New fucking York (381 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.11 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Skatch (View user info) at 2006-08-11 13:59:29 EDT
I'm going to try to start an audio blog as well as soon as I figure out how to upload sound to my account. I think this will be easier for both of us since it's hard to type when I'm drunk and ranting and you all won't have to stare at a computer screen to read my bad spelling and horrible grammar. Now it just enunciation I have to worry about.
News doesn't happen where you and I live on a national scale. This is because we do not live in New York City. Remember the blackouts and raging heat we had last month? I'm sure you all do. CNN in their infinite wisdom showed the storm, the destruction and briefly mentioned there was a heat wave and over a million Amren customers lost power. That's it. Nothing more to see down there, please move along.
In this fair city of St. Louis, we are no strangers to blackouts from storms. Every summer people lose power because of some bloated clouds that decide to make their way across the flatlands to dump rain and hail upon us. Afterwards, it's hotter than shit because of all the humidity in the air and ground as the sun breaks through the clouds and evaporates it all into the already ninety-five degree heat. We cook and we get over it because for as much as it sucks, we expect it every year.
During this time, California was experiencing heat and blackouts as well as the power companies struggled to keep up with the massive power drains coming from overworked air conditioners. People were hot and people died. CNN mentioned this as well.
Then came New York and the power outages in the Burroughs. Heat waves were rolling in and New Yorkers felt the sting much like ourselves and California.
Here's the thing though. It was never a big thing that cities were without power until the great and powerful NEW YOUR CITY, THE CITY SO NICE THEY NAMED IT TWICE started to heat up. There were interviews on the streets, news anchors were laughing at how hot it was and late night monologues were rippled with heat jokes mixed in with their little brands of political in-activism (Another thing to be discussed). Everyone was feeling sorry for New York and I found myself sympathizing with them.
Then my mistake was more real than I ever knew. I was feeling sorry for them because every time I turned on any of the cable news affiliates, it was all about how terribly hot it was in New York and how people were suffering and what to do in a heat wave. Here's where New Yorkers can go to get cool and please make sure to check on children and the elderly.
This is something I like to call passive journalism. It seems to me that broadcast news no longer actively looks for news stories, they just wait for them to show up on their desks. As if a PA wakes up one morning in New York, hits the light switch and finds out he doesn't have power, and then walks outside into sweltering heat and says "Holy shit, there might be a story here! I gotta call this in!"
The worst part is that New Yorkers seem to forget every year that they live in a horrible place for weather. When you are surrounded by glass, steel and concrete, the temperatures can wildly fluctuate. Every winter it's cold because you're in the north east and are surrounded by buildings which do nothing to help hold the warmth in. Every summer, there is little breeze or natural shade. The heat from six million people along with running engines and a thick layer of haze bottle everything in. Every year this happens, and every year CNN talks about how cold or how hot it is. As if it never happened before.
Let me give you a brief reality check there New York. It's time to stop thinking you're the cats meow. Yes, I'm going 50's style with you on this one. I've decided to help your image though by giving you a few ideas for city slogans"
"Ever wonder what urine, blood and semen mixed together smells like? Smell for yourselves"
"New York: the politest city you'll ever get run over in"
Just a few helpful slogans to let people know what they are really getting into.
I would blame this on city wide Post Traumatic Stress Disorder if this mentality hadn't been going on for as long as I've been alive. The city is using the terrorist attacks as an excuse to act off-putting and scornful. As if they can never trust anyone ever again. Here's a tip America. Let's try not to put all of our important shit in ONE FUCKING CITY! How about the World Trade Center in Omaha, Nebraska? I don't think they even have an airport for you to steal airplanes from. CNN can base itself in Tacoma, Washington and FOX in Dallas, Texas. Maybe NBC in Cadillac, Michigan.
So basically, anything bad that happens in New York (and Texas for that matter) I feel no remorse for you. The terrorist attacks were horrible and changed us forever, but it didn't change you. You are still arrogant and snooty with little respect for the rest of the country. As if high priced gas, cigarettes, living situations and food are anything to brag about. Guess what? We Midwesterners aren't complete idiots and we can see what you're doing over there. We can see you are trying to hold a monopoly on the news. California has been trying to get a finger hold as well, but no one is here in the Midwest and it makes me worry that we could disappear under the ocean your taxi cabs produce, and we'd get nothing more than a mention in the ticker running across the bottom.
And the Yankees suck balls.
User Reviews
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-08-11 16:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
NYC helps run the world St. Louis dosent.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-08-11 16:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I HAVE TO TAKE A DUMP REAL BAD
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-08-11 16:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-08-11 14:24:25 (#)
Ranking: -2
Yankees hate = auto -2
Sorry...I have to stick to my principles
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Aye. Plus, who's St. Louis? Does he live beyond the city limits here?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-08-11 15:36:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is not going to go over well, but your ire amuses me.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-11 15:29:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I blame the Jews
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-08-11 14:25:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go Jays...
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-08-11 14:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BASEBALL SUCKS BALLS...
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-08-11 14:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yankees hate = auto -2
Sorry...I have to stick to my principles
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-08-11 14:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
GO PHILLIES WOO!
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-08-11 14:09:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"and the Yankees suck balls"
GO RED SOX