Battle d'Uber: Rapemadness (4) (1135 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.81 on 75 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Axolotl .65 (View user info) at 2006-08-15 10:35:01 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91652 - An Epic of Royal Proportions (1)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91736 - The First Fallen (2)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91783 - The Ninja Strikes (3)
It was evening on the first day, and Ghola was uneasily walking through the woods near a small white cottage. She was cursing the fact she had missed the chance to take Merlina's sword, and the Ninja was only armed with a short sickle and a taser.
"Hey, Ghola," called a voice; Ghola turned to see the Cyst Master standing by the cottage door. "ETS was walking around a while ago, you have any weapons?"
"Just this," lied Ghola, holding up her sickle, keeping the taser hidden in her jeans.
"Come inside," Cyst Master said. "Shh! The secret password is 'ass blood.'"
Gholal stepped inside warily, asking, "What weapon did you get?"
"A metal club," Cyst Master replied. The house was wide and hollow, with whitewashed walls and a small table. As Ghola made her way into the house, something hard hit her in the back of the head, and she fell to the floor.
"Like my metal club, honey?" Cyst Master said, brandishing a pearl-handled Colt .45. Ghola moaned from the searing pain in her neck, turning over and onto her back. Nausea was rising in her throat...if she vomited, she'd have a concussion.
"Now...let me make rape to you," Cyst Master laughed, gripping the pistol tightly in his hand. With a roar Ghola drew the stun gun out of her jeans and shot wildly twice, the taser striking Cyst Master's chest.
"Holy menstrual bleeding, Batman!" Cyst Master choked. "What the hell is that?"
"Taser, honey," Ghola said, firing the stun gun again at the Cyst Master's face. She picked the Colt .45 off the floor and cocked the hammer back.
"Wait..." Cyst Master mumbled. Ghola fired, blasting off the top of the Cyst Master's head.
* * *
There was a temple on the western side of the island, abandoned and decrepit, a perfect hideout. Shlongy had migrated there after a close encounter with Ghola on the way, the late Jgreening's crossbow in his hands.
"Hey," called a familiar voice. Shlongy looked up the temple steps and saw Tigerlilly, a jackknife in her pocket, walking down the stairs. "How are you doing, Shlongy?"
"Pretty good," Shlongy replied, unthinkingly stroking his crossbow.
"I was running from Ghola, I thought this would be a good place to hide. Kaos-King found a cave a bit north, but that guy was gonna rape me, I thought."
Something clicked in Shlongy's age-encrusted shriveled mind, and he said softly and surely, "R...rape...?"
"Yes, rape," Tigerlilly replied. "The forcible insertion of a penis into a vagina with intent to ravage?"
Shlongy drew his crossbow bolt back and aimed at Tigerlilly's chest. "Rape! Yes, rape, that's it! I'm the one with the crossbow, sugar. I was pretty pissed that out of the dozen or so Uber-babes who sent me naked pictures, you weren't one of them...so...uh...let me rape you."
"No."
"Really? Come on, let me rape you. Let me at least feel those soapy—"
"No."
"Well...shit," Shlongy exclaimed, confused as always. "There goes my game plan. Fuck this, I have the crossbow, I'm going to rape you pretty much anyway."
"Yeah?" Tigerlilly retorted, snapping the blade out of her switchknife. Shlongy backed up as she advanced, swinging the knife.
"Wait! I'm supposed to be the rapist!" Shlongy cried, dropping the crossbow and running behind him. Tigerlilly wound her arm back and pitched the knife at Shlongy's back, tearing a mesh of skin off.
Shlongy fell, and Tigerlilly slashed at him with the knife, cutting him from shoulder to hip. As Shlongy choked in shock, Tigerlilly sat astride him and bounced on his groin, each time dashing the blade of the knife into his limp penis.
"Not Shlongy Junior!" gasped Shlongy.
Tigerlilly slammed the knife down deep into Shlongy's chest, blood gushing over her hands. Shlongy tilted his head back, dead. Tigerlilly stood up, wiping the blood off her jeans and abandoning the body of Shlongy. She had chased Shlongy far from the temple...she couldn't even see where she had been. The water from the river trickled over a nearby dam, past the forests.
"Good one, Tiger..." whispered a young woman from the depths of the trees.
