Battle d'Uber: Just Rewards (THE END) (1026 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.61 on 58 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Axolotl (View user info) at 2006-08-21 15:33:30 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91652 - An Epic of Royal Proportions (1)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91736 - The First Fallen (2)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91783 - The Ninja Strikes (3)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91825 - Rapemadness (4)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91877 - The Lighthouse Incident (5)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91931 - The Cunning of the Ninja (6)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91999 - Game Over (7)
"Congratulations, Badassmofo," Bart said as Badass walked in, flanked by Privates Maltese and AwesomeFace, the guards. "You are truly a winner in every sense. Guards, leave us."
Badassmofo's face was burned and sooty, and he had two bullet wounds in his stomach, and another on his shoulder. His beard was scorched, and his body looked like it had run a marathon.
"Was it difficult to bring down Electrictoothsyndrome? Have a seat," Bart said, pointing to a couch. Badass sat down; he was totally alone with Bart.
"Method did most of the work for me," Badass replied gravely. "ETS left some marks on me though..."
"Your award is to go home alive, Badass," Bart said. "I know you're wondering why...some of my subordinates questioned my motives for this game as well. Ubersite is an exercise in psychology, a real-life experiment if you will. It's how people react to one another at the most basic form of communication, with no taboos, and no moderation."
"So you decided to take it a step further, and give us no rules whatsoever?" Badass asked. "And let us rape and rob and murder each other until we had a winner that pleased you?"
"Exactly."
"Fine then. I accept my reward."
"One last thing," Bart said. "How long did you think you could bullshit my system, and cheat the game?"
There was an awkward pause; Badassmofo smiled. "Method was the one who hacked the computers...I only exploited a flaw, like the experiment taught me. Exploit any flaws you see, take all opportunities you come across."
"When did you realize that the collars were no longer functional?"
"When Method deleted your files. I knew that the collars could be removed without them exploding as long as the system was down. As soon as we made sure that Electrictoothsyndrome was dead and wouldn't bother us...I took Orgasmatron and Sacrilicious down to the rocks."
"Hmm..." Bart said.
"Yeah," growled Badassmofo. "They acted pretty well to fool you guys listening in and monitoring us. I shot the air twice for each of them...and destroyed the collars. They showed up as dead on the screens."
"Very clever, I'll give it to you," Bart sighed.
At that moment, Orgasmatron and Sacrilicious stepped through the door, unarmed and bearing their guns. "How are ya, Bart-Bart?" Sacrilicious asked.
"Perfectly fine, unlike yourselves, I guess," Bart said jauntily. "Sacrilicious...I so hoped that you would survive. At least I can be happy...now you can kill me. There's a boat by the northeast dock, and maps to the mainland. Survival of the fittest after all. Individualism!"
"I can't kill you, Bart," Sacrilicious said sadly. "Not even after everything you've done...it's just...I can't..."
"Well, I can," Badass snarled, drawing his S&W. He aimed and fired, bring Bart down with a bullet in the chest. "Survival of the fittest."
"Is that all—"
Badass fired again, and again, Bart's white lab coat sprayed with his own blood. The bullets found their way through Bart's flesh to his heart. A click signified the clip was empty, and Badass pocketed the weapon, clutching his wounded stomach in pain.
"I really enjoyed this game..." Bart murmured, his eyes closing.
* * *
Orgasmatron, Sacrilicious, and Badassmofo found the boat with the aid of Bart's assistants, and found the maps on the boat. Badass' health was failing, and the two bullets in his stomach twisted painfully.
"Only five miles to shore, and a full tank of gas," Sacrilicious said hopefully.
"You know...it really was a good game," Badass muttered. "Maybe I can see what Bart's saying. But...I don't think I'm making it to shore."
"Just five miles, Badass, keep it up," Orgasmatron said.
"It was a nice three days with you guys," Badass sighed, rolling over on his side. Orgasmatron cringed at the sight of the two bloody exit wounds in Badass' back. Sacrilicious started the boat's engine, and the small motorboat roared off toward the mainland.
