Something (do i ever write anything short?) (1192 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.74 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by katy (View user info) at 2006-08-21 16:54:37 EDT
i tried to make a creepy dream i had less creepy.
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Something sat at the foot of my bed last night. Its eyes were too small and its neck too short. It leered at me so I think it's male but I'm still not quite sure. He stuck his tongue out at me the night before. The tongue in question was a robin's egg blue. He sewed it in and out of his mouth like a thick, fleshy needle; a vulgar movement.
A few weeks ago Something kicked over my little footstool in the middle of the night. It made enough of a clatter to wake me from a sound sleep and then I heard this rhythmic gurgling sound I can only guess was laughter. Since then, Something has taken the burden upon itself of sporadically harassing me throughout each night.
The Something was compact to say the least. I'm sure he topped out at three feet, if that, but it was enough to look over the corner of my bed. On the short neck there was a squat head. It looked as if he'd been born normally and was pushed into his current shape. Folds and wrinkles overlapping down his body like a stack of pancakes until his knobby, stick legs poked out beneath a final apron of flesh. The best comparison for the color of his skin is that of a drowning victim found two days later. Enough time to get a bloated paleness with a tinge of blue while still waiting for the true decay to set in.
His arms were in contrast to his body. Long and limber they had too many joints. A second elbow bent at opposite to a normal one or maybe an extension of his shoulder. I'm not sure. With these long dead-pale arms he'd reach to my highest shelves and fling things down to the wood floor. Or he'd go into a spin, like a cartoon character. A vague blur of motion followed by shatters and thwacks.
Its head was potato like. You think that's funny, but when small, black, shiny raisin-sized eyes are staring out of a lumpy, melon-sized head at you your tune will change. It didn't help that he seemed to have two or three rows of pointy, broken, crooked, yellowing teeth. Mischievious grin has a whole new meaning when a shark-like maw is greeting your widened eyes.
For the first couple days I sat and watched (partially out of fear and partially out of fascination) as he would tear himself around my room in a panic of flying limbs and wet cackling. Every time a large object was knocked to the ground, usually shattered to splintery or glassy bits, he'd do a little four step jig in place and then continue tearing around the room until brought to a panting frenzy in the corner. Catching his breath he'd grin wide, too wide, and then disappear behind my dresser defying physics.
At first I left the lights on and slept with a bat curled in my arm like a rigid stuffed animal. After the realization that the light wouldn't keep him away and the bat as useless if I was too afraid to use it, I tossed both ideas and just resorted to trying to catch a few winks between batterings. He never went so far as to lay a hand on me so I figured if eventually I could get used to the noise, or get used to the earplugs, that I'd be ok.
I emptied my room of everything breakable by the end of the first week. At the end of the second week I tried sleeping on the couch for a couple nights but Something would inevitably follow me in there and start bashing everything bashable. I figured the bedroom set was cheaper in the long run and it could stand the breaking in more than my lamps. I even stayed in a hotel at some point and he just followed me.
The first month I think I maybe got 30 hours of sleep a week. Dark patterns swirled themselves around my eyes. Red corneas, a distracted look, permanently toussled hair - I seemed to be always staring into the distance but never focusing on anything. I was wondering how long it would take for the drastic effects of exhaustion to take a toll on me. I was waiting for the snap.
I'd never had any particular faith or belief in anything. Life was more of a series of events to me, some that matter, some that don't. The thought that there was a god and a necessary opposite to a god never really came across my mind all that much. I went to a church and asked a man in a collar, I assumed a priest, about demons. He gave me a look that made me think I better move along before I told him any information relating to where I lived just in case he thought a visit from the local loony bin keepers was necessary.
Next, another place of worship. I'm not even sure what it was, but I got the same reaction and decided that it was probably better to go somewhere more on the same level as my little problem. I started telling Something each night that I'd be getting rid of it soon so it should just live it up now while it had the chance because the honeymoon was coming to an end.
I saw a psychic palm and card reader first. I figured she might at least have some kind of prayer or chant to shout at it while it was busy destroying my room. Anything to make Something stop. She read my palm, and my cards, neither mentioning anything about a little pasty beast tossing my skivvies about like confetti at New Year. She did some sort of "healing" ceremony with me. Then I told her my specific reason for coming that day and she gave me a frightful look and shouted me out of her store. I didn't have to pay.
Next I tried a new age healer. Walking in the door, she gave me a once-over and then a complimentary massage because I looked so haggard. I'm sure by now my hair was standing on end and my lids were packing enough luggage underneath them to constitute the look of a bad night in a boxing ring. She asked what I thought could be causing my exhaustion and I told her my problem. She just kind of laughed at me until she realized I was serious. I paid and scooted myself out the door amongst a loud whispered exchange between her and the receptionist.
I tried books. I read everything I could find. Mostly those served as one more thing knocked off a shelf, or toppled over when stacked, or winged across the room (by me) right as he disappeared behind my dresser. On a related note I decided that, although my bureau was better off in another room, I didn't really want to know why he could disappear behind dresser and whatever was back there surely had to be worse than what was out here.
I went to an authentic witchdoctor. Well supposedly. She had plenty of recently slaughtered poultry hanging around the room and the aroma of things unknown lingered around her like flies around... barbecue. You get the point. She looked at me and KNEW apparently. I tried to wade through her creole accent but it wasn't working. In the end she gave me an armful of ingredients and a few slips of paper with written instructions. I gave her a lock of my hair. That was possibly a bad idea but it didn't matter to me at that point.
I went back to her every day hoping that whatever didn't work the night before surely had a more reliable solution just waiting to be tried out. Two weeks went by and nothing changed. I took everything out of my room besides my bed and my dresser and Something kept flying off the handle in a whirl around the room trying to knock things down. Since there was nothing to knock over, he'd get frustrated and punch the wall. Then he'd sit at the end of my bed and begin making obscene gestures or rolling his slug of a tongue around his gaping trap in a lewd manner.
Eventually he started poking my feet. I thought that was just too far and I told him I couldn't stand it any more and I was moving. So I packed up and moved. After sleeping on the balcony for a few days while the walls were spackled and painted, I headed to my brand new, two bedroom apartment. Something, of course, came along for the ride. I guess he took his own transportation.
Now I just try and have his coffee ready in the morning. He can get cranky sometimes.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-05 10:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had the same problem! Whatcha need to do here, is go down to the hardware store, and buy yourself some Milligans (TM) brand critter killer.
I didn't sleep for a month before I talked to that old black guy who drinks Hurricane malt liquor out of a paper bag at the corner gas station.
Only talk to the really old ones though, the younger ones don't have a clue about how to deal with these kinda problems.
The less teeth in their head, the more knowledge!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-13 19:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Neck too short...counts Jake out.
Submitted by rennfahrer (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it when I find posts like this.
Burn him alive. That should end it.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:03:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Creepy
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:42:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-08-24 13:35:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, that's just great. I have to wait 9 hours or so before I can see your latest post.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-23 18:07:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-22 18:42:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-22 17:49:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-22 10:43:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
i'd say i like my coffee like i like my men except the only thing i can come with is strong and in my mouth.
i'm so not good at analogies.
==========
OOH THAT IS A GOOD ONE!
How about...um....hot and wet?
Naw. I mean, not that that's not a good combo...
---
Keeps you up all night. God damn it - do i have to do everything around here?
++++++++++++++++++
OOH GOOD ONE
*clap clap*
Now wash my car.
Submitted by Uberjunkie (user info) at 2006-08-23 13:16:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Retaliatory -2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-22 18:42:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-22 17:49:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-22 10:43:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
i'd say i like my coffee like i like my men except the only thing i can come with is strong and in my mouth.
i'm so not good at analogies.
==========
OOH THAT IS A GOOD ONE!
How about...um....hot and wet?
Naw. I mean, not that that's not a good combo...
---
Keeps you up all night. God damn it - do i have to do everything around here?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-08-22 18:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked this. It didn't need the intro about the dream. I also agree with ghola...why make it less creepy? As it stood though, I thought it was a pretty cool piece. It even had the flow of someone who hadn't slept for days. Well done/
By the way, it's not a demon. They're taller.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-22 17:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-22 10:43:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
i'd say i like my coffee like i like my men except the only thing i can come with is strong and in my mouth.
i'm so not good at analogies.
==========
OOH THAT IS A GOOD ONE!
How about...um....hot and wet?
Naw. I mean, not that that's not a good combo...
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-08-22 10:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'd say i like my coffee like i like my men except the only thing i can come with is strong and in my mouth.
i'm so not good at analogies.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-22 09:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Where's my hummer?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-08-22 09:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why would you want to make something creepy--- less creepy?
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-08-22 07:53:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:17:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to GC.. he likes his coffee like he likes his women:
Ground up and in the freezer.
Oh hell yes....
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-22 07:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Show your tits, whore
oh wait, it's you, carry on
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-08-22 07:21:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is about sex right?
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2006-08-21 22:01:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
companion animal?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-08-21 21:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
neat
Submitted by ooQueso (user info) at 2006-08-21 19:46:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cool
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-21 19:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm currently working out the plot details to the dream you told me about.
Expect the post in a day or two...
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-21 19:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-08-21 19:11:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-08-21 18:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:25:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like my coffee with a spoon in them
Like my women
--
I like my coffee like I like my women: light and weak.
..Except I usually don't keep coffee chained up in my basement.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-21 18:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks a lot, Jake.
I almost died!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-21 18:02:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.fantasticalmonkey.co.uk/Rolf/rolf.html
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, Jake, but the doubledeckerveggieburgerwithswissandketchupandmustardonawholewheatbun was SOOOO GOOD
I am full.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:34:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Orc Hands :(
*WEEEPS*
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No can do, Jake. My veggie burger calls. :(
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:30:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go on gabbly Coley - i am being Teh Funneee
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jake, you creepy bastard.
Tell me more.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:25:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like my coffee with a spoon in them
Like my women
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:25:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:21:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:17:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to GC.. he likes his coffee like he likes his women:
Ground up and in the freezer.
==============================
No hamburger sex fantasies around here, hamburglar!
=====
HAMBURGER SEX?
WTF
In related news, I am going to have a double-decker veggie burger for lunch.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:17:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to GC.. he likes his coffee like he likes his women:
Ground up and in the freezer.
==============================
No hamburger sex fantasies around here, hamburglar!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:17:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS I liked this.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to GC.. he likes his coffee like he likes his women:
Ground up and in the freezer.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, I get bored waiting for you!
PS: I like my coffee like my women. weak, pale, and at my bedside.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
there
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:05:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
what an imaginative title...have a 1.5
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TOO
MUCH
SHIFT
KEY
ALTER
FAKE
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-08-21 17:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:59:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
goddammit Katy, I told you not to get those things near water!
========
hahahah
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-21 16:59:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
goddammit Katy, I told you not to get those things near water!