"Who said—"
A gunshot rang out, bringing Tigerlilly to her knees. Her stomach—another shot grazed her head, and another sunk deep into the center of her body, nearly touching her soul. From the trees, Ghola emerged triumphantly, a Colt .45 in her hand, and a sickle in the other.
"Catch you later," Ghola said, walking away down the path.
Tigerlilly laid her head back, feeling the blood draining into her abdominal cavity. The dam was close by, the water sounded peaceful as it trickled over the side. Tiger touched the bullet holes in her chest and gut and felt consciousness slipping away...her mind washed blank.
* * *
Leilani turned to Sideburns and said, "Did you hear those shots?"
"Yeah," replied Sideburns, holding up his GPS. "We better get out of here."
* * *
It was night on the first day. In a small beach shack near the southern shore, Badassmofo, Orgasmatron and Sacrilicious hid out, looking over the rocks to where the waves broke on the shores. Badassmofo sat smoking a cigarette, SPAS-12 shotgun cradled in his arms, while Orgasmatron poked his S&W M19 out from behind his pot-lid shield. Sacrilicious stared out the window with binoculars.
"Someone's approaching," Sacrilicious whispered. "It's the Bosh Man."
"What?" Badassmofo grunted. "Don't let that faggot in, tell him to go smoke five cigarettes at once with Scruggs."
DudeThat'sBosh was running across the rocks with a look of terror on his face...behind him, running and shooting a Uzi 9mm—was Electrictoothsyndrome.
"Shit!" Badassmofo said, looking out. "ETS is here! Blow out that candle and hide!"
Sacrilicious, Orgasmatron and Badassmofo threw themselves beneath the tables. Outside the shack, DudeThat'sBosh screamed for help as ETS chased after him with Davros' Uzi and Merlina's sword in his hands.
"Dude, that's mondo gay locking me out like that!" Bosh cried. "Brad's after me! Help!"
Wordlessly, ETS stood his ground and fired twice, hitting the Bosh man twice in the back. Boshman fell, facing ETS, indescribably terrified. ETS leveled his automatic weapon and shot Boshman five times in the chest; Boshman fell. ETS looked into the darkened shack, and showing no interest, walked away.
"Yes...he's gone!" Boshman said in glee, rising up. "Not even ETS can kill the BOSH Man! Not while I'm wearing my super excellent MONDO BOSH BULLETPROOF VEST!!"
As Boshman began to sit up, happy to be alive, a sword blade swished through the night air, catching him in the throat. As blood squirted into the air, ETS' cold pupils eyed the Kevlar vest...
"Did the Dude just get it?" Orgasmatron asked.
Something large and heavy crashed through the window, and rolled down onto the floor. "Eww!" Sacrilicious cried. "It's a head!" Indeed, it was the head of the Bosh Man, severed from its body and mouth open wide in shock. Inside its mouth was...
"Oh, no."
Bullets tore through the shack's walls as the grenade in the Bosh Man's mouth vibrated softly. "Run!" Orgasmatron said. "Badass, you take Sacrilicious...I'll distract ETS! RUUUN!!!"
The head exploded, shattering the supporting timbers of the tiny shack and blowing Badass, Sac, and 'Matron out onto the rocks. ETS dropped the clip out of the Uzi, readying to reload. Sac and Badass ran northwards, away from the scene, while Orgasmatron stood his ground, knowing certain death awaited him.
"I'll see you in hell, Bradley!" Orgasmatron roared, drawing his Smith & Wesson M19 and discharging two rounds. The first bullet whizzed over ETS' shoulder, but the second grazed his thigh. In pure rage, ETS holstered the Uzi and drew out his Magnum.
ETS opened fire as Orgasmatron began to run. Orgasmatron ran down the rocky shores of the Island, along the cliffs near the lighthouse on the south shore. ETS had fourteen bullets in the clip, firing away at his target. Orgasmatron knew he had no chance.
* * *
"Look!" Sideburns said to Leilani, pointing at the GPS. "Orgasmatron is in trouble! I have to do something!"
"Be careful!" Leilani called as Sideburns ran down the grassy slope, just a GPS in hand. On the rocky cliffs directly below, ETS fired his pistol at Orgasmatron, who was ducking behind the boulders.
ETS fired his final bullet and Orgasmatron took a shell in the stomach, falling out of view on the edge of the forty-foot cliff. Sideburns reached the shore, and held his GPS aloft, ready to use it as a club.
