I Am Smarter Than You: A Day In the Park (529 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.28 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mountain (View user info) at 2006-08-14 15:19:54 EDT
Yesterday was unlike most days at the office in that I had finished everything that I needed to do by noon. I called up my buddy Anderson, piled some Breckenridge SummerBright into a cooler, grabbed an Aerobie and headed to the park to meet up with him and his dog, Diggler.
After only a few beers and about an hour of tossing the Aerobie around, we noticed Diggler wasn't anywhere in sight, which is pretty unusual. Diggler is a Mastiff about nine years old and only active when you challenge him to a wrestling match. He usually just lays around until our errant throws move us too far away, when he gets up to investigate a little and find a shady area closer to us to lay back down.
"I'm gonna go look for him, he can't be far."
"I'll guard the beer."
I'm always helpful like that.
Anderson starts calling out for Diggler and heads the opposite direction of myself, eyeing the cooler in the distance.
I pulled the cooler back into the shade of the tree, which had moved slightly with the sun, plopped down in the grass, opened a beer and patiently waited.
...and waited...
A few beers later I notice there's a couple walking towards me, arguing about something. They have two dogs with them, one on some sort of harness and the other is being held by the collar. As they get a little closer and the arguing a little louder, I notice that's Diggler being held by the collar. When he sees me, he takes off running almost pulling over the woman that was holding him.
He runs over to me, knocks over my beer and lays down, putting me between him and the couple, who are still coming my way.
Next thing I know, the woman Diggler had broken free from is giving me shit about leash laws.
"I'm sorry Ma'am, he's not my dog," but I'm not looking at her when I apologize rather sizing up the guy that's with her who looks pretty fucking upset.
She's bitching at me, but it isn't registering as anything but white noise as I start piecing things together.
The man is at least a little bit blind.
This is his seeing eye dog.
Anderson couldn't bear neutering Diggler. He got as far as the parking lot, but the only thing he paid was the fee for not showing up to an appointment without giving 24 hour notice.
Diggler didn't get his name because his face looked like Mark Whalberg.
"Are you fucking listening to me?" the irate woman carried on.
"Ma'am, I told you he's not my-"
"What the fuck are you staring at, haven't you ever seen a blind person before?"
"Yes Ma'am, my neighbors are legally blind and-" (they actually are)
"So is this what you do? Hang out at the park getting drunk all day, letting your gigantic dog run wild, terrorizing people at the park?"
"Terrorizing? Ma'am, this dog would neve-"
This woman must have had some sort of hearing disorder to compliment her partners lack of sight, because she starts getting all animated and raises her voice even more.
"THIS IS A TEN THOUSAND DOLLAR DOG! ARE YOU AWARE OF THAT?" She points at the Golden Retriever, now about five feet away laying in the grass, just watching the goings-on.
At this point, the blind guy starts trying to calm her down, but to no avail. There's not many people around and feeling a little threatened, I start to stand up. Legs a little tired from running around and the alcohol settling into the blood flow, I stumble slightly. Not enough to fall over or even lose my balance much, just slightly.
The blind guy must have mistaken this partial stumble for an attack and made an effort to protect the woman, accidentally shoving her to the ground. In the process he bumps into me, already off balance and I fall back on my ass.
The next five seconds happened all slow motion like: Looking off into the distance he reaches his right hand behind him and brings it back into sight holding something. It fell from his hand, but instead of hitting the ground it becomes a pole. With a blind flick of the wrist, he manages to slap my face with his fucking seeing eye stick.
I just stare up at him staring into nothing, completely surprised.
"WOAH WOAH WOAH. HEY HEY!" Anderson is yelling as he runs over.
"What's your problem?"
Getting to her feet, brushing herself off, the woman yells, "MY FUCKING PROBLEM IS THIS GUY'S DOG WAS TRYING TO SHOVE HIS HORSE COCK IN MY TEN THOUSAND DOLLAR DOG!"
Anderson, being Anderson, calmly replies with, "Well, is she in heat?"
"IT'S A HE!"
Now we call him Gay Diggler. Anderson is doing his best to adjust.
On another note: http://www.ubersite.com/m/91485
And yet another: August 22 is only 8 days away...
User Reviews
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-08-15 19:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by alwayspeach1 (user info) at 2006-08-15 09:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anderson is doing his best to adjust.
Funny.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-14 22:33:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 unleashed horse cock
Submitted by Squip (user info) at 2006-08-14 19:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's ok, it happens to the best of us.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-14 17:16:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by OfficeZombie (user info) at 2006-08-14 16:09:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It entertained me. I enjoyed reading it.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-08-14 15:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff. And don't worry about the old man, he has sex with men for money and advertises his services on Craigslist..........in fact, that would be a great joke post. Hmmmmmmmmmm.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-08-14 15:55:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-08-09 15:56:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-09 13:27:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
You're too much of a nobody to waste my witty repartee on, Slim.
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Six replies too late on that one, big guy.
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...make it seven.
I don't mind your -2s... I understand waiting for your Enzyte to show up at the door is quite frustrating.
Oh... what a great "new hobby."
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-14 15:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No...Not Madden football- I don't play video games.
-2ing your posts.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-14 15:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My new hobby.