I should be here.
Because I am good.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good idea...
...too bad you skipped the Soldiers here.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:56:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Secret spoiler: Kaos-King will be raped. Seriously.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
FUCK!!!
wait...
Both Ghola and Katy are on this island. They can gang rape me, that would be super.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, it was just reflective of how I feel about this since I'm not in it.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yay I win the internet.
Hello Sphagnum. Were you banned for posting that guy vomiting?
-----
Gullible child.
Don't believe everything Sacrigasmatron says.
She's carrying an imaginary fetus with a high speed connection.
There's a name for people like that.
But think what you'd like, it's of no consequence to me. I will never abandon my promise, kid.
That abortion comment was music to my ears.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Head = gone.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack McCallum's not going to have an easy death, I tell you.
-----
And thank you for that, too.
+2's for life, and that's a long fucking time you child.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:11:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:10:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:58:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:27:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:18:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:17:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
That's 43, dumbass.
---
I'm certain it's not. Paste it into word, you must have counted wrong.
-----
Feety is inside the belly of Orgasmatron's whore, you fool!
Does life not begin at the moment of conception?
You goddamned abortionist! Democrat!
Speaking of which, why not kill the three of them all at once. That fucking feety shit is getting beyond lame.
I +2 this because you kill uberers, which even in jest is still slightly satisfying.
Someone hit Sacrilicious in the belly with Jack McRectum's huge ego, killing feety and causing Orgasmatron to commit suicide.
That's a four-fer.
-------
Jack McCallum's not going to have an easy death, I tell you.
Feety's already out though, he was aborted. Keep up with the local news, dude.
-----
HAR HAR
I will never give you a -2 again, kid, even though I think you're a little strange.
---
Yay I win the internet.
Hello Sphagnum. Were you banned for posting that guy vomiting?
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:10:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:58:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:27:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:18:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:17:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
That's 43, dumbass.
---
I'm certain it's not. Paste it into word, you must have counted wrong.
-----
Feety is inside the belly of Orgasmatron's whore, you fool!
Does life not begin at the moment of conception?
You goddamned abortionist! Democrat!
Speaking of which, why not kill the three of them all at once. That fucking feety shit is getting beyond lame.
I +2 this because you kill uberers, which even in jest is still slightly satisfying.
Someone hit Sacrilicious in the belly with Jack McRectum's huge ego, killing feety and causing Orgasmatron to commit suicide.
That's a four-fer.
-------
Jack McCallum's not going to have an easy death, I tell you.
Feety's already out though, he was aborted. Keep up with the local news, dude.
-----
HAR HAR
I will never give you a -2 again, kid, even though I think you're a little strange.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FEETY WAS NOT ABORTED! He just takes womb breaks. To prepare him for the real world.
Oh, and
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:01:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Madame Sac, who is Whysenheimer? Sphagnum, perchance?
YOU THINK?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:01:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
----
Ouch.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:01:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 20:01:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Madame Sac, who is Whysenheimer? Sphagnum, perchance?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You guys are silly.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:59:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:41:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
THERE BETTER BE PLENTY OF RAPING GOING ON IN THIS STORY.
And I don't mean caulaincourt raping men.
Fuck, I shouldn't have said anything.
--------
You, Caulaincourt and Stabkill are going to have a jolly gay old time together...
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:58:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:27:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:18:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:17:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
That's 43, dumbass.
---
I'm certain it's not. Paste it into word, you must have counted wrong.
-----
Feety is inside the belly of Orgasmatron's whore, you fool!
Does life not begin at the moment of conception?
You goddamned abortionist! Democrat!
Speaking of which, why not kill the three of them all at once. That fucking feety shit is getting beyond lame.
I +2 this because you kill uberers, which even in jest is still slightly satisfying.
Someone hit Sacrilicious in the belly with Jack McRectum's huge ego, killing feety and causing Orgasmatron to commit suicide.
That's a four-fer.
-------
Jack McCallum's not going to have an easy death, I tell you.
Feety's already out though, he was aborted. Keep up with the local news, dude.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:57:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:25:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 FOR KILLING ME OFF AT THE START, A-HOLE.