"Orgasmatron!" Sideburns cried out, leaping from the rocky point and landing on ETS' back ten feet below. ETS fell onto the sharp rocks, slashing his face, and breathing heavily. Sideburns slid off ETS' bony back, and grabbed Orgasmatron's arm.
"Orgasmatron! Come with me!" Sideburns said. Orgasmatron stood on his feet, the gunshot wound in his abdomen leaking blood. The click of ETS reloading the Uzi heralded their imminent doom, and Sideburns and Orgasmatron leaped off the cliff together, arm in arm.
In furious rage, ETS fired down at the pair as they disappeared into the roaring waves of the ocean below. It was the dark of the night, and down in the sea, both men had disappeared into the current. Sighing, ETS holstered the Uzi and walked away, leaving them both for dead.
The ocean had claimed two more victims that night, thought ETS.
-----------------------------------------------
SIX DEAD - The_Cyst_Master, Shlongy, Tigerlilly, Dudethatsbosh, Sideburns, Orgasmatron
TWENTY-FOUR DEAD TOTAL
EIGHTEEN REMAIN
-----------------------------------------------
To be continued...
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-16 16:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-08-16 12:43:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
(Razor says):
Final prediction... Ghola kills ETS while Axl masturbates to the final passage he has written.
----
haha
perhaps
The story's already written, I'm just posting it up now.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-08-16 12:43:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(Razor says):
Final prediction... Ghola kills ETS while Axl masturbates to the final passage he has written.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2006-08-16 12:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-08-16 11:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-16 10:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-08-15 17:11:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd hug you if you didn't smell of AIDS.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
HA!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-16 08:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's because I'm not dead, Voltage.
Feel free to stop by Cocktails, Dreams and Your Mother. Drinks'll be on the house.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-08-16 02:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are deviating from the story! Gah!
Still good. Even though I don't know if I believe that O-man is dead, I guess I have to change my dynamics of the story.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-15 17:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wildcat- once again talking out both sides of his ass.
Because he's one of the dumbest dickeaters on the planet.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-15 17:13:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
IF I EAT THITH, WILL I GET AIDTH?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-08-15 17:11:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd hug you if you didn't smell of AIDS.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-15 17:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
IM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW BUT I HAVE TO ACT ALOOF SO AS TO KEEP MY INTERNET REPUTATION INTACT
ITS SO UNFAIR
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-08-15 17:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But then again everyone fucks your sister, the little hairy backed monkey girl that she is.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-08-15 17:07:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
asshole
I'm not an asshole.
Go fuck yourself.
You're greek.
And you fuck your sister.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-15 17:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<end monologue>
I need mental help
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-15 17:06:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He's going to call me all sorts of names too.
And he'll get away with it, because I'm too frightened of him to argue with him. I'll just act like I'm ignoring him, but actually I'll be fuming inside.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-15 17:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He's going to tell me to go fuck myself pretty soon too, that's how much of an internet badass he is.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-15 17:02:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This guy is a much bigger asshole than I am, which is a good thing around here. He makes me proud.
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Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just a neighborly service Ax
this is the list of posts in which Wildcat"i'm a fucking loser hypocrit bitch"McGee name dropped other Uber usernames in the title.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83546
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83396
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83315
http://www.ubersite.com/m/78920
http://www.ubersite.com/m/76314
http://www.ubersite.com/m/74095
http://www.ubersite.com/m/56355
Now I didn't look into any of his posts as I'm sure there are others out there where he has used the names of other uber users in his text.
My reason for doing this is so that for once this stupid mother fucker will just shut his mouth and admit that he is hurt because he doesn't fit in.
Take that and shove it right up your high horse riding as, sideways and at a medium pace you whiney little cockfaggot.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:53:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86629
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:52:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:50:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, so does Ghola have a huge sickle or a short sickle?
From the second installment: "Sorry, just trying to practice shooting," Leilani said sheepishly. "Ghola is out there, she has a huge sickle."
From this installment: "..and the Ninja was only armed with a short sickle and a taser."
*At least you know I'm reading.*
---
I envision it as about two feet long or so. Leilani was exaggerating.
-------
yes, i'm in the habit from always having to tell Shlongy his "sickle" is huge, even though in actuality, it is quite short. FORGIVE ME!
