How Can I Tell If I've Janxed On Your Face? (1465 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: handicapable_women
Rating: 1.52 on 58 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-08-18 13:30:42 EDT
The absence of color, the blending of all,
You're whiter than paint on my living room wall,
But paint I'll apply to your bare, furrowed brow
If you just keep sucking, I'll do it. Yes! Now!
But wait, where's the semen? Where now the white tears?
Don't tell me that I have succumbed to the beers
And have whiskey dick! Tell me I didn't run dry
Like I did back in college when I would rely
On the porno to carry me through the lean days
When the ladies refused me and dudes called me gay,
I'd stroke off each morning, at least once or twice
(Looking back, I'll admit, that it always felt nice)
Until one day I bellowed and looked for the flood
But I found not a dribble from my tired pud,
Just a cough and a wheeze as it flopped in my hand
It was then that I knew that I must made a stand
And deny my base urges and slap not the snake
Though I didn't know how much hard work it would take
I denied my bad bishop, I refused my rhubarb,
I would no longer dress myself up in the garb
Of a shuffler of knuckles, instead I would date
And find other hands to my mule masturbate.
Which brings us to the present, my transparent love
You're as white as a snowflake, as pure as a dove,
Reverse Oreo girl with cream through and through
You're a Klansman's wet dream, nothing paler than you,
My cock loves to caulk you my cocky Caucasian
My blanched, hoary girl of the slutty persuasion,
As spotless as maxi pads after your cycle
And bleached as the teeth of sportscaster Al Michaels,
I'd frost you like flakes but your flesh, my deepthroater,
Is white as the skin of Republican voters
Your hair light as cornsillk, as blonde as the tuft
Of the platinum blonde trail that sat 'bove the muff
Of Silvia Saint, and like her you will please me
I'd call you Ms. Elmer's but that's far too easy,
Your face, alabaster, immaculate tomb,
My achromic albino, my ghastly gray womb,
You're Casp'rette the Ghost-Slut to my mortal coil
NOW SHOW ME THE FRUITS OF MY PENIS'S TOIL!
Where is it? By God, I will see it displaced
On your nose and your lips and all over your face!
For what good is a beej if I can't gloss your skin
And play Jackson Pollack, dribbling dots on your chin?
I'm afraid dear unless we involve a blacklight
I'll never be sure that I painted you right.
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-21 19:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2006-08-21 18:42:17 (#)
Ranking: 1
decent poem, however, is it just me or does that girl in the photo look to be about 12?
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Shhh.
Don't judge my secret sin, sir cowman.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2006-08-21 18:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
decent poem, however, is it just me or does that girl in the photo look to be about 12?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-21 18:21:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 16:08:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
I definitely didn't do a version of West Side Story.
I'm clearly Internet Ghey™, but I have my standards.
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~~~Life is alright in Ube-ri-a-a~~~
~~~if you can fight in Ube-ri-a-a!~~~
now, South Pacific, that's ghey
~~~I'm gonna wash that Bart right outa my hair, I'm gonna wash that Bart right outa my hair~~~
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-20 23:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know.
I kid, I kid.
All I meant was that I'm not without posts that don't involve dick/fart jokes.
Though I realize I write far less of them than I should.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-08-20 23:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:47:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
I do those on Wednesday. They're called "the poems that no one reads because they're about art."
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Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-08-18 18:08:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
I read them.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-20 01:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
0-3 for the weekend.
It's like the Boston Massacre all over again.
F.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-08-19 18:48:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
filename
Submitted by carbon (user info) at 2006-08-19 18:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
janx
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-19 14:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:57:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
i <3 pearl necklaces
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Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:56:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for being a pervert.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-08-19 13:54:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-19 07:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-08-19 07:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Listen...you're good at what you do. Don't let anyone ever tell you different. You're a wordman...better than a birdman.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-19 01:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't believe you did that.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 22:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-08-18 18:08:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
I read them.
---
I know, and it's much appreciated. I was kidding.
Sort of.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-08-18 20:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-18 19:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-08-18 18:08:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I read them.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I do those on Wednesday. They're called "the poems that no one reads because they're about art."
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
do a poem that doesn't involve genitals, even by implication.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:29:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
You sick, sick bastard.
Funny shit.
