Octegenarians Say the Darndest Things (736 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.19 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by goferforhire <goferforhire.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-08-21 23:22:35 EDT
My grandparents are 86 and 85 respectively, and thickly Greek/American. At family dinners they argue in Greek, and the rest of them eye them warily, not sure whether to calm them down or check their wills for how much we're gonna get. Their bodies are decomposing at a rate that makes dung beetles cream their abdomens, and they're flooded with all kinds of medical issues. Dementia, bad eyesight, aweful hearing, liver failures, fake hips, weak knees, bad colons, weak hair, no hair, liver spots, diverticulitis alcoholism, and sheer being a bitch. It makes for some great stories.
Tonight we had a going away dinner for me as I head off for my first year of college. My grandparents talked about the food and whether people they knew were alive or dead THE WHOLE TIME. After my grandpa finished the bottle of wine, we helped them back to their part of the house (we keep them, so they don't have to live in a fucking nursing home off of applesauce and disrespect) and left them alone.
Walking back to my part of the house, I stopped as they turned on the news. They were, of course, nattering on and on about the supposed killer of the ten-years-dead Jonbenet Ramsey, and a picture came up of the dead girl in costume.
"Honey look, they're doing a story about the evzone." Says my grandmother.
(*Author's note- an evzone is a Greek elite guard similar to the Swiss guard in Rome or the Royal guard in England, only gayer*)
My grandfather turns to her says, "No honey, that's a dead girl."
Owned by a drunk man with mild dementia.
Bitch.
.JPG)
User Reviews
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm +2ing all your posts as a sign of good faith. I just want to show that there is no animosity between us. Friends?
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-08-22 17:37:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
filename
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-22 16:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
TZATZIKI SAUCE!
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-08-22 14:43:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doesn't a retaliatory -2 usually come from an original -2?
Have a nice day!!
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-08-22 14:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is your retaliatory -2. I hope it hurts you deeply.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-22 14:15:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't have a big head = (
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-08-22 14:06:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes, Gank, my head *is* pretty big. I'm just a small person in general so you can't tell.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-08-22 13:16:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You must be adopted; you can't be greek.
Your head isn't fucking huge.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-08-22 12:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-08-21 11:53:55 (#)
Ranking: 1
Does it make me a bad person to think that if this kid's parents hadn't insisted on dressing her and making her up like a whore at such a young age, then she probably wouldn't be dead?
I guess I am a bad person.
If only they had found her in a dumpster she could have died like a whore too.
-Dave
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-08-22 12:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Neighborhood of Shallowford and Briarcliff.
Submitted by Uberjunkie (user info) at 2006-08-22 12:16:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Their bodies are decomposing at a rate that makes dung beetles cream their abdomens...
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Awesome line.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-08-22 09:27:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
when they were still alive, my gparents:
Gertrude would bitch and bitch and
bitch about whatever. And Riley would say nothing,
simply slide his false teeth out to the edge of his mouth
and make funny faces at her.
we kids howled with laughter.
Gertrude just shook her head and muttered under her breath.
60-some years of marriage. true <3
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-22 09:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-08-22 09:22:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-22 09:07:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Just so you all know, this Jon Benet shit happened in MY backyard, bitches (DeKalb County, Georgia, U (FUCKING) S (FUCKING) A).
I personally hate it when parents doll up their young children. Vicarious existence, anyone?
=========================
You probably live about 5 minutes away from me. Weird.
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Peachtree Industrial Blvd, inside 285.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-08-22 09:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-22 09:07:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Just so you all know, this Jon Benet shit happened in MY backyard, bitches (DeKalb County, Georgia, U (FUCKING) S (FUCKING) A).
I personally hate it when parents doll up their young children. Vicarious existence, anyone?
=========================
You probably live about 5 minutes away from me. Weird.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-22 09:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just so you all know, this Jon Benet shit happened in MY backyard, bitches (DeKalb County, Georgia, U (FUCKING) S (FUCKING) A).
I personally hate it when parents doll up their young children. Vicarious existence, anyone?
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-08-22 08:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My grandparents are 86 and 85 respectively""
~~~~
Doesn't respectively mean in that order?
For example... "my grandparents John and Joan are 85 and 86, respectively".
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-22 07:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This JonBenet shit has hit the UK papers now. WTF.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-22 07:19:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very funny, asshole
Yes
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-22 07:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-22 07:02:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
I had to dress like that for a play in Greek school once = (
No wonder I'm so fucked up
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In the black and white dress?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-08-22 07:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had to dress like that for a play in Greek school once = (
No wonder I'm so fucked up
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-08-22 06:59:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why would you name a baby girl John Bennett?
Submitted by stok (user info) at 2006-08-22 06:48:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
this was shit until the pictures then much funny
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-08-22 01:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-08-21 23:51:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/92040
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-08-21 23:32:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've said it before and I'll say it again, JonBenet was a whore-in-training.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-08-21 23:29:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Okay she did get pwnzered so you gave me what you promised.
I had a chubby part way through this thinking about all the old people.