"You too, Badass," Orgasmatron said, shaking Badass' hand. Badassmofo's grip went limp, and he slumped on the boat's deck.
"I'll miss him," Orgasmatron said. "He was like...like the Terminator. The good one."
"I'll miss him too," Sacrilicious replied. "Let's get going. Feety needs to get home by bedtime."
The boat sped out away from the cursed Island, and into an open ocean, into freedom. Finally, at long last, the game was over for good.
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FORTY DEAD TOTAL, PLUS BART, THE CREATOR
TWO REMAIN: ORGASMATRON AND SACRILICIOUS
THE BATTLE D'UBER IS OVER
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User Reviews
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-08-23 00:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-22 23:53:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Just saying it's a dick move is all. You and ETS should start a band called The Retaliators.
All proceeds from your album can go to Hannah.
<smirks>
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-08-23 00:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I honestly don't think it hurts anyone's feelings, but in the off chance it does, like today with OathMeal, it's worth it. You get tired of putting yourself out there and having every faggot around shitting on you. That's all I'm saying, you can take it or leave it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-22 23:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just saying it's a dick move is all. You and ETS should start a band called The Retaliators.
All proceeds from your album can go to Hannah.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-08-22 23:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You of all people should know by now that Ubersite is clearly not the place to display how mature you are.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-22 23:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh grow up, Kaelic.
So he didn't like your lackluster poem. No reason to retal something worth reading.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-08-22 23:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well fuck your shitty post too, prick.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-08-22 12:08:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not buyin it. Badass is from New Jersey, and that of course means that he is immune to bullets much like the Toxic Avenger.
*scoffs*
He's friggin radioactive
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-22 11:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, after all this time of me constantly complimenting myself by living in the previous episodes you think you would have killed me?
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-08-22 03:59:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey hey!! I've been waiting for this last episode, so I could read them all back to back.
Congrats. You just saved me from doing a whole hours worth of work.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-21 23:59:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't even read this but I saw that review and had to chime in.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-21 23:59:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DONT STOP
BELIEVIN
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 23:49:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
STREETLIGHTS
PEOPLE
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-08-21 23:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-21 22:34:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
You and scourge would have killed each other off in part 1, Voltage.
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*psh* As long as I killed him, then I'm fine.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-21 23:03:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tickets to the gun show: $8.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-21 22:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-08-21 20:34:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
At that moment, Orgasmatron and Sacrilicious stepped through the door, unarmed and bearing their guns.
--------------------
Errr.... unarmed AND bearing their guns?
===
We both work out. Arms like rocks. We're hard core.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-21 22:34:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You and scourge would have killed each other off in part 1, Voltage.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-08-21 22:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 DIDN'T INCLUDE ME DIE YOU SON OF A BITCH
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-21 20:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To those I outlived I have but one thing to say:
SUCK ME, BEAUTIFUL!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-08-21 20:35:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
DUde..
Where the fuck is the part where I pop out of the water like Jason Vorhees and take everybody down!?!?
What the hell is this riding off into the sunset shit?!?!
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-08-21 20:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At that moment, Orgasmatron and Sacrilicious stepped through the door, unarmed and bearing their guns.
--------------------
Errr.... unarmed AND bearing their guns?
This series was good. A hell of a lot better than that crappy irish-mafia crap.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-21 19:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-08-21 19:04:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
booooooo
===
IN YOUR FACE
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-08-21 19:04:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
booooooo
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 18:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:59:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
This one didn't really do it for me... but the series as a whole was fun, so +2.
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It's based on Battle Royale, but I changed the ending a bit to make it more sense-making, and so it would be overly confusing like the movie.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 18:32:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:55:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
You just described JGreening to a tee (tea? T?)
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hahahaha
That just reminded me of that post jgreening made of the Ubercon, where you Sphagnum, Badass and Caulaincourt insulted him for fifty reviews straight. That was some of the funniest stuff I ever read.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-21 18:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:44:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
good ending
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:59:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This one didn't really do it for me... but the series as a whole was fun, so +2.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You just described JGreening to a tee (tea? T?)
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:54:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:47:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:39:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry = (
-------------------
I'm sorry for yelling at you Method. It's just that I don't have any friends except on Uber, and that these ratings are the most important thing in my sad, baleful life. When people -2 me, I lay my hydrocephalic, trisomic head on my lumpy, smelly pillow and cry myself to sleep, my golden locks and inflated, vagina-like lips making me look like a retarded angel.
-
That's pretty weet. I wish I was depressed.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So you understand why I weep.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:47:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:39:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry = (
-------------------
I'm sorry for yelling at you Method. It's just that I don't have any friends except on Uber, and that these ratings are the most important thing in my sad, baleful life. When people -2 me, I lay my hydrocephalic, trisomic head on my lumpy, smelly pillow and cry myself to sleep, my golden locks and inflated, vagina-like lips making me look like a retarded angel.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry = (
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:25:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That comic was teh win.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:24:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:15:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't see what the big deal is, I'll do it for ya, you glory hole operating pussy = )
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It's not the same coming from you, you greasy greek (looks in Wikipedia for offensive terms) vlach malakas. Scourge never -2s people, I must make him break his resoloution.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't see what the big deal is, I'll do it for ya, you glory hole operating pussy = )
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M IN HERE! OH MY GAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWSH! I'M A STAR, BABY! I'M A STAR!
LET'S SEE, UH, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK MY FAMILY, MY MANAGER... AH SCREW IT THE POINT IS I FLANKED MUDDA FUCKIN BADASSMOFO!
*assjaculates*
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:10:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:08:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:44:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 ME SCOURGE!!
===
NEVARS.
=-======
yes
I demand you -2 me. Just ONCE PLEASE????
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:44:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 ME SCOURGE!!
===
NEVARS.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Effeminate gentleman possessing homosexual and sodomical tendencies toward members of the male sex and to carnally know in the manner and position of beasts his own fellow gentlmen below.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:02:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:59:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright, pasty white boy....how about doing one of these on the movie 'Cube'?
========
Pasty I ain't, beach bum. I'll have to look at cube.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright, pasty white boy....how about doing one of these on the movie 'Cube'?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Feety (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:55:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
*puts on sombrero*
Ayiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!
*kicks*
------
*weeps*
Submitted by Feety (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:55:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*puts on sombrero*
Ayiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!
*kicks*
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:50:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:44:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
good ending
----
aye aye
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:49:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:47:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
WHERE'S MY + ONE MILLION BUTTON?
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I'll miss Badass. He was a good guy..I want to avenge his death but everybody ded.
Maybe we'll have him taxidermied as a reminder that it is noble to help our fellow man?
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Deadassmofo will live forever in the grasps of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:48:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
THREE REMAIN, Axolforgetful.
I'm thrilled that I lived to see the end of this, but part of me wanted feety to climb out with two little Derringers and blow the two of us away.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feety wasn't one of the original 42, he was more of a spectator. he chilled.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:48:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THREE REMAIN, Axolforgetful.
I'm thrilled that I lived to see the end of this, but part of me wanted feety to climb out with two little Derringers and blow the two of us away.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHERE'S MY + ONE MILLION BUTTON?
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I'll miss Badass. He was a good guy..I want to avenge his death but everybody ded.
Maybe we'll have him taxidermied as a reminder that it is noble to help our fellow man?
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:46:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YES!
I LIVE!!!
And that's Sergeant Major Awesome Face - http://www.ubersite.com/m/91433
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good ending
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:44:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 ME SCOURGE!!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:38:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck this series in its warm tight ass
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this series fucks warm tight asses
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:39:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THE GRINGO RIDES AGAIN
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:38:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck this series in its warm tight ass
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Arnold in T1 - teh bad
Arnold in T2 - teh good!!1 teh badassmofo!111!!!!1JLKJ1 LJ;LK N JK LKJ HLK
UH OH CAPS LOCk
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
"He was like...like the Terminator. The good one."
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:35:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
yay another one!
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The last one ;(
Now I'll have to post something actually creative...
I think Goatse may do the trick.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yay another one!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 15:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just got back from my very first MRI! Very fun, actually, like being buried alive in hell.