---
You're a sick bastress for reading it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Take all the time you want. It's your dime.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"On a mission" again, ETS?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:29:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sick, sick bastard.
Funny shit.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:07:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
You disappoint me. I was expecting this sooner.
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It's a slow day.
If you like, I can stretch it out longer...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now scourge, don't go flirting with trying to tell him how to live his life.
It's his responsibility to tell others how to behave.
Your rebuke embarrasses us both.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why be a cock ETS? Really? What do you gain from that behavior?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful in more slippery oozing ways than one.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You disappoint me. I was expecting this sooner.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-08-18 17:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91997#2107286
THIS was though.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-18 16:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another +2 for defending me.
you goT loTs of ThaT whaTchamacalliT
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 16:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MyTee, be sure you've got a handy blacklight when you're...um...handing out the jewelry.
Lishy's kind of pale, and you may be as hardpressed to find your necklace as the narrator of this poem.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-18 16:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
psh. You think one beer is going to get me to accept your pearl necklace?
You're going to have to throw in a couple shots of jager and some videogolf, at least.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 16:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You don't need to buy her a beer for that, MyTee.
Maybe afterwards, though, like a celebratory thing.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 16:08:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I definitely didn't do a version of West Side Story.
I'm clearly Internet Ghey™, but I have my standards.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-18 16:02:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-18 14:03:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:54:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:46:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:40:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
You guys need to go register to be in one of the gangs before you comment much more or you'll be blackballed by the more popular users.
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I'm terrified of this happening.
---
As you should be.
Now close your smarmy mouth and only address me when I address you first, youngster.
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I smell a re-enactment of 'Westside Story' ....
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I thought this had been done already - Mike, didn't you do this? Am i imagining it?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-08-18 15:57:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:57:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
i <3 pearl necklaces
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Great Lishy, let me buy you a beer
Submitted by Jayebee (user info) at 2006-08-18 15:56:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why zeros?
No one can write
Poetry like the
Orgasmitricite.
The rhymes flow
Like water.
The imagry otter
Make you erect,
But yet you reject
This perfection.
Just ejectulate
And show him
The proper respect.
Just 2 him.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-08-18 15:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now,(comma) now.(period)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 14:25:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-18 14:03:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
btw i thought that albino dude in cold mountain was hot. but i'm fucked up so there ya go.
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I've spent the last five minutes trying to recall an albino guy in Brokeback Mountain.
I'm an idiot.
And thanks for adding me to your list, a_face.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-18 14:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*puts another under best ever
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-18 14:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sharks rule, mofo.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 14:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I fear the Jets would get slaughtered were that the case.
In other news: SIT THE FUCK DOWN, GIAMBI!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-18 14:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
btw i thought that albino dude in cold mountain was hot. but i'm fucked up so there ya go.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-18 14:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:54:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:46:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:40:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
You guys need to go register to be in one of the gangs before you comment much more or you'll be blackballed by the more popular users.
========
I'm terrified of this happening.
---
As you should be.
Now close your smarmy mouth and only address me when I address you first, youngster.
----
I smell a re-enactment of 'Westside Story' ....
Scourge will be the first to feel the sting of my zip gun.
Submitted by Dexter-Brown (user info) at 2006-08-18 14:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Iambic pentameter envy
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i <3 pearl necklaces
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:56:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for being a pervert. i just did a porn rewrite.
i also have to pee.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:54:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:46:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:40:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
You guys need to go register to be in one of the gangs before you comment much more or you'll be blackballed by the more popular users.
========
I'm terrified of this happening.
---
As you should be.
Now close your smarmy mouth and only address me when I address you first, youngster.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:52:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
poetry is gay
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:46:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:40:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
You guys need to go register to be in one of the gangs before you comment much more or you'll be blackballed by the more popular users.
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I'm terrified of this happening.
Really.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am an Ellis Island for noobs and alters, apparently.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:40:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, it's like a noob convention in the reviews around here. The venerable Mr. X excluded of course.
You guys need to go register to be in one of the gangs before you comment much more or you'll be blackballed by the more popular users. I know you don't want that.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ain'T goT no how whaTchamacalliT
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:36:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed out loud
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm listening to 'Pearl Necklace', by ZZ Top
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAH
Submitted by humpty (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-18 13:34:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, fuck yes.