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Name dropping is fucking stupid, no matter what any of you douches have to say, especially any of the douches that respond to this.
And I didn't give you a negative rating, I simply rated it "Worth Reading", as it was.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:19:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
This just reaks of bullshit. I mean really, how many people are you going to give a web-blowjob to?
===========
Awe look at little Wildcat.
You should read it you fucking mo, aside from the uber names...its a fuckign good story but I suppose you can't get your little mind or your little arms around that idea now can you.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:20:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:19:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
This just reaks of bullshit. I mean really, how many people are you going to give a web-blowjob to?
----------
The word is reeks, and considering everyone is being brutally murdered, I wouldn't see it as a tribute.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:20:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:19:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
This just reaks of bullshit. I mean really, how many people are you going to give a web-blowjob to?
----------
The word is reeks, and considering everyone is being brutally murdered, I wouldn't see it as a tribute.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:19:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This just reaks of bullshit. I mean really, how many people are you going to give a web-blowjob to?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:07:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-15 15:13:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:11:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:08:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
i think you're seriously overestimating ETS's survival skills.
-----
But underestimating his desire for revenge on Method.
-------
wouldn't it be more "realistic" (i snorted at that) to have him pissed at indoninja?
-----
Indoninja's not in this, and Method's the one who made the dancing-penis flash of him.
-------
FIRE IN THE DISCO!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 16:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-15 15:13:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:11:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:08:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
i think you're seriously overestimating ETS's survival skills.
-----
But underestimating his desire for revenge on Method.
-------
wouldn't it be more "realistic" (i snorted at that) to have him pissed at indoninja?
-----
Indoninja's not in this, and Method's the one who made the dancing-penis flash of him.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-15 15:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe you could let Shlongy eat some dead pussy while he's just laying around rotting....just a thought.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-15 15:13:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:11:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:08:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
i think you're seriously overestimating ETS's survival skills.
-----
But underestimating his desire for revenge on Method.
-------
wouldn't it be more "realistic" (i snorted at that) to have him pissed at indoninja?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-15 15:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm totally in the top 18, and I didn't have to do anything.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-15 14:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Goodbye, lunch!"
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-15 14:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not reading this.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-08-15 14:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
feety abortion=auto+2
Life imitates art far more than art imitates life.
Oscar Wilde
Would that Wilde were God.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-15 14:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Not Shlongy Junior!" gasped Shlongy.
=======================================
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:58:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:36:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
I THOUGHT I smelled strange, no matter how much I talcum powdered my balls and ass crack...
--
Say goodbye to lunch...
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The map with names is coming shortly.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:52:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:50:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, so does Ghola have a huge sickle or a short sickle?
From the second installment: "Sorry, just trying to practice shooting," Leilani said sheepishly. "Ghola is out there, she has a huge sickle."
From this installment: "..and the Ninja was only armed with a short sickle and a taser."
*At least you know I'm reading.*
---
I envision it as about two feet long or so. Leilani was exaggerating.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, so does Ghola have a huge sickle or a short sickle?
From the second installment: "Sorry, just trying to practice shooting," Leilani said sheepishly. "Ghola is out there, she has a huge sickle."
From this installment: "..and the Ninja was only armed with a short sickle and a taser."
*At least you know I'm reading.*
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:41:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I probably could've done without the visual of Tiger slashing at Shlongy's member.
But good shit.
Also, can you (instead of red X's) put the names of where folks died on the map? I think I'd be able to get my head around it better.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rigor Mortis could explain your constant hard on too
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:36:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I THOUGHT I smelled strange, no matter how much I talcum powdered my balls and ass crack...
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh, Shlongy's been dead for 3 years now but no one has the guts to tell him.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Perhaps your embloated swollen corpus can make a guest appearance at the very end with all the rest of the dead.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:26:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooops. Sorry. My bad.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:18:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey- kill badassmofo immediately by any means necessary.
He's getting on my nerves now.
---
You can't speak. You're dead, rapist.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey- kill badassmofo immediately by any means necessary.
He's getting on my nerves now.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:16:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In all actuality shotgun versus uzi...I'm taking my chances but it's your story to tell.
Good job so far.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:09:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck this, Im not reading all that...
http://www.ubersite.com/u/Axolotl/l/the_malleys ???