Unlike most of the tards around here, I've actually seen Battle Royale, more than once, and can attest that it is one of the most AWESOME movies evar. Seriously, this movie is so great, I highly recommend it, because it is EXTREMELY violent.
I _could_ rewrite a couple of these scenes, particularly the lighthouse scene, but I guess I won't SINCE I'M ALREADY FUCKIN DEAD.
Hmmph.
Maybe I'll do some stuff in Beat Takeshi's character.
Just remember, if you do BRII, I get to be on Wild Seven.
-------
Sorry Jonny, someone had to be first. Battle Royale is definitely awesome, the lighthouse scene and the rape scene are some of hte best the best.
I haven't seen BRII though ;(
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:56:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:25:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:18:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:18:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, it's fine, I just thought it would be awesome to be included in a story where I would get killed, and possibly raped.
--
You want rape as well?
I can do that.
Substitute:IHAKF for Forthewin
_______________
Ah shit, I didn't think you'd really have me raped. If you rape me to death, it should be by a hot Spanish girl. I mean, you wouldn't want it to be untrue to how things would probably really happen, right?
Or a brunette. It's unlikely I'd be raped to death by a blonde.
Kind of like that girl in Goldeneye that raped guys to death. If you ask me, being raped to death by a hot brunette is the best way to go.
-----
Secret spoiler: Kaos-King will be raped. Seriously.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:51:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:44:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, I forgot. Who am I this time, Detective?
====
This time? You've always been the sa...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:37:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:27:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone hit Sacrilicious in the belly with Jack McRectum's huge ego, killing feety and causing Orgasmatron to commit suicide.
===
Careful, lazy alter. Sounding, again, just like your other ones, makes you obsolete.
-----
Oh, I forgot. Who am I this time, Detective? Let's see...who thinks the feety thing is lame? Who thinks Jack is an arrogant prick?
I guess THAT narrows it down...to about 26,000.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:37:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:27:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone hit Sacrilicious in the belly with Jack McRectum's huge ego, killing feety and causing Orgasmatron to commit suicide.
===
Careful, lazy alter. Sounding, again, just like your other ones, makes you obsolete.
----
haha PWNAGE.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THERE BETTER BE PLENTY OF RAPING GOING ON IN THIS STORY.
And I don't mean caulaincourt raping men.
Fuck, I shouldn't have said anything.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:37:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:27:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone hit Sacrilicious in the belly with Jack McRectum's huge ego, killing feety and causing Orgasmatron to commit suicide.
===
Careful, lazy alter. Sounding, again, just like your other ones, makes you obsolete.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:35:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:31:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:28:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and there was a fag below me.
------
There's always a fag below you, you're the Jeff Gordon of the Hershey Highway.
-----
The Hershey Highway? That's not even 90's, that's like, from ancient times, or something.
Did you find that at a Friar's Club archeological dig?
And I thought you were Axy's age group.
You're OLD.
And that's SAD.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 for killing jonnyx and Thorns right away.
Have you thought about deviating from the film, and just tsunaming the whole bunch?
It would be great to clear the uber rolls, and the rest of us wouldn't have to read a long series like the fucking Malleys.
That's a two-fer, boy.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:28:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and there was a fag below me.
------
There's always a fag below you, you're the Jeff Gordon of the Hershey Highway.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:28:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and there was a fag below me.
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:27:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
a good film saved you from the -2 of doom, grow up.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:18:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:17:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
That's 43, dumbass.
---
I'm certain it's not. Paste it into word, you must have counted wrong.
-----
Feety is inside the belly of Orgasmatron's whore, you fool!
Does life not begin at the moment of conception?
You goddamned abortionist! Democrat!
Speaking of which, why not kill the three of them all at once. That fucking feety shit is getting beyond lame.
I +2 this because you kill uberers, which even in jest is still slightly satisfying.
Someone hit Sacrilicious in the belly with Jack McRectum's huge ego, killing feety and causing Orgasmatron to commit suicide.
That's a four-fer.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:25:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 FOR KILLING ME OFF AT THE START, A-HOLE.
