I have no clue. (426 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.33 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by VileSin (View user info) at 2006-08-24 10:23:16 EDT
I'm sitting at work and bored off my ass so I'm going to try to write something. Dunno how long this will take - hopefully it won't be crap. Starting at 6:30. (Also, don't know what I'll write about hence the title.)
***
The day had started out normal enough. Up at 5, work at 6, see the boss at 8. No big differences. But that's where it all started to go wrong. The explosions that hit near Tom's downtown office were definitely out of the ordinary but it took him a while to actually realise what he was hearing. Once he started seeing the flames and explosions around the office he figured it was a massive fire until he actually saw the next missile fly past his office and onwards to the nearby naval base.
Quickly, he started trying to reason out what was happening. 'War? With who, though? I'm in fucking Kentucky for Christ's sakes. Wait - why is there a Naval base in Kentucky?' This last thought really bothered him so he ran to the door leading to the hallway and grabbed someone who was running by to the exit. "Why is there a Naval Base in Kentucky?!" he screamed at the kid.
In response the kid just pissed his pants and got himself free of Tom's grasp. 'Well that didn't help at all,' he thought to himself. He thought about what else could be happening. 'Renegade military? But that's only in fiction - that shit doesn't happen for real does it?' Suddenly, he remembered he had to finish the audit he was working on or his ass would soon be flipping hamburgers. But, as he headed back through his door into the office the space that his desk occupied erupted into flames. It probably had something to do with the burning babies who came flying through the window after the orphanage was hit across the street.
Tom was mad now. Noone got to burn orphans unless he was done burning them first. He closed his door (for all the privacy it would afford him) and quickly walked over to his walk-in closet. He reached in and grabbed his assault rifle slinging it over his shoulder while grabbing his throwing knives from their resting place. After a few minutes of attaching random weapons to himself including a hidden rocket launcher in his back pocket he began to chant his warsong. It started slow but began quickly picking up tempo and ferocity. As he did, he quickly made his way on to the street. What greeted him there was quite unsettling but he didn't care - he had payback to dish out. Those were HIS orphans to burn.
The sight at this time was really quite amusing. A fully armed battlecruiser making it's way up main street (I don't fucking know how - this isn't MY story) as an older, heavyset man with glasses wielding an assortment of weapons in an Armani suit comes running out of a nearby building screaming the words to 'Iron Man.' Tom falters as he realizes a naval warship is in the middle of downtown Lorten but he quickly looked in the opposite direction. He knew that the warship hadn't fired the missiles as they were coming from the direction that the missiles were heading. He began running up Main Street - the same path as the cruiser - barely keeping himself ahead of the armored mass of explosives. Quickly, the street got easier to run through as the missiles had hit less around this part of town. Tom didn't have to jump around as many dead dogs or over as many dying children.
As he crested the hill in the middle of town he saw what was causing the commotion - there was an entire army waiting there. They had full artillery, cavalry, infantry, cutlery, and anything else they could need. The artillery was bombing away while the other troops were playing hop skotch or Go Fish. As he surveyed the scene, Tom remembered there was a warship coming behind him and he quickly jumped out of the way as it slowly moved by. Then he started hearing bullhorns.
"Jake, what in the fucking world are you doing you pencil-dick?" Tom thought it was from the boat.
"You brought this on yourself and the base you scum sucking bastard!" It sounded farther away - must have been from the army. Probably the guy up front with the bad look on his face... and the bullhorn. "You knew what would happen but you did it anyway! Asshole!" This was closely followed by a couple rockets exploding around the warship.
"Look Jake - I had no idea that would happen. I was just trying to make it a fun night - how could I know the Pringles would cause anal leakage?" Tom was getting fed up by now - he just wanted some revenge.
"Screw you Sam!" He looked like he was going to say more but the bullet in his neck quickly shut him up.
That's when everyone first noticed Tom. He began launching grenades on to the deck of the battlecruiser while shooting his rifle one handed at the army troops. One clip quickly decimated an entire brigade of infantry troops as a stray bullet annihilated the artillery. Explosions were quickly consuming both sides as Tom ran down to the guy called Jake. He grabbed the man by his hair shoving a dead baby in his face. Jake nearly retched.
"You shouldn't have killed the kid! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BURNED MY BABY! ITSMYTURNTOBURNTHEBABYIWANTEDTOBURNTHEBABY!" Tom was frothing at the mouth screaming like a little girl. Jake just looked at him with fear as he began crying. He just wanted to get that fucking Sam back for causing him to decorate the halls of the army bunker with feces. It was funny when it wasn't caused by Pringles but Sam just went too far.
As Tom kept ranting Jake's blood quickly spilled out and he died unceremoniously on the sidewalk in a little know Kentucky town. Tom stood up surveying the death all around hoping he was done - maybe he could go back to a normal life. He looked up the street and saw a kid crying next to what seemed to be her dead parents. 'Looks like it's time for some more burning' as he began walking up the hill.
***
Ok so it's total crap but fuck you. I was amused when I wrote it even though it's shit now.
Your fault for clicking the link.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-12-18 12:43:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-20 09:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You sure don't.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-10-20 09:49:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because my first post was a billion times worse. Either way think before you post.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-08-24 22:27:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and jesus, dont apologize! if you think its shit, dont post it.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-08-24 22:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
work on spelling, grammar, punctuation, plot, writing.
niceish try.
SPECIFIC ADVICE:
learn the difference between adverbs and adjectives.
'no one' really is two words. i saw it as one and was annoyed.
develop your characters. there were characters, right?
dont fight the barrage of negative ratings. it hurts more if you resist.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-24 19:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2DIE
welxome to Uber
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-08-24 12:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Commas are your friend.
Submitted by VileSin (user info) at 2006-08-24 11:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-24 11:38:38 (#)
Ranking: -1
Even burning babies cannot stop me from -'ing this.
In fact it may well be the overuse of burnt babies that did it. Shock value stuff only works if you don't labour the point.
***
I agree - that was one of the things that made it suck after I read it.
Submitted by keskanu (user info) at 2006-08-24 11:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-24 11:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Even burning babies cannot stop me from -'ing this.
In fact it may well be the overuse of burnt babies that did it. Shock value stuff only works if you don't labour the point.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-08-24 11:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment