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My Weekend In Brief. (387 hits)

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Rating: -0.76 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)

Submitted by saxon4eva (View user info) at 2006-08-14 11:53:14 EDT

Hello UBER Been Lurking now for a while and thought it was time to share............ Umm something.....

MY WEEKEND (this is old about three weeks ago but thought ide "open up.")

A Bit about me
Ive only been in Manchester for a short period. (4 Months) Im originally from N1 (That's Islington, North London to any one who don't Know)

No Nonsense this all happened as is.....

Friday Night
5-00pm leave work begin getting Drunk on Stella (mmmm Stella)

7-00pm Meet a load of random ghey menz and have a laugh at some fat "fag hags" strutting around with little skinny queens. Get bored with being hit on by new "friends".

10-00pm met a drag queen that used to do cabaret in my old pub in London hit the shots and have a reminisce about the good old days.

12-00am Plastered now on way home -

1-00am Call Ex boyf insist that he comes over to hold my hair while I throw up profusely after 1 too many tequilas/sambuka/after-shocks etc. God damn men in woman's clothes can drink!!!

SATURDAY

11 am - Wake with hangover from Hell.... make stupid statements like "I'm never drinking again" and "im going T- Total" and for good nonsense measure "im quitting smoking". (this after coughing up last nights 40)

3-00pm make sensible statements to the ex "shall we go to canal street to get drunk"

6-00pm - Have stupid argument with the Ex over "Chicken" in Mctuckys. He goes home crying. Something about "you used me again" whateva.. "Yawn"

2-00am - drunker than I should be cop off with a college boy (I still call them college boys UBER know them as <dun dun durn> EMOS 19ish complete with nail varnish eye liner and the like, Plastic rings torn clothes etc. (I WAS VERY DRUNK)

4-00am - walking home with the trade.... BANG saxon4eva is up on the bonnet of a citeron (thank god the dick was going about 20mph at the most) sit up on bonnet, check self..... no breaks or lesions - hop off bonnet tell the trade to stop crying like a girl.... curse the bloke out for breaking my nail and how he should watch where he is going in future
"if I was sober that would have hurt you <insert obvious curse words here.>"

Sunday

9-00am - wake up and roll over... "oh no you didn't" laugh at self and think, well babe you have had much worse. "Sorry mate my grandmas (grandma is the best line any bit of random trade will bolt out the door like a gazel if you say grandma) coming over you need to leave NOW!!!"
thank gods that's over!!

10-00 am actually wake up "OWW why am I aching like I went the full ten with the Tyson. <insert flash back of blue car>

11-00am (Sunglasses on....) Sitting on the wall outside with the next door neighbour, her daughters granddad waves and Elle (the daughter) thinks nothing but runs out in the road and 3 Inches are all that separate her from the bumper of a Silver Vectra. Tracy... bleached white throws up . Saxon4eva grabs said child by arm shoots an "you are so lucky that you did not hit that child or there would have been two deaths this morning" look at the ashen faced woman in the Vectra and shoots her the V and waves her on her way.
Picks child and mother up from floor and takes them inside. Closes front door and shoulder barges granddad off into the hedge with a "what the fuck were you thinking" and a "yes, thanks for asking, they are fine!!!"

3-00pm back in village recounting my woes to the bar man and ask where "PERSONIFICATION OF FIT" is <very fit bloke that I have crushed on for about two weeks> "Not working today" HUMPH!!!

5-00pm sitting with my pub buddies chit chatting and aching as alcohol is not working anymore..."personification of fit" walks in "shirtless" Saxon4eva goes all gubby and flashes red when ""personification of fit" says hey mate you out all day, got to nip and see some mates now but might see ya in a bit yea?" <sly smile and wink>" Saxon4eva RED FACED mates laugh after he walks off and Saxon4eva continues to pass round dead arms and legs to anyone within reaching distance.

6-00pm Pop and get some food with a dude and come back ""personification of fit" had to go home he got a lift (lives in Glossop)" "he waited a bit but needed to go". "LEFT YOU HIS NUMBER". <did the happy dance>

8-00pm - at home cuddled up watching "war of the roses" eating home made chicken and Veg soup UMMM tasty.

11pm in bed with happy happy clappy thoughts of "personification of fits" 6 pack (seriously toned mate were talking ripples) Fuck it IM badass Im in all leagues pick up phone ask him to get the train back to Manchester. "Sure why not I aint working tomorrow" after some serious "ghey menz sex" fall asleep happy

Monday
6-00 am I leave for work, get SMS from "man in my bed" Asking for a re run of last night after he "takes me out for dinner" Damn Straight I only put out for free the once. Make date for next Saturday.

So in brief

Drunk
Drunker
Laid
Drunk
Food
Drunker
Ran over
Laid
Drunk
Food
Seriously Laid (I bet he's still hurting)

Date

And you guys think that the ghey life is all about getting the ghey aids. Well you right in a way..... but still its fun avoiding it if ya can.

The date was OK we still hang out as mates but nah it was only a crush and a fumble no relationship possibilities there...

User Reviews

Submitted by Hypatia86 (user info) at 2006-08-15 14:27:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

nice story. Gay men make me smile.

Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:49:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I rather enjoy these English whores who have been showing up as of late - I loves me the chavettes.

Show us your breasts, please. Thank you.

Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2006-08-14 12:47:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

I didn't understand most of it. I'll assume it was good.

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-14 12:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1

Needs more "in brief."

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-14 12:20:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

i'm relying on you english people to throw this person a blanket party.

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-08-14 12:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Needs more rape

Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-08-14 12:06:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

www.myspace.com

Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-14 12:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

So your weekend was just like everyone else's who didn't died this weekend?

Post your tits.

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-14 12:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

You and rad should go halvsies on a livejournal page.

Oh, and:

A Reading from the Book of Firstpost: 2006-03-05 (19:49:41)

Please unplug your keyboard, sir, and shove it down your mouth
Chew and munch on cord and keys and force that mother south
Down the gullet, down the line, your stomach so engorged
With letters, arrows, NumLock, into intestines they forge,
March on, to mix with bits of dinner, snacks and lunch unpassed
So they'll have shit around them when they tear out of your ass
Plop plop plop onto the floor between your sweaty feet
Scoops of keyboard turds bejewling carpet 'neath your seat
There arranged, the keys form something inspired and tight
Yes, your dump's the only decent thing you'll ever write.

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-14 12:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

What the fuck was THIS?

PS. Kill yourself and after that, never post again.

Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-08-14 11:58:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Welcome to Uber

This format kinda sucked

Love,
Peon

Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-14 11:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

AUTO -2

DEAR BRITISH CUMWADS,

GODDAMNIT. YOU FUCKING BRITS ARE STARTING TO PISS US OFF. STOP PUTRIFYING THIS SITE PLZ.

THX YOU,

MANAGEMENT