Unlike most of the tards around here, I've actually seen Battle Royale, more than once, and can attest that it is one of the most AWESOME movies evar. Seriously, this movie is so great, I highly recommend it, because it is EXTREMELY violent.
I _could_ rewrite a couple of these scenes, particularly the lighthouse scene, but I guess I won't SINCE I'M ALREADY FUCKIN DEAD.
Hmmph.
Maybe I'll do some stuff in Beat Takeshi's character.
Just remember, if you do BRII, I get to be on Wild Seven.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:18:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:18:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, it's fine, I just thought it would be awesome to be included in a story where I would get killed, and possibly raped.
--
You want rape as well?
I can do that.
Substitute:IHAKF for Forthewin
_______________
Ah shit, I didn't think you'd really have me raped. If you rape me to death, it should be by a hot Spanish girl. I mean, you wouldn't want it to be untrue to how things would probably really happen, right?
Or a brunette. It's unlikely I'd be raped to death by a blonde.
Kind of like that girl in Goldeneye that raped guys to death. If you ask me, being raped to death by a hot brunette is the best way to go.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:17:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to be in this! Here's a bribe in the form of a +2...
----
Bribe accepted.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:18:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, it's fine, I just thought it would be awesome to be included in a story where I would get killed, and possibly raped.
--
You want rape as well?
I can do that.
Substitute:IHAKF for Forthewin
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:17:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
That's 43, dumbass.
---
I'm certain it's not. Paste it into word, you must have counted wrong.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:18:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, it's fine, I just thought it would be awesome to be included in a story where I would get killed, and possibly raped.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to be in this! Here's a bribe in the form of a +2...
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:16:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
"You got it, sir," Davros said. "~Davros."
And this... Was classic.
-----
How long has he been doing that anyway?
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That's 43, dumbass.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:16:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:16:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
i hope i get to kill many people.
------
You will be like a peaceful monk.
There will be much death though.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You got it, sir," Davros said. "~Davros."
And this... Was classic.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i hope i get to kill many people.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:14:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Jesus, a large list that I'm not on.
--------
I just realized Fetish is on there, and you aren't. My mistake.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:15:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah someone already said that
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Jesus, a large list that I'm not on.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:11:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
You really need to stop spending so much time thinking about this shitdive.
----
Who says that I do?
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Thank you for posting this list of users in advance. I now know that I won't have to read anymore of these.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You really need to stop spending so much time thinking about this shitdive.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:06:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
DudethatsBOSH is in it?
Ugh.
------
Well, he dies violently, doesn't he?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:10:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:08:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I for one don't want to live in a world without JonnyX and Captain Thorns.
"and what looked like the lid of a pot." I thought O got a 'lid of pot' and was going to smoke me up. It'd be a lot cooler if he did.
-------
They will be sorely missed.
Haha. Reminds me of the line in pulp fiction where the woman says she wants pot belly.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:10:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:08:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
HA! Awesome.
Oh and thanks for including a list of all 42 users at the end of this one, to save me the trouble of having to read the rest of them. :D
-------
No problem. I don't think I'll do that for the rest, might be a bit much.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:07:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
i really want to see that movie, but its hard to find.
----
It's truly brilliant. I was skeptical at first, but it was one of the best I've ever seen.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:08:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I for one don't want to live in a world without JonnyX and Captain Thorns.
"and what looked like the lid of a pot." I thought O got a 'lid of pot' and was going to smoke me up. It'd be a lot cooler if he did.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA! Awesome.
Oh and thanks for including a list of all 42 users at the end of this one, to save me the trouble of having to read the rest of them. :D
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i really want to see that movie, but its hard to find.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DudethatsBOSH is in it?
Ugh.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:02:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:00:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment (out of laziness)
-----
ANOTHER ENFORCER
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:01:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
I am never in these damn things.
-------
I can give you a bit part as Bart's evil facist enforcer.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am never in these damn things.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment (out of laziness)
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-10 19:00:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Forgive my crappy MS Paint.
If your name is one of the forty-two...don't expect to live a long time.