-------
I'm writing the next part now as we speak. I just finished up Battle d'Uber.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:08:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
i think you're seriously overestimating ETS's survival skills.
-----
But underestimating his desire for revenge on Method.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 13:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:04:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you trying to tell me that Shlongy NEVER got laid in this series?
That's insane and ridiculous.
Also, in "real life", TigerLily wouldn't have killed me without having her way with Shlongy first.
Other than that, fuck all the living.
---------
It's Battle d'Uber, not Orgy d'Uber. If you wanted that, you could hire Chronicles of College Guy to do that.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not while I'm wearing my super excellent MONDO BOSH BULLETPROOF VEST!!"
------
heh.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:54:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:04:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you trying to tell me that Shlongy NEVER got laid in this series?
That's insane and ridiculous.
Also, in "real life", TigerLily wouldn't have killed me without having her way with Shlongy first.
Other than that, fuck all the living.
--------------------
I think the ladies NEED to be doin the raping.
Do it on the next one - Call it MEGARAPE MADNESS or NO DRUGS NEEDED RAPE MADNESS
or something cheesy
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
rape madness without apollo the architect of rape madness?
Madness.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck this, Im not reading all that...
http://www.ubersite.com/u/Axolotl/l/the_malleys ???
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy got killed by a GIRL!
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
AHAHAHAHAHA!
HA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:08:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i think you're seriously overestimating ETS's survival skills.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-15 12:04:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you trying to tell me that Shlongy NEVER got laid in this series?
That's insane and ridiculous.
Also, in "real life", TigerLily wouldn't have killed me without having her way with Shlongy first.
Other than that, fuck all the living.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-15 11:59:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:46:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:45:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
HE CAN'T BE DEAD!!!!!
--
i know, i know..
if only they made sword proof neck armor.
-
hahahaha
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 11:21:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Defect (user info) at 2006-08-15 11:05:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
I still like how ETS owns everyone. I also realized that shitfuck nor pff was in here. I think. I probably missed it.
-----
PFF 's in it, hasn't arrived yet though.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 11:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:45:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
HE CAN'T BE DEAD!!!!!
-----
Thought you were talking about Shlongy for a second
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 11:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:45:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome.
Shlongy gets raped.
I can die a happy man now.
I love this shit.
--------------------------
2 rapists = dead
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-15 11:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:43:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I had an Uzi and no chance to use it.
Cunt.
-Dave
---------------------
You should have killed ETS when you had the chance!
Submitted by alwayspeach1 (user info) at 2006-08-15 11:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Funny
Another +2 just for "super excellent mondo bosh bulletproof vest"
Submitted by Defect (user info) at 2006-08-15 11:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I still like how ETS owns everyone. I also realized that shitfuck nor pff was in here. I think. I probably missed it.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep'em coming, boy.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
/////
///
//?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:48:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, first things first:
- Mention of menstrual blood = auto Red River linkwhore: http://www.ubersite.com/m/91705
Now...
As I see no corpse for either Sideburns or myself, I'm going to have to insist on asterisks being put by our names on the 'dead' list. No proof, no truth. There's every chance the current swept us away and carried us off to another island, where we sold our bodies for shells and trinkets to then barter with the natives. Clothed, healed and fed again, we made our way to the Caribbean and opened our own little beachfront bar: Cocktails, Dreams and Your Mother. Frozen mixers are half-off between 4PM and 7PM. Ask your server for a list of today's specials. Cocktails, Dreams and Your Mother - our drinks are so good you'll think you shit your pants.
Oh, and dare it be said again? I think so: FEETY RIDES AGAIN. RUN LITTLE MAN, RUN TO VICTORY.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wish i got to kill someone with either some siiiiiiiiick booby traps
or perhaps a belly flop on their skull with my bullet proof vest.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i am such a badass.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:46:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:45:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
HE CAN'T BE DEAD!!!!!
--
i know, i know..
if only they made sword proof neck armor.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
HE CAN'T BE DEAD!!!!!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome.
Shlongy gets raped.
I can die a happy man now.
I love this shit.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really like the idea of this series. But seeing as how you are taking alot of the deaths straight out of BR, I can't give this a positive rating.
But I do look forward to the next installments.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Blood-soaked yumminess...
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-08-15 10:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I had an Uzi and no chance to use it.
Cunt.
-Dave